Commentary Gaffes!

[CheekyShepherd]

Watching Sky Sports earlier this week, I couldn't help but laugh at some of the priceless gaffes our sporting idols make:

David Beckham: "I'm 99% sure I'll sign a new contract. I have no doubts!"

West Ham manager, Alan Pardew: "A European place is unobtainable, but that's what we're aiming for"

Fools!!

It's made me think of some other priceless gems that commentators and other sportsfolk have made:

Rugby Commentator: "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

Motor Racing commentator: "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."

Golf Commentator on caddy Fanny Sunneson: "Some weeks Nick Faldo likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to play with himself."

Running commentator: "Paula has a quick look between her legs and likes what she sees."

Motor Racing commentator: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix

Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

At the rowing medal awards ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

Football commentator: "Big mistake in the goalmouth, Seaman all over the place" - referring to former England goalkeeper David Seaman.

Cricket commentator: "The bowler's Houlding, The batsman's Willy."

Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?!"


So there we go, whenever I hear a cock up of these proportions I know where to show it to the rest of the world and implore you to do the same! :D

[Scorpio24]

LOL. Great Thread.

I got some more somewhere. I'll dig them up and post them.

[CheekyShepherd]

This weekend Manchester United striker Ruud Van Nistelrooy muttered this nonsense: "If I'm an actor, then I am the best actor in Holland"

-On being left on the bench during Manchester United 4-0 drubbing of Wigan Athletic in the Carling Cup Final. :confused:


Former Q.P.R. (Come u R's!!!) manager Ian Holloway has some priceless gems:

"I reckon the ball was travelling at 400mph, and I bet it burned the keeper's eyebrows off. [after a 2-0 win at Crewe]"

"I mean no respect to Donatella. I'm sure she would not be flattered to hear she looks like Marc Bircham."

"I've got to get Dan Shittu ready for the Stoke game. I've told him to go to Iceland and ask if he can sit in one of their freezers"

"There was a spell in the second half when I took my heart off my sleeve and put it in my mouth"

"Right now, everything is going wrong for me - if I fell in a barrel of boobs, I'd come out sucking my thumb!"

"To the people who booed - boo to you!"

"Some weeks the lady is good looking and some weeks they're not. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi."

Just Google Ian Holloway quotes if u need a good giggle - the guy's a legend!!

COME BACK OLLIE!! WE LOVE YOU!!! :D

[Scorpio24]

Some funny fottie quotes:

DAVID BECKHAM
"Pele was a complete player. I didn't see him live obviously, because I wasn't born"


"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7"


"I remember so clearly us going into hospital so Victoria could have Brooklyn. I was eating a Lion bar at the time"

"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had"

"We're definitely going to get Brooklyn christened, but we don't know into which religion!"

"I always used to go for blondes and quiet girls, but Victoria is the total opposite - dark and loud."

"Well, I can play in the centre, on the right and occasionally on the left side" -when asked if he thought that he was a volatile player


RON ATKINSON
"Spotters Badge"

"Carlton Palmer can trap the ball further than I can kick it"


"Ryan Giggs is running long up the backside"


"I would not say David Ginola is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better"


"The Bulgarian players are tried and trusted. Well, I'm not sure they can be trusted"


"I tell you what, if the Cameroons get a goal back here they're literally gonna catch on fire"

"Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's. Movement and positioning"


Suker - first touch like a camel"


KEVIN KEEGAN
"They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Highway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different"


"The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game"


"England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second to none"


"I don't think there's anyone bigger or smaller than Maradona"


"The tide is very much in our court now"


"I don't think there is anybody bigger or smaller than Maradona"


"At the Argentina game, how would you have guessed that Darren Anderton would have gone off with cramp?"

[Scorpio24]

DAVID PLEAT
"A game is not won until it is lost"

"Winning isn't the end of the world"

"This is a real cat and carrot situation"

"I've seen some players with very big feet, and some with very small feet"

"And the steam has gone completely out of the Spanish sails"

"If there are any managers out there with a bottomless pit, I'm sure that they would be interested in these two Russians"

"He's got a brain under his hair"

"Pires has got something about him, he can go both ways depending on who's facing him"

"That would have put the icing on his start"

GAZZA
"I never make predictions, and I never will"


"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable"

"Because of the booking, I will miss the Holland game - if selected"

"It was a big relief off my shoulder"

GLEN HODDLE
"75% of what happens to Paul Gascoigne in his life is fiction"

"With hindsight, it's easy to look at it with hindsight"

"Football's all about 90 minutes"

"Robert Lee was able to do some running on his groin for the first time"
"When a player gets to 30, so does his body"

"But he was a player that hasn't had to use his legs, even when he was 19, because his first two yards were in his head"

"International football is one clog further up the football ladder"

DES LYNAMH
"More football later, but first let's see the goals from the Scottish Cup final"

"Kicked wide of the goal with such precision"

"Peter Shilton conceded five, you don't get many of those to the dozen"

"Poborsky's had one or two moments - two, actually"

[Scorpio24]

JOHN MOTSON DESERVES ONE ON HIS OWN
"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all yellow strip"


"The World Cup is a truly International event"

"I think this could be our best victory over Germany since the war"

"Northern Ireland were in white, which was quite appropriate because three inches of snow had to be cleared from the pitch before kick off"

"The goals made such a difference to the way this game went"

"That shot might not have been as good as it might have been"

"The match has become quite unpredictable, but it still looks as though Arsenal will win the cup"

"Not the first half you might have expected, even though the score might suggest that it was"

"And Seaman, just like a falling oak, manages to change direction"

"Nearly all the Brazilian supporters are wearing yellow shirts - it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour"

"That's an old Ipswich move - O'Callaghan crossing for Mariner to drive over the bar"

"Bruce has got the taste of Wembley in his nostrils"

"So different from the scenes in 1872, at the cup final none of us can remember"

"I was about to say before something far more interesting interrupted"

"There is still nothing on the proverbial scoreboard"

"It looks like a one man show here, although there are two men involved"

"Its Arsenal 0 - Everton 1, and the longer it stays like that the more you've got to fancy Everton"

"And what a time to score. 22 minutes gone"

"It's a football stadium on the truest sense of the word"

"Actually, none of the player are wearing earrings, Kjeldberg, with his contact lenses is the closest we can get"