Alone in the Dark review quotes...

[MdrnDayMercutio]

Here's a few of the better ones that have been brought to my attention. Feel free to add any that you find.

"Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV."
-- Nicholas Schager, SLANT MAGAZINE

"so far off the scale bad that the only possible reaction is to laugh at it -- and I do mean at it and not with it."
-- Steve Rhodes, STEVE RHODES' INTERNET REVIEWS

"...asking the viewer to accept Tara Reid as a scientist is pure insanity, requiring a staggering leap of faith that I can't even begin to contemplate."
-- David Nusair, REEL FILM REVIEWS

"Alone in the Dark offers ample evidence that House of the Dead helmer Uwe BollUwe Boll should put down his joystick -- quickly, before anyone else gets hurt."
-- Justin Chang, VARIETY

"As video game adaptations go, even Pong: The Movie would have a lot more personality."
-- Michael Rechtshaffen, HOLLYWOOD REPORTER

"The three stars have seen better days, but I'd like to think they could still do something classier and more dignified than this. Like gay porn."
-- Rob Vaux, FLIPSIDE MOVIE EMPORIUM

[ilovemovies]

Ouch! I honestly didn't think it looked that bad, but maybe it is. I'm still gonna watch it though.

[Fisting Ackbar]

http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/lions_gate_films/alone_in_the_dark/tara_reid/alone1.jpg

SCIENCE!

[Strider]

Originally posted by MdrnDayMercutio
"...asking the viewer to accept Tara Reid as a scientist is pure insanity, requiring a staggering leap of faith that I can't even begin to contemplate."
-- David Nusair, REEL FILM REVIEWS

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

I absolutely loved that one. :D

Strider

[Tweek]

"...asking the viewer to accept Tara Reid as a scientist is pure insanity, requiring a staggering leap of faith that I can't even begin to contemplate."
-- David Nusair, REEL FILM REVIEWS
Damn that's cold

[AdrenalineMJ]

I'm really not surprised. The execs must have gone insane, he's already done filming Bloodrayne.

[PuggyD]

I must say, I'm totally stoked for "Alone in the Dark". For all the wrong reasons of course. With reviews this bad, how can I *not* see this? I mean, "House of the dead" cracks me up to begin with, but if Uwe Boll has actually managed to top himself...oh man, I just can't wait.

[brodeurnumber1]

Here's an extra quote just for fun:

"Christian Slater and Tara Reid share quite possibly the most awkward love scene ever recorded on film."

[Tweek]

To see Tara Reid try and play a scientist is reason enough to see it.

[Duke Nukem]

I just saw the movie and it wasn't that bad. In fact, I would it consider it an above average movie (2.5/4). Not too shabby, Mr. Boll. Not great, but not nowhere near as awful as "House of The Dead."

Seriously, those critics need to stop crying and just judge the movie for themselves, not complain about how "miscast" they feel Tara Reid may be (all about her cheap "American Pie" roles and media-loving party life) or whatever previous travesty Uwe Boll made (*coughcoughhouseofthefuckingdeadcough*).

I will say, I never played the "Alone in The Dark" game, in fact I never heard about it until this movie started production. But, it was a decent little horror/action flick. It had a better story to follow and IMO good acting from Stephen Dorff, Christian Slater, Tara Reid, and even from The Arrow in his few small bits we see him in.

Seriously, go into the movie with an open mind. We always complain about how retarded the critics are anyway. Don't listen to them. And, go in without having to think about the travesty that is "House of The Dead." Just because a director makes one really bad movie doesn't mean he can't make a good one.

[ilovemovies]

Originally posted by Duke Nukem
It had a better story to follow and IMO good acting from Stephen Dorff, Christian Slater, Tara Reid, and even from The Arrow in his few small bits we see him in.


How much screen time does the Arrow have?

I will say the trailers make the movie look not THAT bad. And I do Christian Slater and Tara Reid and Dorff can be ok too. And I'd watch it just to support the Arrow's career. :)

[Duke Nukem]

Arrow must be in film 2-3 minutes top. You'll see Arrow in Stephen Dorff's first scene in the 713 lab. Arrow, along this black woman, are both 713 staff working on computers. You get one or two short scenes, one including Dorff checking in on them, and a few other small bits throughout the film at the same computer.

It's funny, when you Arrow in the background sometimes, you can see that all he's doing is staring at an inactive computer screen while randomly typing nonsense. :D

[miguel_montes]

Originally posted by MdrnDayMercutio
"...asking the viewer to accept Tara Reid as a scientist is pure insanity, requiring a staggering leap of faith that I can't even begin to contemplate."
-- David Nusair, REEL FILM REVIEWS

That reminded me of Denise Richards in "The World Is Not Enought".

[Ratlehed]

Originally posted by AdrenalineMJ
I'm really not surprised. The execs must have gone insane, he's already done filming Bloodrayne.



Would it be surprising to see Bloodrayne go straight to dvd after this?

[ANTBond007]

Bloodrayne cost $50 million. It's not going DTV.

But Alone in the Dark... God, I'm just drawn to it... I have to see how terrible it really is... I'm trying to resist, but I just can't stop myself from buying a ticket...

[someguy]

ahahahahahahaha I heard a line from the movie and couldn't stop laughing

"They say that when you go down there alive........you're already dead"


It's so funny how Tara Reid says it

[someguy]

NOTE: On Friday, Alone in the Dark made the 13th spot, earning 845 thousand dollars(398 buck screen average). I wonder how Boll will defend THAT as good

[ANTBond007]

Hey, at least it's not false advertisement!

[SykkBoy]

After these critic reviews, I now HAVE to see this movie

[Tweek]

It's funny, when you Arrow in the background sometimes, you can see that all he's doing is staring at an inactive computer screen while randomly typing nonsense.

LOL.
Hilarity.

[EvilDeadGirl]

Now those are some cold ass reviews. I still wanna see this though. Jes' cause Arrows in it. :p

[poopontheshoes7]

I love cheesy monster flicks, So I'll see it.

[Scarface98.9]

I can't wait till Boll goes on the internet and says how the movie is really brilliant, and we're simple peons because we don't see his genius

[MadsenOMC]

Good point. I too can't wait to see how he defends this one and claims that it's another misunderstood masterpiece.

[Darko]

I probably could pay $10 to see something good like Million Dollar Baby, but I think I'd take Uwe Boll over Clint Eastwood anyday. I could use a good terrible horror movie right about now.

[chinton]

looks nicer but just as bad as you would think. Me and my friend played a game where we counted the many many plot holes in this film we s topped counting because there were too many.

You wouldnt think that a person could make a movie based on a game that basically involves youre a paranormal investigator and you shoot monsters into a incoherent mess but Boll managed somehow.

God what a mess.


"Im Tara Reid and Im a scientist cause I have glasses and pulled back hair."

[Fisting Ackbar]

SPOILERS AHEAD BUT YOU MIGHT AS WELL CONTINUE READING






















Okay let's see, we get the opening text about all this Abnaki crap for two minutes with Slater giving the worst voiceover since Harrison Ford in BLADE RUNNER, which he continues to do throughout parts of the movie. There are people who are infected with the creature "virus" but resemble zombies and go around attacking people and driving cars, who at first can handle bullets (the cab driver from the beginning) but then just die whenever they get shot. There's a sex scene between Slater and Reid that comes out of nowhere, has Neneh Cherry's and Youssou N'Dour's Seven Seconds playing in the background which stands out like a sore thumb from the rest of the flick with Slater burying his face in her tits while she keeps her bra on, looking pretty stupid.

One gun fight features everybody shooting at crates with death metal music playing in the background, also with a slow motion bullet-time shot of a shell of a bullet falling to the ground for no reason. We also get a wonderful scene with a helicopter flying at nightime which is hard to see while characters inside are talking to one another, but Boll apparantly figured he could save money by not shooting closeups of them inside the chopper, which makes the end result look incredibly awkward. The final half hour is basically something out of every ALIENS ripoff with characters in the dark being attacked and killed off one by one. And then there's the ending with Slater and Reid coming out of whatever underground complex they were in, exactly at some house where he was before for whatever reason, we see a dead nun inside, then it turns out everybody in the city disappeared (expect for a cat who's in there for no reason) and we get a final shot of something going right after the two leads, after finding out that the creatures or whatever the evil was couldn't function in the light.

Favorite line from the movie: "MY MEN ARE DYING OUT THERE FOR NOTHING, FOR FUCKING NOTHING!"

1/10

As for The Arrow's role, Duke Nukem summed it up well, but he at least held his own compared to many of the other actors in this mess.

[polusmaximus]

Is it better than Battlefield Earth? now that is the question

[chinton]

not really they both rank epic in stupidity

[deppjolieperabo]

HAHAHA!!!! the reviews are freakin hilarious!!! i laughed soo hard at these!

here are some more:

_"you need an actor who can make the words SOUND smart, and Reid won't be winning a Nobel Prize anytime soon (she's proof that alcohol kills brain cells … with a vengeance)."
-- Willie Waffle, WAFFLEMOVIES.COM

_"I didn't see director Uwe Boll's zombie dud House of the Dead, but on the evidence of Alone in the Dark, he belongs in the pantheon of hopelessly inept directors."
-- Lawrence Toppman, CHARLOTTE OBSERVER

"Never trust a movie that opens with a written introduction scrolling by that's longer than the collected works of Tom Clancy."
-- David Hiltbrand, PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER

_"Alone in the Dark doesn't even deserve the indignity of going straight-to-video"
-- Christian Toto, WASHINGTON TIMES

"In a move that would have type-casting spinning in its grave, Tara plays a bookish museum curator._"A museum curator?" asked Tara. "How do I cure a museum and what do I cure it of?"_Historically, Tara has mounted many things but an exhibition of talent isn't one of them.

If only scripts came in kegs, Tara, you could just suck down the dialogue and puke it back out."
-- Mark Ramsey, MOVIEJUICE!

[Watur2Phunk]

Originally posted by Duke Nukem
I just saw the movie and it wasn't that bad. In fact, I would it consider it an above average movie (2.5/4). Not too shabby, Mr. Boll. Not great, but not nowhere near as awful as "House of The Dead."

Seriously, those critics need to stop crying and just judge the movie for themselves, not complain about how "miscast" they feel Tara Reid may be (all about her cheap "American Pie" roles and media-loving party life) or whatever previous travesty Uwe Boll made (*coughcoughhouseofthefuckingdeadcough*).

I will say, I never played the "Alone in The Dark" game, in fact I never heard about it until this movie started production. But, it was a decent little horror/action flick. It had a better story to follow and IMO good acting from Stephen Dorff, Christian Slater, Tara Reid, and even from The Arrow in his few small bits we see him in.

Seriously, go into the movie with an open mind. We always complain about how retarded the critics are anyway. Don't listen to them. And, go in without having to think about the travesty that is "House of The Dead." Just because a director makes one really bad movie doesn't mean he can't make a good one.

UWE BOLL IS A SHMOE, I KNEW IT!!!

[chinton]

Im curious about if the story form any of the four games resembled the movie. It would be sad if it did as the movie was an uneccessarily convoluted incoherent mess but Im curious. I heard the fourth game kinda follows this.



Spoilers!!



By the way for people who havent seen yet but are curious of of the many many plotholes and epic what the hells in the movie my personal favorite has to be after Reid and Slater are attacked in the museum and they are sitting outisde of the blockade where the secret goverment organization raided a museum (great way of being secret you guys). Anyway you would think that after being nealry killed by an alien monster they would at least be shook up. Theyre not. Instead Reid insists she has to go back in the museum to study the artifact. Youre right after I got attacked by a monster I would LOVE going back to t he scene of the crime. Too funny!!



Also I have never seen an director with a less sense of place. You would think that being a director you would learn about setting the scene but not so here. Where is the city Slater lives in? Who knows? Where are the headquarters that Boll keeps showing that the monsters somehow find out the locaion too? Who knows. How is it the mine and apparnelty the orphanage are so close to each other? Who knows. I never had a clear sense of where any of this was taking place as related to other locations. It sounds picky but come one this is basic filmaking here.

By the way Dukem Nukem I couldnt diagree with you more about the acting. Tara reid felt like she was reading her lines off a cue card. Dorf was way over-the-top in a funny way and Slater barely registered.

[Duke Nukem]

Originally posted by Watur2Phunk
UWE BOLL IS A SHMOE, I KNEW IT!!!

Ha ha. Just so you know, everybody has a different opinion.

[gspawn]

Average internet revies for this movie rank all the way from D+ to the D- range. Yup, it is better than House of the Dead.

Of course, a bowling ball is also technically sharper than the planet Earth..
;)

[ilovemovies]

I haven't seen House of the Dead but I still didn't exactly have high expectations. I actually thought the first half hour or so was ok, pretty bad and amueturish but entertaining. But once the creatures show themselves up the movie become loud, tedious nonsense. It was so freaking boring! No suspense at all! And with the exception of one ok fight at the beginging of the movie, the action sequences were awful. I also have to admit that I ended up falling asleep for a good portion of the third act.

It's something of a miracle that Christian Slater and Stephen Dorff somehow manage to give ok performances especially Slater who is give some pretty horrendous dialogue to say, especially with the voice over. Tara Reid, however I'm sorry to say, is miserable here. I actually think Reid is a decent actress and not without talent, but you wouldn't think that if all you saw her in was this. She and Slater have zero chemistry. And even their love scene is unintentionally funny.

I will say this though, there are some gorgeous shots of the city and outside the city.

2/10

[gspawn]

www.somethingawful.com

This movie prompted a SA special.

[someguy]

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2649&p=

Here's a direct link

Knowing SA, I think it's a joke but it was a funny read anyways.

[KLash]

It started pretty well and then completely lost the plot. The first action sequence set it up for what could have been a decent film, but the plot holes are terrible.

No sense of direction, lack of motives and any basic common sense, man this film was a mess.

One thing that bothers me in these films is why the hell do these ancient old civilisations have the ability to lock up the demons? Modern society can barely cope with high tech weaponry.....so what the hell did they do it with? sticks and a rain dance!??

Tara Reid is plain poor, dreary delivery of lines and why the top secret agent guy allow her to accompany them all down to the mines is beyond me.....liability to the team.......all she did was read some crappy text on the wall.

Poor choice of music also runs through the film, death metal while circling some flashing automatic weapons, nice one (this is a Boll throwback to House of the Dead, an exact replica only with a bit more money thrown in). And that terrible and pointless love scene.

The CGI isnt too bad at some points, and thats about all that saves this film.

But even so poor is the only word for this film!

3/10

I seriously hope horror and action films improve into 2005!!! Two complete stinkers so far in Electra and now this.

[Squid Vicious]

"Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV."
-- Nicholas Schager, SLANT MAGAZINE

I couldn't have said it better myself. :D

"...asking the viewer to accept Tara Reid as a scientist is pure insanity, requiring a staggering leap of faith that I can't even begin to contemplate."
-- David Nusair, REEL FILM REVIEWS

I thought seeing Ashton Kutcher as a psychology major qualified as one of the more plausible elements of The Butterfly Effect. But that's nothing compared to seeing Tara Reid as a "gifted scientist."

"The three stars have seen better days, but I'd like to think they could still do something classier and more dignified than this. Like gay porn."
-- Rob Vaux, FLIPSIDE MOVIE EMPORIUM

This one just made me laugh. :D

[chinton]

For those of you who actually give a shit, the original script took the "Alone In the Dark" premise and depicted it as if it was a actually based on a true story of a private investigator in the northeastern U.S. whose missing persons cases begin to uncover a disturbing paranormal secret. It was told through the eyes of a writer following Edward Carnby and his co-worker for a novel, and depicted them as real-life blue-collar folks who never expected to find hideous beings waiting for them in the dark. We tried to stick close to the H.P. Lovecraft style and the low-tech nature of the original game, always keeping the horror in the shadows so you never saw what was coming for them.

Why didnt the make this movie it sounds far more interesting.






By the way this is from somethingawfl.com

[KcMsterpce]

I'm getting shitfaced with some friends and going to go see this.:D

[Fisting Ackbar]

Originally posted by someguy
Knowing SA, I think it's a joke but it was a funny read anyways.

The author of it posted some of the stuff in the article on the forums more than a year ago, so I get the impression that it isn't a joke.

[chinton]

if its not a joke then its even moe depressing

[deppjolieperabo]

haha!! sign it!!

http://www.petitiononline.com/RRH53888/petition.html

[B1rd_Po0p]

I'm gonna go see it tonight. It was a toss up between this and Boogeyman and the thing that made the decision? The rating. I'd rather see a rated R film than a PG-13 film simply because of the AUDIENCE. Not in the mood for a bunch of kids tossing popcorn around and screaming every two seconds.

I'm going into this film with a completely open mind...

[KTJ2004]

The more I hear about this movie the more I want to see it...it's just so tempting. Hmm...maybe this weekend, MAYBE.

[Addi88]

Originally posted by KTJ2004
The more I hear about this movie the more I want to see it...it's just so tempting. Hmm...maybe this weekend, MAYBE.

I'll add to this temptation. Do you find this funny?

http://img154.exs.cx/img154/8555/aloneinthedarkknife1ka8re.gif




Oh yeah..... the movie sucked beyond repair.

1/10

[Duke Nukem]

Okay, this is getting silly. "Alone in The Dark" is not THAT bad. Honestly, I think some people who saw this couldn't get "House of The Dead" out of their minds or something. The plot was simple but well enough to follow; it's not like it was random scene after scene that with direction that went nowhere. Acting is very subjective, but I think you guys are giving Christian Slater, Stephen Dorff and especially Tara Reid too much of a hard time here. Okay, so she "acted" in the terrible "American Pie" movies and is a superficial party drunk as seen in the media. Get over it!

I can understand if people didn't like it because it wasn't faithful to the game. I never even heard of the game before, but I enjoyed this movie on its own stand-alone merits. But, you guys are bashing it beyond that. Sure, the CGI monsters stick out from the actors, but they didn't look as bad as past CGI creations in other recent movies. I even thought the movie was a little creepy. Uwe Boll doesn't know everything about tension, but he did an okay job with setting up and building up a bit of a creepy vibe, especially at the "end of the world" ending.

You schmoes who haven't seen it are acting very timid and frightened about approaching it. It isn't it that bad, give it a chance. Uwe Boll does over-direct ita few instances with slow motion and quick-editing action, but it was nowhere as near the poor direction of last year's "Resident Evil: Apoculypse." Really, give this movie a chance. It's not going to bite you.

I'm not even praising the movie. I only give it **1/2 out of 4 stars. Now, this is only a decent movie, it's not essential to seeing for your "I'm a movie geek!" portfolio. But if you thought it looked cool, don't let this senseless bashing stop you from seeing it. It really isn't THAT bad. And don't trust the critics. Remember, we're the ones always complaining how retarded they are in the Rant, Rant, Rant forum!

[someguy]

Originally posted by Duke Nukem
Okay, this is getting silly. "Alone in The Dark" is not THAT bad. Honestly, I think some people who saw this couldn't get "House of The Dead" out of their minds or something. The plot was simple but well enough to follow; it's not like it was random scene after scene that with direction that went nowhere. Acting is very subjective, but I think you guys are giving Christian Slater, Stephen Dorff and especially Tara Reid too much of a hard time here. Okay, so she "acted" in the terrible "American Pie" movies and is a superficial party drunk as seen in the media. Get over it!

I can understand if people didn't like it because it wasn't faithful to the game. I never even heard of the game before, but I enjoyed this movie on its own stand-alone merits. But, you guys are bashing it beyond that. Sure, the CGI monsters stick out from the actors, but they didn't look as bad as past CGI creations in other recent movies. I even thought the movie was a little creepy. Uwe Boll doesn't know everything about tension, but he did an okay job with setting up and building up a bit of a creepy vibe, especially at the "end of the world" ending.

You schmoes who haven't seen it are acting very timid and frightened about approaching it. It isn't it that bad, give it a chance. Uwe Boll does over-direct ita few instances with slow motion and quick-editing action, but it was nowhere as near the poor direction of last year's "Resident Evil: Apoculypse." Really, give this movie a chance. It's not going to bite you.

I'm not even praising the movie. I only give it **1/2 out of 4 stars. Now, this is only a decent movie, it's not essential to seeing for your "I'm a movie geek!" portfolio. But if you thought it looked cool, don't let this senseless bashing stop you from seeing it. It really isn't THAT bad. And don't trust the critics. Remember, we're the ones always complaining how retarded they are in the Rant, Rant, Rant forum!

You're being rude. Just because you didn't find it too bad doesn't mean that everyone else should also. It's a simple matter of being entertained. If the movie bored them to tears, will they go "Well the acting was decent and so was the plot, maybe I shouldn't give it such a bad time" ? It's all a matter of opinion, and yours isn't superior.

[Duke Nukem]

I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just overwhelmed by the huge negativity towards the movie.

[chinton]

This isn't senseless bashing as it really was that bad. It was better than House Of The Dead but that doesnt say much.
I mean there were so many gaping plotholes in this film and inconsistencies such as why the professor was not telling htem not to open the box when he was apprently working for the abd guys and why he was injecting himself with demon blood and exactly how the orphan thing was connected with the monsters. What was the point? And there really was no atmosphere to me. Maybe the badly directed action s cenes got in t he way. Sorry but I wasnt senselessly bashing it

[someguy]

Originally posted by Duke Nukem
I'm trying to be rude, I'm just overwhelmed by the huge negativity towards the movie.

I'm sorry, but I had to mention that typo :)

[ilovemovies]

Originally posted by Duke Nukem




You schmoes who haven't seen it are acting very timid and frightened about approaching it. It isn't it that bad, give it a chance. Uwe Boll does over-direct ita few instances with slow motion and quick-editing action, but it was nowhere as near the poor direction of last year's "Resident Evil: Apoculypse." Really, give this movie a chance. It's not going to bite you.

!

It's cool that you don't think it's that bad. But unfortunately I do. I haven't seen House of the Dead. And I thought the trailer looked somewhat decent. But like I said in my minireview, after the first twenty or thirty minutes or so, when the creatures first show themselves, the movie becomes loud, tedious nonsense. And totally boring. Also, I actually like Tara Reid as an actress. But she was pretty awful here. Nearly every word that comes out of her mouth is howler. And her love scene with Christian Slater is unintentionally hilarious!

I will say that somehow, miracously, Slater and Stephen Dorff somehow manage to turn in ok performances. This especially amazing in Slater's case because he has some pretty awful dialogue to say, especially in his ridiculous voice overs.

It's funny you mention the direction of RE:A. I really enjoyed that movie and compared to this movie, that movie is brilliantly directed by comparison!

It's funny because I'm the one who is usually defending movies. I actually liked Gigli. I actually liked Surviving Christmas. I actually liked The Postman. But I hated Alone in the Dark. It's a BAD movie to it's core. So sorry I can't be there help you out.

[Shockwave]

:D

[Shockwave]

"Saying Uwe Boll’s Alone in the Dark is better than his 2003 American debut House of the Dead is akin to praising syphilis for not being HIV."

That....is fucking brilliant.:cool:



It's funny you mention the direction of RE:A. I really enjoyed that movie and compared to this movie, that movie is brilliantly directed by comparison!

I think Anderson is going the way of Uwe Boll. His movies are getting worse and worse with each one he does, and while hes not at that level of stupidity yet, hes getting dangerously close.

Nearly every scene from RE2 was ripped from another movie, the plot was total mush, and AVP was just going thru the motions for a paycheck.

I realize that im getting on abit of a rant so ill just end it agreeing with the general statements above that Uwe Boll is one of the worst film makers living today.

[Badbird]

Originally posted by ANTBond007
Bloodrayne cost $50 million. It's not going DTV.


I'm sure the makers of Theadore Rex thought the exact same thing...

Alone in the Dark, better than House of the Dead? Yeah. About a thousand times better. But we all know what happens when you multiply anything by zero - it is still zero.

At just over ninty minutes or so, this thing crawled like you wouldn't believe. There were so many long, drawn out sequences that pretty much ended the same: secondary characters getting killed.

SPOILERS

(Like anyone gives a shit)

The security guy at the museum (who was totally excited to see Christian Slater, then minutes later was asleep!) - he wanders around with his flashlight for what felt like several minutes. It kept showing him, then cutting away, showing him, cutting away... Then there he is, aaaand he gets killed. Okay. Didn't see that one coming...

Then there's the two 713 troops left at the very end. They kept getting all these scenes as if to build their characters for some reason. It shows them, cuts away, shows them, cuts away, blah blah blah. Then kills them. Oooohhh big surprise.

And the dude with the generater. Was there any point to that? Here's a secondary character. Here's a bunch of people yelling at him. "Get that generator up goddammit!" about ten times. Then he gets it up. Was there any use for this sequence? No.

Why didn't Tara Reid ask Christian Slater "Hey, why are you carrying a gun? In a museum?" or "What were those monsters?"

I mean, that's what I would ask someone who carried a gun on them at all times and if I was just attacked by monsters.

713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713 713

Hey, did you catch the name of that secret group those guys were in? I don't remember any of them saying the name.

"Tara Ried, you don't have any training in weapons or combat and are otherwise completely useless to the world? Come on down in the scary cave anyway!"

And what the fuck happened in the end anyway? Was the gateway opened? If it was, are you telling me that tiny door was the gateway to Hell? There weren't any magic lights or anything. I couldn't see anything but a bunch of pillars. And it was blown up anyway.... Then the city was empty. "Evacuated" as the text said... or was it wiped out like the ancient civilization? (except for the cat.)

Speaking of ancient civilizations. If, as the ten minute text scroll said, they were an ancient "Native American" civilization... why would they have artifacts buried all over the world!

And why would they bury the key to Hell? Why not destroy it if it's so dangerous? How could they have hidden the pieces all over the world if they were wiped out in the first place?

Oh well. One thing though, some of it was very nice looking. Uwe Boll would probably make a good second unit director. Then again, most of the really nice shots were probably by his second unit director, so nevermind.

By the way, the movie was paid for by the Canadian Government.

[Shockwave]

By the way, the movie was paid for by the Canadian Government.

I knew it!! ;) :p

Blame Canada, eh?

[deppjolieperabo]

he's supposed to be coming back to canada to film another one of his shitty ass 'movies'!! we shouldnt let him in!! FU BOLL!!!

keep signing:

http://www.petitiononline.com/RRH53888/petition.html

[JoeChar4321]

Originally posted by KLash


But even so poor is the only word for this film!

3/10

I seriously hope horror and action films improve into 2005!!! Two complete stinkers so far in Electra and now this.

We have an early winner! There's NO WAY that there can be any movie released in 2005 that is worse then this. It's "Hudson Hawk" bad. Tara Reid has got to be the absolute worst actress employed today. Just awful.

I'm now embarrassed to say that I was excited and was enthused after watching the previews. You know it's an awful film when the opening intro (ALA Star Wars) is dumb and the guy doing the voice over has a lisp. Stay away from this God awful movie whatever you do.