After Gladiator, Troy, King Arthur, Kingdom of Heaven, Alexander....

[TrippingBalls]

And now Tristan and Isolde, what Hollywood really needs is more 2.5-3 hour long pretentious romance stories set in medieval times against large-scale battle sceens featuring thousands of CGI soldiers.

Ever since Lord of the Rings, every movie set in old times tries to feature these epic battle scenes. They all suck now.

And Ridley Scott bored me to death with Kingdom of Heaven. In fact, while watching Kingdom of Heaven, I was so bored that I attempted to kill myself. Ridley Scott made a movie that made me want to kill myself, that in itself is 3rd degree attempted murder, and he should be locked up in jail for that shit. And Gladiator was overrated.

Back to Tristan and Isolde (shitty sounding names by the way, just because they're old and foreign doesn't excuse them being stupid) which looks like someone took the new Pocahontas movie which looks shitty enough as it is and menstruated on it. Every single trailer to movies like this feature some high-pitched female vocalist going 'HAAAWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" throughout the trailer to remind you the movie is going to be intense and emotional.

Swords and horses are boring anyways. I want explosions and space ships.

[bigred760]

Originally posted by TrippingBalls
Swords and horses are boring anyways. I want explosions and space ships.


Then stop watching Gladiator and Troy and watch the Star Wars movies.

I like these 3-hour epic movies and while Alexander, King Arthur and Troy didn't do all that well critically or financially (I only saw Troy - and I enjoyed it) - Gladiator and Braveheart not only won Academy Awards for Best Picture, but won a lot of dough at the box office. So your thinking that Gladiator is overrated might be in the minority.

I don't know much about Tristan & Isolde, just who's in it and a bit about the story. But hey, swordfighting and gunless battles are more exciting than explosions and guns - in my opinion (I love samurai movies, by the way :D).

I think most "explosion and space ships" movies aren't always that great either. Stealth, as I've read and heard, sucked.

If you don't like the recent epic movies, trying going back to the good ole days of Ben-Hur or Spartacus. Or you could steer clear of them altogether.

[TrippingBalls]

Originally posted by bigred760
Then stop watching Gladiator and Troy and watch the Star Wars movies.

I like these 3-hour epic movies and while Alexander, King Arthur and Troy didn't do all that well critically or financially (I only saw [i]Troy - and I enjoyed it) - Gladiator and Braveheart not only won Academy Awards for Best Picture, but won a lot of dough at the box office. So your thinking that Gladiator is overrated might be in the minority.

I don't know much about Tristan & Isolde, just who's in it and a bit about the story. But hey, swordfighting and gunless battles are more exciting than explosions and guns - in my opinion (I love samurai movies, by the way :D).

I think most "explosion and space ships" movies aren't always that great either. Stealth, as I've read and heard, sucked.

If you don't like the recent epic movies, trying going back to the good ole days of Ben-Hur or Spartacus. Or you could steer clear of them altogether.

Spartacus and Ben Hur kicked ass and they both beat the shit out of all those movies you just mentioned. If explosion and space ship movies are so boring, then how exciting can swordfighting get? Every swordfight goes like this

"clickity clickity clank, you killed my father, clickity clank, clickity clank, clickity clickity clickity clank, she is mine she will marry me you will never have her, you are wrong, she loves me, clicktiy clank clickity clank"

At least space ship dogfights have more drama and excitement:

"We're getting shot at R2 fix the goddamn ship already!"
"Beep beep beep"

[Backstabba]

I LOVE sword and sandal epics, they're my favorite movie-genre.

I mean, honestly, when you see one shot where 5 people are dying a second, tell me thats not more exciting than a "bang"..

I love all war movies, by the way. I just prefet sword and sandal epics.

[thedudeman69]

When Troy first came out, I rushed out first day and wasn't disspponted. It was a solid flick. Also, When I saw Alexander, I respected what Stone was doing but he had everyone acting way over the top in some parts, and Watch the Director's Cut of King Arthur , it is so fucking more kick ass than the PG-13.

[The Postmaster General]

I like that sword shit, but this rant fucking rocks -- everything a rant should be: funny, genuine complaining, and just whacked enough to be interesting


Every single trailer to movies like this feature some high-pitched female vocalist going 'HAAAWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" throughout the trailer to remind you the movie is going to be intense and emotional.

Every swordfight goes like this

"clickity clickity clank, you killed my father, clickity clank, clickity clank, clickity clickity clickity clank, she is mine she will marry me you will never have her, you are wrong, she loves me, clicktiy clank clickity clank"


And to show TrippingBalls actually knows the point of these rants -

"We're getting shot at R2 fix the goddamn ship already!"
"Beep beep beep"



Fucking perfect! Keep them coming!!!

[TrippingBalls]

Spartacus is an exception because one it's made by Stanley Kubrick, and the badass character is played by none other than badass Charlton Heston. So what if he's a right-winged extremist NRA-spoutin gun totin racist, Charlton Heston would still bitch-slap Orlando Bloom like the pretty-boy elf he is.

[AJAX]

Great rant TrippingBalls, you forgot to mention how all these epics have the moment when the leader gives his moving pep talk to all of his doomed minions.

Another thing that bothers me. I don't know what language the Roman's spoke, latin maybe? I dunno, someone more learned than myself may be able to say, but I know that they sure as fuck weren't speaking English.

[bigred760]

Originally posted by TrippingBalls
Spartacus is an exception because one it's made by Stanley Kubrick, and the badass character is played by none other than badass Charlton Heston. So what if he's a right-winged extremist NRA-spoutin gun totin racist, Charlton Heston would still bitch-slap Orlando Bloom like the pretty-boy elf he is.

Spartacus was Kirk Douglas there . . slick. Charlton Heston was Ben-Hur.

[ChemicalRomance]

Originally posted by bigred760
Spartacus was Kirk Douglas there . . slick. Charlton Heston was Ben-Hur.

http://www.omgpwned.net/pics/owned/tankguy.jpg

[bigred760]

And I'll give you that Kingdom of Heaven was bad, hell I'll even throw in King Arthur and Troy for good measure - even though I liked Troy, I realize I'm in that minority. But Gladiator was a great movie (IMO). Kingdom of Heaven disappointed me because the characters were weak as hell, and the performances - especially Bloom's - were very subpar.

I like the swordfighting, et. al because the action is more stylized. The movement, the strategy, the quick paced action - it just brings more excitement to the movie. I'm not saying that the "spaceships and guns" action sequences aren't kickass, I just like watching swordfighting in epics like these - but the style also applies to Highlander, Kill Bill: Vol. I and Mask of Zorro - not exactly historical epics.

And Star Wars has the lightsaber fights - which is basically futuristic swordfighting.

Ajax - a lot of movies have foreigners speaking English, not just in historical epics.
And ChemicalRomance - I have no idea what the hell that is.

[The Postmaster General]

Hotlink block PWNED ChemicalRomance.


Heh - first time using that expression. It feels no less goodfy saying it.

[dman476]

I'm a mix of different opinions in this thread. I appreciated Alexander, but it was way too boring and overblown (even the DC).
Troy I enjoyed like fucking hell, it was great, finally, an enteratining epic. I don't care what the bashers say, it was wholesome clean fun.
King Arthur sucked. Kingdom of Heaven sucked. I love Gladiator though, love Star Wars. Spartacus and Ben Hur are also great, and I somewhat am interested in Tristan and Isolde but I'll probably wait for the dvd since I know they'll fook it up.

[ChemicalRomance]

Originally posted by BubbaStrangelove
Hotlink block PWNED ChemicalRomance.


Heh - first time using that expression. It feels no less goodfy saying it.

Ughhhh lame, it appears normal over here.

I'll just use a different one!

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun/misc16.jpg

[ilovemovies]

I love these type of movies and with the exception of King Arthur, which I haven't seen, and Alexander, which I need to rewatch, I liked or loved all of them.

[TheDeadWalk]

Originally posted by TrippingBalls
"clickity clickity clank, you killed my father, clickity clank, clickity clank, clickity clickity clickity clank, she is mine she will marry me you will never have her, you are wrong, she loves me, clicktiy clank clickity clank"



If you put the clickity clank sounds as shoes hitting the metal floor of a spaceship, there's really no difference.

[jeo4]

Originally posted by TheDeadWalk
If you put the clickity clank sounds as shoes hitting the metal floor of a spaceship, there's really no difference.
*SPOILER*

And change the lines to

"If you only knew the power of the dark side...Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father..."

"He told me enough. He told me you killed him!"

"No...I am your father."

*End Spoiler*

[Servo]

Yeah...big Hollywood period epics have kinda lost their spark after Gladiator. I love Gladiator, it inspires me to overcome people that piss me off. But even I at times fastforward through most of it just to see the money shots.

However I am holding out hope for one particular epic: Hannibal, directed by and starring Vin Diesel. Whether or not everyone hates him, I think it should be exciting either way. I love Vin, but after XXX I just couldn't stand his career choices. Pitch Black was awesome and Fast and the Furious was okay, but after that it was just downhill for the guy. I really Hannibal is the one that lets him come through. Here's hopin'. Plus a movie about Hannibal (the guy who rode elephants across the alps - right?) would be freakin' sweet.

[Tuukka]

I like historical epics. And is it really too much if we have like 2-3 historical epics a year? I mean how many romantic comedies we have? Modern action movies?

For a genre which has only a couple of entires every year, I don't think historical epics are too common.

[The Postmaster General]

Originally posted by Tuukka
I like historical epics. And is it really too much if we have like 2-3 historical epics a year? I mean how many romantic comedies we have? Modern action movies?



I think there were more Ben Stiller movies last year than historical epics.

[cocksmokinclerk]

Originally posted by thedudeman69
and Watch the Director's Cut of King Arthur , it is so fucking more kick ass than the PG-13.

i couldn't get past the beginning with the opening credits actually says "directors cut" what kinda bullshit was that

[cocksmokinclerk]

Originally posted by TrippingBalls
Every single trailer to movies like this feature some high-pitched female vocalist going 'HAAAWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" throughout the trailer to remind you the movie is going to be intense and emotional

excpet this one has trapt playing, i nearly fell outta my chair when i heard that

[Ki'esha Foxx]

Originally posted by TrippingBalls
Spartacus and Ben Hur kicked ass

I did not like Ben-Hur for the simple fact that they (the crew members) treated the horses horribly. Luckily, the trip-wire they used to make the horses fall was outlawed some years ago. Every time I even hear about it it makes me uncomfortable. For those of you who don't know what I"m talking about, watch the movie and look at how the horses fall: head over heels. When you look at how they fall now they turn to one side and land on their side, not on their necks.

Anyway, I happen to like historical, particularly ancient history, films. I know I'm in the minority for loving movies like Alexander, Troy, and the like, I do recognize their weaknesses and still I like them. I have seen King Arthur unrated, but I didn't really like it just because I wanted to see the more traditional story involving Merlin as his mystical advisor, the Lady of the Lake, and Camelot. Sure, that may be more historically accurate, but I still wanted to see the kind of "fairy tale" I grew up with. I have not seen Kingdom of Heaven for the fact that I have heard from many sources that Scott cut out nearly all of the historical truth about the Crusades so as not to promote anti-Islamic sentiments by portraying the Crusades as Christian vs. Muslim, which they were. He made it look like a turf war between rival gangs who run home crying whenever they don't get their way. True, the Crusades did end up being used for political purpose, but in the beginning they were fought by religious believers who truly thought they would liberate the Holy Land from the "infidels". Basically, if you want to tell a story, but then you change around the whole meaning of it so as not to make some people uncomfortable, you might as well not tell it and let someone else with balls do it.

Well that was long-winded wasn't it? Toodles!