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Old 03-22-2009, 07:02 PM
Originally Posted by countchocula View Post
I changed the profanity because I decided to go for a more realistic vibe. Originally, this was going to be a surrealist story, but that would make it harder to develop the characters. I want the little girl to say things that a little girl would say. Having said that, she's still not a normal little girl.

I also decided not to hold back as far as the violence is concerned. The next chapter is a tad...out there.
I see what you're going for and it's intriguing. I like the revised version. (I don't have a fuckin' problem with vulgar language. ) The daughter's dialogue is out there enough but not completely unbelievable.
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Old 03-22-2009, 07:20 PM
Cool , Im just so curious about what happens and how and why.
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Old 03-22-2009, 08:38 PM
Here is what I have so far of "The Suit." Enjoy.

There was a part of Aras that was missing. He didn’t know what it was, but he had hoped that he might be able to find it inside of her. It had to be inside of her somewhere. Maybe it was in her pink coat. Maybe it was in her bantam, delicate hands. Maybe it was underneath her skin.

Of course, he would be risking contaminating her hallowed build, but it was worth the risk. The blood that had dried and caked on his penis was harmless. Aras figured that he must have cut off the blood circulation to his pelted unit earlier in the day. He had tied a rubber band around the base of his shaft in a hackneyed attempt to castrate himself. He changed his mind at the last second, but by then, the damage had been done.

Aras wondered. How was she able to get blood out of it?

With the catheter still hanging from his midsection, he kneeled down in front of the girl’s body. He pushed his thumbs into her thighs and pulled her closer to him.

“God, you’re so cold,” he muttered. The glacial pores in her skin felt like woven reeds to the touch, iced with drops of condensation from a cup of bubbly water that had been sitting in a car all day in the choke of summer. Aras was grounded by the sensation. He was suddenly less confident than before. Could he do this to such an innocent specimen?

Yes, he could. This is what his life had been reduced to.

He softly guided her panties off of her feet. They would later be flung into the wagon for future use.

Aras outlined the lips of the girl’s vagina with his fingers. He brought his hands to his nose and smelled the unforgiving fecundity of an emergency room. He could only pick up scents that reminded him of hospitals. Her breath reeked of steri-strips, the slivers of adhesive that were used to keep wounds from opening. Her hair smelled of suction tubes, though he also detected hints of a freshly delivered placenta. The pink coat wasn’t nearly as exciting. It reminded Aras of a waiting room filled with visitors, overwrought out-of-towners who had just learned of a death in the family.

He licked the rotten clitoris. All of her holes had to be loose. Aras had a feeling that it wasn’t going to make much of a difference, but what if a corpse can feel pain? He would never be able to live with himself if he thought that she would suffer. But he would never know for sure. No, he had to keep going. He had to see inside.
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Old 03-22-2009, 11:18 PM
This passage is fantastically gross, .
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Old 03-27-2009, 06:29 AM
Brilliant. It is so wrong but you must keep reading.
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Old 03-27-2009, 06:39 AM
Originally Posted by hrdude View Post
Brilliant. It is so wrong but you must keep reading.
I think that's a great way to describe it.
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Old 03-30-2009, 07:22 PM
I'll be posting another chunk tomorrow. I can't believe this thread has close to 2,000 views. Thanks to anyone who has read anything in this bitch.

I laughed at the "wrong" comment. The next chapter is much more wrong. Tee-hee.
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Old 03-31-2009, 12:18 AM
We may need to create a new adjective for your prose as we continue - wronger. As "This story is getting more and more wronger".
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Old 03-31-2009, 08:05 PM
Well, I was rushed off of the computer, but I was able to write a little something.

He clasped his hands together like a child reciting his bedtime prayers. His thick, sandy fingernails passed through the pale flaps of lechery, stopping every few centimeters to relish in the girl’s sodden warmth. He stopped again once his arms were swaddled up to the elbow. Her flesh seemed to be malleable enough. Aras flexed his wrists just to be on the safe side. After he felt he had sufficiently tested the resiliency of her reproductive organs, he pulled his arms out.

Time was both racing and of the essence. Aras knew that rigor mortis would set in soon. He wasn’t sure how long he had been out, so the girl could have been dead for several hours. A cadaver begins to stiffen three hours after death, and the chemical marvel doesn’t entirely cycle out until seventy-two hours after death. Aras couldn’t wait that long.

Without giving it much thought, he slowly wedged his head inside of her vagina. It was tighter than an old man’s arthritic joints on a frigid, howling Christmas Eve. There were so many ambrosial trails of medical fixtures in there. Forceps, scalpels, bedpans, irrigation needles, retractors, blood-stained vending machines, clamps, "handicapped parking" placards, wheelchairs, stretchers, bone levers, mouth gags, trephines...it was unreal.

It was perfect.

He pushed deeper until he heard the sound of skin tearing. Her cervix was beginning to split into two.

"I can’t stop now," he pleaded with himself.

His neck had made it in, but his shoulders weren’t going anywhere.

"I’m not deep enough."

The lower share of the girl’s body was splintered into two distinct halves. Aras had never been comfortable with accepting defeat, but he had met his match.
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Old 03-31-2009, 08:40 PM
Oooh weeeeird.
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Old 04-01-2009, 02:43 AM
Whoa, how is he breathing? Why would he do that? He's obviously sicker than I thought he was.
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Old 04-03-2009, 02:14 AM
Wow, wouldn't have dreamt that up in my wildest nightmares.
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Old 04-03-2009, 06:13 PM
Originally Posted by SchizoidManiac View Post
Whoa, how is he breathing? Why would he do that? He's obviously sicker than I thought he was.
There are enough holes in her body for him to (barely) breathe. It's a metaphor. Aras is actually the most normal character in the novel.
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Old 04-03-2009, 09:40 PM
It seems like he has a very odd way of dealing with her death, being that it was a metaphor. I think that it is a really cool way of expressing his emotion too.

Are all of his emotions going to be expressed in metaphorical actions?
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Old 04-10-2009, 01:55 PM
it's not jokes

well said!

Last edited by teenkiller; 05-21-2009 at 11:36 PM..
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Old 05-21-2009, 07:46 PM
Tweek grows displeased with the lack of updates.
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Old 05-21-2009, 09:24 PM
I know, I know. Without getting into details, I'm at a crossroads.

CATHETER will make a comeback, though.
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Old 04-12-2012, 07:35 AM
It's time.
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countchocula is awesome

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