Go Back   Movie Fan Central Discussion Forums > Movie Talk! > General Movie Talk
MOVIE FAN CENTRAL FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-10-2008, 01:27 AM
Steven Seagal Is A Useless Fat Shit Who Can't Act & Most of His Movies Suck ASS!

First let me make it perfectly clear that this thread really pains me to post... no really it does. Ever since Mr Seagal's first movie, "Nico: Above The Law," I have been an avid and faithful fan of his work. His movies, his martial arts and anything else he attaches himself too. I have just about all of his films up to and including Belly of the Beast in my dvd collection. I have always loved the soft-spoken big guy who kicks the shit out of anyone that either gets in his way or is simply the BAD guy. Over the years, with each new film he made, I was eager to see it. Now I won't claim that he's a 5 star actor, far from it. And to many, his films, particularly his pre - "Exit Wounds" efforts are all quite entertaining. Except "The Patriot." But still even so, All of his films over the last few years SUCK! With [thx to cronos], the exception of "Pistol Whipped." I just got this on dvd, dude. I liked it.

But sadly, Mr Seagal's movies have all but deteriorated into nothing more than a slimy mess of quasi-martial arts mayhem with little to no imagination put into the story and actors. The guy's a mess. Ok, he's put on a lot of weight. That don't bother me. He's had stunt doubles step in till the cows come home. That does bother me... too much. But I can deal with it as long as he does all his own shit closeup. What I can't stand is when his voice is dubbed and during fight scenes you can only see his arms or one leg. Sorry, Mr Seagal, but you've fallen far from grace. This guy pumps out straight to dvd shit every few months. Is he trying to set some type of world record? Quality, Mr Seagal, not quantity. Another thing with his films are the stories. There was always a moral, a centre theme to most of his earlier work. But during the past few years, it's been PUMP THAT SHIT OUT attitude. And his resume of films [if you can call them that] is testament to the fact that this bloke either needs to slow the fuck down and make more decent flicks, or just go work as a wok-boy in a diner.

Even my dad used to love Mr Seagal's movies. I miss the old Steven Seagal. The one who had half-way decent films. Did his own work, even wrote alot of the material. He even tried his hand at directing. Rest assured, not everyone is a Steven Seagal fan. But for those of you that are, can you honestly say that this man's work has improved with time? I dare say NO. Lastly, my video shop always buys his films. And with each and every new addtion, I roll my eyes and say to the manager - "Oh great. Another one... Why does he bother?" Once again, this topic really pains me. Because as I said earlier, I used to love this man's work. Thanks God I can still go back and watch the REAL Seagal flicks. And not this later trash.



Last edited by God of War; 04-10-2008 at 01:33 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-10-2008, 01:32 AM
Oh man, Segal movies from the late 80s/bring of the 90s were freaking great. Hell, I'll even throw in Under Siege. Then I saw that later one with DMX - Exit Wounds? That was a fun flick.

His movies, to me, just lack what they had in the start - that "this can't really be happening" sensibility. It's hard to explain. It's just something you have to feel.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-10-2008, 02:26 AM
I will always love Marked For Death, but yes he has been a fat sack of shit for most of his career. He and Van damn should have a fight to the death. Then the winner should be killed immediately after.

Last edited by EVILxxx; 04-10-2008 at 03:17 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-10-2008, 02:41 AM
Seagal. I grew up on his movies. Now I see his newer films and they're like parodies of his earlier baadassery.

wtf is this???



Last edited by Digifruitella; 04-10-2008 at 02:43 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-10-2008, 03:35 AM
Guitar Siege 3?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-10-2008, 03:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by God of War View Post
Steven Seagal Is A Useless Fat Shit Who Can't Act & Most of His Movies Suck ASS!

Thank You...




Last edited by electriclite; 04-10-2008 at 03:50 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-10-2008, 04:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by electriclite View Post
Thank You...




Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 04-10-2008, 05:42 AM



I, for one, will always dislike Seagal based simply on this garbage in a can. I bought this thinking, "Its either gonna kick ass like Seagal or make it so that I kick ass like Seagal." I couldnt get more than 3 sips into the can before I felt like puking. It tasted nothing like cherry, was way too carbonated (fizzy) and left an aftertaste like I had been gnawing on tree roots and bark. I poured the rest of it down the toilet and cursed myself for wasting money.

That sonofabitch!
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 04-10-2008, 06:23 AM
The fuck?

That's an ACTUAL product?
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 04-10-2008, 12:17 PM
I never liked the cunt, not even in the 80's/90's. I'm not surprised he's churning out steaming pieces of shit direct to video. I would expect nothing more from him, honestly. He's like Chuck Norris, just a coupla personality-less twats.

Van Damme was a bad-ass motherfucker though, when I was growing up. (Though I've heard he's a prick in person) - And he's not doing much better career-wise.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 04-10-2008, 01:56 PM
I actually enjoyed some of his recent films, they were stupid but entertaining. None of his films come close to the Under Siege's though, I love those.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-10-2008, 03:34 PM
The only movie I really enjoy with him in it is Under Siege, but that's mostly because of Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey. Seagal is good in it, but the other two steal the show. Seagal's other movies are basic remakes of each other; enjoyable to an extent, but mostly pointless.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 04-10-2008, 07:25 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cronos View Post
I actually enjoyed some of his recent films, they were stupid but entertaining. None of his films come close to the Under Siege's though, I love those.
Did you laugh at the bit where he fuckin' slides like 10 feet in Belly of the Beast or whatever the film was called. Hey kids! Steven Seagal defies friction!

Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 04-10-2008, 07:37 PM
hahaha Seagal.. hes so laughable. None of his films were good movies.. they were entertaining, but I can't say I'd ever imagine him as an actor.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 04-10-2008, 07:44 PM
his early movies were great dumb action flicks but now it's not even funny.

Last edited by athf1980; 07-14-2011 at 08:27 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 04-11-2008, 09:08 AM
UNDER SIEGE TWO: DARK TERRITORY

SCENARIO: (POSSIBLE SPOILER***)

Two trains are on the same track and they're about to crash.
Steven Seagal aka The Kung Fu Weeble is on one of the trains and with the same eagle eyes he uses to spot the Kraft services table, he sees the rope ladder from the bad guy's helicopter WHO JUST SO HAPPENS to be waiting above the scene of the accident.

With the trains only feet away from collision...THERE HE GOES!
Like someone was going for the last Hoagie, the Kung Fu Weeble wobbled his way through the train at his top speed.
THE TRAINS CRASH, THE CABINS EXPLODING BEHIND HIM, and HE'S NOT JARRED OR TOSSED AROUND! He's STILL RUNNING and with half a second left, he leaps out of the back of the train he's in, snagging the rope ladder and escaping certain death as the trains are destroyed.

I could imagine the jaws dropping as the storyboard of this one was written out.

"This defies the laws of physics and common sense. No one's going to believe it."
"It's Steven Seagal."
"...all right, let's do it. Hey! Who took my bear claw?!"

Young Seagal could do a movie.
Present day Seagal may be trying to earn a paycheck, but he's embarrassing himself with every new movie.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 04-11-2008, 12:12 PM
The brilliant bad movie recap site Agony Booth reviewed Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt. Funny stuff.

Article
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 05-16-2008, 06:42 AM
Seagal made decent movies? When?

Atleast Van Damme (as bad as he might be) tries to show some emotion in his movies. Steven is one of the worst actors ever and has no personality.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 05-16-2008, 03:40 PM
His views on the AIDS virus are unconventional to say the least.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 05-16-2008, 04:57 PM
glimmer man was sweet
Reply With Quote
  #21  
Old 05-16-2008, 05:21 PM
I can't stand him as much as i can stand Chuck Norris which is not a lot
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 05-17-2008, 06:39 AM
Isn't it just SEGAL with no A?
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 05-17-2008, 07:01 AM
Once his dojo was saved by a magic dog.
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 05-17-2008, 07:07 AM
I, too, have enjoyed his earlier foray in pure couch entertainment. But, after awhile, his schtick got tired. That smug, tough guy look he carries through every movie started to make me yawn. Once he also started trying to do other things like kicking, you can see how bad he is. Aikido can only take one so far. And then he starts popping around the public in his chinese jackets like he was asian. Then he started to go around thinking of himself as the next reincarnated Lama when it was most likely that he must've paid someone off to back him up on those claims.

He really has fallen far from the tree he spawned from...
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 05-17-2008, 07:26 AM
Under Seige was good. Got to love birthday cake Erika Eleniak, cross dressing Gary Busey and psyco Tommy Lee. The knife fight at the end is some nice work; some Kali and eskrima action which was a nice change for the fat ass. I haven't seen much past under seige 2 train wreck.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tony_Montana View Post
Once his dojo was saved by a magic dog.
That one I must see.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 05-17-2008, 08:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juliet Bravo View Post
Isn't it just SEGAL with no A?
Nah, there's 2 A's, according to IMDB he's used Segal as an alternate name though.
Reply With Quote
  #27  
Old 05-20-2008, 02:20 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cronos View Post
Nah, there's 2 A's, according to IMDB he's used Segal as an alternate name though.
he really went on a limb with that one....
Reply With Quote
  #28  
Old 07-13-2011, 04:21 AM
BUMP_

I recently watched some new Seagal movies. They must've been good. I can't even remember their names. One thing though. I like watching that cop series he made. It's fun.
Reply With Quote
  #29  
Old 07-13-2011, 04:33 AM
I disapprove of this rant.

Under Siege, Under Siege 2, Hard to Kill, Half Past Dead, The Glimmer Man and Ticker all rock!
Reply With Quote
  #30  
Old 07-13-2011, 05:08 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by electriclite View Post
Thank You...




Wisdom is timeless.


Seagal movies are what they are. His best work was in the early 3 word title series: Out for Justice, Marked for Death, Hard to Kill, Above the Law. That's where the real Seagal is found. He tried to rebound with Above Deadly Ground, but he messed up the pattern and like so many artists trying to return to familiar territory, had found it Difficult to Do.

Last edited by The Postmaster General; 07-13-2011 at 05:18 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #31  
Old 07-13-2011, 09:54 AM
He's done great work in films and protecting animals. By all acounts, an all round good guy.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 07-13-2011, 11:27 AM
My dad likes his movies but I can't say I have seen full movie with him in it.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 07-13-2011, 03:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SS-Block View Post
He's done great work in films and protecting animals. By all acounts, an all round good guy.
The accusations of sexual slavery sort of soured his image a bit.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 07-13-2011, 04:18 PM
Come on, the dude's not exactly a spring chicken anymore. Even in his prime he was about 40.

I honestly haven't been able to bring myself to watch any of his STV output. A friend of mine watches them all and had nothing good to say - and we are both big Seagal fans. The only one I did see was Into the Sun, and that was based on its awesomely rad box art. It was pretty horrible. The plot made no sense at all.

But in his prime... that was some good shit. Out for Justice is still one of my all time favorite movies.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 07-13-2011, 10:48 PM
Dolph Lundgren owns the dtv action market.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 07-14-2011, 02:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Badbird View Post
Come on, the dude's not exactly a spring chicken anymore. Even in his prime he was about 40.

I honestly haven't been able to bring myself to watch any of his STV output. A friend of mine watches them all and had nothing good to say - and we are both big Seagal fans. The only one I did see was Into the Sun, and that was based on its awesomely rad box art. It was pretty horrible. The plot made no sense at all.

But in his prime... that was some good shit. Out for Justice is still one of my all time favorite movies.
Right, his 3 word combo series was ace for 80s action. He was a neat twist on a lot of the action stars of the time, since most of his fighting was defensive, followed by debilitating bone breaking. He hardly ever threw punches. It was inspiring for many people without the energy to go into rage a la Sly. So much could be dealt with by breaking legs. Waiter tries to stop you to pay the bill: why-yak! Thud! It's done. You gotcha salad for free!
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 07-14-2011, 11:20 AM
Never got the appeal

The guy is a fucking joke
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 07-14-2011, 08:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Psycho-Pirate-99 View Post
The guy is a fucking joke
At least a very elaborate one without a punchline.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 07-14-2011, 10:23 PM
I don't know guys. He taught two of the best fighters this move:





Both fighters credited that to him. So as shitty as his films are... he's actually an accomplished martial artist. For that, I respect him. Just a little.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 07-15-2011, 01:50 AM
Plus he can play guitar. I mean, at least look like it - you can't fake what he's doing in that picture!!!

Anyone read his philosophy book, or do you know if he has one or not?
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump