Darchangel Presents: Love Taps- The Lost Boys

[darchangel]

After a long hiatus, everyone's favorite breasty hugger has returned, with a little series I like to call 'Love Taps.'

It's basically where I take a movie I adored and make snide and hopefully humorous little observations. For my virgin post in this series, I have decided to do my much cherished vamp film: The Lost Boys (9/10).

Let it also be said that there are spoilers galore....you've been warned.

Here we go...hope you enjoy it!



Love Taps: The Lost Boys


Tap #1) Opening carousel scene- David, please explain to me again why you have Star on layaway while you're hitting on a girl who looks like the mating result of Michael Bolton and a chimpanzee. Star might have big hair and a lot of bracelets, but come the fuck on, man.

Tap #2) The concert scene- Okay writers, you want Star to appear ethereal and sexy, right? So then for the love of god, please make her stop dancing. Maybe she should've asked for dance lessons from the male stripper with the saxophone. At least he was shaking it like he was gonna get paid.

Tap #3) Note to Lucy: How stupid do you have to be to take a lollipop, a job, or a date offer from a guy that looks like this?



I guess we'll chalk this up to her apparent blindness, since she also make a reference to the vamp crew looking better than she did at that age. I guess she didn't see three heads full of White Rain and the bleached blonde flat top MULLET.

Tap #4) Two quick observations about Sam:

First, he's the biggest pussy of a kid I've ever seen. We're led to believe that he's somewhere between the ages of eleven and fourteen. What boy that age is going to admit to his MOM that he's afraid of the closet monster? What boy that age still sleeps with his mommy when he's scared or takes bubble baths, for that matter?

And second, he's completely gay. Not that it bothers me, I have tons of gay friends. But really, if one of my gay boys had a wall-sized pin up poster of Rob Lowe on their closet door, I would not hesitate in making them a hate crime. Also, did anyone else notice the wall-sized poster of Molly Ringwald from Sixteen Candles? Is this more proof that Sam's gay, or just a way to plug one of Jami Gertz's four other movies? Hmmm...maybe Mom 'closing the closet' is more symbolic than I thought...

Tap #5) The vampires' lair- I have now officially decided that the set designer took a hundred bucks and went to one of those poster fairs they have on college campuses the first week of school.

Tap #6) Lucy's "friends" talk with Michael- You're officially the worst mother ever, okay? You've got one kid who's got a bad wardrobe and a Rob Lowe fetish, and the other one drinks blood and is this close () to having a unibrow. Maybe if you guys are such good friends, you should tell Mike to go have a brother to brother talk with Little Elton John upstairs.

Tap #7) David's "You must feed" comment- This is when Michael should've replied, "Uh, David we DID feed...remember? Back at the cave? Moo shoo leeches and Type B Pos on the rocks? You guys were mocking me, Star shook her hair and looked sad a lot, Laddie was virtually nonexistent?"

Tap #8) Who the fuck names their kid Laddie?

Tap #9) Note to Sam: what in the hell is 'Burn rubber does NOT mean warp speed!' supposed to mean?

Tap #10) Okay Jason Patric...you're way too hot to spend the entire film with that tackle box-tastic earring in. Please lose it; maybe you can steal your little brother's stud.

Tap #11) 'Death by stereo'- Okay brunette vamp guy...you're hot, but I like you much better when you don't talk. "You missed, BUD." Jesus Christ, I know you're avenging the death of Bill S. Preston esquire, but we have no need for Wyld Stallyns in this movie, okay?

Tap #12) The ending- Okay, so Grandpa knew the whole fucking time and did NOTHING? The guy eats Oreos with root beer and uses Windex for after shave but he manages to kill the master vampire with little to no effort?



That's it...enjoy!



~darchangel~

[gorysnoopy]

I love you Darchy- That was the funniest shit ever!

[XCoRyX]

wait - you don't think Jami Gertz is remotely good-looking?Blasphemy! haha.

and if you want some REAL blasphemy...I actually got a tattoo on my chest of "I Still Believe" , which is inspired from the awesome Saxophone struttin' mofo Tim Cappello....

[darchangel]

Originally posted by XCoRyX
wait - you don't think Jami Gertz is remotely good-looking?Blasphemy! haha.

and if you want some REAL blasphemy...I actually got a tattoo on my chest of "I Still Believe" , which is inspired from the awesome Saxophone struttin' mofo Tim Cappello....

Jami Gertz is definitely better looking than that he/she thing Michael's hitting on when they're on the carousel. Gag.


And WOW at the Tim Cappello Tattoo...it's not of the guy in the movie with the saxophone, is it? Because that would be alternately awful and excellent.

[XCoRyX]

hah, i'll link you to an old pic of it...(and also notice mindy clarke from ROTLD3 on the arm,ey) haha.

you can't see the whole chest tattoo, but that is pretty much it from what you see...just says "I Still Believe". Gets the job done of letting you know i'm ridiculous haha.Obviously, the name of the song the Sax dude sings,is I Still Believe.

click here

[darchangel]

Originally posted by XCoRyX
hah, i'll link you to an old pic of it...(and also notice mindy clarke from ROTLD3 on the arm,ey) haha.

you can't see the whole chest tattoo, but that is pretty much it from what you see...just says "I Still Believe". Gets the job done of letting you know i'm ridiculous haha.Obviously, the name of the song the Sax dude sings,is I Still Believe.

click here

Nice.



I was afraid that it was an actual tattoo of the dude with the saxophone...scary. *shudders*



~darchangel~