Just thinking about this Plot.

[Xandrew88]

I'm 13 years and my teachers have alwaysed commented on my writing skills since 2nd grade. I just moved to a new county and I'm bored most of the time, so I decided to learn more about screen writing. I love comedies and Dramas, but I have a heart for Horror (I'm currently writing a unofficial script to Final Destination 3.)

Here's an idea that's been tickling my mind. Its sort of a Romantic Drama:

Far Away

Felicia Greene, a 17 year old student comes home to find 3 thugs in the middle of killing her parents. She later finds out that both of her parents borrowed tens of thousands of dollars from them, and didn't pay it back. She escapes with her younger brother, Michael, who is 12 years old.

Now the thugs are coming after them, and she has to find a safe place to keep her and her brother safe. Add a young trucker guy, who attempts to help her and is in love with her, you have a twisted adventure. From moving to different locations, Different disguises when out in public, and a very complicated love life, Felicia is having a hard time, just so she can live.




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EDIT: CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS:

FELICIA GREENE

A 17 year old blonde hair brown eye girl. She is intrested in song writing, and wnats to make it big to become a songwriter/ singer liker her idol, Alanis Morissette. She's stubborn at times, and she may not always be aware of the thinsg and people around her. She is funny, carismatic but insecure about herself. She has a BIG relationship with her mother.


MICHAEL GREENE

A 12 year old STAR WARS dork, he has short brown hair and brown eyes. When at home he sometimes enjoys his sister company, but he likes building model airplanes. He wants to be a rollercoaster designer when older. He's sorta like a genuis, but he's also insecure about himself. Sometimes the kids bully him, and the reason he doesn't have much friends because he's afraid of feeling like a fool. He enjoys skateboarding and surfboarding with his 'buddies'.

MR. GREENE:

A 44 year old balding man with glasses. He has twinkling blue eyes. He works as a building constructor, so money is strict in the house.

Mrs. GREENE:

Is close to her daughter. She has black hair and brown eyes. She is a 42 year old loving woamn. She is a teacher.

Ace Davidson (Trucker Guy):

TBD

3 thugs:

As the movie progresses you will figure out what they do, and how MR. GREENE knew them.

This is what I have so far
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Comments please.

[Maestro]

I think it's fine for a 13-year-old. But, as I said in... one of the other threads around here... you've given us the setup, but whether this is any good or not is going to depend on what happens after that.

The setup is also rather generic. But, like I said, I think it's fine for someone who hasn't had much in the way of life experience yet to write about.

Heck, I was writing "Three Investigators" stories when I was around your age. Not exactly the epitome of originality.

Maestro

[Xandrew88]

Hehe, I'm glad you commented on the setup so far. It's just a plot that's been sticking at me for a while and I just had to post/write it down on paper or here.

I guess I should start researching and jot some ideas down before I write the 'script' for this.

And more commentswould be cool. Thanks. :)

[skrunt]

This is story is kind of like a cliffhanger, not in the traditional dramatic sense, but in the sense that it just stops. I guess I would refer to it as more of an unfinished road. What you give us is more of the back story to the actual story that you want to tell. What you don't tell us though is your movie. What type of "adventures" do these characters go on. how do the characters change over the course of these "adventures"? What is the ultimate resolution and what do the characters gain out of it?

I think to answer all the questions you need to know before completing the idea for you story is you have to determine the theme and what message you want to convey. I think that you are heading down the road, but you do not actually know where your destination is yet. At 13 to even be on the road though is good, in my opinion.

Incidentally I think all my stories included the ninja turtles when I was 13, so at least you are somewhat more advanced.

[Ronaldinho]

Just a tiny note--as others have pointed out, this is really just a first act--but I wouldn't make the brother mentally handicapped.

Being 12 is enough (or heck, younger. Make him 8), and by making him a normal 12 year old you give us more chance to empathize with him, as well. Two kids on the run is enough. Making one of them handicapped seems like too obvious a play for our heartstrings.

-Ron

[Xandrew88]

Originally posted by Ronaldinho
Just a tiny note--as others have pointed out, this is really just a first act--but I wouldn't make the brother mentally handicapped.

Being 12 is enough (or heck, younger. Make him 8), and by making him a normal 12 year old you give us more chance to empathize with him, as well. Two kids on the run is enough. Making one of them handicapped seems like too obvious a play for our heartstrings.

-Ron


LOL, yeah I was just thinking about that. The mentally handicapped thing might be a little too much, but more people really go for that, and they have a heart for them. But lately in movies it's been an over-do. So yeah, I might just make him a 12 year old boy.


As for skrunt, I didn't develop the story enough, this was just a synopsis, something that you would probably read if you if you go to a movie website. :p. But I guess I'll edit the post and put more of the thoughts for the plot. And once again thanks for the comments both of you! :)

[przybyla]

In all honesty. I think that I feel what you are going for, for some reason and I think that this idea has a lot of potential. Don't make the kid handicapped, and don't kill the parents off by thugs. IMO.


Think of a new way to get rid of them.

[CanadianVampire]

Yeah, like change 'thugs' to NINJAS and change 'middle of killing parents' to putting a conviently placed trip wire over the top of some stairs. So when the kid comes home, she sees the ninjas hiding and the parents falling dramaticly down the stairs!




Just kidding, that would be retarded. haha.

[Xandrew88]

Originally posted by CanadianVampire
Yeah, like change 'thugs' to NINJAS and change 'middle of killing parents' to putting a conviently placed trip wire over the top of some stairs. So when the kid comes home, she sees the ninjas hiding and the parents falling dramaticly down the stairs!




Just kidding, that would be retarded. haha.


Lovely idea. And the NINJA's can be lead by Demi Moore, lol. And przybyla thanks so much for the input. I am now starting work on the first page of the story. Hope it goes well. :)

[adamjohnson]

Well I think that you should make the truck driver guy SEEM like a good guy at first, but it turns out that hes actually a bad guy and is leading them towards the bad guys. Eh?

[Xandrew88]

That idea did cross my mind, but that would be so cliche. The whole, 'I'm-A-Bad-Guy-In-Disguise-BUT-I'm-Falling-In-Love-With-You-So-I'm-Confused-With-My-Life' But I might consider it, Here's my outline:

[Xandrew88]

Bump! ;)