Short Script Feedback - Zombie Mockumentary

[Fighting Owls!]

Hey guys,

I'm just hoping for some feedback on a short script I just wrote. It's a mockumentary about a PETA type group called PETZ: People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Keep in mind that, if I can get good actors, there would be a lot of improv and cutaway shots to things being talked about, etc. Thanks!

*EDIT*

[Fighting Owls!]

*EDIT*
I didn't realize how unreadable the formatting was when I first posted it. I've reposted it in a clearer, hopefully legible format. Any suggestions/tips/feedback, etc you can offer would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

WHITE TEXT ON BLACK. "FIGHTING OWL FILMS PRESENTS".

EXT. BUILDING. DAY.

PETZ, a Group of Four Individuals rally, shout and jeer. They carry pro-zombie signs, wear pro-zombie shirts. A Scientist in a lab coat and a Security Guard escort a zombie into the building. Door closes. Group stands there awkwardly and silent.

WHITE TEXT ON BLACK. "A THOMAS SMITH FILM".

EXT. BUILDING. DAY.

Scientist and Guard exit the building. The jeering commences again. They escort another zombie in. A PETZ member throws eggs at the scientist. They hurry into the building. The door closes. The jeering immediately stops. PETZ stands there in awkward silence. PETZ leader Lydia Melman glares at the building.

WHITE TEXT ON BLACK. "PETZ: People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies".

EXT. SMALL CHURCH - PETZ MEEETING HALL. DAY.

CUT TO:

INT. CHURCH.

PETZ members - Scott, Harold, George and Sally - are gathered around, glum. Each are wearing 'Hello, My Name is' tags. Scott's reads 'Screw You'. Lydia has the podium.

LYDIA
I hereby call this weekly meeting of PETZ to order. First thing's first. I'd like to thank all of your for your hard work and support at the Anti-Zombie Euthanization rally this past weekend. We may not have won, but don't be glum. They heard our voices. We will wear them down!
Harold, George and Sally half-heartidly clap. Scott rolls his eyes.

INT. LYDIA'S HOME. TALKING HEAD INTERVIEW.

LYDIA
Petz is a zombie rights organization. We have about 60 members and we are the largest zombie rights group in the world. (beat) We are also the only zombie rights group.

INT. CHURCH.

HAROLD
We need to do something big. Something that really grabs people's attention.

Everyone agrees.

LYDIA
Harold, I agree fully. The good news is that Z-Day is fast approaching. This means it's time to plan our annual PETZ Chapter 101 Z-Day Rally. That should get their attention.

SALLY
Lydia, is it even worth it?

LYDIA
Worth it? It's always worth it, Sally. You never know how many innocent zombie lives we can save.

SALLY
It's just that no one pays attention to us on Z-Day. We're expected to rally. Z-Day has become too commercial for anyone to notice or care.

LYDIA
I disagree.

INT. CHURCH. TALKING HEAD INTERVIEW.

SALLY
Z-day has become much like Memorial Day or the 4th of July. It's a day that began as a way for people to acknowledge and appreciate their freedom. Most businesses are closed, so people are off work and they grill, go to the movies, shop...I picked up a fabulous new bedroom set last year for next to nothing.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Do you have Z-Day off?

SALLY
Yes. And if I had a job I would, too.

INT. CHURCH.

LYDIA
I agree with you, Sally. My niece hasn't a clue about Z-Day. She's only looking forward to whatever Hollywood Blockbuster is coming out that day. But we can't give up hope.

GEORGE
What if we have a parade? A Z-Day parade right down the middle of Main Street!

LYDIA
I like it! Festive and fun while making a statement.

GEORGE
We can have floats! We can ride in a big zombie head through town.

SCOTT
Do you have any idea how incredibly expensive a parade would be?

GEORGE
Not really.

LYDIA
Well, how much money do we have, Scott?

Scott looks through the ledger.

SCOTT
(sarcastic) Oh, we're in luck. About a hundred bucks.

LYDIA
Could we have a parade for a hundred dollars?

SCOTT
Sarcasm is lost on you people.

GEORGE
What about a very small parade?

SCOTT
We might be able to rent a donkey to pull a cart down Main Street for an hour. That's about it.

GEORGE
Can we?

LYDIA
I'm sorry, George.

HAROLD
What about a play? A pro-zombie passion play. Or Hamlet with Zombies!

LYDIA
Scott?

SCOTT
One hundred dollars.

HAROLD
Maybe next year.

SALLY
Then I guess we're back to our usual rally.

LYDIA
Not just any old rally. We can make this our biggest rally yet! With our budget -

SCOTT
A hundred bucks.

LYDIA
...with our budget we can promote this. Call on all the zombie supporters to come out and take a stand! We can have flyers, pamphlets, ads! That would really stick it to 'em!

INT. HOME. TALKING HEAD INTERVIEW.

LYDIA
I founded PETZ 6 years after Z-Day. I looked around and noticed how horribly these poor people were being treated. Zombies are not ours to kill, experiment on, or use for entertainment. We campaign against zombie testing, zombie hunting, zombies as property, the use of zombies as decoration, zombies in entertainment (real zombies used in horror films, zombie circuses). We also campaign against the killing of zombies regarded as pests and cock fighting. We try to inform the public through advertisements, zombie rescue, and lobbying.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
What is zombie rescue?

LYDIA
Can we step out back for a moment?

EXT. HOME. BACK YARD. DAY.

Lydia leads the Camera Crew to the back patio where a zombie sits at a table playing a card game.

LYDIA
This is Ed. We found him in a high-profile cosmetics company where he was being experimented on. He's just one of our many rescues.

INTERVIEWR (O.S.)
And he lives here?

LYDIA
Yes, and he absolutely loves it. He plays with the neighborhood kids - he simply loves Halloween - and he keeps me company. I let him crawl in bed with me on those cold nights - he's a good cuddler. And he just loves playing with Fifi!

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Fifi?

LYDIA
My Pomeranian. I haven't seen her out today. If you see her be sure to grab her. Wouldn't want her running off. She has a little red collar.

Behind her Ed pulls a red collar out of his mouth.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
What did you do to your wrist there?
Lydia holds up her bandaged wrist.

LYDIA
Oh, just a scrape. I was feeding Ed earlier and he got a little over excited. Bit clean into me. You know how zombies are.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Right. And what of the other zombie rescues? They can't all be adopted into people's homes.

LYDIA
No. Don't be silly! We have a special farm, a sanctuary for them in Mississippi. They love it there. It's a place where they can roam free and be themselves. PETZ believes that ... like you or me ... zombies are capable of suffering and have an interest in leading their own lives; therefore, they are not ours to do what we want with. I mean, it's true. Zombies eat. Everyone eats, so we have done our best not only to reform the zombie's violent outbreaks but to promote a compassionate vegan diet, providing all the resources, from recipes to health tips, that a person could ever need. We also have the Community Zombie Project. It's a program helping zombies who have been reintroduced into society in poorer areas. For a nickel a day people can clothe, feed and educate a zombie. Just one nickel a day. I believe zombies can lead active, productive lives like the rest of us. Also, to support population control we've spayed or neutered over 30,000 zombies for reduced price or for free in the last two years.

INT. CHURCH.

Everyone is talking back and forth.

GEORGE
Who are we gonna hit up this time? We can't just protest randomly.

SALLY
Yeah, we need a target.

INT. CHURCH. TALKING HEAD INTERVIEW.

SALLY
I became involved with PETZ three years ago because I was just sick of all the hate and violence in the world towards zombies. They have rights just like the rest of us. So I joined out of sympathy and hoped to make a difference.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
You didn't join because your son is a zombie?

SALLY
It's true. My son is now a... (struggles with the word) ...zombie... but I didn't join because of that. He was converted almost a year ago. I don't really approve of his alternative lifestyle, but I support him. This is a picture (holds photo out) of him and his death partner at their commitment ceremony. Zombies aren't allowed to marry, you know.

INT. CHURCH.

GEORGE
We could take on Zafari again.

SCOTT
Zafari sued our pants off last time.

INT. CHURCH. TALKING HEAD INTERVIEW.

SCOTT
Zafari is a small Midwestern company that takes paying customers on safari. Instead of hunting big game, they hunt zombies. In a fenced preserve. Zafari sued us for slander. That's why we have $100 in our budget.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Is PETZ a big part of your life?

SCOTT
No, PETZ isn't my life, unlike so many others. I have a real job. I'm an accountant for a Fortune 500 company. I make a lot of money and I serve as Treasurer for PETZ on the side.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
What company do you work for?

SCOTT
A major, major company...that was taken to court and fined for zombie testing. I felt a little bad about it, almost like my paycheck was blood money. So I joined out of guilt. That was two and a half years ago. I guess I like to be annoyed in my off time. Sort of a self-flagilation. Good news is, I'm loaded.

INT. CHURCH.

HAROLD
Why don't we take on ZomCo?

SCOTT
Because ZomCO has tear gas.

GEORGE
But it would make for quite the demonstration.

SALLY
They're right.

LYDIA
Then ZomCo it is.

SCOTT
Crap.

INT. CHURCH. TALKING HEAD INTERVIEW.

George and Harold sit side by side.

GEORGE
I've been a member of PETZ for about six months.

HAROLD
I've been here for a little over a week. I joined because he convinced me to.

GEORGE
And I joined, honestly, for the women. I have a hard time meeting women. I thought this group might be full of sensitive, caring chicks. I think they're all lesbos.

HAROLD
We are also members of PETA, Missions for Christ, Earth Justice and War is Bad.

GEORGE
That last one is new. Founded by a bunch of college sorority chicks.

George and Harold high-five each other.

INT. CHURCH.

LYDIA
We're going to need posters, flyers and all ideas you have so we can successfully march against ZomCo.

EXT. HOME. BACKYARD. TALKING HEAD INTERVIEW.
In the background, Ed gets up and walks away.

LYDIA
ZomCo is the largest offender of zombie rights. This will make or break us. We have revolutioned the way some companies do business, getting them to stop selling zombies and abandon painful zombie pharmaceutical tests in favor of more sophisticated methods.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
What, in your opinion, would be a more sophisticated method?

LYDIA
Well, I hear testing on animals is okay.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
What do you have to say to those people who consider your organization a joke?

LYDIA
A joke? I don't think so. In the past year alone, former circus and zoo zombies were sent to sanctuaries, zombie rodeos were banned, and cruel companies such as ZomCo were fined. We also educated millions of kids about zombie rights through our My Zombie education programs…Who called us a joke?

Boom Mic falls into shot, hitting Lydia in the head.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Cut! Why's the boom in frame again!?

Camera turns to GUY holding boom.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Who are you?

GUY
I'm just a grip. He handed it off to me, sir.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Where's Todd?

GUY
Smoke break, I think, sir.

The camera goes around the house.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Todd!?

They round the corner to find Ed feasting upon the remains of Todd the Boom Mic Operator.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.) (CONT'D)
(bleep) That's my second sound guy this week. (turns to Guy) You just got promoted.

The Guy is shocked.

INT. CHURCH.

Everyone is working on posters and flyers.

GEORGE
We need a march song or chant. Something.

LYDIA
Any ideas?

HAROLD
(to the tune of 'Roxanne')Zombies! They don't want to eat your red meat. Those days are over. They don't have to eat your brains tonight. Don't walk the streets for dinner. They do care if it's wrong or right. Zombies!

LYDIA
That's nice, Harold

HAROLD
Thanks. I just made it up on the spot.

SALLY
I don't like it.

HAROLD
You're just jealous.

SALLY
Jealous? All you did was alter the words to 'Roxanne'.

HAROLD
Clever, huh?

SALLY
No.

LYDIA
Guys, don't argue.

HAROLD
Well what do you have for us, Sally?

SALLY
I don't -

HAROLD
See?

SALLY
Okay. Let me try.

LYDIA
Go ahead, Sally. Give it a shot.

SALLY
(country-western tune)Jesus was a zombie. Jesus is our friend. Let's all get together and turn our lives around.

SCOTT
I like it.

HAROLD
Oh, come on!

LYDIA
Congratulations, Sally!

Everyone cheers. Harold rolls his eyes. Scott is apathetic.

INT. HOME. TALKING HEAD INTERVIEW.

LYDIA
Well, Jesus was a zombie. He died and came back all bloody and holey. It's in the Bible. Maybe not in so many words, but it's in there. Zombie.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
You don't think you're going to offend Christians?

LYDIA
Why? We love zombies, therefore we love Jesus. We're spreading the word on their behalf. I don't see how they would be offended by that.

EXT. SHOPPING CENTER. DAY.

PETZ posts flyers with the image of a Woman (Lydia) hugging a zombie with details about the rally.

INT. CHURCH. DAYS LATER.

Lydia carries in a box.

LYDIA
They're finally here! The new PETZ shirts are here! Just in time for the rally.

She opens the box and holds up a shirt. It reads PETZ. Everyone applauds and gushes over the shirt. Lydia hands them out.

FADE TO BLACK.

FADE IN.EXT. CHURCH. DAY.

LYDIA (V.O.)
Well, Z-Day is finally here. Feels like forever.

CUT TO:

INT. CHURCH.
Everyone is wearing their PETZ shirts. They get their signs together.

LYDIA (V.O.)
I don't know how many people are going to show up today. Since we put up the flyers our website has had about a thousand more visitors a day than normal.

INT. HOME. TALKING HEAD INTERVIEW.

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
How many hits do you normally have a day?

LYDIA
We only get about two hits a day, but it's active. Every time I check on it there seems to be one more concerned member of the public, and that's heartening. A lot of it’s my Mom. She's so supportive. But today's the day we're going to make a difference. We’re coming for you, ZomCo.

EXT. ZOMCO. 8AM.

PETZ marches in a circle jeering and chanting, waving their signs.

EXT. ZOMCO. TALKING HEAD INTERVIEW.

LYDIA
It looks like we're the first to arrive. It's early still.

EXT. ZOMCO. NOON.

Scott breaks away from the group and walks to the front door. There's a sign reading "Closed for Z-Day" in the window. He rolls his eyes and heads to his car. Scott relays the news. Everyone gathers their belongings as Lydia tries to keep up morale. She keeps marching in a circle, chanting and jeering. She watches as everyone leaves her.

LYDIA (V.O.)
How do we choose our battles? By trying to touch the public imagination, the public heart, and by choosing targets that will result in great change for large numbers of zombies and set an example for others to follow. If we really believe that zombies have the same rights as we have we must continue the fight. There's a lot we can learn from the dead.

Fade Out.