"Heart-stopping"

[Lazy Boy]

Critical blurbs never tend to bother me. I'm used to seeing Earl Dittman or Clay Smith or Jim Ferguson pop up with useless quotes. However, there is one phrase that sorta irks me.

Heart-stopping.

Seriously, every thriller or adventure flick usually has ONE quote with that phrase. Which leads me to think:

1. The critic in question who writes that seriously needs to get checked out by their doctor. If they have some sort of condition that sets their heart out of whack, please, prescribe them some pills they can take to help out with that.

2. Am I gonna walk out of this theater alive?? I'm skeptical about getting a ticket to see Into the Blue, but now that it has "heart stopping" as one of its praises, I'm afraid looking at Jessica Alba's cleavage will stop my heart for a few seconds, and I might not recover.

That's my useless little rant of the day.

[Mr-Blonde]

Oooh I hate that one. A completely overused phrase for generally mediocre movies.

Other cliche movie blurbs I hate:

"Magnificent!"

"Visionary"

"A tour-de-force!"

"Heart-warming"

"(Insert name) does it again!"

[RustyRazor]

I can't remember where I read this, but I found it hilarious.

When reviewing a movie, a review that says

"LINDSAY LOHAN'S PERFORMANCE IN "HERBIE FULLY LOADED" WAS JAW DROPPINLGY WORST THING IN THEATERS TODAY! THEY'VE TAKEN ONE OF THE BEST AND MOST BELOVED CHILDREN'S MOVIES IN THE LAST FEW YEARS AND TURNED INTO SOMETHING PREDICTABLE AND UNWATCHABLE"

can be chopped up into

Lindsay Lohan in "Herbie Fully Loaded":

Rex Masters from the Chicago Sun Times says:

"JAW DROPPING (CHOP)...ONE OF THE BEST (CHOP) CHILDREN'S MOVIES IN THE LAST FEW YEARS (CHOP)!"

It explains a lot about these reviews and why Adam Sloakine of the Aborigine Falls Tribune in Australia are the only ones that review movies
of such a poor stature that all they can do is THIS or hurl those buzzwords at it.

[Lazy Boy]

LOL

That's priceless.

[ChemicalRomance]

"_____ GET'S EVERYTHING RIGHT!"

[Lazy Boy]

"The Oscar season has begun!"

Yeah, but if many of these so-called "Oscar-worthy" films were released in February or March, no one would give a shit, since most of them would be seen as pretenders, not contenders.

[bigred760]

I hate it when these blurbs and adjectives come up from reviewers that nobody's ever heard of. People from radio stations and small town newspaper and magazines. Like we're supposed to care about the opinion from Joe Schmoe from the Hickville Press. I hate that.

[Jamesadin]

The best (genre) movie since (whatever).

EXAMPLE.

"Tears of the Sun is the best war movie since Black Hawk Down!"

[Lazy Boy]

I remember when critics were saying The Sixth Sense was the best horror movie since The Exorcist.

WTF?

[Badbird]

"EYE POPPING!"

And how is that a good thing?

Jaw dropping, astounding, spectacular, even heart stopping all make sense and sound fine, but fucking EYE POPPING? EYE POPPING?!?

Why not just say "You'll have a Donkey-Punchingly good time!"

And it's not so bad anymore, but back in the mid-late 90s, the term "Slam Bang" got tossed around a lot. I hate that shit.

[Psychocandy]

My pet hate is the phrase High Octane being (over)used to describe how explosive an action movie is. Like "SPEED!!! IT'S A HIGH OCTANE BLAST!!!"

Oh...is it? Fuck right off. Now.

[eljefe15]

The one I hate is "the feel good movie of the year!" I hope I never meet the cocksucker that invented that phrase. Motherfucker's gonna make me catch a case! :mad:

Peace...

[adamjohnson]

Nothing.. will prepare you... for the fear... of the FOG.

I really doubt that somehow,

[RustyRazor]

JAW DROPPING! (Ow! Pick that up for me, would you?)
BLOOD CURDLING! (Do you know the conditions it takes to do that?)
PULSE POUNDING! (...what does that mean exactly? Like when you can feel your pulse? I can feel it right now. It pounds pretty quickly when I run upstairs or...do other things;) )
VISUALLY STUNNING! (Is that like punching someone in the eye? How about the jackass news reporter that comes up with this shit?)

[mr_eff]

"LINDSAY LOHAN'S PERFORMANCE IN "HERBIE FULLY LOADED" WAS JAW DROPPINLGY WORST THING IN THEATERS TODAY! THEY'VE TAKEN ONE OF THE BEST AND MOST BELOVED CHILDREN'S MOVIES IN THE LAST FEW YEARS AND TURNED INTO SOMETHING PREDICTABLE AND UNWATCHABLE"

can be chopped up into

"JAW DROPPING (CHOP)...ONE OF THE BEST (CHOP) CHILDREN'S MOVIES IN THE LAST FEW YEARS (CHOP)!"


If you're gonna do that, you might as well just write "'Two Tumbs Up!' -Ebert & Roeper." They may not have said that about the movie you're promoting, but it is an accurate quote.

[Nara46]

when they were promoting FLIGHTPLAN, they overdid the thriller marketing.

" JODIE FOSTER ROCKS"
" AN EDGE OF YOUR SEAT THRILLER"
"BUCKLE UP AND HOLD ON"
" THE YEARS BEST THRILLER"



Its just stupid shit. Its a friken disney movie for crying out loud. Beuna Vista, Disney, same shit.

I wonder if studios just hire critics to praise their blockbusters sometimes because of the crap is soo generic, they think we need this pound style marketing to catch our attention. Just show us a good tv spot/ trailer, with the mystery or whatever its trying to market and dont pound it. Jodie Foster's face is enough to attract foster fans, and whatnot. You know what, anyone going into that movie knows she wont die, her child will live, and the bad people will loose. So wheres the suspense in that.

[SAI]

My least fave is alway the (insert genre) movie of the year. Particularly when I'ts still January