#1  
Old 05-29-2012, 05:53 PM
I need some Break Up/Relationship advice

Sorry my post is so long, but I need your help:

My ex and I meet at a job we worked at together ten months ago. Our first date was amazing—we both agreed that neither of us had a first date like that in our lives. We talked non-stop, laughed a lot, and had so many memories, even just from one date. We then proceeded to see each other during the summer and date without labels for a month. Then, we made ourselves official. We took things slow, got to know each other as people before ever making any kind of sexual commitment. Then, in August, just as college was about to start for both of us, I held her face in my hands and told her I loved her. It was the first time in my 22 year old life I had told someone that whom was not family. We both cried and kissed and she told me that she loved me too. A few weeks after, we made love for the first time and I’m not ashamed to say that I lost my virginity that night. I had had opportunities with other girls, but I had saved myself as I had a hard time trusting people, but with that action, I officially gave everything to her.

During the school semesters, it was a little tough. We barely saw each other (once a week, usually) as we went to different colleges an hour apart. However, our time spent together was always unbelievable. I freaked out a few times during the college semesters, afraid she was going to leave me due to growing tired of my absence, but we talked it out and she told me “You’re stuck with me so get used to it. I love you.”

Then, it all came down to this summer. We finally had time together. She was finally able to meet my parents (something that she wasn’t able to do previously due to complicated circumstances) and it went great. She told me that she knew I was the guy for her and that she couldn’t be without me. She also said that this summer was our chance to make up for all the times we couldn’t see each other. For the first few weeks of the summer, we spent every day together, but over the past week in a half, I’ve had to plan and ask her out on all our dates.

At the same time, things got a little strange. We would go on dates, have a great time and then I would leave her apartment or I would take her home as she wanted to go home. Afterwards, I found out, that she would go hang out with her friends until early in the morning. I was confused by this as she always told me that she wanted me to get to know her friends a little better and wanted us to do everything together and yet… here she didn’t even invite me or tell me about it when I was available.

I thought something was wrong, so I tried to talk to her about it Sunday morning, and then she just broke up with me. Saying that she loved me and was still in love with me, but she “needed time to focus on herself… wanted to be single… didn’t want to try and work things out… she's tired of trying” and “that she does better on her own.”

I talked to her last night, after (I’m afraid) I texted her and tried to call her a few too many times… potentially making myself look desperate, but I was truly devastated by the break up. She told me that she misses me a lot, but that she’s happy with her decision. She told me she felt like a weight was lifted from her shoulders when she broke up with me two days ago, but she still doesn’t know if she wants me in her life. She would like for us to hang out, and she still loves me, but has no interest in being tied down. I made an agreement with her that I would give her space as long as she would eventually tell me what she wanted.

I feel like cutting connections altogether is the best way to see if she comes back, but I highly doubt that she will, based on how she’s acting and what she’s said.

Does anyone have any input and any suggestions on how to handle this break up better and if there is any hope for us getting back together? I hate to sound so desperate, but we had an amazing relationship and I truly never saw this coming, especially since we had planned to be together all summer.

If any gentleman or ladies could tell me what she’s probably thinking and going through mentally, that might help as well.

Thanks for any and all responses.

Last edited by FireCaptain4; 05-29-2012 at 05:57 PM..
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  #2  
Old 05-29-2012, 06:22 PM
Life isnt a fairy tale. Its over. She said she wanted to be single. LISTEN.
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  #3  
Old 05-29-2012, 06:25 PM
Two things:

She may not've been hanging out with her friends til the early hours of the morning. It may not have been her "friends" at all. It could've been a particular 'friend' if you know what I mean.

and

I would cut it off, swiftly and quickly. End all communication and be done. Move on, it's not worth the emotional back & forth you'll inevitably end up going through (based on what you've shared).

Good luck boss.
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  #4  
Old 05-29-2012, 06:46 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by adamjohnson View Post
Life isnt a fairy tale. Its over. She said she wanted to be single. LISTEN.
Thanks for being so blunt. I mean that earnestly. This is what I believe as well, it's just that I've had a hard time swallowing that pill since this took me by surprise. It's what I need to hear, despite not wanting to hear it. She literally told me she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me a week ago, and now this... It's crazy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jaw2929 View Post
Two things:

She may not've been hanging out with her friends til the early hours of the morning. It may not have been her "friends" at all. It could've been a particular 'friend' if you know what I mean.

and

I would cut it off, swiftly and quickly. End all communication and be done. Move on, it's not worth the emotional back & forth you'll inevitably end up going through (based on what you've shared).

Good luck boss.
I... I have a hard time believing the first, though it does scratch the back of my mind as those whom she was supposedly hanging with used to be in the raving scene with her when she was a bit younger, it made me a little worried.

And I totally agree with the second. However, it's much more difficult than it sounds, mainly due to the fact that we used to consider each other best friends. It's like I lost my best friend and girlfriend at the same time.
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  #5  
Old 05-29-2012, 07:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by adamjohnson View Post
Life isnt a fairy tale. Its over. She said she wanted to be single. LISTEN.
Very wise words. I would take this to heart.
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  #6  
Old 05-29-2012, 07:35 PM
It's never easy man. In fact, it's quite an (emotional) pain in the ass actually. It's tough, no doubt. Just relax though and understand this ain't the end of the world and there are plenty of others out there for you.
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  #7  
Old 05-29-2012, 07:38 PM
Honestly, I agree with every bit of advice given here from my own experience. However, I'm not exactly the "quitting" type. I know that I've had a heck of a lot of feelings left up in the air over the years, and I'm not going to pretend that I don't have any even at this moment which come to mind. I think that you should tell her you love her and want to be with her, but you can't play these games and that although you're (t)here for her, you don't want that stress. That way you can tell her how you feel without having to see the inevitable. (And the inevitable is unbearable, in my opinion.) I don't want to tell you what to do, but that is what I would have done in the past, had I the hindsight I now do. Hope that helps, man, and you have my deepest condolences.
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  #8  
Old 05-29-2012, 09:39 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by adamjohnson View Post
Life isnt a fairy tale. Its over. She said she wanted to be single. LISTEN.
This is the advice I follow/give but perhaps I phrase it a little differently.

Q: Why live life if you are going to die?
A: Because it is a worthwhile experience while it lasts and an eventual ending does not alter that fact.

A relationship is more or less like life: It has a beginning, middle, and end (assuming there is not some abrupt ending) and there are ups and downs. The problem in a relationship is that, unlike death, the end is not an unambiguous position which doesn't allow for dissension. However, unlike life, you get to take a few cracks at the cycle.

My suggestion is that you recognize and appreciate that this is the end and prepare/accept a new cycle is looming.
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  #9  
Old 05-29-2012, 11:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gordon View Post
This is the advice I follow/give but perhaps I phrase it a little differently.

Q: Why live life if you are going to die?
A: Because it is a worthwhile experience while it lasts and an eventual ending does not alter that fact.

A relationship is more or less like life: It has a beginning, middle, and end (assuming there is not some abrupt ending) and there are ups and downs. The problem in a relationship is that, unlike death, the end is not an unambiguous position which doesn't allow for dissension. However, unlike life, you get to take a few cracks at the cycle.

My suggestion is that you recognize and appreciate that this is the end and prepare/accept a new cycle is looming.
Wow. Extremely well said sir, I like your thought process on the whole thing!
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  #10  
Old 05-29-2012, 11:41 PM
Quote:
She literally told me she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me a week ago, and now this... It's crazy.
Women are wired a bit differently than men. But listen to adam, he basically nails it. Nothing else to say here, really. It'll pass with a bit of time though.
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  #11  
Old 05-30-2012, 12:51 AM
The healthiest thing you can do, for both of you, is to drive by her house 3 or 4 times a night. Make sure you call from a blocked number at LEAST 10 times a day and hangup when she answers. Make thoughtful and expressive mix-tapes and put them on her porch every night on your last drive by the house. She'll be back in your arms before you know it.

Seriously though, I agree with the concensus advise. Its not easier, but cutting all ties and letting the pain run its course will definitely see you happy and healthy in a few months. The most important part is to have NO contact, the process cant run its course if you keep re-opening the wound, so to speak. Ive had to do it, it sucks, but it makes you stronger and wiser for the next relationship.
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  #12  
Old 05-30-2012, 01:42 AM
It's hard to pin down what you're going through. You've had an amazing time with this girl, possibly the time of your life. But now it looks like it's going South and you're trying to figure it out.

Let's examine the facts:
  • You had a distant relationship.
This can go a few ways. There's the happy ending where you both stayed faithful and romantic, and your love endured throguhout the semesters. There's also the not-so-happy ending where somebody cheated once or twice (could be forgivable, depending on the circumstances), and that can be worked out, dpending on the person's ability to forgive. Then there's the horrible ending where one person completely took advantage of the distance and faith and lied about it.

I'll say this on long-distance relationships (I've been in enough of them to know): enduring one (regardless of how far apart you are) will definitely take a toll on you. Not having the object of your affection with you is definitely a negative. Emotionally, it only gets worse the more you dwell on your wanting and their absence; there's nothing you can do about it, it's a vicious cycle. Physically, your hormones and sex drive are building up like a pressure valve, and you will definitely need some form of relief or else someone will get hurt. A person has needs, and everyone is different as to how much of those needs are necessary/reasonable.

  • She is the one who ended it.
You have to realize this. She is the one who is breaking away. There are some possible reasons for this: she could be sick and tired of you and wants to leave forever, she could kindly just want to not be your girlfriend anymore (and stay friends), and it's even possible that she just wants some time away from you (some people really do want to evaluate their lives and feel what it's like to not have that other person, but only to contrast how their life with them...doesn't mean they want to leave). There are a whole plethora of things that could be happening, and they're all too complex to explain.

But I will agree with everyone on one thing: you can't be waiting for her while she's not there. You need to get up on your feet and do your own thing. Easier said than done, I know, but come on...you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here (loneliness, population: You). You have to get back out there and live life again. She definitely is...you could do with some action. She wants some space between you, so give it to her.

Now I can't finish this thought without referring to Jon Favreau's movie SWINGERS because it really does encompass what you're going through quite nicely. Boy, am I glad we're talking about this on a movie forum, lol.

Last edited by Exophrine; 05-30-2012 at 10:17 AM..
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  #13  
Old 05-30-2012, 04:48 AM
As harsh as it sounds, accept that you're broken up and move on. This is purely based on that I've now hit 40 and if I could look back and give young me some relationship advise. For whatever reason, and it appears she's given you a few, whether they are true or made up, it's not worth pursuing.
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  #14  
Old 05-30-2012, 12:29 PM
There is a lot of stuff you are leaving out.

Women don't break up with great guys for no good reason. Her excuse is all about her and I say you break up, get out of her life and move on. I know it will be hard and she was your first, but she sucks. She has been lying to you and is full of shit. If she really loved you and was happy with your relationship, she would not have done that to you.

You sound young, so you have nothing to worry about. Go out and find a new girl to date. Again, I know it is going to be hard. If you keep doing what you are doing, you are going to send her a message you don't want sent. She wants to break up and keep you as backup or something like that. Fuck that! Unfriend her on Facebook. No more emails. No more phone calls. Don't think about her. Drop her ass.

Maybe she comes back, but even if she does, fuck her. Litterally, fuck her and that is it. You have to play games with her and just use her for sex and that is it. You will have to make her earn it all back.

I know this sounds harsh, but you need to move on. She already did. Forget hope and just move on. You will be better served finding someone who is not a selfish liar like she is. There are tons of great women out there for you.
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  #15  
Old 05-30-2012, 09:41 PM
Oh l was reading your post and l feel so sorry about what happened in your breakup and it is true we can fall in love and we think we will be with that person forever but sometimes we need a break and like she said she wanted to look at other things in her life

You are young still and you might even get her back if you let her experiece things but you might not too

i think everyone has broken up with a person and it is heart breaking
I hate it when a person will not talk to you personally and use the computer to send a email and end it that way
At least she didnt do that

Well that is a true qestion women dont break up if they are happy with there bloke

Sometimes we break up because we are not getting enough love and affection or that person just doesnt come across as what we wanted in the first place

it can be many reasons not spending enough time together or you might be spendnig to much too

You also say about moving on from someone you love but it is hard to do that too

But it takes a while to realize that person is not interested anymore

I dont think she is a bullshit artist at least she had the guts to talk about things sometimes people will not give a reason for wanting to leave a relationship

I felt so sad when you posted how you felt and l can tell you it is hard but if you take abit of time you will move on but dont expect to get over it in one night

Go out with freinds you dont have to date just yet just enjoy life
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  #16  
Old 05-30-2012, 09:49 PM
Oh Erroneous you make me laugh
You say that if this girl comes back to just have sex with her that is wrong
If l had a bloke do that to me l would not be happy with him to do that to me

I would just be freinds with her and if things change over a few monthes and you still have feelings for each other go for it

Never use a girl in that way if you loved her

I have broke up with guys and then a year later they wanted me back but in my case we were freinds

Or l had met someone else
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  #17  
Old 05-30-2012, 09:55 PM
I'd take Erroneous' advice and say "fuck her"(cut off all ties with her) and go out and meet new chicks.

Remember, time heals all wounds. You'll get over her and be killin it once again.

Last edited by echo_bravo; 05-31-2012 at 08:40 AM..
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  #18  
Old 05-30-2012, 09:59 PM
Geez dont be so creul after this break she might want him back and l can tell you that the advice you are giving this young bloke is wrong
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  #19  
Old 05-31-2012, 05:53 AM
A lot of good advice has been given here.

Just wanted to assure you that this will start hurting less some day, things will be less confusing, and you will even care less about her. I don't mean this to be cold, it's just reality. You will be alright.
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  #20  
Old 05-31-2012, 11:31 AM
Well I thought I might provide some more details for those whom say there has to be more behind the breakup:

Our relationship wasn't perfect as we did occasionally fight. Approximately once every month and a half-two months, I would kind of "freak out." Three relationships prior to this girl resulted in me being cheated on so I had a hard time with trust and self-esteem when it came to relationships. I would get depressed and down on myself, tell her she could do better, etc. She said it took a toll on the relationship and was hurtful for her to hear me speak of us or the relationship that way. 90% of the time I was confident and relaxed and the relationship was care-free. We would often laugh out loud together due to us believing the relationship was too good to be true.

However, she would be depressed after every episode and I had one almost two weeks prior to our breakup. I have a feeling this is what she meant when she said she was tired of trying, perhaps tired of trying to help me get over my insecurities.

Additionally, after speaking to some friends, I have a few other contributing factors that I might mention:

I know for a fact that her old friends from her raving days told her that she should be single for the summer and not be tied down. I must also mention, and this is probably very important, she is still 19--about to turn 20 in a few months. Although she's lived more or less o her own since she was 16, she still hasn't reached 25 yet and her brain, personality, and wants in life are understandably still developing. I believe that she might additionally be in conflict with herself--on one hand, wanting to hang out with her old party friends and on the other hand wanting to hang out with her new church-going and positive friends (some of our mutual friends). She's most likely struggling with the transition between being a girl and a woman.

I was somewhat aware and wary of this even before we started dating--I asked her several times before and during the relationship if she wanted to be serious together as I understood she was still young. She'd always assure me that while she was still young, her wild days were behind her and she knew what she wanted in life.

Anyway, perhaps these details are too personal, but I thought it might put our relationship in a clearer light.
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  #21  
Old 05-31-2012, 01:34 PM
http://yourideahere.umbc.edu/ARTISTS...n/hts/hts.html
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  #22  
Old 05-31-2012, 02:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by FireCaptain4 View Post
She's most likely struggling with the transition between being a girl and a woman.
.
Lol... dude you are seriously over thinking this.
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  #23  
Old 05-31-2012, 02:55 PM
FireCaptain, one thing I DO know is this: For the majority (if not all) of women, a guy with low self-esteem and no self-confidence/being extremely insecure is a HUGE turn off.

I've found people in general tend to be more attracted to those who are confident in themselves and who they are. Hell many women love arrogant jerkoff's as well. It's a bizarre twisted fuck of a thing, but it is true in many cases.

While easier said than done, you've gotta work on being more confident. The way I do it, is I get narcissitic. I take the attitude that if a woman's not attracted to me or not into me, she must have bad vision and is a lowlife with shit taste in men anyway - or she's gay.
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  #24  
Old 05-31-2012, 02:57 PM

The best thing you can do is take all of the time and energy you had previously spent on her and invest it back into yourself. Get a gym membership, learn a new skill/talent (I went with guitar), and work on getting yourself together. I get that a break-up is tough, but you're looking back when you should be looking ahead. Life is finite; don't waste it worrying about things that have already happened as that simply isn't going to change. Hate to sound like a motivational speaker, but I went through a similar tough break-up, spent the next two years improving myself (not for her sake, but because I realized I'd spent more time worrying about others - her, in particular - than I had on myself). Now I'm in the best shape I've ever been, have a solid group of friends that like the same type of random shit I do, a pretty good job, and I am finishing up my medical degree. Needless to say, life goes on no matter what, so make sure you make the best of it.
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  #25  
Old 05-31-2012, 03:49 PM
She's young and like most young people she wants to experience the world, in this situation without being attached to another person. Freedom doesn't necessarily exclude having a partner but when you're in your 20s and in college... I mean it's college!

I'm sure she likes you and what you had in the past was real for both of you. My guess is she just doesn't want someone to keep a check on her as her world is opening up.

But dude you're in college too. These coming years could be so fucking awesome! Live life man, maybe not the most comforting words at the moment but there is soo much to discover at your age. You really could be having the time of your life. Hope it all works out
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  #26  
Old 06-01-2012, 09:52 AM
You have to respect her decision; it sucks, but things will get better for you in time. Cherish the good stuff, learn from the bad stuff, and move on. Take your time moving on, but move on. Relationships take work, effort, and time. Sometimes people just aren't willing to do all that.

Take some time for yourself; hang out with friends, watch movies, go on a date with somebody else. Things will get better.
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  #27  
Old 06-01-2012, 01:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Erroneous View Post
There is a lot of stuff you are leaving out. .
Yeah, there is always more to the story. Nailed it, baby!

Quote:
Originally Posted by FireCaptain4 View Post
Well I thought I might provide some more details for those whom say there has to be more behind the breakup:

Our relationship wasn't perfect as we did occasionally fight. Approximately once every month and a half-two months, I would kind of "freak out." Three relationships prior to this girl resulted in me being cheated on so I had a hard time with trust and self-esteem when it came to relationships. I would get depressed and down on myself, tell her she could do better, etc. She said it took a toll on the relationship and was hurtful for her to hear me speak of us or the relationship that way. 90% of the time I was confident and relaxed and the relationship was care-free. We would often laugh out loud together due to us believing the relationship was too good to be true.

However, she would be depressed after every episode and I had one almost two weeks prior to our breakup. I have a feeling this is what she meant when she said she was tired of trying, perhaps tired of trying to help me get over my insecurities.
Dude, you have to get over whatever happened in the past and do not carry that shit over from relationship to relationship. Use it as knowledge and experience and that is it. Just because one chick cheated on you, does not mean future ones will too. You need to work on you. Seriously.
Quote:
Additionally, after speaking to some friends, I have a few other contributing factors that I might mention:

I know for a fact that her old friends from her raving days told her that she should be single for the summer and not be tied down. I must also mention, and this is probably very important, she is still 19--about to turn 20 in a few months. Although she's lived more or less o her own since she was 16, she still hasn't reached 25 yet and her brain, personality, and wants in life are understandably still developing. I believe that she might additionally be in conflict with herself--on one hand, wanting to hang out with her old party friends and on the other hand wanting to hang out with her new church-going and positive friends (some of our mutual friends). She's most likely struggling with the transition between being a girl and a woman.
I am married, but I want to meet this girl. She in Philly?
As for your second part, you think too much. I say that to women all the time.

Quote:
I was somewhat aware and wary of this even before we started dating--I asked her several times before and during the relationship if she wanted to be serious together as I understood she was still young. She'd always assure me that while she was still young, her wild days were behind her and she knew what she wanted in life.

Anyway, perhaps these details are too personal, but I thought it might put our relationship in a clearer light.
Dude, next time, not this time, do not talk about things getting serious. Just let things happen. Don't make any mistakes by trying to define anything for the first year unless she brings it up. I am guessing you grew up without a dad or at least a good dad and friends. Dude, I will be your friend. Private message me and I will be your big brother. If you live in Philly, we will get a cheesesteak at Pats. Bring nude pics of her, because I know you have them. lol Kidding. OK I am not.


I should start my own love advise thread for men and boys.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Bondgirl View Post
Oh Erroneous you make me laugh
You say that if this girl comes back to just have sex with her that is wrong
If l had a bloke do that to me l would not be happy with him to do that to me
Yes, that is the whole point. She and he are no good together. They should not be together. I have no issues with two people who just want to have sex. They call is no strings attached. He should not see her except for sex
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  #28  
Old 06-01-2012, 09:38 PM
Well when you said that you got depressed at diffrent times and she in other words in the end couldnt cope with your emotions l could understand her walking away

I know a person who gets depressed all the time and it can get on your nerves if that person continues to complian about the same thing


I know sometimes people do cheat but not everyone does this if they love a person

I feel that you are young and you have alot of experieces ahead of you and you will meet alot of people who will stick around while others will go out of your life

Consider this as a experiece and l can tell you that we are always learning things through life

i know this relationship will still get at you because she was your first love and you will have some beautiful memorys of how you met this girl and how happy you were at times

Emorroneus

Well the two of them did have there happy moments and got to know each other
Sometimes if you had a good conection you can still remain freinds

I feel as though thie member brought more forward about what happened and it is sad that it ended and l rthink it is worse when it is your first love and it does take a while before you move on and he will move on

Well l do think that if you were together and you had repect for each other you would not use each other for sex Erronoeus

Why hurt each other more

But if they still love each other you wouldnt want to hurt the other person by having sex and then telling them to leave l know l wouldnt like it

Well l also do not have problems with two people having sex but it has to be for the right reasons
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  #29  
Old 06-01-2012, 11:46 PM
When it all comes down to it, you need to know one and only thing.

Before she told you, she weighted the pros and cons plenty.

It is over. You're not going to "convince" her to come back.
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  #30  
Old 06-01-2012, 11:51 PM
Well even though it is over between these two it is was nice that they got to speak about how they felt

I know it is sad to part but just say if she didnt say anything you would have been qestioning her then or following her to see waht she was getting up too

it is always great to get everything out in the open instead of keeping secrets that is the worst thing
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  #31  
Old 06-02-2012, 12:13 PM
Thanks for all the advice guys/gals. Things are getting a bit better and I've been hanging with some of my close friends for the past few days who are certainly helping in the matter.

But one important update: She contacted me yesterday via text and we talked for a bit. After a few messages, she expressed interest in still going along with me to a movie I bought tickets for (that opens this weekend, you know the one) prior to us breaking up. Obviously she wants to go as friends to see if it works. Weighing out my options, I suggested we each bring a mutual friend along for the night out for support (just under the possibility that things may get awkward). As of now, she hasn't responded to that idea.

But I would like to stand up for myself in regards to some of the responses. It is true that I am terrible at relationships and this was my first serious one, but I excell at almost every other aspect in my life. I'm physically in great condition, quite bright and have a high level of education in the engineering field, and I'm one of the most charismatic and funny individuals within my circle of friends. I also have a very strong and encouraging family--quite supportive and strong parents. I would say, after self reflection, that my lack of belief in loyalty when it comes to relationships lasting (I've been cheated on three times) is definitely amoung my biggest faults. Perhaps the biggest.

Last edited by FireCaptain4; 06-02-2012 at 12:16 PM..
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  #32  
Old 06-02-2012, 12:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by FireCaptain4 View Post
Thanks for all the advice guys/gals. Things are getting a bit better and I've been hanging with some of my close friends for the past few days who are certainly helping in the matter.

But one important update: She contacted me yesterday via text and we talked for a bit. After a few messages, she expressed interest in still going along with me to a movie I bought tickets for (that opens this weekend, you know the one) prior to us breaking up. Obviously she wants to go as friends to see if it works. Weighing out my options, I suggested we each bring a mutual friend along for the night out for support (just under the possibility that things may get awkward). As of now, she hasn't responded to that idea.

But I would like to stand up for myself in regards to some of the responses. It is true that I am terrible at relationships and this was my first serious one, but I excell at almost every other aspect in my life. I'm physically in great condition, quite bright and have a high level of education in the engineering field, and I'm one of the most charismatic and funny individuals within my circle of friends. I also have a very strong and encouraging family--quite supportive and strong parents. I would say, after self reflection, that my lack of belief in loyalty when it comes to relationships lasting (I've been cheated on three times) is definitely amoung my biggest faults. Perhaps the biggest.
A relationship isnt something youre good or bad at. Its not an olympic sport, nor is it something guys/girls factor into the decision to 'like' someone.

Ypu just havenet met the right person. Its merely a question of compatibility. Just because youre not life-long compatible with someone doesnt mean youre a bad bf, or theyre a bad gf.

Always remember the journey is the reward.
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  #33  
Old 06-02-2012, 01:22 PM
There's been some wise words posted in this thread, but I just wanted to add something that might make you feel better.

Exercise and work out. A lot. It'll help you feel better because of the endorphins and you'll look better. And then if you get the chance, let the girl see you somewhere. At a party, at school, etc. The point of this isn't to win her back. It's to show her what a mistake she's made. I've done this, and it's a confidence booster because the girl will automatically be attracted to you but you'll be like...

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  #34  
Old 06-02-2012, 01:25 PM
I'd be more concerned about not getting laid again by a different girl and soon. If you don't get laid again maybe there's a chance you could revert back to virgin like behavior.

The pussy must never be put on a pedestal. There are reasons why you hadn't had any sex earlier in your life. Losing your virginity, you're like a snake shedding it's skin. Take this gift you've been given and never look back.
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  #35  
Old 06-03-2012, 09:25 PM
Hey it is great that you are feeling better about things
it is hard going l know alot of members have been through the same thing at times

i know l have and it is very hard to get back up again
I was dumped by email and blocked all over the palce
I didnt have the chance to talk things out but in the end l found him and we spoke about things
he wanted to move on and for me to move on l had to talk to him and tell him how upset on how things ended not getting the chance to respond is terrible

i went through being upset to being very angry it was like greiving

But getting back to you
I have to say l am proud that your exgirlfreind is talking to you and trying to sort through stuff

If she didnt repond to you bringing freinds along l would suggest that she only wanted you there

You never know all this might work out and l would have to say that talking about things is better than not talking at all

L would not judge you because it is hard losing someone you love and if things dont work out at least you have tried every way

So you are edcated and fit and everything well any girl would go after that grins

Well l think that some people here have had a few relationships that having worked out or regreted

Some we wish we didnt leave
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  #36  
Old 06-04-2012, 09:17 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cop No. 633 View Post
Exercise and work out. A lot. It'll help you feel better because of the endorphins and you'll look better. And then if you get the chance, let the girl see you somewhere. At a party, at school, etc. The point of this isn't to win her back. It's to show her what a mistake she's made.
WRONG. Exercise for yourself. Don't do anything to "get back at her."

The best thing you can do to "get revenge" is to MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.


Quote:
But one important update: She contacted me yesterday via text and we talked for a bit. After a few messages, she expressed interest in still going along with me to a movie I bought tickets for (that opens this weekend, you know the one) prior to us breaking up. Obviously she wants to go as friends to see if it works. Weighing out my options, I suggested we each bring a mutual friend along for the night out for support (just under the possibility that things may get awkward). As of now, she hasn't responded to that idea.
Seems like a pretty horrible idea to me.
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  #37  
Old 06-04-2012, 09:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by FireCaptain4 View Post
But one important update: She contacted me yesterday via text and we talked for a bit. After a few messages, she expressed interest in still going along with me to a movie I bought tickets for (that opens this weekend, you know the one) prior to us breaking up. Obviously she wants to go as friends to see if it works. Weighing out my options, I suggested we each bring a mutual friend along for the night out for support (just under the possibility that things may get awkward). As of now, she hasn't responded to that idea.
Don't be a sucker. Make her buy her own damn ticket and go with all her friends that she rather hang out with than with you. You can be friends with her when you move on and no longer want to date her. Otherwise, you are going to close yourself off to all others and pray she comes around and wants to go back out with you. You make yourself look like a loser and she is not going to respect a loser.

I sure hope that mutual friend was some other hot girl that you brought. Or if she brought a girl, you flirted with her. Women are jealous by nature.

Quote:
But I would like to stand up for myself in regards to some of the responses. It is true that I am terrible at relationships and this was my first serious one, but I excell at almost every other aspect in my life. I'm physically in great condition, quite bright and have a high level of education in the engineering field, and I'm one of the most charismatic and funny individuals within my circle of friends. I also have a very strong and encouraging family--quite supportive and strong parents. I would say, after self reflection, that my lack of belief in loyalty when it comes to relationships lasting (I've been cheated on three times) is definitely amoung my biggest faults. Perhaps the biggest.
I have news for you. You did not have a serious relationship. You dated for a while and had sex. That is it. She was never serious and you can't call what you had serious if it is one sides.

I am not doubting you on what you sat abouy yourself, but you should explore why you have been cheated on so many times. Is it you or is it you have bad taste in women? If you are as great as you say, you should have no issues in finding new ladies to date. Now forget this chick and go date them
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  #38  
Old 06-04-2012, 12:39 PM
Well, the tickets were for Prometheus and it wouldn't be until this upcoming Saturday, but I called it off last night, for reasons stated above and more. It just wouldn't be a good idea. What I need now is to move on and focus on other things, she doesn't want to lose me as a friend because she still has a good time when we go out, but she just doesn't have loving feelings for me anymore. To me, it's not worth it.
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  #39  
Old 06-04-2012, 12:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Erroneous View Post
I have news for you. You did not have a serious relationship. You dated for a while and had sex. That is it. She was never serious and you can't call what you had serious if it is one sides.
I think it was, I just think, for her, the romance fizzled out. She came to my public engineering presentations in boardrooms full of industry personnel just to show her support for me even when most of everything that was being talked about went over her head. She talked about wanting to have kids with me and where and when she wanted to get married. She was serious and, because I loved her, I didn't find those things weird. Once she started talking about these things, I started investing more into the relationship and then, one night, I freaked out and that scared her off. She tried to make it work but she was tired of trying after that last fight. I've accepted that. And now I'm moving on--not to other women, but to focus on myself and to concentrate on finishing my education, building up my career, and making new friends and enjoying new experiences.

I took the break up really hard over the course of the last week, but after talking to her last night, I've finally accepted what has happened and am "okay" with it.
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  #40  
Old 06-04-2012, 12:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by FireCaptain4 View Post
I think it was, I just think, for her, the romance fizzled out. She came to my public engineering presentations in boardrooms full of industry personnel just to show her support for me even when most of everything that was being talked about went over her head. She talked about wanting to have kids with me and where and when she wanted to get married. She was serious and, because I loved her, I didn't find those things weird. Once she started talking about these things, I started investing more into the relationship and then, one night, I freaked out and that scared her off. She tried to make it work but she was tired of trying after that last fight. I've accepted that. And now I'm moving on--not to other women, but to focus on myself and to concentrate on finishing my education, building up my career, and making new friends and enjoying new experiences.

I took the break up really hard over the course of the last week, but after talking to her last night, I've finally accepted what has happened and am "okay" with it.
It's nearly impossible to have a real, serious relationship until you've both had your hearts broken a few times.

Be man. Focus on yourself. I got dumped nearly 5 years ago and have been single ever since. And, outside of the first year or so, has been the best time of my life. Enjoy it while you can. Sooner or later, a child, a mortgage or a woman is going to tie you down for life.
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