Dear HollyWood, The following cliches are Unfunny... [Archive]

EVILxxx

11-02-2005, 12:47 AM

Men fainting after a beautiful woman kisses them. You would think this little ditty would have worn out it's welcome after the first time it was attempted but nay. It is stronger than ever and remains as humorless.
Midgets Hey look, they have the heads of adults but the body size comparable to that of a six year old! Any move that takes itself halfway serious and includes unneeded little people loses it's cred in my opinion.
Nut shots How many differant ways can we see a man get hit in the nuts? Yeah we know it hurts but give another body part a try. The eye ball is a fertile territory.

MacReady

11-02-2005, 12:53 AM

That's it? These were good! I want more.

You looked like you were building up to something spectacular then suddenly it's "nah, 3's enough".

outsyder

11-02-2005, 01:05 AM

Hey, nut shots are always hilarious.

EVILxxx

11-02-2005, 01:08 AM

Originally posted by MacReady
That's it? These were good! I want more.

You looked like you were building up to something spectacular then suddenly it's "nah, 3's enough".

I'm trying. I want them to be worthy contenders. Feel free to add your own.

MacReady

11-02-2005, 01:30 AM

Originally posted by outsyder
Hey, nut shots are always hilarious.

No, their losing their charm. Years ago I used to be like Homer seeing Hans Moleman getting a football in the groin. Now I'm like the audience next to Homer.

Originally posted by EVILxxx
I'm trying. I want them to be worthy contenders. Feel free to add your own.

I've thought of opening a big rant that would have quite a few but I can only remember cliches a little after I've seen a movie that contain them. I'll have to start and hope I can spot that many in a long enough period.

Criminal Rock

11-02-2005, 01:40 AM

The only nut shot I found amusing was in the film Dumb and Dumber where Floyd used the waiters junk as a speed bag, then gnawed where it hurts the most…

EVILxxx

11-02-2005, 01:40 AM

Originally posted by outsyder
Hey, nut shots are always hilarious.

When getting hit in the balls happens regularly in Disney Movies, I think it is safe to say it has worn out it's welcome.

outsyder

11-02-2005, 01:55 AM

Originally posted by EVILxxx
When getting hit in the balls happens regularly in Disney Movies, I think it is safe to say it has worn out it's welcome.

They've kept America's Funniest Home Videos alive for over a decade.

EVILxxx

11-02-2005, 02:17 AM

Originally posted by outsyder
They've kept America's Funniest Home Videos alive for over a decade.

Yeah the people who made kept that show alive were real conasiours of comedy.

CyclicNightmare

11-02-2005, 09:39 AM

cocksmokinclerk

11-02-2005, 10:09 AM

jimmy fallon will never be funny, oh wait i'm in the wrong rant thread

bigred760

11-02-2005, 10:30 AM

Originally posted by EVILxxx
Nut shots How many differant ways can we see a man get hit in the nuts? Yeah we know it hurts but give another body part a try. The eye ball is a fertile territory.

I don't know about always being funny, but I laughed my ass off in the remake of The Longest Yard when Sandler nailed the ref in the nuts with the football. I thought it was hilarious.

Mr-Blonde

11-02-2005, 10:57 AM

Another overused unfunny movie cliche:

Men dressing up as women to get a job, get into a school, go undercover, etc....

This premise has been ran into the ground and humped dry of any potential enetertainment value.

Servo

11-02-2005, 04:00 PM

The nutshots can be funny most of the time, but I tell you what, I'll never get bored of "I LANDED ON MY KEYS!" there's gold in that and it's something that needs to be explored.

Criminal Rock

11-02-2005, 04:49 PM

Here's another cliche: an inmate fakes death, or an illness, in order to trick the prison gaurds to come in and help him... but when they do, the inmate kills em’, then escapes.

how many times i’ve actually seen this is a question I can’t answer.

cocksmokinclerk

11-02-2005, 04:54 PM

Originally posted by Servo
The nutshots can be funny most of the time, but I tell you what, I'll never get bored of "I LANDED ON MY KEYS!" there's gold in that and it's something that needs to be explored.

OH HELLYEAH!!!! PLEASE USE THIS ONE MORE, when garth falls on his keys in waynes world i die everytime!!

jeo4

11-02-2005, 05:25 PM

The klutz - possibly the worst cliche' in film. It's been done too many times in every manner conceivable. And it isn't funny anymore.

The villain who won't die - How many times can a villain spring up for a last-second scare and be convincing?? Done to death and beyond.

Kids who are smarter than adults - In many films, kids make their adult counterparts look like complete imbeciles. It's not cute. It's not funny. And 99 times out of 100, it isn't true either.

Corny end-of-the-movie speeches - Once in a blue moon, they work well. Most of the time, they don't. Whether the hero is trying to butter up the girl and get back together, the villain is giving his last speech before the big showdown or a leading character is talking about how much life meant to them as their mangled body lays in a pile in front of the camera, this isn't just overdone, but it's hammed up more times than not.

Slow-motion shots - Stupid. All of them.

Backstabba

11-02-2005, 06:10 PM

"Yo muthafucka"
"Whats with him?"
"He thinks hes black"....
.....
.....
:rolleyes:

Mr. Durp

11-02-2005, 07:45 PM

Originally posted by jeo4
The villain who won't die - How many times can a villain spring up for a last-second scare and be convincing?? Done to death and beyond.

Slow-motion shots - Stupid. All of them.

the villain who won't die is one of the cliches i hate most. it's being way overdone.

as for slow motions shots, you can't say that all of them are stupid. if done artisticly and fitting to the story, they can be very effective. i love the slo-mo's at the end of wes anderson's movies.

and the white guy/black guy relationship, where the white guy is a complete square who has no clue, and the black guy can do nothing but shake his head. then the white guy starts acting black. i've had just about enough of that one.

by the way, nut shots and midgets are always good in my book.

Brando @$$ Fat

11-02-2005, 08:39 PM

Here are some of the worst....

When a really fast automobile quickly flies by and some schmuck spectator says "I got to get me one of those!!!

Obnoxious black females who intrude on some sort of meeting of rich white folks.

A loud, rude male chauvanist who "shockingly" cheats on his protagonist girlfriend at the beginning of the film.

Samuel L. Jackson

EVILxxx

11-03-2005, 12:28 AM

Women knocking men out with a single punch
At the risk of sounding "unPC" there are virtually no untrained females who can knock out a man, especially in one shot. And even if they were trained the outcome is still very unlikely, rediculous, and (when used for comedic purposes) unfunny.

Dead Halloween

11-03-2005, 09:36 PM

-Small town guy/girl/family moves to the big city. He/She/They don't feel comfotable in the Big City. In the end He/She/They realize how they miss their old life the and He/She/They return to the small town.

-"The rules doesn't say nothing that [INSERT ANIMAL SPECIES] can't play [INSERT SPORT]!"

HedwigX

11-04-2005, 01:22 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Durp
the white guy/black guy relationship, where the white guy is a complete square who has no clue, and the black guy can do nothing but shake his head. then the white guy starts acting black. i've had just about enough of that one.

Virtually the only movie where this works is Silver Streak with Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder.

More...

(Insert question here) "You don't wanna know..."
(Yeah, that's right, they asked for no fucking reason, you fuckwit)

OMG, the villain's related to me...
(This is either used to sort of spoil an otherwise good film like Austin Powers 3 or just for some retarded reason like Thunderbirds, which I had the misfortune of catching on Sky the other week)

"Hey, I can't do this any more, I have to give up my powers/immortality for the person/people I love"
(OK, so it works in Superman II, Spider-Man 2 and with Arwen in LotR, but it's still a bit rubbish. I was worried for a while that Legend of Zorro would use the same formula cos of the trailer)

Movies starring big Hollywood action stars in roles that are totally different from their usual genres
(The Pacifier. Nuff said.)

Mr-Blonde

11-04-2005, 01:42 PM

The Hooker With the Heart of Gold: All of the prostitutes presented in films are actually nice down to Earth folks that somehow got trapped in their lifestyle. I have yet to see Hollywood portray prostitutes accurately as crazy batshit drug addicts, venereal warts and all.

Sentient Animals: Every Hollywood film assumes that animals think and reason just like we do. Not only that but many are imbued with witty oneliners and exude enough charisma that they would do extremely well on the comedy circuit if humans could only understand them. Apparently many animals are also media afficiendos that constantly make funny pop-culture references.

jaw2929

11-04-2005, 07:49 PM

Originally posted by Mr. Durp
the villain who won't die is one of the cliches i hate most. it's being way overdone.

Totally agree... The movie that was the MOST guilty of this, would have to be Hollow Man...

Just because you're fucking INVISIBLE does NOT make you "Invincible".....

:rolleyes:

edonline

11-05-2005, 06:58 PM

When a single gal is down and depressed or if she needs helps in getting back at an old boyfriend, there's always one person on whom she can rely... her gay best friend!

robk

11-05-2005, 07:19 PM

One film cliche I DETEST, and which was seen in films such as Wedding Crashers and Titanic, is when the object of the hero's desires is already spoken for, but, as luck:rolleyes: would have it, she's attached to a complete jerk; thus ensuring that the audience will root for the hero to win her heart by film's end.

Can't we for once have a man who falls in love with a woman who's attached to a DECENT fellow?

Duke Nukem

11-05-2005, 07:45 PM

Originally posted by robk
One film cliche I DETEST, and which was seen in films such as Wedding Crashers and Titanic, is when the object of the hero's desires is already spoken for, but, as luck:rolleyes: would have it, she's attached to a complete jerk; thus ensuring that the audience will root for the hero to win her heart by film's end.

Can't we for once have a man who falls in love with a woman who's attached to a DECENT fellow?

See "The Notebook." That movie breaks that cliche.

Criminal Rock

11-05-2005, 09:44 PM

A man walking away from an explosion (in slow motion) that erupts behind him… wait a sec, I actually like that one.

Spidey

11-06-2005, 01:49 PM

- When your name is Jean-Claude Van Damme you have to wait till the very end of the movie to use a 360 degree spinning kick. Never use that kick in the beginning of a fight ;)

- When a bad guy is standing across the road and the hero is chasing him , a bus passes by and the bad guy has suddenly dissappeared in thin air.

cocksmokinclerk

11-07-2005, 12:27 AM

Originally posted by Brando @$$ Fat
Samuel L. Jackson

oh c'mon, jk he sucks nowadays

BTW THIS THREAD AND RANT AND TOPIC AND WTVR OTHER WORDS I COULD USE KICKS ASS!!

The Heart Collector

11-07-2005, 01:32 AM

Originally posted by Mr-Blonde
Sentient Animals: Every Hollywood film assumes that animals think and reason just like we do. Not only that but many are imbued with witty oneliners and exude enough charisma that they would do extremely well on the comedy circuit if humans could only understand them. Apparently many animals are also media afficiendos that constantly make funny pop-culture references.

ITS A COMEDY

coconut84

11-07-2005, 04:35 AM

"Funny" sidekicks I'm so sick and tired of those. Usually the film would be just ok if there wasn't one (or if the "funny" sidekick experienced a horrible death in the beginnig of the film ;) )

Mr-Blonde

11-07-2005, 10:54 AM

Originally posted by The Heart Collector
ITS A COMEDY

That doesn't mean it doesn't suck.

EVILxxx

11-07-2005, 11:47 AM

Rob Scnieder turning into things, i.e. jiggalos, animals, chicks, and the like.

thedudeman69

11-07-2005, 05:57 PM

Originally posted by EVILxxx
Rob Scnieder turning into things, i.e. jiggalos, animals, chicks, and the like.

Be happy that he doesn't turn into a giant inflatible penis and starts humping a vagina.

cocksmokinclerk

11-07-2005, 06:54 PM

Originally posted by EVILxxx
Rob Scnieder turning into things, i.e. jiggalos, animals, chicks, and the like.

or staplers, or carrots, or kenny, or derp da durp tumtaliddy tum ta dum

Jamesadin

11-07-2005, 07:29 PM

Originally posted by Brando @$$ Fat

Samuel L. Jackson

Snakes on a Plane, man!

X-Nightcrawler

11-07-2005, 08:38 PM

EVILxxx

11-07-2005, 09:05 PM

Originally posted by cocksmokinclerk
or staplers, or carrots, or kenny, or derp da durp tumtaliddy tum ta dum

Nice.

B1rd_Po0p

11-07-2005, 09:24 PM

Don't forget the one where the hero is surrounded by goons who charge him - one at a TIME, mind you - and proceed to get pummeled so the next goon can run in and get HIS assed kicked. Why don't they all just rush him??

I also hate it when EVERYONE knows Kung Fu moves... I know maybe two people who actually know any kind of martial arts...

coconut84

11-08-2005, 02:16 AM

And it evidently might take a bit more than a montage to learn kung fu so well that you can kick some master's ass... :D

therealjohng

11-08-2005, 03:44 PM

Originally posted by MacReady
No, their losing their charm. Years ago I used to be like Homer seeing Hans Moleman getting a football in the groin. Now I'm like the audience next to Homer.

That's the only scene of a guy getting hit in the nuts that I've fallen to the floor laughing about.

"Homer, what do you vote for?"

"Man getting hit in nuts with football!!"

Fucking priceless.

Dom Shady

11-08-2005, 05:07 PM

Originally posted by B1rd_Po0p
Don't forget the one where the hero is surrounded by goons who charge him - one at a TIME, mind you - and proceed to get pummeled so the next goon can run in and get HIS assed kicked. Why don't they all just rush him??

Probably cuz it's dishonorable. Even Kung Fu goons have honor.

Bonham

11-08-2005, 05:37 PM

To quote Tuco Ramirez, "When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk."

I always hate when somebody just aims a gun at someone instead of shooting them. Good guys, as well as bad guys are guilty of this. The one that most upset me was in Saw with the woman. Jesus Christ!!! Kill the psycho before he kills you moron.

TATU

11-08-2005, 08:13 PM

Originally posted by Dom Shady
Probably cuz it's dishonorable. Even Kung Fu goons have honor.

Goons have no honor, that's why they're called goons.

therealjohng

11-09-2005, 12:26 AM

Originally posted by TATU
Goons have no honor, that's why they're called goons.

Funny as hell line, yet true.

Danger^Cart

11-09-2005, 05:15 AM

Corny end-of-the-movie speeches - Once in a blue moon, they work well. Most of the time, they don't. Whether the hero is trying to butter up the girl and get back together, the villain is giving his last speech before the big showdown or a leading character is talking about how much life meant to them as their mangled body lays in a pile in front of the camera, this isn't just overdone, but it's hammed up more times than not.

Hey...way of the gun kicks ass dude, lets not be hatin'.

A few friends and I do a local radio show, and one episode featured our "AWESOME UBER HOLLYWOOD EXTRAVAGANZA TO END ALL MOVIES SUMMED UP IN ONE LONG NONSENSE WORD!" To give a rough plot outline and highlights, it involved pirate ninja's from krypton, gay hobbits, Freddi Kruger and his recent partner in suck Jason Varhees, Muppets with emotional problems, Joel Schumacher dying repeatedly, and of course, sam jackson. We all did our voice impersonations, poorly, of such actors as ben afleck (which my friend summed up as "duuur, duuuuuur, im ben afleck duuuurrrr, i suck duuuuurrrrr")
Jar Jar Binks (I did this one, most memorably a scene like this "meeeesa ja ja binks, meeesa....oh god, im sorry i cant do this anymore, i gotta...i gotta go..." *Gunshot sound effect* and yes he was credited as ahmed best)
and of course sam jackson, whos most memorable quote was "IM SAM JACKSON, AND IM HAVIN A BABAY!" This is undoubtedly lost on all of you, and i must sound either retarded or psychotic, so I'll shut up now.

However, I would just like to make a point that without these cliche's you guys HATE, normal things you dont mind would have to be over-compensated, and turn into cliche's themselves. Its a vicous cycle, so bite the bullet and deal, and remember that the *insert cliche here* scene, can always be replaced by an original idea you like, and ruin it. BLAH.

EVILxxx

11-17-2005, 02:18 PM

Stop saving the fucking dog! Sure Spike might have been a loving member of the family, but he isn't worth driving through hot lava, or braving a crowd of zombies.

TheDeadWalk

11-17-2005, 02:42 PM

Originally posted by Bonham
To quote Tuco Ramirez, "When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk."

I always hate when somebody just aims a gun at someone instead of shooting them. Good guys, as well as bad guys are guilty of this. The one that most upset me was in Saw with the woman. Jesus Christ!!! Kill the psycho before he kills you moron.

It's annoying sometimes yes, but it's a formula that tests the goodness inside of a character.

Tuco was a piece of shit, so he shot without question. He has no morales.

The woman in Saw did, and still found it difficult to shoot another human being who became defenseless and at her whim. She did not like the situation, she just wanted the perpetrator to go away now that she had a gun.

Clichematic formula, with often the same results. The best comparison to Saw other than Tuco would be a character in the climax of "A Simple Plan".

Mr.HyDe807

11-18-2005, 11:53 PM

When the good guy has the bad guy who did all thius shit to him{killed his girlfriend, family, pooped on his lawn}, and doesnt fucking kill him! I know "it wont solve anything and he ll be in more pain", but come on! Your gonna be in more pain knowing that you still have that asshole walking around, still alive!

Backstabba

11-19-2005, 12:05 AM

"You are so (insert adjective here) (insert name here)
"That is sooo notttt trueeee"
Something happens where the person does something, proving that the previous statement made by the character was completely wrong, hence, it is clever.

Or, extremely "clever" puns
"Im sure the premier is going to be.....a BLAST!"
......Ok demi moore, your smart, we now figured that out with that clever pun...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

Look! Theres the part wherea man/woman is dressed like a man/woman or a mexican/African American/ White person is dressed like a mexican/African American/White person, But they're not really a man/woman or Mexican/African American/ White....isn't that wacky??!??!!??

:rolleyes:

the_sneaker

12-29-2005, 12:02 AM

[INSERT BIG ACTION STAR] thought he left that life forever. But now he is coming back for one more job to save his [LIFE, GIRLFRIEND, DOG].

Martin Lawrence. Period.

< a c e >

12-29-2005, 02:58 AM

Cliches are cliches for a reason .

Because they tend to work more than once.

you know what the biggest cliches are?

Those fucking trailers.

especially the horror movie ones.

<-heartbeat (The fukd up voice over guy asking you what you would do if your biggest fears came true)--heavy breathing--single note screeching violin(more often than not, showing a shadow)--faster heart beats(VO:this summer)--breakdown--music bulding up to the climax of the trailer--SSSHHhhh...silence--ONE FINAL SCREAM--movie title-scream continues while showing the cast and crew card--THE END>