TheDeadWalk
04-06-2004, 02:58 PM
Moviegoers, I think sometimes we are a bit spoiled from watching what we consider to be really good movies. We may watch Goodfellas, Citizen Kane, The Thing, Scarface, or what-not and leave our home or theater totally moved, mortified, or changed by the feature that we have just witnessed.
We see film in what we consider "perfection" and start to hold our standards to it.
Afterwards, we look at films like "The Wedding Planner" aka "Jennifer Lopez movie X", "I know what you did last summer", "Freddy Vs. Jason", or some rom-com or popcorn slasher and then start ranting and raving like its the biggest piece of shit film we've ever witnessed.
We also do this with remakes, and at times I feel over-dramatize our reactions to the film. It didn't hit that "G-Spot" that we were looking for, and sometimes as "film buffs" or "fan boys" that we are, we turn into the Incredible Hulk and go on a fucking rampage. (Good example there too)
But I think while over-reacting here, we may miss out on exactly how fucking low cinema can go. How low down and dirty a movie can get just to be made for the sake of making and getting 50 bucks so the director can go smoke some more meth.
How many of us that have bashed "Not another teen movie!" went and seen and/or rented some low budget piece of shit with acting as stiff as a board and characters who look fuzzed over like they can't remember their lines?
We probably don't, because in the subcocal of our minds we truly know that that is complete shit. There is no excuse for us to even waste our time popping it in. That is what the true bowels of useless film making is for, I'm talking the type that make popcorn slashers look like the Lord of the fuckin rings.
I myself have no interest in the lord of the rings, It's plot-story-what not just doesn't fizzle my "G-Spot". (Vaginal reference though I have a pecker) If I were to ever catch this, it would be on a rainy day and on someone else's dime. But I know no matter how much I hate or dislike it, it will not be the biggest piece of trash cinema has ever produced. The actors will be coherent, the cinematography will be professional, and the editing will at least not remind me of a backyard porno.
Film examples:
555 and Scarecrow. (Currently Scarecrow could be found in your local Wal-Mart $5 bin)
Here are excerpts from my reviews to show my point:
The killer, disguised as a hippie, was not quite thought out well on paper, or in casting. After gutting his victims, the killer then straddles in-between his victim, doesn't bother to unzip, but starts slowly humping.
During a moment when the detectives (and the female reporter... cause ya know, the police love doing stake outs with a slut) try to catch up and spoil the killer's fun, he stops his slow humps and looks up to the sky for a moment and shouts : "NOOOOOOOOO!"
And then he humps some more.
Any director whom lets in the final cut of his film an actor get shot, wiggle slowly for two seconds as if you were hit by a thunderbolt from Rayden, stop, stare at the shooter, and repeat three times deserves to watch 14 hours of non-stop Barbara Streisand music videos to feel the pain and suffering he has bestowed upon millions of countless others.
Every long extended shot had multiple cuts and breaks in time, most likely because these dipshits couldn't keep their lines. Unrealistically mean characters, who respond to the death or dissappearance of a friend as a time to make a cruel joke to forget about the horror, and then go back to fucking and sucking as usual.
All of the other off-beat characters are laughable, including Lester's Mom and her two boyfriends that we encounter. One of them looks like he got off of the bus from the hilarious music video of Beastie Boys' "Sabotage", and the other looks like he came straight back from a losing audition from not getting the part of Joe Dirt.
Some of the effects were nifty, but none were really thought out well. Lester's Mother is shown in a pregnant sequence, and all they could do was put a kickball under her shirt.
Do you think that we take our love of film for granted?
Imagine if shit like this was in the theater. "You got served!" would look like fucking gold.
My referenced reviews:
http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=70675
http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=73466&highlight=scarecrow
We see film in what we consider "perfection" and start to hold our standards to it.
Afterwards, we look at films like "The Wedding Planner" aka "Jennifer Lopez movie X", "I know what you did last summer", "Freddy Vs. Jason", or some rom-com or popcorn slasher and then start ranting and raving like its the biggest piece of shit film we've ever witnessed.
We also do this with remakes, and at times I feel over-dramatize our reactions to the film. It didn't hit that "G-Spot" that we were looking for, and sometimes as "film buffs" or "fan boys" that we are, we turn into the Incredible Hulk and go on a fucking rampage. (Good example there too)
But I think while over-reacting here, we may miss out on exactly how fucking low cinema can go. How low down and dirty a movie can get just to be made for the sake of making and getting 50 bucks so the director can go smoke some more meth.
How many of us that have bashed "Not another teen movie!" went and seen and/or rented some low budget piece of shit with acting as stiff as a board and characters who look fuzzed over like they can't remember their lines?
We probably don't, because in the subcocal of our minds we truly know that that is complete shit. There is no excuse for us to even waste our time popping it in. That is what the true bowels of useless film making is for, I'm talking the type that make popcorn slashers look like the Lord of the fuckin rings.
I myself have no interest in the lord of the rings, It's plot-story-what not just doesn't fizzle my "G-Spot". (Vaginal reference though I have a pecker) If I were to ever catch this, it would be on a rainy day and on someone else's dime. But I know no matter how much I hate or dislike it, it will not be the biggest piece of trash cinema has ever produced. The actors will be coherent, the cinematography will be professional, and the editing will at least not remind me of a backyard porno.
Film examples:
555 and Scarecrow. (Currently Scarecrow could be found in your local Wal-Mart $5 bin)
Here are excerpts from my reviews to show my point:
The killer, disguised as a hippie, was not quite thought out well on paper, or in casting. After gutting his victims, the killer then straddles in-between his victim, doesn't bother to unzip, but starts slowly humping.
During a moment when the detectives (and the female reporter... cause ya know, the police love doing stake outs with a slut) try to catch up and spoil the killer's fun, he stops his slow humps and looks up to the sky for a moment and shouts : "NOOOOOOOOO!"
And then he humps some more.
Any director whom lets in the final cut of his film an actor get shot, wiggle slowly for two seconds as if you were hit by a thunderbolt from Rayden, stop, stare at the shooter, and repeat three times deserves to watch 14 hours of non-stop Barbara Streisand music videos to feel the pain and suffering he has bestowed upon millions of countless others.
Every long extended shot had multiple cuts and breaks in time, most likely because these dipshits couldn't keep their lines. Unrealistically mean characters, who respond to the death or dissappearance of a friend as a time to make a cruel joke to forget about the horror, and then go back to fucking and sucking as usual.
All of the other off-beat characters are laughable, including Lester's Mom and her two boyfriends that we encounter. One of them looks like he got off of the bus from the hilarious music video of Beastie Boys' "Sabotage", and the other looks like he came straight back from a losing audition from not getting the part of Joe Dirt.
Some of the effects were nifty, but none were really thought out well. Lester's Mother is shown in a pregnant sequence, and all they could do was put a kickball under her shirt.
Do you think that we take our love of film for granted?
Imagine if shit like this was in the theater. "You got served!" would look like fucking gold.
My referenced reviews:
http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=70675
http://www.joblo.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=73466&highlight=scarecrow