The Absolute WORST Theater Experience of My Life
I know I'm kicking a dead horse with ANOTHER bad theater experience but this one tops the fucking cake.
Before the theater, I called up some friends and wanted to see if anyone wanted to go see The Devil Inside with me. Most of my friends were busy but one of my friends was being on the fence of it. He asked what time the movie started and I told him that it started in 2 hours or so, he didn't know if he was doing anything so I just told him the theater and showtime I was going to and if he was gonna come, just go to that theater and I'll see him in there.
So, I get to the theater and I prefer not to use much cash and use my credit card, well the theater I go to just added a new XD theater to it and re-did most of the theater, including new screens to buy tickets from, in case you don't go to theaters with screens to buy tickets off of, it's exactly what you think, enter your code or swipe your credit card and you can buy the ticket there. Well they put new screens in and I guess no one fucking tested them because they were more buggy than if Fallout: New Vegas fucked Bubsy 3D. When I clicked on the Devil Inside, the screen thought I clicked on War Horse, after two clicks, I got back to the movie menu screen and after a couple more tries, it FINALLY clicked on the Devil Inside. I click for one ticket, but of course these screens suck ass and it said I wanted two tickets but stupid me wasn't checking because I figured that the screens were competent enough to, hmm, I dunno FUCKING WORK. I swiped my card and saw two tickets and a receipt, ah fuck, I accidentally bought two tickets, well they already charged it to my card so I guess if my other friend wants to come, he has a free ticket. I would be more upset if I knew that no one else was coming at all so, whatever, sucks I had to pay another $7 but, the world's not gonna end.
Get my popcorn, my soda and my hotdog (they taste good, dammit!) and go to get my ticket ripped. The guy at the front asked for my ID, now I'm not someone who talks about how magnificent I am but I don't look like some kid. My hands are full so there I am spilling popcorn as I set it on the ground and hand the guy my ID and picked up my popcorn off the ground realizing the mess I made but, fuck 'em, do I look like a kid? Yeah, I know it sounds arrogant to have a sentence like that but, I'm pissed off so, just let it pass.
Get my seat and sit down watching some pre-show bullshit when soon, I see a couple of teeny-boppers running to the top of the stairs and all I hear is "Dude, c'mon, hurry up!" My first thought was "How the fuck did those kids get past?" Now, if you're sneaking into an R rated movie, you should really be quiet and shut the fuck up so no one in the theater reports you to the employees. The second they sat down, ringtones going off, obscene language being yelled over to friends, giggling from two of the girls, and rapid talking. Thankfully the loud trailers washed out the bullshit they spewed from their mouths until the movie started. The movie isn't quiet per-say, but it certainly isn't loud. The whole time is their fucking commentary and those stupid fucking little giggles. Whatever moment that may've been tense or suspenseful is ruined by their in-movie commentary. I swear, if you took a shot for every time their stupid little text tones went off, you'd be dead. At least 4 or 5 people in the theater looking angry looked back at them and just stared. They were shushed twice (and once by me) and it was followed by their laughing and giggling with their whispering to each other. It was at the point where I left the theater and told the guy up front that there are teens in an R rated film and are being extremely noisy, he told me that he'd take care of it. I go back into the theater and for the rest of the movie, no one working there is to be found in sight. These kids were running down the stairs and talking, along with being fucking noisy.
What REALLY got to me is that my friend from earlier had texted me and I'm not at all the time of person to fucking text during a movie. My screen wasn't bright and I slightly pulled it out of my pocket, enough so I can read the short text which basically told me that he couldn't make it, one of the fucking stupid little cunt teens giggles and yells out "Hey! Turn off your phone!" then continues to laugh and whisper to eachother. I wanted to stand up and go August Underground on them, never before have I been so angry at a person in a movie theater, I really wanted to put them in the most physical pain I could possibly imagine.
For the first time ever in my entire 20 years of living, I have never thought or imagined I would stand up, turn around, spilling some of my popcorn and yell "Shut the fuck up!" I had reached my breaking point and when I told what had happened to some friends, they thought I was just making this up and didn't believe me, if my friend had been there, he could've justified for me but he was busy so I'm not angry at him or anything.
There was only about a half hour left and they were giggling and talking but not as much as before. When the film ended and the lights were up, they walked down the aisle and one of the boys looked at me, I heard them saying on their way out stuff like "That movie was so stupid" and "I can't believe we saw that." I wanted to slap the shit out of them for too many reasons to count. The guy I told earlier about the kids FUCKING SAW THEM LEAVE THE THEATER AND DIDN'T DO A DAMN FUCKING THING ABOUT IT! Must be fun being a lower class man of society, too brain dead to not being able to remember what you ate for breakfast. I left the theater in rage watched the little cunts leave and giggle their way out while still on their phones.
And that my friends, is why it is never too late for an abortion.