A Witty Review of the Worst Movie You Ever Seen

[OopAnt]

What is the worst movie you ever saw? Whether in the theater or straight to video, I would like to hear your rants on what makes the worst movie ever the worst movie ever.

For me? It would have to be Raw Justice. At least, this is what is coming to mind. The one with Pamela Anderson. In short, this film works better as a video montage for Pamela Anderson's Playboy centerfold than it does for a movie. Keith David proves he can't act in this film, while Robert Hays proved why he is no longer allowed to make love scenes. It is not a good film when it serves as a better film school tutorial on what not to do in filmmaking than it does as entertainment. You will get some laughs from the completely sloppy editing and poor camera set-ups. You dont need to be a film lover to appreciate the horrible botch job this film received. Sadly for Pam Anderson, this was her second consecutive "T&A" flick coming off her equally bad Snapdragon. I don't think she ever really pulled off an official acting bit in any of her films.
OopAnt

[Asokan]

I loved RAW JUSTICE. Well, only the T&A section which I recorded and watched over and over again until the tape got broke. I remember that great line of Pam to Keith David: "Between us it was just sex, but with him there's love." or something of that kind.

Most potential "worst movie I ever saw" contenders I never really finished watching. But there are a lot of awful movies that are actually entertaining in their ridiculousness, prime example: SHOWGIRLS.

But let me riff here on a personal favourite of my youth: NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER by Cory Yuen, made at a time, 1985, when Jean-Claude Van Damme still played villain roles and he was never better as the arch nemesis of our whitebread hero who is so in love with Bruce Lee that he desperately wants to learn Karate. Good for him, the master himself (played by some dude who doesn't even look like him) rises from the dead and teaches him how to kick ass, get the stupid white girl and beat the russian bully who kicked his father to a cripple. Yay!

He also has a black sidekick who can dance like Michael Jackson and has his own little subplot where he fucks around with a fat white kid who adds to the laughs with silly slapstick á la ANIMAL HOUSE. I recommend this classic of trash to anyone inclined!!!