Nude Law - We Need A Thread Already!

[BadCoverVersion]

I'm sure you all know the story thus far, but if not, here's a refresher...

Defamer.com (http://www.defamer.com/hollywood/jude-law/the-world-laughs-at-jude-laws-nannypoking-stick-117808.php)

The World Laughs At Jude Law’s Nanny-Poking Stick

Yesterday, the inboxes of various media types (and some fake-media blogger-types like us—thanks!) filled up with images of Jude Law inadvertently exposing his infamous nanny-tenderizer to a lucky paparazzo. Today, Page Six points at Law’s possibly shrinkage-afflicted unit, throws back its collective head, and laughs and laughs.

In snapshots that recall George Costanza’s infamous “shrinkage” episode on “Seinfeld,” the love-rat actor’s meager manhood is on full display as he changes into a swimsuit outside his mother Maggie Law’s house in Vaudelnay, France.

“He’s no Tommy Lee, that’s for sure,” sighed one unimpressed publicist who viewed copies of the paparazzi pix obtained by PAGE SIX.

Law’s rep, Simon Halls, declined to discuss his client’s apparently puny package, telling us: “Oh, please! The guy is on vacation in France with his kids. People need to give him a little bit of a break.”
Couldn’t the flack at least have offered something in a, “Come on! Jude’s a grower, not a show-er!”? Instead we now have a new, delightfully non-sequitur excuse for disappointing people unlucky enough to see us naked: “Whatever! I’m vacationing in France with the kids!”

So, I hunted high and low for the aforementioned shots of Jude in the altogether...purely for research purposes you understand. Anyway, as I googled like a cock-hungry monster I kinda braced myself for the worst, and then, well...I only bloomin' found them!

Anyway, I seriously think Jude has had a raw deal over this one! Obviously he's no John Holmes, meh...he's a pretty waifish, compact dude, I never expected him to be packing a third leg or anything. But purleeease, he's clearly flaccid, on a balcony (slightly chilly maybe?), and there's some serious pubic shrubbery happening down below that's clearly not doing him ANY favours.

I think he looks, well perfectly normal, a smidgen below 'average' maybe and woefully unkempt...but as many have pointed out, showers are not often growers. And since when did we equate oversized schlongs with actual ability? I thought that 'myth' had been dispelled donkeys ago! As for the circumcision debate...I'd much rather a man as nature intended, but I suppose that's a personal thing, maybe even a British thing. I don't want to get into a discussion about circumcision and hygiene mind, because the whole argument FOR is utter shite...as any uncut man will obviously know (bar soap dodgers).

Anyway, I'm hoping a link to these pictures is perfectly kosher with the big man...

Mmmm...I feel like doing something against the law! (http://www.queerclick.com/archive/2005/08/jude_law_nude.html)

But if not, I apologise in advance and I'll be sure to slap my own wrists...whilst looking at the pictures :D.

[Tagia_Romero]

A round of applause for Dame Version!!! :p

[C-Desecration-]

I'll be the first guy to come in here, puff out his chest, and announce how much more enormous his manhood is than law's, and cry "Take that, successful movie star!".
I feel so macho.

But seriously (ouch!), what a weird article. Just because the guy is a sleazy dick doesn't mean we have to see his. . .sleazy dick.

[Tuukka]

Eh?

I guess some people are completely unaware of the fact that a man's penis changes size a great deal, depending on the circumstances. Arousement, heat, coldness, and about a 100 other things affect how big your manhood is in different situations.

[BorderEevilIII]

Jude's family jewels? hmmmmmm
Jeff Goldblum mmmmmm okay
Brad Pitt, uhhhh is that it? ;)
Bruce Willis.... uhhhhhh no thanks :D

[James Logan]

Originally posted by Tuukka
Eh?

I guess some people are completely unaware of the fact that a man's penis changes size a great deal, depending on the circumstances. Arousement, heat, coldness, and about a 100 other things affect how big your manhood is in different situations.

*George Costanza voice*

I was in the pool! I was in the pool!

[The Postmaster General]

Fuck man - what have people said about me after 'those' strange nights?

I hate tabloids. They are so fucking stupid - they people who write for them have the mentality of a fucking 12 year old.

"Oh tee-hee. Look, his penis isn't erect. It's so small. tee-hee. Tee-Hee."

I hate these fuckers and if any celebs want to put together a magazine where you follow around paparazzi - I'll do it for free. You people need to get yours.

The funny thing is that with Lindsey Lohan, Beyonce, now this -- it seems their obsessions have changed from what's too large to what's too small.

Fuckers.

[ChemicalRomance]

All I gotta say:

Everyone and Leprachauns >>>> Jude Law

If you know what I mean.

[Buck Turgidson]

Lady Version was the first person I thought of when I saw these, which proves I spend too much time online.

Elaine: "It shrinks?"

Jerry: "Like a frightened turtle!"

Elaine: (pause) "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."

Jessica Alba's admittedly delightful butt crack is not a fair trade for this :mad:

[ComeNightfall]

Well, you know what they say...

It's not the size, but how you use it.

Apparently, Little Jude uses it quite well...

:D

[someguy]

Ugh, I'll tell you why uncut men are worse, one word.




SMEGMA




Don't even fucking look for what it means, it's so horrible it will make you queasy. Just thinking about it makes me feel weak. Oh god :(



Oh yeah, a dick can't do anything when it's flaccid so I don't understand why people judge the size of schlongs when it's not erect. That I never understood. Plus Jude shouldn't care, he's put his bits on screen before.

[bob]

Originally posted by someguy
Ugh, I'll tell you why uncut men are worse, one word.




SMEGMA




Don't even fucking look for what it means, it's so horrible it will make you queasy. Just thinking about it makes me feel weak. Oh god :(


That's probably the best "reveal" for a statement about personal hygiene I've ever seen.

[Jim Law]

Whew! Thank God. I thought this thread was about me.

[BadCoverVersion]

Originally posted by someguy
Ugh, I'll tell you why uncut men are worse, one word.




SMEGMA




Don't even fucking look for what it means, it's so horrible it will make you queasy. Just thinking about it makes me feel weak. Oh god :(



You shitting me someguy?

Smegma is a perfectly natural secretion...you piss and shit...produce mucas, sperm, earwax and all manner of substances, and a little bit of harmless, odourless 'discharge' freaks you out? Women produce a form of smegma on a daily basis, the only thing truly wrong with it is the foul name. C'mon man...here are the facts,

"Smegma is probably the most misunderstood, most unjustifiably maligned substance in nature. Smegma is clean, not dirty, and is beneficial and necessary. It moisturizes the glans and keeps it smooth, soft, and supple. Its antibacterial and antiviral properties keep the penis clean and healthy. All mammals produce smegma. Thomas J. Ritter, MD [co-author of Say No to Circumcision] underscored its importance when he commented, 'The animal kingdom would probably cease to exist without smegma.'" In its fresh state, smegma is a wholesome and functional lubricant.

By the way, 97% of the world's adult male population are NOT circumcised. Routine circumcision IS an American phenomenon...and when all is said and done it is a completely cosmetic mutilation. Female circumcision is absolutely frowned upon, and rightly so. I honestly don't see any difference in butchering a cock or a muff man! Convince me without ref'ing pro-circ propaganda.

[TheDeadWalk]

Shit, piss, sperm, and some forms of mucus actually carry a nice pornographic economic market.

Smegma does not. Google that shit and you'll see.

[scubasteve]

CIRP note: Cancer of the penis is now known to be associated with the presence of the human papilloma virus (HPV). Cancer of the penis may occur in both circumcised and uncircumcised men if HPV is present. Additional risk factors are hygiene, genital warts, and number of sexual partners. Smegma is not now believed to be carcinogenic.]

Smegma does not seem good

[BadCoverVersion]

It just got too weird.

[AJAX]

I don't know how a thread about Nude Law became the great smegma debate, but I'll throw my two cents in the hat. I was told that uncut men have 75% more sensivity in the head of their cock. Now I have no idea how they figured that shit out, but I feel kinda gyped. I am cut, and I had no say in the matter. It's probably for the better, cos I am a two pump chump on a good day. Reguardless, either your cock looks like Darth Vaders helmet or it looks like it's wearing a skull cap. I don't see the big deal, the only other person that is going to see it is your gal or your fella depending on what side of the fence you are on, unless of course you are Jude Law. :p

[BorderEevilIII]

I am NOT gonna count how many replies and point fingers here but......


GOIN OFF TOPIC ALERT! GOIN OFF TOPIC ALERT! :D

gee since the WORD "SMEGMA" got tossed in the air :eek:

It doesn't take a genius to figure out what that is....
Yes I have seen pics of it and all I wanna say is


Ewwwwwwwwwww!



now lets back to celebs what have nots n shit! :D

[BadCoverVersion]

Originally posted by BorderEevilIII
It doesn't take a genius to figure out what that is....
Yes I have seen pics of it and all I wanna say is


Ewwwwwwwwwww!



now lets back to celebs what have nots n shit! :D

Jesus, I'm getting the distinct impression that the US is pretty fucked up about the circumcision issue.

You've clearly seen horror story pictures. Smegma a little bit of pale discharge...providing you are taking regular showers it should cause you about as much distress as a bit of snot or saliva. I don't know why or how you've got this idea that it's a completely foul alien thing but you're just wrong...think Steven Martin in Little Shop Of Horrors and his pictures of rotting teeth.

Are daily showers not the norm in America?

I'm truly baffled.

Why are men quite happy to make a woman 'wet'...why is that perfectly normal - a turn-on even - yet a little bit of natural lube on a man is a complete freak show situation.

Wow.

I take it you're quite happy about all that other nice stuff we do!? Piss, shit, perspiration, earwax, saliva, mucus, etc.

[BadCoverVersion]

Originally posted by AJAX
It's probably for the better, cos I am a two pump chump on a good day.

That's quite fantastic AJAX. I actually hurt myself laughing just now.

[someguy]

Who here thought that they would ever get into a dick cheese debate in their lives?

Plus the whole uncut/cut debate really depends on the eye of the beholder(oh god). I just think that people (men or women, or animals if you're desperate) would like a cock and not an elephant trunk, but that's just me.

And Border, maybe I'll just start a thread on celebs with smegma so I can be a bastard

[ComeNightfall]

Originally posted by someguy
[I just think that people (men or women, or animals if you're desperate) would like a cock and not an elephant trunk, but that's just me.

This gets the award for the funniest line of the day. And the truest.

[bob]

Quality points, BCV...but this thread has gotten hilarious, I must say...

[thedudeman69]

Wow, That I did not need to see.

[someguy]

Originally posted by thedudeman69
Wow, That I did not need to see.

so did you put a blindfold on when you clicked on the thread saying NUDE LAW and the link on the post talking about the link containing NAKED PICTURES OF JUDE LAW?

[Buck Turgidson]

Originally posted by BadCoverVersion
Female circumcision is absolutely frowned upon, and rightly so.

Because it's a misnomer. It's a lot more like "Female castration", since the clitoris is basically hacked out by some ignorant fanatic, not always with clean instruments. Changing that name is the first step in getting that practice stopped worldwide.

Originally posted by BadCoverVersion
I take it you're quite happy about all that other nice stuff we do!? Piss, shit, perspiration, earwax, saliva, mucus, etc.

The honest answer from a lot of guys would be "no". They prefer the Maxim living fucktoy ideal.

Personally, while I could skip ear wax (except as a Rik Mayall punchline) and mucus, saliva and sweat are good things, in the proper context :cool:

Speaking as one of those routinely sliced and diced Amerikaners, I prefer it this way, all things considered.

And, incidentally, not to pose as an expert on other penises, but I've seen far more frighteningly gruesome fs's than Jude's.

[TheGodSon]

I'm happy to find out i have a bigger penis than Jude Law.

[Scorpio24]

Okay.







Well I don't feel like eating this yogurt anymore.

[The Postmaster General]

Yeah - I'm having a boy, and the cutting thing is my #1 concern outside just having a healthy baby.

Myself - yeah, I'm cut. But from what I've read, apparently it's batter off uncut, just looks different.

Some of the pros to circumcision I see are that the kid will have a better chance of not causing a scene, or questioning why mine has a helmet.

But that's it -- everything is based on the way it looks.

Then I see the cons of circumsizing, and it seems like quite a bit.

I don't buy the hygiene thing too much. Apparently it's only an issue as newborns.

So yeah - thanks for taking my escape on an internet movie message board, and turning it into me having to think about whether or not I'll give the go ahead to put a hacksaw to my baby's genitals.

It must be nice on the hypothetical side of the fence.

(Bubba tosses his an old stained recliner over the fence with some fishheads and empty beer bottles)

damn, I need a Yard-a-polt.

[PrettyInPink]

Whhhhaaaaatttttt.......

LMFAO.... I just wanted to see a bit of Jude in the nude and here I am pissing me sides at the conversation that has gone on in this thread.

You guys are totally off it. In a good way, may I add.

Anyhows, Jude has no worries in the size department, he looks kinda normal to me, though a little trim would be beneficial me thinks.

Smegma :rolleyes: :D Me sides hurt from laughing, seriously. :p

[electriclite]

(Lady E lies on the floor uncontrollably,convulsing with laughter while her friend types this)



Dick cheese!!!!


My little blue chip of intellectual opinion on the subject: As my aunt said in the Canadian strip club "If you're gonna bring that thing to me, you better pretty it up."

That applies to Jude and the waaaaaaay off topic conversion. ;)

[Nachokoolaid]

This has got to be one of the saddest threads I've ever seen.

Not because of the obvious debates over smegma or circumcision, but because of the fact that due to most people's opinion's in here, I think my girlfriend might have over exaggerated a bit when she said "*so* big."

(In Vader voice): NOOOOOOOO !!!!!

[GoldenGhost]

Aye, it's all pretty daft.

And those of you blokes who are shouting from the mountains "My cock's bigger than Jude Law's!" do me a favour, pull down your kegs, stand in front of a mirror and bend over slightly....lose any length?

And also, I don't mind seeing Law's flacid knob, but I wasn't too fond of the erect cocksucking and fucking on the right ;)





SMEGMA!!!

[xirtam]

Originally posted by C-Desecration-
I'll be the first guy to come in here, puff out his chest, and announce how much more enormous his manhood is than law's, and cry "Take that, successful movie star!".
I feel so macho.


...yeah, but you're also looking at nude pictures of jude law. :)

[bankholdup]

I bet even Hakari has a bigger penis than Jude Law!

[A.J. Hakari]

Originally posted by bankholdup
I bet even Hakari has a bigger penis than Jude Law!

But not even I know Shania Twain. Law still has that against me. Bastard.