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View Full Version : Nobody likes Uwe Boll and his mom is fat

TrippingBalls
10-25-2005, 02:31 PM
I really hate Uwe Boll's movies. And reading some of the scoop on Bloodrayne, it looks like he's got another shitter on the hands.

Here's an interview with Mr. Boll on his upcoming movie Postal.

Guy: What's up with you Boll. You tryin to get down on dis white?
Uwe Boll: Hell yea, that's what's up. Is it dat fire?
Guy: Heh yea, you know me, only 90% cut.
Uwe Boll: Woooo! I took one bump and I am jacked up!
Guy: So what's up wit dat movie yo.
Uwe Boll: For my next movie Postal, I'm going to snort an 8-ball, drink some Red Bull, then drown myself in ink blotches and dance around on a stack of blank papers. The ink that lands on them will be the script for Postal.
Guy: Awesome!! I can't wait to see it!
Uwe Boll: DURRRRRRRRRRRR.

Fuck Uwe Boll and everything he stands for. I could write a better script than House of the Dead with my dick.
thedudeman69
10-25-2005, 02:38 PM
Oooook.

*backs slowly away from rant*
Squid Vicious
10-25-2005, 09:50 PM
Meh. I've never found Uwe Boll to be worthy of bitching about....
AceD
10-25-2005, 10:07 PM
As was just discussed in the "Jimmy Fallon must die" thread, you have the right not to like him, but I'm pretty sure he's the Hollywood director and we're the ones posting stuff about him online.

And leave everyone's Mom out of this. I don't find it funny at all, grow up.

"Fuck Uwe Boll and everything he stands for."

This is from IMDB: "As a child, he produced a number of short films on Super 8 and video before beginning his studies as a film director in Munich and Vienna. He also studied literature and economics in Cologne and Siegen. Uwe graduated from university in 1995 with a doctorate in literature. From 1995-2000, he was a producer and director with Taunus Film-Produktions GmbH. Boll is currently Chief Executive Officer of Boll Filmproduction and Distribution GmbH which he founded in 1992. In 2000 he founded Boll KG and continues to direct, write and produce feature films."

So apparently you are against hard work. Boll has made himself from nothing; filmmaking didn't fall into his lap he simply got off his butt and made stuff happen.
Weasel
10-25-2005, 10:43 PM
AceD, I understant your point, as I thought the first post was pretty stupid, but still, can you really say without laughing that Uwe Boll is a good director? Come on. I understand the fact that he studied film and that he got offof his ass to do something that he likes (and that's what's so sad about this, he really looks like he enjoys his job), but did you saw House of the Dead? That movie was terrible. I'm tryin to say this the most politely possible, but he is not a good director. Sorry.
bluesbrother965
10-25-2005, 11:34 PM
AceD, apparently you haven't heard about the suspicious German tax loophole. :D
AceD
10-25-2005, 11:45 PM
"AceD, I understant your point, as I thought the first post was pretty stupid, but still, can you really say without laughing that Uwe Boll is a good director? Come on. I understand the fact that he studied film and that he got offof his ass to do something that he likes (and that's what's so sad about this, he really looks like he enjoys his job), but did you saw House of the Dead? That movie was terrible. I'm tryin to say this the most politely possible, but he is not a good director. Sorry."

I agree. His movies are awful and I don't see any threads of even a sign of brilliancein his direction. My point is not that he is good, but it is that producers with money obviously think he has something to offer. Please don't think I think he's a good director. He may be the worst going. But he is going.
eljefe15
10-26-2005, 01:21 AM
Originally posted by TrippingBalls
I really hate Uwe Boll's movies. And reading some of the scoop on Bloodrayne, it looks like he's got another shitter on the hands.

Here's an interview with Mr. Boll on his upcoming movie Postal.

Guy: What's up with you Boll. You tryin to get down on dis white?
Uwe Boll: Hell yea, that's what's up. Is it dat fire?
Guy: Heh yea, you know me, only 90% cut.
Uwe Boll: Woooo! I took one bump and I am jacked up!
Guy: So what's up wit dat movie yo.
Uwe Boll: For my next movie Postal, I'm going to snort an 8-ball, drink some Red Bull, then drown myself in ink blotches and dance around on a stack of blank papers. The ink that lands on them will be the script for Postal.
Guy: Awesome!! I can't wait to see it!
Uwe Boll: DURRRRRRRRRRRR.

Fuck Uwe Boll and everything he stands for. I could write a better script than House of the Dead with my dick.

Fuck that, I thought his rant was funny. :D

Peace.
nebbit
10-26-2005, 06:29 AM
Originally posted by eljefe15
Fuck that, I thought his rant was funny. :D

Peace.

Me too http://bestsmileys.com/lol/10.gif
RustyRazor
10-26-2005, 08:15 AM
HOW FAT IS SHE?

Can someone point me in the direction of the "Sylvester Stallone can't direct either and his mom is a crazy f**kin' loon" thread?
TrippingBalls
10-27-2005, 03:29 PM
This is one example of why Uwe Boll sucks (http://www.joblo.com/index.php?id=9082)
RustyRazor
10-28-2005, 09:41 AM
So is it

"Uwe Boll should die"
and
"Nobody likes Jimmy Fallon and his mom is fat"?

I think some threads got crossed.
(That movie looks like a mess. Yeesh!:( )
MacReady
10-28-2005, 12:06 PM
Originally posted by AceD
My point is not that he is good, but it is that producers with money obviously think he has something to offer.

Uh, no they don't:

From Wikipedia
While under normal circumstances a director's movies could gross so little he's eventually shut out from every operating studio, Boll is exempt because he funds them under a loophole in German tax law that is supported by contributors and actually rewards movies that perform badly, via a writeoff at the end of the year.
RustyRazor
10-28-2005, 12:27 PM
What an unbelievable bastard.
Now, I DON'T like him AND his mother's so fat, she carries a DVD player as a pager!:mad: :D
bigred760
10-30-2005, 02:08 PM
What the hell does his mom have to do with his movies being crappy? Grow up for crying out loud. I haven't seen his movies or met his mom, but I'm pretty sure they have little to do with each other.
TrippingBalls
10-30-2005, 08:58 PM
Originally posted by bigred760
What the hell does his mom have to do with his movies being crappy? Grow up for crying out loud. I haven't seen his movies or met his mom, but I'm pretty sure they have little to do with each other.

Uwe Boll's mom is so fat, that whenever she backs up, her beeper goes off!
bigred760
10-30-2005, 10:42 PM
Originally posted by TrippingBalls
Uwe Boll's mom is so fat, that whenever she backs up, her beeper goes off!

Like I haven't heard that one before.
RustyRazor
10-31-2005, 09:41 AM
When she broke her leg, gravy poured out?
She's so fat, she has to wake up in sections?
She's so fat, you need an aerial view to take her picture?

(I'm going retro, BigRed.):)
TrippingBalls
10-31-2005, 11:11 AM
Only a bedwetter could make a movie as horrible as House of the Dead then decide to make a 3 hour epic based on Dungeon Siege.

I don't even think Uwe Boll is a fan of videogames. Nobody in Hollywood plays videogames. I mean, look at the games they base movies on. Mario Bros, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, Double Dragon, Tomb Raider, Doom, Resident Evil. Out of all of these, Resident Evil is the only one that had a storyline that could have translated well into a movie. Too bad Paul Anderson decided to fuck it up and change it completely (movie still rocked though).

There are plenty of games out there with decent, if not great, storylines. You have Silent Hill (being made into a movie), Metal Gear Solid, Grand Theft Auto, Half Life. Yet Uwe Boll thinks the best narratives belong in such highly masterful works of storytelling such as House of the Dead, Bloodrayne, Dungeon Siege, and Postal. Yes, Uwe Boll enjoys his job and he's very passionate about movies and pseudo-good/generic videogames. I wouldn't be surprised if he decided that Tetris or Madden 06 would translate into compelling films. Hell, he could make a romantic comedy starring Whoopie Goldberg and a ferret who join forces to battle the evil corporation that sells poisonous crackers to old people, and he'd get away with calling it Crash Bandicoot. "well see, I didn't want to redo the game, but I made a new fresh story that existed within the game's universe and themes."

In short, Uwe Boll may be a nice guy outside of the film industry, but in the film industry, he's nothing but a big doodoo-head who lacks the mental capacity to craft a compelling story or anything that even resembles "entertaining". I mean, he fucked up a movie with zombies, gore, and tits for fuck's sake. How the hell can you fuck up a simple, brainless, yet fun concept like that?

Uwe Boll exists so people like Stephen Sommers, Michael Bay, Rob Cohen, and David Lynch can sleep easy at night and feel better about themselves.

I don't even know why people still hire Uwe Boll to direct movies. Hiring Uwe Boll to direct a movie is like handing a monkey with down syndrome your car keys and telling him to park your car. It's just common sense.
Andrew Ratto
10-31-2005, 04:09 PM
.
arto_j
10-31-2005, 04:27 PM
How exactly do you lump in David Lynch with Michael Bay and Rob Cohen?
jaw2929
10-31-2005, 07:09 PM
I've really only seen House of the Dead, and I quite enjoyed it... I'm one of the few, I know... The rest of his movies I've not bothered, they all looked like giant shite-clods :p
AceD
11-01-2005, 02:13 AM
"Uh, no they don't:


quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From Wikipedia
While under normal circumstances a director's movies could gross so little he's eventually shut out from every operating studio, Boll is exempt because he funds them under a loophole in German tax law that is supported by contributors and actually rewards movies that perform badly, via a writeoff at the end of the year."

You're right, but they still need to find a distributer, actors, etc. Somewhere along the line a lot of people are willing to work with him. And no one here has directed a movie that's been picked up by a distributer, as far as I know.
Scorpio24
11-01-2005, 08:04 AM
I fucked Uwe Boll's mother once. When we finshed I rolled over twice and I was still on the bitch.




Sorry couldn't resisit.
RustyRazor
11-01-2005, 11:58 AM
Originally posted by Scorpio24
I fucked Uwe Boll's mother once. When we finshed I rolled over twice and I was still on the bitch.




Sorry couldn't resisit.


Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about! Good goin', Scorpio!:D
Scorpio24
11-01-2005, 01:28 PM
Originally posted by RustyRazor
Yeah! That's what I'm talkin' about! Good goin', Scorpio!:D

YEAH!!!! Fuck it.:D

Uwe Boll's mother is so fat, trying to find her wet spot is like trying to find a dry spot in the ocean

She's so fat I used to go surfuing with her. I'd slap her thigh and ride the wave.
syxxpac
11-01-2005, 02:22 PM
http://www.danger-seekers.com/top5/images/desseqboyscout.gif
"She's so fat her high school picture was an aerial photograph..."
RustyRazor
11-01-2005, 02:55 PM
Originally posted by syxxpac
http://www.danger-seekers.com/top5/images/desseqboyscout.gif
"She's so fat her high school picture was an aerial photograph..."



:D The fat mama jokes are alive and kicking!
TrippingBalls
11-03-2005, 01:17 PM
Originally posted by arto_j
How exactly do you lump in David Lynch with Michael Bay and Rob Cohen?

David Lynch isn't as bad as Uwe Boll but he's just as dillusional. David Lynch makes movies with inane storylines that only he understands, and Uwe Boll rips off of every other director to make movies that only he finds hip and entertaining.
Scorpio24
11-03-2005, 02:49 PM
Originally posted by syxxpac
http://www.danger-seekers.com/top5/images/desseqboyscout.gif
"She's so fat her high school picture was an aerial photograph..."

Yea I was hoping to push that through without notice.:D