Jessica Alba Makes Dolphins Horny!

[ElderPredator]

Hey everybody,

I know what you're thinking when you read the title of this thread. You're thinking that that sounds pretty retarded but it is an actual fact that back in the earlier days when Jessica Alba was busy filming "Flipper", the male dolphins she filmed with were constantly aroused by her and have tried to hump her. She told MTV in a recent interview:

Probably nobody realizes that dolphins get horny too. They have very long, long... (penises) and I did not know this until I was being jabbed in the leg, which was very gross. It was the worst experience of my life!"

She then requested afterwards to have female dolphins as she was tired of the horny bastards trying to hump her. Wow, I guess that male dolphins and us guys really have something in common. We think that Jessica Alba is so hot. I personally can't believe this but it is true and quite hilarious.

Link: http://www.hotonlinenews.com/2006/06...lphins_On.html

If you were a dolphin, would this make you horny?

[jackson13]

Originally posted by ElderPredator
Probably nobody realizes that dolphins get horny too. They have very long, long... (penises) and I did not know this until I was being jabbed in the leg, which was very gross. It was the worst experience of my life!"

Well I officially have no chance with her then. I cant help it im very long, long and jab girls in the leg. Most girls I know like it, but if Jessica doesnt, then what can I do?

Guess I'll just have to go jab Lohan in the leg. That girl will do anyone.

[gorysnoopy]

^^


~waits for Rusty to enter thread~

[Mentiroso]

Well I am half Dolphin (a Jewfin) and well, she does get me horny, although Christina Ricci gets us Jewfins hotter and hornier.

[jeo4]

If she weren't such a robocunt, I bet she'd make a lot of species horny.

[ElderPredator]

Originally posted by jeo4
If she weren't such a robocunt, I bet she'd make a lot of species horny.

That's hilarious, robocunt!

[outsyder]

Dolphins, so like us . . . .

[thedudeman69]

Originally posted by outsyder
Dolphins, so like us . . . .

Yep. They think with their dick instead of their head.

[bigred760]

Originally posted by ElderPredator
. . . and I did not know this until I was being jabbed in the leg . . ."

We're allowed to do that?

[Backstabba]

Originally posted by outsyder
Dolphins, so like us . . . .

Amen to that.

[ComeNightfall]

...is also waiting patiently for Rusty to enter the thread.

[Tagia_Romero]

Originally posted by thedudeman69
Yep. They think with their dick instead of their head.

*REALLY bites her tongue...*

[Scorpio24]

Originally posted by Tagia_Romero
*REALLY bites her tongue...*

Haha. Takes alot of restraint on that one huh?

[Scorpio24]

I was just about to go on a tirade about how I now hate Dolphins and that they should exterminated.

However..........


I didn't realise Alba was going to be the source. She's just such an unbearable cunt it continues to amaze me. Look at me i'm so hot I turn on Dolphins.

Every Christmas I ask God to be allowed to kill just 1 person and be forgiven for it. Just 1. I did have quite along hit list. That's changed. All I can say is that God must be an Alba fan because he ain't giving it to me.

[Tagia_Romero]

Dolphins are cute though.

[SpongeBod]

And delicious.

[bigred760]

Originally posted by Scorpio24
All I can say is that God must be an Alba fan because he ain't giving it to me.

Yeah, that's the reason.

[RustyRazor]

Hey, everybody.




Now before I get going, let me just say I actually like dolphins.
Beautiful creatures, they are.



...but now I have to wonder.
These things are supposed to be rather intelligent...so if they were, couldn't they realize how much of a BITCH this broad is and just spew their blowholes out at her?

(Wait. She probably likes getting spewed on. Scratch that.)

Let's take this a step further.

When she was filming Flipper, she was 14 years old.
14 YEARS OLD!
So these dolphins she was filming with are pedophiles as well as having no fucking taste, hunh?!

"Dolphins get sexually aroused by fourteen year old girl"

See now, SHARKS I believe are much smarter than dolphins at this point and I would PAY GOOD MONEY if they had her swimming around in a shark tank!

Warner Bros!
Dreamworks! Make this movie!

JESSICA ALBA in CHUM

also starring Paul Walker, Josh Lucas, and Ludacris.

"There's always more room in the tank...." (what a tagline!)

A RUSTYRAZOR FILM


So to sum up ONCE AGAIN:

*Dolphins have zero taste
*They like 'em young
*Jessica Alba is a festering bitch that couldn't act her way out of a wet paper bag
*But if she could fill the theaters with dolphins, her movies would be box office gold

(They can build dolphin tanks inside of the Loews Theaters, can't they?)
(Jessica Alba...FUCK YOU!)

Thank you.

[gorysnoopy]

I'd pay good money to see Chum.



"There's always more room in the tank..."-fucking great

[LoomisFan]

Indeed, "Chum" sounds like the best film ever.

[kewljoe]

Can I be one of the sharks cuz I would sure love to eat her

[AWP82]

Originally posted by jeo4
robocunt

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MacReady]

Am I the only one who instantly though of that episode of King Of The Hill when I saw the thread's title?

[outsyder]

Originally posted by MacReady
Am I the only one who instantly though of that episode of King Of The Hill when I saw the thread's title?

Oh yeah, that was a weird one.

[ilovemovies]

What's with all the intense hatred?

To me, she comes off as a sweetheart in the interviews I've seen her in. She's so freaking gorgeous and sexy and has such an infectious smile. Unlike a lot of her peers, she's not a media hound. I don't hear about her ALL THE TIME and when I do it's usually when she has a movie coming out or is hosting something or something like that.

And while she may not be a great actress, there are far worse actresses out there. And even if she was awful, that's not deserving of intense hatred. It's just not reason enough for such intense negativity.

So, what's up?

[Scorpio24]

Originally posted by ilovemovies
What's with all the intense hatred?
Unlike a lot of her peers, she's not a media hound. I don't hear about her ALL THE TIME

Ha.................haha...........................BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
























































You were kidding right?


HAHAHA.

Of course you was.

Funny guy

[ilovemovies]

Compared to Brad and Angelina, and Tom and Katie and Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears and K-fed? Yeah, I'd say compared to those celebs she's really not too overexposed. And I could probably go on and name plenty of other people who are more overexposed than Alba.

[Lost in Space]

Originally posted by ilovemovies
Compared to Brad and Angelina, and Tom and Katie and Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears and K-fed? Yeah, I'd say compared to those celebs she's really not too overexposed. And I could probably go on and name plenty of other people who are more overexposed than Alba.

thank you, i agree
but that said we both just entered very dangerous terain

[Lost in Space]

Originally posted by Mentiroso
Well I am half Dolphin (a Jewfin) and well, she does get me horny, although Christina Ricci gets us Jewfins hotter and hornier.

ROFL mad props to you

[Scorpio24]

Originally posted by ilovemovies
Compared to Brad and Angelina, and Tom and Katie and Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears and K-fed? Yeah, I'd say compared to those celebs she's really not too overexposed. And I could probably go on and name plenty of other people who are more overexposed than Alba.

Well now see that's a little different to your 1st post. The one where you couldn't understand the hatred because she's so freaking gorgeous and as an infectious smile.

She's a beautifull girl. No denying that. You say you don't see her media hound. I dissagree. I'm fed up of her and hearing about her. But that's cool. Prehaps i'm looking harder. i doubt it but you never know.

I think she's a piss poor actress. PISS POOR. But yet from when ever I herar her talk I'd swear there was a woman that is on the top of her game.

I've gone on about why I personaly hate her over and over. There is a thread in the rant section if you're really interested.


She may not be as in the media as much as who you have mentioned. But whenever she is it's because she is supposedly so talented. Um no.


It's all good though. I hate her. You don't. no harm done either way.

[echo_bravo]

It would of been great if the dolphins raped her.

[RustyRazor]

Originally posted by ilovemovies
What's with all the intense hatred?

To me, she comes off as a sweetheart in the interviews I've seen her in. She's so freaking gorgeous and sexy and has such an infectious smile. Unlike a lot of her peers, she's not a media hound. I don't hear about her ALL THE TIME and when I do it's usually when she has a movie coming out or is hosting something or something like that.

And while she may not be a great actress, there are far worse actresses out there. And even if she was awful, that's not deserving of intense hatred. It's just not reason enough for such intense negativity.

So, what's up?

To truly explain why I hate her would push the message length parameters so I really need to sum it.

She's a bitch.
She CANNOT act.
And when you put those two things together, it doesn't add up.

If you can't act but you're the "salt of the earth", I have no problem with you.

If you win an Academy Award but you're a bitch on wheels, I have a problem with you...but at least there's a reason for your head being the size of a small planetoid.

"Do you know her personally? How can you say she's a bitch?"

Cause the media has filled me in!
I got it straight from the grapevine!
Every instance of her bitchiness!

"So you believe everything you read or hear, Rusty?"

I didn't used to, but with the media's straight intrusivness into the stars' private lives and their ability to root out what eventually (90% of the time) becomes true, I believe every fucking word.

AND SHE CAN'T FUCKING ACT!

I did a retrospective on her acting career in the "I HATE HER" thread started by fellow compatriot Scorpio 24 and if you can dispute any of her award winning ( ) acting performances, I'll give you a dollar.

I personally am tired of those that are given an opportunity that most would do anything for crapping on others because they think their shit doesn't stink.

WELL it does stink and I'm tired of it being propped up in my face like it's the newest fragrance to be worshipped.

She's admired for her beauty, hands fucking down, and the sooner everyone admits that, the better off we'll all be.

In conclusion:

Jessica Alba...FUCK YOU...

RR

[gorysnoopy]

God I love Rusty.

[RustyRazor]

Originally posted by gorysnoopy
God I love Rusty.

Thank you, Snoopy.

And to those dolphins that got turned by a fourteen year old, talentless actress...

You're bringing down the classification of being called "mammals" so I'm going to just consider you fish, okay?

Sorry, Flipper, but you fucked up. All right?

And just to reiterate...


Jessica Alba...FUCK YOU...

RR