My Horror Screenplay

[Sparky2000]

Hi guys,

I was wondering if anyone would be willing to take a gander at my recently completed horror screenplay. It's not too terribly long and it has its problems but I was hoping some of you could help me identify and flesh some of those out.

Anyway, it's about an up and coming band whose on their way to play a show when they break down and get stranded in the woods. They stumble upon an old hunting house and unleash some blood thirsty demons. I'd compare it to "That Thing You Do" mixed with "Evil Dead".

I posted the script on an angelfire site: http://www.angelfire.com/film2/bloodydisgusting/

Thanks!

[Freezing Moon]

Hi Sparky,

Even though I am not a writing genius, I think the set-up takes way too many pages. Many readers expect the inciting event within the first 10-15 pages.

There also seems to be alot of "talking heads". One of the core rules of screenplays is "show, don't tell".

You might be better off posting this in the main screenwriting/filmaking forum, as there are people there with way more knowledge than myself that can help you more.

[Funk-Monkey]

nothing exciting happened by page 10 to 15 so i stopped reading. word of advice....start your protagonist off in a crisis situation to grab your reader immediately. a good example is how scream started off in the first 10 minutes. there was a lotta suspense followed by action right off the bat.