Funniest movie lines?

[ColinM]

What do you think are the funniest movie lines/quotes?

[SubMethod]

"Im a mushroom cloud laying motherfucka, motherfucka. Every time these fingers touch brain Im a thousand pounds of supa-fly tnt.The guns of the navarone!!"- Jules (Pulp Fiction)

[Scarface989]

So there I was: Torn between my loyalty to the boss and my desire to piss w/ the lights on
-Randal from Clerks

[gyro_44]

"Yes, it's true. This man has no dick".

From the eternal Ghostbusters, of course.

[seenic]

It's a line and an action that always makes me laugh. In 'Throw Mother From The Train', when Danny Devito's ma looks at Billy Crystal and says, 'He's not your cousin.' DD exclaims, 'He's not!?' and smacks BC with the frying pan.
Can you tell I'm a big Marx Brothers fan?

[Kimmy]

in three to tango when neve hits matthew perry in the balls with a doorhandle that came loose
neve:you hurt yourself
matthew:no,no you hurt me

[[SD] Bob Plisskin]

I always laugh my ass off at the line in 'Total Recall' said by Benny:

"Baby, you make me wish I had three hands!"

just sooo funny

<OB>

[This message has been edited by [SD] Bob Plisskin (edited 12-19-2001).]

[Irene Manor]

"Well, nobody's perfect." - Some Like It Hot

[Irene Manor]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by seenic:
It's a line and an action that always makes me laugh. In 'Throw Mother From The Train', when Danny Devito's ma looks at Billy Crystal and says, 'He's not your cousin.' DD exclaims, 'He's not!?' and smacks BC with the frying pan.
Can you tell I'm a big Marx Brothers fan?</font>


That is an awesome scene, but actually Owen yells, "You lied to me!" Before hitting him.

[dreamsofsea]

"This guy is a straight jacket waiting to happen!" from Mel Gibson's "Conspiracy Theory." (although there are days I think I"I'M a straight jacket waiting to happen!)

[Mr.B]

"Shit or get of the pot"from the terrible movie the Bachelor.It"s about that place in a relation when marriage is the next thing you should do and if you don"t you should get of the pot.

[sloopyfan]

A line that is said many times throughout the Movie The Big Lebowski.

"Shut The Fuck UP Donnie."

[EBastard]

1."Life does not stop and start for you,you miserable piece of shit..."-Walter to Donnie in The Big Lebowski(I always say that when someone's acting like an asshole.)

2."We're gonna have the hap,hap,HAPPIEST Christmas since Bing Crosby tapped danced with Danny-Fucking-Kaye! And when Santa squeezes his fat ass down that chimney tonight...he's gonna find the JOLLIEST bunch of assholes this side of the nut house!"- Clark to his family in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

3."Hey listen,pal,you're only running two things around here...Jack,and shit.And Jack left town."-Ash to the townspeople in Army Of Darkness

4."I am here to chew bubble gum,and to kick ass...and I am all out of bubble gum..."-Nada to the aliens in the bank in John Carpenter's They Live

5."This is my rifle! There are many others like it but I prefer this one!"-Private Pyle just...losing it in Full Metal Jacket

[Dr Martin Luther Loomis]

"He hates these cans" - THE JERK

[Larie]

Jason Statham in Snatch after the door falls off his trailer and his friend asks whats wrong with it
-"Oh nothing Tommy, I'm just not sure about the color."
Said in dry English accent of course!

[Larie]

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Larie:
Jason Statham in Snatch after the door falls off his trailer and his friend asks whats wrong with it
-"Oh nothing Tommy, I'm just not sure about the color."
Said in dry English accent of course!</font>

Just thought of another one==
Jason Lee in one of Dogma's deleted scenes
"I know what affect the screams of the damned have on the psyche of an angelic being!"

[dreamsofsea]

I just saw "My Cousin Vinny" for the first time recently. There were so many lines that had me laughing till I cried. But the one below really got me.

Lisa talking to Vinny before he goes hunting: Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing around. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the clear water - BAM! A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask you, do you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?!

[jaymx]

I loved Police Squad. I want it to come out on DVD!!
I loved Naked Gun.
Liked 2 1/2 a lot
and liked 33 1/3!!

From 33 1/3 Leslie Nielson says two memorable quotes that made me piss myself...almost
1) Like a blind man at an orgy I knew that I would have to feel my way around

2) Like a midget in a urinal i knew that I would have to be on my toes

CLASSIC!!

[FlickJunkie]

American Beauty:
"Oh, You Like Getting Nailed By The King?!" - Buddy Kane (the Real Estate King)
"Fuck Me Your Majesty!!" - Carolyn Burnham

[This message has been edited by FlickJunkie (edited 12-29-2001).]

[LordKaruku]

"Werewolf!"
"Werewolf?"
"There wolf!"
"What?"
"There wolf. There, castle."
"Why are you talking like that?"
"I thought you wanted to!"

[ColinM]

I LOVE the The Naked Gun movies!

Frank: "Just think, next time I shoot someone, I could be arrested."

Frank: "It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano, sure it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside."

Frank: "Wilma, I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute before until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat."

Frank: "Now that I'm retired, I guess if I want to shoot somebody, it'll have to be in the privacy of my own home. Hopefully next time it'll be a burglar and not an inlaw like the time at my bachelor party."

Nordberg: "You sure know your boxing, Frank!"
Frank: "Well, all I know is never bet on the white guy."

Ed: Come on, Frank, you've got to come back to the Police Squad. We need you. Plus, you haven't shot anybody in at least a few weeks.
Frank: That's true. Funny how you miss the little things.

Badguy: You do speak French, don't you?
Frank: Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way.

Frank: The truth hurts, doesn't it? Oh sure, maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts!

Frank: Oh, it's alright. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?

[This message has been edited by ColinM (edited 12-29-2001).]

[SubMethod]

"...and THX quality sound that would make George Lucas creme in his pants"-Chip Douglas-The Cable Guy

[This message has been edited by SubMethod (edited 12-29-2001).]

[therealjohng]

Anything that the Jesus says in The Big Lebowski.

[Scarface989]

Office Space
"It's not like I'm lazy I just don't care."

Dr Strangelove
"You can't fight in here, it's the war room!"

Magnolia
"Respect the cock and tame the cunt!"

[Fergus]

I absolutely love the first Airplane! movie, and some of the dialogue is just plain genius.

My favorite scene:

Tower : Flight 2-0-9er, you're cleared for take off.
Captain Oever : Roger!
Roger Murdock : Huh?
Tower : L.A. departure frequency 1-2-3 point 9er.
Oever : Roger!
Murdock : Huh?
Tower : Re-quest Vector, over!
Oever : What?
Tower : 2-0-9er clear for vector 2-3-4.
Murdock : We have clearance Clarence.
Oever : Roger, Roger. What's our Vector Victor?
Tower : Tower's radio clearance, over!
Oever : That's Clarence Oever! Oever.
Tower : Roger.
Murdock : Huh?
Tower : Roger, over.
Murdock : Huh?
Oever : Huh?

[The Other]

I love the line from Honey Bunny in PULP FICTION...

Honey Bunny: Any of you fuckin' pricks move, and I'll execute every mother fuckin' last one of ya.

I think that's so funny.

[thingsgoinon]

Man there are so many

"I have nipples Greg, could you milk me" from Meet the Parents

The whole Stan wanting to have baby's scene from Life of Brian.... "Where's the fetus gonna gestate, you gonna keep it in a box?"

Also from LoB "Wrens Livers, Otters Noses, Wolf Nipple Chips, three for a dollar"

Thats all I can think of now. By the way is there a "protocol" for when you post your favs in threads like this and think of more later? Do most of you just edit your old post or just post another? Just wondering.... I think of new ones all the time...

[This message has been edited by thingsgoinon (edited 05-04-2002).]

[BadCoverVersion]

From The adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the desert - "Why don't you light your tampon and blow your box apart, because it's likely the only bang you'll ever get, sweetheart!"

From Trainspotting - "That wee lassie got glassed, and no cunt leaves till I find out what cunt did it"



[This message has been edited by BadCoverVersion (edited 05-04-2002).]

[SteveSzyk]

From Dazed and Confused: Wipe that face off your head bitch!

[A.J. Hakari]

A hilarious line from the somewhat underrated BUBBLE BOY:

"Have you ever been bitch-slapped by a six-armed goddess? I'll take that as a no!"

[SteveSzyk]

"Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing around. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the clear water - BAM! A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask you, do you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?" - My Cousin Vinny

"I've been coming to this circle for about five years, and measuring it. The diameter and the circumference are constantly changing, but the radius stays the same. Which brings me to the number 5. There are five letters in the word "Blaine." Now, if you mix up the letters in the word "Blaine," mix 'em around, eventually, you'll come up with Nebali. Nebali. The name of a planet in a galaxy way, way, way... way far away. And another thing. Once you go into that circle, the weather never changes. It is always 67 degrees with a 40% chance of rain." - Waiting for Guffman

"People say, "You must have been the class clown." And I say, "No, I wasn't." But I sat next to the class clown, and I studied him." - Waiting for Guffman

"First Jive Dude: Shit man, that honky mus' be messin' my old lady... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head. You know?
Second Jive Dude: Hey home, I can dig it. You know he ain't gonna lay no mo' big rap up on you man.
First Jive Dude: I say hey sky, s'other s'ay I wan say?
Second Jive Dude: UH...
First Jive Dude: Pray to J I get the same ol' same ol'.
Second Jive Dude: Eh. Yo knock yourself a pro slick, gray matter live performas down now take TCB'in man.
First Jive Dude: Hey, you know what they say... See a broad, to get that booty yak 'em.
First Jive Dude, Second Jive Dude: Leg 'er down 'n smack 'em yak 'em
First Jive Dude: Cold got to be! You know? Shiiiiiiit." - Airplane!

"Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious.
Dr. Rumack: I am serious, and don't call me Shirley." - Airplane!

[arto_j]

"All every woman really wants, be it mother, senator, nun, is some serious deep-dickin'". Just one of the many hilarious lines of Chasing Amy

The whole "You sucked 37 cocks"-discussion in Clerks. Again, I could quote half the film here, but I don't want to take that much space.

Also, in Scary Movie, not such a funny film, but I found one line to be incredibly amusing. "This is black TV, white folks are dead and we're getting the fuck outta here", I don't know why that was so funny.

And so many more, many great ones have been mentioned here already, i didn't see any Ghostbusters quotes though.

[Geronimo]

I luv these quotes from Moonstruck:

Rose: "I just want you to know that no matter what you do, you're still gonna die."
Cosmo Castorini: "Thank you, Rose."

Rose: "How's the mother?"
Loretta Castorini: "She's dying. But I could still hear her big mouth."

Rose: "Old man, you give those dogs another piece of my food and I'm gonna kick you 'til you're dead!"

From The First Wives Club:
Elise Elliot: "Sean Connery is Monique's boyfriend! He may be three hundred years old, but he's still a stud!"

This scene I always have to rewind and play again for about 20 times:

Annie: "I'm very sorry I've ever met you. And I'm sorry that I allowed myself to love you for all those years. I'm sorry that I did nothing but be there for you every minute of every hour and support you in you're every MOVE. I'M SORRY!!"

[KornKidJedi]

"I don't know what the fuck you just said,Little Kid but you special. I'm gunna help you out. Give me the map,Scott. GIVE ME THE MAP,SCOTT"-Tracy Morgan from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

[nicname]

Darla "Wipe that face off you head bitch" good choice.

How about:

Wooderson: "You got any weed man?"
Mitch Kramer" "No man not on me."
Wooderson: "It'd be a whole lot cooler if you did."

I also love the one by Leslie Nielson:
"I've been swimming in raw sewage, I LOVE IT!"

[Fergus]

From Mel Brooks' The Producers:

Gene Wilder:

"I'm in PAIN, I'm WET, and I'm still HYSTERICAL."

That entire scene in the beginning almost made me literally wet my pants.

[Kastman]

"Who you callin' scum bag? Motherfucker"Uno in John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars

And thats the end of that chapter

[pod2010]

Jay: guys like us just don't fall out fo the sky you know

(naked chris rock falls from the sky)

Jay: naked big-titied women just don't fall out of the sky you know

Jason Mewes as Jay in Dogma

[pod2010]

Jay: guys like us just don't fall out of the sky you know

(naked chris rock falls from the sky)

Jay: naked big-titied women just don't fall out of the sky you know

Jason Mewes as Jay in Dogma

[chartered streets]

A FISH CALLED WANDA: Don't call me stupid!

AIRPLANE!: You know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked... in the head... by an iron boot? Of course you don't, that never happens, skip that.

AIRPLANE!: You ever seen a grown man naked?

ANIMAL HOUSE: Every Spring, the trees are filled with underwear, every Halloween the toilets explode.

ANIMAL HOUSE: They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!

BATMAN: This town needs an enema!

DR STRANGELOVE: Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the war room!

INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE: I should have mailed it to the Marx brothers!

PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES: Receptionist: Can I help you?
Neal: Yes.
Receptionist: How may I help you?
Neal: You can start by wiping that fucking dumbass smile off your rosy fucking cheeks. Then you can give me a fucking automobile. A fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick, four fucking wheels on a seat.
Receptionist: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.
Neal: Well I really don't care for the way you're company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really don't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile in my fucking face. I want a fucking car right fucking now.

(Not a "line", I know but it's still funny as hell)

The Italian Job: You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!

[SteveSzyk]

"Excuse me, whoever's in the house is still in the house I'd like you to know that I've just called the police. So if you have any brains whatsoever you'll get your ass out of my house real quick. I'd also like to add that I have my father's gun and a scorching case of herpes." - Ferris Bueler's Day Off

[crazy_nick28]

"Anne Say Something" , What do u want me to say , anything , all right ,
"My name is anne and i AM WALKIGN , i am walkign and my name is anne" its funny cuz it s a horror moive http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif.
From- THE OTHERS

"Stay close young hobbit"
from:LOTR:THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RINGS

[pat00139]

I have a few that I'm just remembering off the top of my head, so they're probably wrong.

from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, after the safe blows up the second time the gand steals from the train:
Sundance: Think you got enough dynamite there, Butch.

this one's from IMDB,

from IMDB:
Rumack: You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now.

from Metropolitan:
Playing strip poker with an exhibitionist somehow takes the fun out of it.

one I really love is from Spawn. John Leguizamo and Spawn are at a cemetary, and there are some Satanists, acting like idiots, doing whatever they do not too far away, then John says:
How come God hogs all the good people and we get all the retards?

from the MST3K version of The Wild World of Batwoman, one of the three guys says, about the movie:
Like a Warhol movie, only it's kinda weird.

from Sleuth:
Sex is the game, marriage is the penalty.

from Moulin Rouge, the John Houston version from 1952, not the recent one. Toulouse-Lautrec talking about love:
The wise woman patterns her life on the theory and practise of modern banking: she never gives her love but only lends it on the best security and at highest rate of interest.

(no, I'm not jaded http://www.joblo.com/ubb/smile.gif )

I'm done for now, but Billy Wilder, Preston Sturges, Whit Stillman and David Mamet all have great dialogue to listen to with many great lines.

[Professor Falk]

Off the top of my head...

"Do you mind if we dance wif' yo' dates?" (Animal House)

"All right, I'll get your money for you, but if you can't get the President of the United States on that phone, do you know who you're going to have to answer to? The Coca-Cola Company." (Col. Bat Guano in Dr. Strangelove...)

"If you're interested in the caddy's scholarship, go and see Judge Smails"

"...and kiss his ass..."

"That would help..." (Brian Doyle Murray and doofus caddy in Caddyshack)