Bone Yard

[Roy Hatred]

Anyone seen this, I saw it quite some time ago, but I just read this review of it and the guy ripped it...I loved it...I mean, japanese demonic possesion, phyllis diller and green puke and who could ever forget the giant killer poodle....Just keep telling yourself, it's only a poodle...it's only a poodle...awesome stuff! What do you guys think?

[ERIN_LoJ]

It's been too long for me to remember many exact details, but one things for sure: After you've seen it, you could never forget that poodle!



:eek:

[Cronos]

i really enjoyed this, its a lot of fun and the poodle rocks, i didnt see why it got so many negative reviews

[Roy Hatred]

glad you guys agree, it also may be one of the only cool things that phyllis diller has done with her life...how sad...

[countchocula]

Rated on a scale from 0-5 Chocula’s...

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MINOR SPOILERS

I’ve been in pursuit of The Boneyard for a good ten years now. The mutant poodle plastered on the cover had always captivated me, but when I had access to this elusive b-movie, I was too young to rent it. Well, we’ve switched locations since then, and I haven’t been able to obtain this obscure oddity. My insatiable appetite for cheese can be exasperating at times, but as luck would have it, I just recently ran across The Boneyard at an affordable price. Did it live up to its spectacle of a presentation? A word of advice – don’t invest in this film for the malformed poodle alone. I didn’t, but even though my expectations weren’t unattainable, I was a tad disappointed. This flick isn’t nearly as energetic or eccentric as you’d think. For the most part, it tries to pass itself off as a spectral, disconcerting spine-chiller. Fun camp is peppered throughout, but the attempts to evoke dread and to shape layered, sincere characters are wrecked by dodgy acting and a poky pace.

Oh, what could have been. This has all of the trimmings of a majestic drive-in cult classic. For one, the cast includes Phyllis Diller and Norman Fell of Three’s Company fame (Mr. Roper). Moreover, Fell plays a mortician with a long ponytail! The plot is indecipherable, but in essence, all we have are three gooey zombie children beleaguering people who find themselves trapped in a morgue. Notice that I made no mention of a warped poodle. The crazed canine is absent for 95% of the film, and when it does decide to attend the festivities, it doesn’t do any significant damage. Your typical case of false advertising. It’s never made clear as to how the zombie children became zombies in the first place (something about a cursed bloodline), but they make for suitable antagonists. The stomach-churning make-up effects applied to the undead tykes are impressive, considering the scant budget.

The cast is uneven. Deborah Rose didn’t even try as Alley, an obese clairvoyant. I appreciate unconventional heroines, but Alley is agitating, poorly written, and quite frankly, an eyesore. That’s discourteous of me to say, but a character’s appearance does factor into whether or not you warm up to them. Ed Nelson plays Jersey, an insipid detective. Nelson gives a passable performance, but his character is in critical need of a personality. Diller hams it up as Miss Poopinplatz. She breathes life into torpid dialogue. Of course, I dug Fell as Shepard, a solitary morgue attendant. He and Diller are the only actors here who actually have fun with their roles. Unfortunately, the lackluster characters get most of the screen time and unfortunately, the script tries to develop them. In vain no less.

The pace is unbearably inert. Apart from a moody, surreal dream sequence, the first act is completely uneventful. Granted, I didn’t go into The Boneyard looking for a slow build-up, but what’s there is defectively executed. Had I been hankering after something restrained and methodical, I still would have been let down. Director James Cummins succeeds at creating a despondent aura, although some scenes don’t even seem like they were directed at all. The gore is mostly dry, but there’s plenty of icky creatures and goo-vomiting to go around. Yep, goo-vomiting. The film has a polished look to it, and the filmmakers obviously knew where to allocate their resources. Regrettably, actual substance wasn’t taken into consideration.

http://www.panterachat.com/phpBB/images/avatars/189e2d913f19af0c5477f.jpg http://www.panterachat.com/phpBB/images/avatars/189e2d913f19af0c5477f.jpg http://www.panterachat.com/phpBB/images/avatars/189e2d913f19b100369a9.jpg

[Gluttony]

I remember when Count first posted this review. Looks so damn hilarious; however, without Diller, it probably wouldn't tickle my interest. I've wanted to see her maimed for a very long time.

[Pine Wood]

BoneYard, that is a movie that I have not seen in awhile. I watched it once and about shit my pants when I saw the poodle. I have to say that, that is the type of movie you watch once and put it back on the shelf.

[Roy Hatred]

*begins plot for new movie based on gluttony's post* THE MAIMING OF PHYLLIS DILLER...it'll be big...we can get bruce cambell and robert england and...i'll just stop now...