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View Full Version : Who the fuck is Uwe Boll???

AWP82
11-24-2005, 12:28 AM
I see so many bad references to him and his movies, but I have no clue who the hell he is, what his movies are, and why they're so bad apparently.

Anyone care to enlighten me?
Scarfather
11-24-2005, 12:38 AM
THOU SHALL NOT SPEAK THE NAME!!!

*hiss*
ChemicalRomance
11-24-2005, 12:52 AM
Best thread. ever?

But being honest, Uwe Boll is a "horror" "movie" "director" who is German. I put horror in quotes becuase his movies can't even be considered horror. I put movie in quotes because his atrocities of cellulouid aren't even really movies. And I put director in quotes because labeling him as a director proves that someone who was operating a camera with their ass can also be considered a director. Uwe has directed two of the biggest cinematic turds, possibly ever, with House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. Both based on videogames, people also hate him because he has this strange magnet inside him that draws all video games coming to movies into his hands.

He is in bidding for Far Cry, Metal Gear Solid, etc...you get the point. Another reason he is hated? The things he says. If you were to go on www.somethingawful.com and run a search on Uwe Boll, you could find yourself a funny story about two men who worked with him and lived to tell the funny thing the "wisdom-filled" Mr.Boll would say. But where you can harvest your true hate for this loser piece of shit is in reading the garbage that comes out of his mouth. He has made statements comparing himself to directors such as Sergio Leone and David Lynch. He even goes as far as to say that his movies are bombs becuase of "dumb audiences". Okay Uwe.

Further reading background information on him can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uwe_Boll

The story on SomethingAwful on the men who worked with him and lived to tell about it, can be found here: http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2649&p=

http://static.flickr.com/33/42921606_91f63703f7_o.jpg
Scarfather
11-24-2005, 12:57 AM
MY EYES!!! IT BURNS!!!

THOU SHALL NOT.. THOU.. THOU..

*gargles and dies*
outsyder
11-24-2005, 01:34 AM
Some questions are better left unanswered.
st3v3n
11-24-2005, 01:43 AM
that dude is downright ugly.
A.J. Hakari
11-24-2005, 03:15 AM
http://static.flickr.com/33/42921606_91f63703f7_o.jpg

"Howdy! I'm Satan!"
Dragonforce
11-24-2005, 03:27 AM
Uwe Boll is a genius. He uses a German tax loop hole to make money off of movie bombs.
HM Murdock
11-24-2005, 07:27 AM
Uwe Boll should team up with Michael Bay and make the world's worst 'based on/ripped off/ remake' movie! That would be the ultimate horror movie, for different reasons.

On a strange side note, up until now I had never seen Uwe Boll but for some strange reason I always imagined him to look like Urkel. God knows why, I just always pictured him to look like this:
http://www.viruete.com/articulos/fotos%20articulos/fotos%20cosas%20de%20casa/fm_urkel.jpg
Maybe it's the goofy name.
X-Nightcrawler
11-24-2005, 01:25 PM
Hey Uwe! How's your dealing with Hideo Kojima going?

http://static.flickr.com/33/42921606_91f63703f7_o.jpg

Tremble, gaming comunity.
syxxpac
11-24-2005, 02:36 PM
http://static.flickr.com/33/42921606_91f63703f7_o.jpg

You may not know this, but his other thumb is up his ass.
Digifruitella
11-24-2005, 03:03 PM
i just read that article on somethingawful. Hwhehe lol. I wonder who those writers were who passed on the script.
Tyler_Durden_208
11-24-2005, 04:13 PM
Originally posted by Digifruitella
i just read that article on somethingawful. Hwhehe lol. I wonder who those writers were who passed on the script.
Smart fucking people.
X-Nightcrawler
11-24-2005, 05:09 PM
Originally posted by Tyler_Durden_208
Smart fucking people. Well, not really smart. Just people with standard common sense.

Hilarious article though.
AWP82
11-24-2005, 09:48 PM
Heh...YOU GUYS are hilarious, and so is that pic!

Reading that article about him only makes me want to see his movies even more. Curiosity's gonna kill this cat.
X-Nightcrawler
11-24-2005, 10:15 PM
Originally posted by AWP82
Curiosity's gonna kill this cat. We can only wish. It'd take much more to kill Uwe Bol-

Oh wait, you meant . . . Huh, what do you know! All right then.
Wait! No, it's not all right! Stay away from his movies! Listen to the voice of us, the cursed people who have been eaten awhole by the monsters Uwe Boll has unleashed upon cinema.
AWP82
11-24-2005, 10:22 PM
Well, I do have a gold rewards membership at blockbuster, so maybe I'll snag one of his flicks as a free favorite (with any paid rental). At least I wouldn't have to pay for it.
Dragonforce
11-24-2005, 11:11 PM
He's not a bad director, he makes shit movies on purpose. He could be the greatest director ever and we wouldn't know it.

EDIT: What the fuck is up with this site? This post is supposed to be below that post
v
v
VictimOfChanges
11-24-2005, 11:11 PM
I think he is a very FUCKING bad director
KcMsterpce
11-24-2005, 11:20 PM
Originally posted by AWP82
Well, I do have a gold rewards membership at blockbuster, so maybe I'll snag one of his flicks as a free favorite (with any paid rental). At least I wouldn't have to pay for it.

Oh, but you WILL pay for it... in the tears of blood and screams that you will make while watching it! :D
X-Nightcrawler
11-24-2005, 11:24 PM
Originally posted by Dragonforce
He's not a bad director, he makes shit movies on purpose. He could be the greatest director ever and we wouldn't know it.

EDIT: What the fuck is up with this site? This post is supposed to be below that post
v
v Nah he . . . he's a very bad director.
A.J. Hakari
11-25-2005, 12:05 AM
Having sat through Boll's two crappy video game-based flicks, I actually went and checked out one of his "normal" movies, HEART OF AMERICA, to see how he did with other material. It was just as shoddy and shitty as HOUSE OF THE DEAD and ALONE IN THE DARK, and, in certain respects, it was even worse. Just imagine Uwe Boll taking on Columbine/school shootings and boiling it all down to a whiny kid going, "No one likes me. I'm gonna kill some people."

You know you're in trouble when Clint Howard gives the movie's best performance.
X-Nightcrawler
11-25-2005, 12:14 AM
Originally posted by Adam J. Hakari
Having sat through Boll's two crappy video game-based flicks, I actually went and checked out one of his "normal" movies, HEART OF AMERICA, to see how he did with other material. It was just as shoddy and shitty as HOUSE OF THE DEAD and ALONE IN THE DARK, and, in certain respects, it was even worse. Just imagine Uwe Boll taking on Columbine/school shootings and boiling it all down to a whiny kid going, "No one likes me. I'm gonna kill some people."

You know you're in trouble when Clint Howard gives the movie's best performance. Braver than me you are, AJ.
KcMsterpce
11-25-2005, 01:03 AM
I didn't know HEART OF AMERICA was available on Netflix... WOOHOO!

OMG, I'm a scary moron to put it to the top of my queue. I'm so sadistic.
A.J. Hakari
11-25-2005, 01:08 AM
Originally posted by KcMsterpce
I didn't know HEART OF AMERICA was available on Netflix... WOOHOO!

OMG, I'm a scary moron to put it to the top of my queue. I'm so sadistic.

And yet you look at my recommendation for HAMMETT and go, "Eh, not right now."...Tsk, tsk...
AJAX
11-25-2005, 01:14 AM
http://static.flickr.com/33/42921606_91f63703f7_o.jpg

He looks like Oliver Stone with down syndrome.

And he looks an aweful like the guy from the band UB40.

http://www.mtv.com/news/photos/l/live8_london_050702/ub40.jpg
ChemicalRomance
11-25-2005, 01:14 AM
I'd like to pat myself on the back for finding said picture.
KcMsterpce
11-25-2005, 01:34 AM
Originally posted by Adam J. Hakari
And yet you look at my recommendation for HAMMETT and go, "Eh, not right now."...Tsk, tsk...

haha. I am a bad person, I know. I'll add it right now! :D
(Number 311 on my list... sigh...)
HM Murdock
11-25-2005, 04:54 AM
Why do I get the feeling that the picture shows the extent of Uwe Boll's opinion on what goes down in his movies. Someone asks him if he wants to direct a movie based on Tetris and that's the silent reply he gives, a goofy smile and a thumbs up:

http://static.flickr.com/33/42921606_91f63703f7_o.jpg

The guy looks as if he'd say yes to anything. Kind of reminds me of Matt Damon in Team America.
KillerKlown
11-25-2005, 08:18 AM
Originally posted by ChemicalRomance
I'd like to pat myself on the back for finding said picture.



So would Uwe:

http://static.flickr.com/33/42921606_91f63703f7_o.jpg
"Thanks for finding my picture, ChemicalRomance. I've taken my thumb out of my ass just for this occasion."
X-Nightcrawler
11-25-2005, 02:59 PM
Originally posted by AJAX
He looks like Oliver Stone with down syndrome. Well . . . he kinda IS like Olvier Stone with the down syndrome. Minus talent, of course.

So what, should we call a mod and tell them to change the thread's title to "Make fun of Uwe Boll HERE"? :D
Bogey93'
11-26-2005, 05:22 AM
I never saw a uwe boll film but after i saw the bloodrayne trailers i realized that such a bad movie i nevr knew could exist actually existed. I might see the film so i can get some big laughs. By the way anybody by the name of uwe boll who keeps adapting video games is someone to laugh at, don't ya think?:p
James Logan
11-27-2005, 12:15 AM
Hey, hey, hey. No one bash Uwe Boll. He has a social purpose. He's the guy who makes us film students and aspiring filmmakers hope that, "hey, if that hack can do it, so can I!".

Someone's gotta do it. He just happens to be, well, it. The guy who's so bad but for some reason still gets jobs that it gives faith to everyone else.
AWP82
11-27-2005, 12:39 AM
Originally posted by James Logan
Hey, hey, hey. No one bash Uwe Boll. He has a social purpose. He's the guy who makes us film students and aspiring filmmakers hope that, "hey, if that hack can do it, so can I!".

Someone's gotta do it. He just happens to be, well, it. The guy who's so bad but for some reason still gets jobs that it gives faith to everyone else.

Fuckin' A! That's how I've felt about M. Night Shyamalan since Unbreakable. I don't know if I'd call Shyamalan a hack though.
Bogey93'
11-27-2005, 02:15 AM
Originally posted by James Logan
Hey, hey, hey. No one bash Uwe Boll. He has a social purpose. He's the guy who makes us film students and aspiring filmmakers hope that, "hey, if that hack can do it, so can I!".

Someone's gotta do it. He just happens to be, well, it. The guy who's so bad but for some reason still gets jobs that it gives faith to everyone else.

Well that is true. If he can do it than i can definitely do it and I'm only almost 13 years old.
TrippingBalls
11-27-2005, 11:15 AM
I actually liked Heart of America.
KcMsterpce
11-27-2005, 11:17 AM
Originally posted by TrippingBalls
I actually liked Heart of America.

I have it in my hands right now! I was going to start it in the next few minutes! Woah!

I haven't seen ELEPHANT, but after HoA, I should check that one out, too. :eek:
Fisting Ackbar
11-27-2005, 12:26 PM
Originally posted by Adam J. Hakari
I actually went and checked out one of his "normal" movies, HEART OF AMERICA, to see how he did with other material. It was just as shoddy and shitty as HOUSE OF THE DEAD and ALONE IN THE DARK, and, in certain respects, it was even worse.

You know you're in trouble when Clint Howard gives the movie's best performance.

I saw a quote on the back of the Dutch dvd cover from Ron Howard. I forgot what it exatly said, but it came down to him praising the movie for it's social relevance. Don't tell me he just did that because his brother is in it.

Also, check out the promo footage for IN THE NAME OF THE KING (http://rapidshare.de/files/8149724/king.mov.html) :(
MinorityWeeble
11-27-2005, 12:53 PM
I'm pretty sure Uwe Boll is the antichrist.

I still watch his movies though. Alone In The Dark made me cry from laughing so hard. And Bloodrayne doesn't look like it's going to disappoint either.

I'm really excited about whatever the fuck Dungeon Seige is called now, because I'll get two Boll movies in a really short time.
metalnightmare
11-27-2005, 04:41 PM
Best part of House of the Dead was the video game footage used. I have no desire to see any movie that has his (Uwe Boll) name on it
James Logan
11-27-2005, 09:59 PM
Originally posted by MinorityWeeble
I'm pretty sure Uwe Boll is the antichrist.

I still watch his movies though.

Brilliant. :D
Scarfather
11-27-2005, 10:19 PM
Dungeon Siege was actually set to be released in November last time I checked.

NOVEMBER, the holiday oscar season.

I can't wait. :)
AWP82
11-28-2005, 12:28 AM
I almost rented Alone In The Dark tonight, but I had no free rentals yet, so I changed my mind at the last minute.
X-Nightcrawler
11-28-2005, 02:10 AM
Originally posted by AWP82
I almost rented Alone In The Dark tonight, but I had no free rentals yet, so I changed my mind at the last minute. Huh, talk about a near death experience.

It's not going to stop until Boll does.
Dead Halloween
11-28-2005, 09:33 PM
That little talk I had with Uwe didn't seem to work out... (http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/playuk.php?id=282175)

;)
X-Nightcrawler
11-28-2005, 10:01 PM
Originally posted by Dead Halloween
Ups. bad link. Sorry. Oh my god, I need to change my undies.
X-Nightcrawler
11-28-2005, 10:03 PM
It worked for me.
KillerKlown
11-29-2005, 08:21 AM
Originally posted by Dead Halloween
That little talk I had with Uwe didn't seem to work out... (http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/playuk.php?id=282175)

;)




ROTFL!
X-Nightcrawler
11-29-2005, 02:04 PM
Too bad Fanta Shokata is dead and buried, I loved browsing through those hilarious captioned movies. Is there another site of that sort but in English? Most of the movies in that site Dead posted aren't in English, and we all know that's the only language that matters.
Dead Halloween
11-29-2005, 02:47 PM
Originally posted by X-Nightcrawler
Too bad Fanta Shokata is dead and buried, I loved browsing through those hilarious captioned movies. Is there another site of that sort but in English?

Yep (http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/index-uk.php)
Servo
11-30-2005, 01:19 PM
Bloodrayne looks like it has cool swordfights.

...that's...that's all I have to say about that.
X-Nightcrawler
11-30-2005, 03:43 PM
Originally posted by Servo
Bloodrayne looks like it has cool swordfights.

...that's...that's all I have to say about that. And House Of The Dead looked like it had cool gunfights.
Last Dragon
12-02-2005, 09:01 AM
Originally posted by AJAX
http://static.flickr.com/33/42921606_91f63703f7_o.jpg

He looks like Oliver Stone with down syndrome.

And he looks an aweful like the guy from the band UB40.

http://www.mtv.com/news/photos/l/live8_london_050702/ub40.jpg

Maybe he'd be better at singing Reggae than directing movies then.:D

I saw "House of the Dead," and I was trying to find something good to say about it. Well...ummm...the actor who played Liberty was pretty hot!:)