Agree with all the points mentioned - Especially the one about creating a fuller sound palette. You won't believe how much a simple ambient track and some spot SFX improve the reality of your film - some EQ on the ADR would help too, but if you create a fuller sound design, the dialogue won't stick out so much. I'm also normally a huge fan of film music, but I think the score selection you picked here is a little over the top; the film becomes way too dependent on it, and it distracts from the story. I would have maybe picked something a bit more low key, and also, think about when you can use silence to your advantage instead of having a constant, pounding score.
Script-wise there really isn't anything fresh or new in either film; but it's hard to expect such a thing from a first-timer, so instead, allow me to give you props for some of your shot selections. Especially in the first film: the first shot, when he walks into the frame-within-a-frame in the kitchen, and then again near the middle of the film, when you use round-shaped holes in a fence to frame the characters. This is very clever, and I always like seeing good use of the environment in films.
That said, on subsequent films I'd put a little thought into the art direction! I know it's a lot to handle what with the actors, lighting, story, etc. but at the end of the day, it's what's in front of the camera that counts the most. So for example, in the second film, you set up a very interesting shot that uses depth in an interesting way, as JC mentioned, but you have that god-awful ugly charger plugged into the electrical socket in the wall which is dead-center in the frame and is quite distracting!
Digi and JC really covered everything else I would have to say, though. So instead, allow me to ask you: Do you go to NYFA or NYU? I can recognize that B&W 16mm reversal anywhere, and we're the only two schools left actually shooting on that stock! In fact, it has to be NYU; NYFA don't edit on flatbeds, and I can see your splices! I also recognize the actor from your first film; he's appeared as an assassin-type in a number of shorts produced by my classmates in my film class this past semester...
Last edited by Monotreme; 12-24-2011 at 01:31 AM..