100+ Films I Hate: With A Vengeance

[Brock Landers]

First off, I am a huge fan of films...I just love the feeling of watching a movie, especially a great one...it's a better feeling than almost anything in this world...almost...

With that said, there are certain films that I despise more than...well...almost anything in the world...almost. These are films that when I look at the poster or video package I become instantly sick to my stomach, queasy and ill at ease. These are films that I would consider torture to have to sit through. I would, in fact, rather have all of my fingernails, toenails and teeth pulled out violently than have to sit through these pieces of garbage. These films define everything I hate about films...

These are just a few...more to come...

- "Judge Dredd"
- "Addicted To Love"
- "The Bachelor"
- "Batman & Robin"
- "Wild Wild West"
- "You've Got Mail"
- "Trick"
- "Two If By Sea"
- "Waterworld"
- "The Postman"
- "White Man's Burden"
- "Big Bully"
- Any film with Whoopi Goldberg
- "Tango & Cash"
- "Something to talk about"
- "Chill Factor"
- Any film with Bette Midler
- "Steel Magnolias"
- "The Players Club"
- Any Pokemon film
- "Good Burger"
- "Practical Magic"
- "Pure Country"
- "Fair Game"
- "Fire down below"
- "The Glimmer Man"
- Rosie O' Donnell & Ricki Lake (they may not "be" films, but I get sick when they appear on the screen)
- "Message in a bottle"
- "Michael"
- "Most Wanted"
- "My Giant"
- "Another 9 1/2 Weeks"
- "Trois"
- "One Night Stand"
- "Showgirls" (obvious choice)
- "Outbreak"
- Any sequel to "House Party"
- "In Love and War"
- "Jack Frost"
- "Joe's Apartment"
- "Living Out Loud"
- "Lost In Space"
- "Supernova"
- "Mad City"
- "Rules Of Engagement"
- Any sequel to "Free Willy"
- "A Life Less Ordinary"
- "Unbreakable"
- "Ringmaster"
- "Autumn In New York"
- "Nutty Professor II: The Klumps"
- "Dr. T & The Women"
- "Mission To Mars"
- "What Lies Beneath"
- "Godzilla" (Broderick version)
- "Coyote Ugly"
- "Here On Earth"
- "The Patriot"
- "For Love Of The Game"
- "Random Hearts"
- "Inspector Gadget"
- "10 Things I Hate About You"
- "Dudley Do-Right" (keep in mind I liked "George of the Jungle")
- "Instinct"
- Any sequel to "Universal Soldier"
- Any sequel to "Under Seige"
- "Bats"
- "Stepmom"
- "Down To You"
- "Love's Labour's Lost"
- "Everyone Says I Love You"
- "Bicentennial Man"
- "The Mod Squad"
- "The Best Man"
- "Bounce"
- "Cast Away"
- "Drowning Mona"
- "Reindeer Games"
- "Johnny Handsome"
- "Light It Up"
- "Strangeland"
- "Super Mario Bros."
- "Double Dragon"
- "Street Fighter"
- "The Ladies Man"
- "Superstar"
- "Night At The Roxbury"
- "Where The Heart Is"
- "I Dreamed Of Africa"
- "The Next Best Thing"
- "Jakob The Liar"
- "Boxing Helena"
- "The Other Sister"
- "Hanging Up"


Don't get me wrong, some of these films have actors or actresses that I think are great, but what the f**k? Ya know wha' I mean? These films are an assault on everything that is good and right in films. They are complete wastes of celluloid and go against the laws of nature. I feel ill just typing these. These films have absolutely no cinematic merit. They are flavor's of the week that are forgotten once you have left the cinema. They are made because of greed and for the love of money. They have no artistic vision. They have no worthwhile stories. They are made to fit what the marketing and ad executives say will make money. They are not original stories. They have no redeeming values. They are made to cash in on one-hit wonders and celebrities of the week. More later...

[Gore 4 All]

Brock, I have to agree with about 99% of the movies you have listed. My one exception is The Patriot. I am a big Mel Gibson fan and I thought this was a pretty good movie (Not historically accurate, but I feel it did what it was made to do, entertain) The rest of these movies are crap (I have yet to see Unbreakable or Castaway so I'll just say no comment). Thank God someone else hates those new SNL movies. CRAP!!

[Tuukka]

I have to disagree about Unbreakable. I haven't seen Castaway yet, but it sounds like a fine film. Othewise it's an appropriate list. You forgot to mention Mortal Combat and Dobermann, thought... Oh, and I'm one of the few people who actually thought that Godzilla was fun cheese all the way...

[Brock Landers]

Damnit all to oblivion! I thought I put "Any sequel to "Mortal Combat"...anyways, the first was much better than the rest...I didn't think my "Unbreakable" or "Cast away" would go down well, but I can't stand either...pure hype and pomp...unequivocable Hollywood crap...sucker flicks... they bring cinema down, not up...total garbage...as far as "The Patriot" aka "Braveheart with Wigs", it is just more mindless crap that serves no purpose except to exploit fans of "Braveheart"...to milk them of a few more bucks...save your cash and buy "Braveheart" instead...don't let the studios fool you...

[PackBacker]

Not a Costner fan are you, Brock? /ubb/smile.gif I actually enjoyed Waterworld, The Postman, and For Love of the Game. Otherwise I agree with the majority of your list (excluding Instinct and The Patriot).

If I produced a similar list many would question whether or not I truly liked film /ubb/smile.gif

[Brock Landers]

PackBacker: "If I produced a similar list many would question whether or not I truly liked film"

I hope everyone can see I love film. But, the films I listed including Costner & Gibson are not "films" or even "cinematic", they are s**t that you have been brainwashed by Hollywood to like. Nothing against your opinion's of course, but they are everything that I hate about Hollywood. Big Box Office numbers and the ability to be displayed at Blockbuster with the "seal of approval" do not a great film make...

[PackBacker]

Ah- think you misconstrued my comments. By similar I meant "100+ films I hate" not similar by using your titles. Films like Pulp Fiction and Fargo would be on my list-- thus making some question my love of film /ubb/smile.gif

[DaN]

/ubb/tongue.gificks up knife:

Brock how could you? Unbreakable? The Patriot? Cast Away?

Man, your just lucky you put up movies such as Drowning Mona, Superstar, Good Burger, Wild Wild West, and Nutty Prof. 2.

:slowly puts down knife: :but hires hitman to follow Brock's every move:

[mafia]

Has anyone seen 'Xtro'?

I hate that movie.

[love broker]

I disagree with most of the entries but I do believe that this is the best topic i have seen discussed.

It is thorough, and heck i just dig the fact that Brock hates almost every movie that I like.

[Jonathan Marko]

The only two I think I can strongly disagree with are Unbreakable and What Lies Beneath, though I'll let that second one slide, because it does take a lot from a lot of other films. But to that reasoning, so do a lot of good movies. :-P

I happen to think M. Night Shyamalan is the next Hitchcock, and I'm sure there are people out there that agree with me. Unbreakable wasn't just another "flavor of the month" like Cast Away (Survivor) or Godzilla (update of a classic). It was original in a lot of ways most movies aren't.

But good job on the rest. It's funny because for about half of the movies on there, the titles alone are hints of how bad they are. :-)

Jonathan Marko

[Deckard]

Brock Unbelievable I agree with everyone on your list & many others that havent been mentioned aka Titanic & Forrest Gump.
I actually have a rant going at the moment specifically on The Patriot & how truly pathetic it is.
Anyhow Ill come back later & get Rowdy but for now have fun.

[HomerSimpson]

Brock I agree on most except:

Cast Away - great flick, my #6 of 2000

Unbreakable - again, great flick, my #7 of 2000

Everyone Says I Love You - c'mon, that was a great movie... Woddy Allen rules.

Mission to Mars - I'm not the only one who liked it, am I? ::silence:: Hello? ::tumbleweed rolls across ground:: Anybody?

[This message has been edited by HomerSimpson (edited 02-16-2001).]

[doctor drew]

Brock, that's a fine list from top to bottom, I've only got a few objections.

Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, this movie absolutely rocks, has ultra great cheesy dialogue and a tour de force performance from Steven Seagal. (I can't believe I just said that) A total guilty pleasure.

Unbreakable, this was easily the smartest written film on the year, I'd argue even better than Sixth Sense.

House Party 2: The Pajama Jam, Kid 'N Play at their cinematic finest.

Kudos for having the cojones to go after Cast Away, it's my pick for worst flick of the year. (I know I'm in a big minority here)

[Brock Landers]

Sorry about the misunderstanding Pack Backer...it's cool as beans bra...

Explanantions:

"Cast Away"...mainstream Hollywood garbage. I hate Tom Hanks almost as much as I hate Robin Williams (I used to like them). Nothing new or exciting or even good about this film. Oh, let's crash a plane and grow a beard oh and let's get rescued oh and have out heart broken ...to the sound of crappy background music put there to "create emotion" where there is none...

"Unbreakable" we were suckered into this mediocre film by the promise of another "The Sixth Sense"...What pisses me off is the fact that the director and the studio knew they were getting cheap ticket sales, therefore they screwed us on purpose...

(Note to self: add "Titanic" to list)...thanks Deckard...

"The Patriot"...I hate Mel Gibson almost as much as I hate Tom Hanks almost as much as I hate Robin Williams (I used to really dig all of them). Just another crappy reason to re-make "Braveheart with wigs"...

love broker...it's good to know that my tastes are hated by someone...(smile)

"What Lies Beneath"...I hate Harrison Ford almost as much as I hate Mel Gibson almost as much as I hate Tom Hanks almost as much as i hate Robin williams (and they used to be such great dudes). The trailer also ruined it for me.

John Marko...I hope you aren't confused...I dug "Godzilla 2000", but hated "Godzilla vs. Broderick"...The Broderick version was one of the worst Summer flicks ever...

I love Woody Allen, but "Everyone says" bit the big one..

Doctor Drew...god point about "pajama jam", but it will never compare to the sheer brilliance of the original...

as far as Seagal goes, I am back and forth on that verdict...

[ColonelColinCaine]

Good list, Brock. I agree with you on most of them.

P.S. It's all right Homer. You're not alone on Mission to Mars.

[DireWolf]

For the most part I think that list was great, but I must disagree vehemently on two of them.

Night at the Roxbury- Classic, the best SNL movie ever, I agree that Superstar sucked (didn't see Ladies Man) but Roxbury is awesome.

The Patriot- WTF Brock. Only about 5 people would have made ANY relations between Patriot and Braveheart if they had different stars. You are seriously dumbing yourself and your opinion down by saying stuff like "braveheart with wigs". The only 2 things that they have in common are Mel Gibson and the theme of revenge.

But besides those 2 (I haven't seen Unbreakable but I'd probably like that, also), it was a great list Brock.

[chandler_bing905]

like always brock i completely agree with the list. yeah a couple movies i enjoyed but they still sucked ass when i look back. and chill factor... man thats the worst piece of crap i ever saw. i was expecting it to be an ok movie, no high expectations but i thought it would be fun. fuckin hollywood trailers always sucking my money away like a vaccum cleaner! my friends and i wont even addresse it by name! we just call it the ice0cream truck movie. sometimes we'll add in a verb such as fucking or and adjective such as fucking. and yes the patriot is a rip off of braveheart, but after seeing braveheart 3 times it sucks now too, so i couldn't give a shit if they rip-off a crap movie, don't get me wrong i do like braveheart but after a fiew sittingsg it drops in entertainment factor. but nothing will ever be as good as great soon to be classics such as fight club, lock stock, american history x, evil dead 2, seven, the usual suspects, true romance,trainspotting. those wre great films, and than movies that are classics such as taxi driver,raging bull,godfather I and II and of course many others

[Schilachi]

Outta all da movies u listed i hate most of em as well except:
Castaway,
10 things i hate about you,
Everyone says i love you &
what lies beneath
(Hey i liked those 1's!)....
still most of that list is utter shite!

[cow]

lets see. you dont like harrison ford, tom hanks, mel gibson, or robin williams? who do u like?

I like Unbreakable.

"any movie with whoopie goldberg." I guess this is true excpet for The Color Purple, i really like that one.

I would add

-"Mercury Rising"
-"Arlington Road"
-"Fatso"
-"Meet the Deedles"

[screamer581]

I agree with most of your pics Brock but, ''Trick'' was an ok little ''gay''' movie..... but man after I rented that and Chuck and Buck, all my family thinks I'm gay...

[Raena]

Brock, everyone on this board knows that you know what you are talking about when it comes to film, but I think your list here seals it. You're the reel deal. Not everybody can recognize cr@p when they see it. /ubb/smile.gif

[*veers*]

In defence of....SHOWGIRLS.

I love this flick. No one could've been prepared for how terrible Elizabeth Berkley was. How truly awful Joe Eszterhas' dialouge could be. The worst sex scene in history. But IMHO Verhoeven knew what a piece of shit he had and decided to make the most ridiculous movie funded by Hollywood money ever! If this had been made by someone like Kids In The Hall or Christopher Guest, it would be hailed as a comedy masterpiece. I think only Gina Gershon and Kyle Maclachlan were in on the joke. Oh, Verhoeven knew what he was creating, hence his acceptance of the Razzie awards.

The only others I disagree with are, Life Less Ordinary (an interesting failed experiment), Love's Labour Lost and Everyone Says I Love you are okay in my book also.

Oh plus Jason Isaacs and seeing the English getting a beating saves The Patriot for me.

[This message has been edited by *veers* (edited 02-20-2001).]

[Raena]

Veers, it would be funny if your theory were true.

[Brock Landers]

Thanks Raena /ubb/wink.gif ...I'm glad that someone agrees with me from time to time...I mean, I am a bit of a hard-headed son-of-a-bitch at times and I also rarely bend on my opinion, but these are my crappy flicks, and I'm sticking to them... my reasons may be biased, but I have my reasons nonetheless...

cow...I get the distinct feeling that you think those guys like Hanks, Harrison, Gibson, and Williams are the only fish in the sea... I totally disagree. I want to see fresh, hot talent, and believe me...there's plenty more out there just waiting to break through. The reason I hate those guys, is because they are boring, yes boring, they do the same stuff over and over and used to be good, but now they play it safe...and that is one Hollywood sin that I detest more than anything in the film community...being boring...just my opinion though... /ubb/wink.gif

*veers*...I gotta disagree musicals are out, out, out (except, ya know, I did dig that Bjork flick, and "South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut" was pretty stellar... /ubb/tongue.gif

screamer581...I can see what you're saying, I mean, I got similarly questioned after watching the Turkish masterpiece "Steam" and the flick "Get Real"...go figure...world's full o' homophobes...just remember...hairy butts are bad...full breasts and hips are good...I just dig chicks too much...oh well, enough ranting for now... /ubb/rolleyes.gif

Thanks for the thoughts Schilachi...I think? /ubb/confused.gif

chandler_bing905...damn skippy bra..."Chill Factor" was the mother of all f**k-ups, and I actually have seen it three times...man, the things you do to get laid. /ubb/wink.gif

DireWolf... I just don't dig Gibson anymore...plain and simple. Last film i liked of his was "Payback"...and "Night at The Roxbury" was a funny sketch for like two seconds...but I respect your opinion... /ubb/wink.gif

ColonelColinCaine... just outta curiousity, which flick did you dig more..."Red Planet" or "Mission To Mars"? /ubb/smile.gif

...ok, I'm smiley'd out...more later...



[This message has been edited by Brock Landers (edited 02-20-2001).]

[playgames]

Brock,what did you think of Mel Gibson in the movie The River from the early 80's?

[kerryanne]

Ok, I know I'm gonna take ALOT of shite for this one...but I have to disagree with ya on Steel Magnolias. I'm thinking it is because of Julia Roberts that you dislike this one so...but then again I could be wrong.

[Brock Landers]

Most of the films I listed were accepted by most people as being okay, but I picked them because I just don't understand the draw, they are bad, or I just can't stand to watch them...In the case of "Steel Magnolias", it is a case of 2/3...I mean, if you removed the characters and obviously over-the-top "feel-good" story, I might like it. It is a well made film, but I just don't like the characters, including Roberts (by the way, I do like her in "Flatliners" & "Sleeping With The Enemy"), and the story bored me to tears...just my opinion, I mean, it may be "Citizen Kane" to many women (or is my case "Boogie Nights"), but I feel completely unmoved and overall void of any affection towards this film. In fact, when I see the packaging at the store, I get all "icky" inside...for lack of a better term...

[ColonelColinCaine]

Brock, I haven't seen "Red Planet" yet, but judging from the trailers, I'm pretty sure I'd like "Mission to Mars" more.