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Old 10-10-2012, 09:38 PM
Hey dude,

I had a bit of a read of Dead of the Night. First off I'll tell you I'm an amateur screenwriter as well so I spose you may take my words with a grain of salt. First off the format of your script isn't correct. I'd suggest using a program like final draft or even the old sophocles program if you can get a hold of it because sometimes it was a little difficult to read which will put off a professional reviewer especially if the formatting is incorrect. One thing is that unless the time of day changes you don't need to specify that it's morning or evening everytime a scene changes. You only need to specify this when the time of day changes even if it's been 10 scene changes between night and day.

Some sentences of your characters dialogue seemed to be unrealistic and may sound strange when read aloud. I fixed a lot of dialogue in my own script just reading aloud a line and realizing that how I typed it wasn't how people would construct their sentences while talking.

The storyline of an outbreak of a virus that turns people into flesh eating maniacs has been done many times before and even though you call them ghouls and they have sharp teeth and claws I would still feel like I've seen this story many times before so on that subject it's a bit meh for me.

But your writing definitely wasn't the worst I've ever seen by a long shot and the dialogue wasn't all bad that's for sure. I didn't read it all as I felt I'd seen this story so many times before as I have already said but overall I'd say you should polish the formatting of your script and maybe read aloud the dialogue to see if you feel people would actually "say" something the way you typed it. Keep up the good work dude.

I must say though I'm definitely going to look into this amazon studios site. I've polished up a script I've called The Lonely and I'm about to register it with the Australian Writers Guild. I may end up submitting it to this site as well and I plan to submit it to Script Pipelines contest after I register it. How have you found Amazon Studios so far?
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