darchangel
10-27-2005, 02:31 PM
okay...since i work at a theater, it's time for me to make the ultimate bitch list about stupid ass customers.
if you find yourself doing ANY of the things mentioned on this list (or any variation thereof) please immediately stop, walk out of the theater, and kick your own ass in the parking lot.
Theater Manifesto
Article 1- Yes, the prices on tickets/concessions ARE the price listed on the wall-sized menu. Don't ask if that's really the price or bitch to the attendants about the prices. It's not their fault.
Article 2- Don't make lame jokes about being a senior citizen/child/handicapped person to get a discount; it only makes the box office worker think "Damn, you are one cheap, lame son of a bitch". Alternately, don't lie about being a child/senior/handicapped person to get a discount. It pisses us off.
Article 3- If you're not old enough to get into an R-rated movie, TOUGH FUCKING LUCK!!! Don't scream choice profanities at the attendants, try to sneak in, or get your halfwit mother/father/grandparent to come in and raise hell. You're not going to get into the movie that way; you will, however, ensure to piss off everyone working and they'll be watching you like a hawk.
Article 4- If you show up five minutes into the previews to a really popular movie (read: Harry Potter) and expect to get a ticket, then you must have been late because you were smoking crack in your car. Don't scream at people like it's their fault the movie is sold out. It just makes you look ignorant.
Article 5- If you don't know what a movie is about/what time it starts/why it's rated what it's rated, then why do you expect us to know? Also, we aren't mandatorily forced to watch every film that comes through our theater, so don't ask me if "The Cave" was a good movie.
Article 6- No, you don't get a refund on your popcorn, candy and drinks because your movie messed up. You already got your tickets refunded, so get over it.
Article 7- If we're out of something you want behind the concession stand, please feel free to keep it to yourself. Nobody cares that you really wanted sour gummi worms and there are no more. Also, if you don't see machines that would facilitate the making/storing of hot dogs/slurpees/dippin' dots/pretzels/pizza and they're not on the wall-sized menu, then don't ask about them. We don't have them.
Article 8- We have no control over the games/photo machines in the lobby, hence the signs posted on the machines that give you a number to call for a refund of your money. We don't do refunds, so don't get snippy and say you're not going to a call a number for fifty cents. If you aren't willing to call someone and tell them you're a cheap bastard, you shoudn't be willing to put it on me either.
Article 9- If you must be under the age of 18, don't act like a moron to show off for your friends. You just look stupid.
Article 10- When you're finished in the movie, please pick up your trash. Don't leave your cups in the cup holders, your popcorn in the floor, your used tampon in the seat or your chewing tobacco cup in the aisle. I'm not your mother, and I don't feel like having to clean up your piggish ways.
Side Note of Article 10- We have janitorial staff to clean the bathrooms, and you wouldn't have to complain about how nasty they are if your fellow humans weren't disgusting creatures hell bent on destruction of public restrooms. Talk to your obnoxious 14-year-old sons about why the bathroom looks like someone pissed on the walls.
Article 11- For all of you who think it sounds uber-sexy to fuck in a theater: DON'T. I don't want to have to poke you with the end of a broom and shout, "Excuse me, sir. Could you please pull your pants up and stop gyrating on your girlfriend, please!?" Plus, it's pretty goddamned gross in those seats; I wouldn't recommend it.
Thank You and Enjoy Your Movie
Free Drinks and Breasty Hugs
~darchangel~
if you find yourself doing ANY of the things mentioned on this list (or any variation thereof) please immediately stop, walk out of the theater, and kick your own ass in the parking lot.
Theater Manifesto
Article 1- Yes, the prices on tickets/concessions ARE the price listed on the wall-sized menu. Don't ask if that's really the price or bitch to the attendants about the prices. It's not their fault.
Article 2- Don't make lame jokes about being a senior citizen/child/handicapped person to get a discount; it only makes the box office worker think "Damn, you are one cheap, lame son of a bitch". Alternately, don't lie about being a child/senior/handicapped person to get a discount. It pisses us off.
Article 3- If you're not old enough to get into an R-rated movie, TOUGH FUCKING LUCK!!! Don't scream choice profanities at the attendants, try to sneak in, or get your halfwit mother/father/grandparent to come in and raise hell. You're not going to get into the movie that way; you will, however, ensure to piss off everyone working and they'll be watching you like a hawk.
Article 4- If you show up five minutes into the previews to a really popular movie (read: Harry Potter) and expect to get a ticket, then you must have been late because you were smoking crack in your car. Don't scream at people like it's their fault the movie is sold out. It just makes you look ignorant.
Article 5- If you don't know what a movie is about/what time it starts/why it's rated what it's rated, then why do you expect us to know? Also, we aren't mandatorily forced to watch every film that comes through our theater, so don't ask me if "The Cave" was a good movie.
Article 6- No, you don't get a refund on your popcorn, candy and drinks because your movie messed up. You already got your tickets refunded, so get over it.
Article 7- If we're out of something you want behind the concession stand, please feel free to keep it to yourself. Nobody cares that you really wanted sour gummi worms and there are no more. Also, if you don't see machines that would facilitate the making/storing of hot dogs/slurpees/dippin' dots/pretzels/pizza and they're not on the wall-sized menu, then don't ask about them. We don't have them.
Article 8- We have no control over the games/photo machines in the lobby, hence the signs posted on the machines that give you a number to call for a refund of your money. We don't do refunds, so don't get snippy and say you're not going to a call a number for fifty cents. If you aren't willing to call someone and tell them you're a cheap bastard, you shoudn't be willing to put it on me either.
Article 9- If you must be under the age of 18, don't act like a moron to show off for your friends. You just look stupid.
Article 10- When you're finished in the movie, please pick up your trash. Don't leave your cups in the cup holders, your popcorn in the floor, your used tampon in the seat or your chewing tobacco cup in the aisle. I'm not your mother, and I don't feel like having to clean up your piggish ways.
Side Note of Article 10- We have janitorial staff to clean the bathrooms, and you wouldn't have to complain about how nasty they are if your fellow humans weren't disgusting creatures hell bent on destruction of public restrooms. Talk to your obnoxious 14-year-old sons about why the bathroom looks like someone pissed on the walls.
Article 11- For all of you who think it sounds uber-sexy to fuck in a theater: DON'T. I don't want to have to poke you with the end of a broom and shout, "Excuse me, sir. Could you please pull your pants up and stop gyrating on your girlfriend, please!?" Plus, it's pretty goddamned gross in those seats; I wouldn't recommend it.
Thank You and Enjoy Your Movie
Free Drinks and Breasty Hugs
~darchangel~