Old 10-06-2010, 10:07 PM
"That kind of stuff only happens in movies..."

So today I experienced my very own Dues Ex Machina. Something so bombastically retarded, contrived and lazily written that it should have come from an episode of Melrose Place.

There's been a gal i've been corresponding with for the past few months, I figured we are both mutually interested in each other. We talk about the usual- what we want in life, where we are going, pop culture we both love, what we'd like to be, we hint at past relationships with a level of regret, we press all the necessary buttons of mutual interest and we never talk about people we are currently seeing, and i don't say that in a way of "we know we are both seeing other people, so we don't talk about it"- i mean that in a way of "we are both interested in each other, and we are open, so we aren't going to divulge in current flings, if any". I'm currently single, and after all we've discussed concerning whats going on in our lives, she would have to be working quite hard to keep out a current boyfriend, even a current fling.

anyway, back to the head slapper- so a few months ago she calls me randomly, all i hear on the other line is loud music. i stay on for a bit, then i realize the call must be a mistake. My name starts with an 'A', her phone may have accidentally called the first person in her phone book. No biggie. Later she says it accidentally dialed while she was at a show.

So today i get a call from her. I'm on the line for less than 30 seconds and i hear "I love you baby," with a deep voiced response- "I love you too baby, call me later." "alright, alright, alright, hahaha."

I hang up as not to pry any further and i literally cannot stop laughing. I'm not upset about it, but i think it has to be one of the most contrived ways to figure out a girl you like is already in a relationship.

If this fucking situation was in a movie or even a soap opera, i'd be rolling my eyes at the convenience of it all, and i'd think it was some of the worst writing i've ever seen.

If there is a God and he wrote this shit, he must have just penciled this one in before a celestial strike or something.

Anyone else have any moments of "if this shit were in a movie, i wouldn't believe it?"
Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2010, 06:55 AM
Originally Posted by APzombie View Post
Anyone else have any moments of "if this shit were in a movie, i wouldn't believe it?"
Happened to me a long time ago in college. Some friends and I were wandering around the campus at night, poking around the buildings. We got to the cafeteria but the front was locked so my friends immediately gave up. Now the cafeteria has two sets of doors to get in the front and the other set goes to this hallway where the bathrooms and some offices are. And after going in a door that leads into that hallway, I went up to the second set of doors to the cafeteria and swung them both open (there was a window to where my friends were and I just had to showboat) as they were completely unlocked.

Now that I think about it... that was a pretty lame way of getting us into the cafeteria. "What? The doors were just unlocked like that? Really? That's almost as bad as if one of the characters having a previously unmentioned connection to the cafeteria that lets him have a key to the place... heck, this might even be worse than that as at least the other way they acknowledge it needs an explanation."
Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2010, 09:30 PM
Look on the bright side: at least it wasn't a girl you were already dating! That happened to a co worker of mine.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2010, 11:14 PM
Oh yeah, I think I have a good one. What happened to me was like something you'd see in a shitty 80's teen movie (the kind that would try to rip off the John Hughes films).

When I was in high school, I was good friends with a girl. She and another friend of mine were starting to get involved, and one day I just became really attracted to her. I felt really guilty about it, and confessed it to my friend that was pursuing her. He shrugged and was like "it's okay dude, it's not gonna work out between us anyway. you should ask her to the prom." So that got me totally pumped, and I mustered up the courage all day to ask. I approach my friend and tell him I'm ready to do it, and before I go he gives me a note and says "If she doesn't understand, just give her this."

Like a fucking idiot I took the note and went on my way to ask this girl to the prom. So I approach the girl, I ask her to the prom, and she laughs. We both get a chuckle, and I assure her I was serious. Then she gets serious. "You know I'm going with (my friend) right?" I paused, panicked, and handed her the note (stupidity leak). She opens it, reads it, and her reaction was the most heart-breaking reaction I've ever witnessed. She starts balling, wads up the note, throws it in my face, runs to her car and peels out of the school parking lot.

Long story short, they weren't exactly on the same page like I thought they were. And I had just found out my friend had made out with her best friend the night before and they started dating after our little debacle.

Prom comes around and I'm the only one in our circle of friends that doesn't have a date (well, me and another friend, but that's a whole different story). Now, mind you, we're actually cool with each other by now. Because the weekend after that all went down, we were able to have some quality one-on-one time, but she still wouldn't go with me. So I'm this sorry motherfucker sitting in the corner watching this girl of my dreams enjoy herself with some other dude, and my other friend enjoying his time with the honey he got out of this fucked up situation. And what makes this night even more depressing, another friend of mine confides in me that he may have cancer. If you wanted shitty drama, you didn't have to watch Dawson's Creek, you just had to call me and see what was going down in my life that week.

My 18th birthday, about two months later. I haven't talked to this girl for a while. I'm about to throw a bash with just friends and family. Everyone I invited comes to my sister's house, but the girl is running late. No matter. I go upstairs to change CD's in the sound system, and when I come downstairs, there she is, looking gorgeous as ever...and with her, her date from the prom. What makes this situation horrible, is that I can't for the life of me hide how I'm feeling, and everyone at my party witnesses this bullshit. My friends, my boss, my sisters, my fucking PARENTS...I can't describe how it felt. In fact, all I could think of at the time was..."This is like something out of a shitty movie."

But it gets better. Epilogue, bitches.

One year later, senior prom, I ask her to go with me again, and her response "No, I'm still scarred from last year." I didn't bother to bring up how she scarred me, because I had moved on, but this was almost a slap in the face. So there I am again, a sad motherfucker with no date to the prom. Then...I start having a conversation with this girl in homeroom, and not any girl mind you, one of those uber-popular, blonde cheerleaders (also, mind you, this was a small private school, so it's not uncommon for something like this to happen), I make her laugh with some lame jokes and my nerdiness, and the girl...asks me to the prom. I don't tell anyone because I wanted it to be a surprise. Prom comes around, I walk into the place with my date, everyone stares, and I feel like Rocky Motherfuckin' Balboa.

Oh, and my friend didn't get cancer. A couple of years later he had surgery and the risk went away. The End.

This is 100% true. I did not exaggerate any of this nor was any of it fabricated. Y'know it's actually kind of funny, I was going through so much bullshit that really did seem like it was out of a shitty movie, but I look at how mundane and boring my life is now, and I almost, ALMOST, miss it. Now I just work and watch movies.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2010, 04:30 AM
Lies i say! i saw that on an episode of The Wonder Years!

Damn Servo, that is some harrowing John Hughes pain, haha. great story.

also, i'm glad your friend is clear from cancer.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2010, 10:52 AM
Yeah, you'd think for all the crap I went through I would've gotten an Emmy.

And thanks, my friend's doing quite well these days.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2010, 02:59 PM
The school I work at, the football team hadn't lost a regular season game in almost 3 years. 3 weeks ago it was Homecoming, and was a bit of a rough week for the kids on the team, as well as the coaches, because the head coaches father had died the week before and he missed that week's game. They won it, of course, but going into Homecoming everyone was still really sad.

Homecoming game starts, other team flat out kicks our ass. We're down 21-0 at the half. During halftime, the head coaches daughter wins homecoming queen, and everyone cheers up a bit. Our boys come out the 3rd quarter, do nothing but kick ass the entire second half and we win 28-21.

Streak stays intact, coaches daughter wins homecoming.....hell of a night. It was like a Friday Night Lights story.

In fact, it was just so emotional and awesome one of the local news stations did a story on it.

And how have we celebrated since? Gone out and last the last 2 games in a row, the first time in almost a decade we have lost back to back games.

For every good thing, there is a bad thing.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2010, 03:47 PM
Long story short... my coworker got my boss fired before he quit to go to this place in NYC but my boss had connections to the same place he was going to. Ends up he's his boss again at the place in NYC. Needless to say I'm guessing things are a little tense there.
Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2010, 05:25 PM
I have one that puts all of your stories to shame.

When I was in second grade I was dead tired, leaving school. I was the only one walking in the hallway. Our school had glass doors, thin glass doors.

I'm walking like a zombie, so tired, all I want to do is get out. I'm walking towards the door.

BOOM, head on against the glass.

I look up and huge chunks of glass are falling down. Think of "Ghost". They're falling down as I'm standing not moving, and looking up.

As it all falls down, I stand there, surrounded by chunks of glass, only with a small bump on my head.

You see, I was so tired that the glass doors we had, fooled me for an open door. I saw right through the glass and thought I was walking out the door.

Shit like that happens only...in the Twilight Zone.
Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump