Not-So-Super Friends (short)

[Fighting Owls!]

Hi guys,

I got really bored at work today and wrote this in about an hour. It's about a pair of bickering superheroes. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

EXT. CITY. DAY.

A sign reading "Welcome to Mega City" is in the foreground with the metropolis in the distance.

EXT. DAILY TATTLER BUILDING. DAY.

CUT TO:

INT. DAILY TATTLER BUILDING.

PETER MANNERS, reporter, stands in his cubicle. He turns off his computer monitor and grabs his coat. A pager beeps. He looks down to the pager on his belt. Glancing around, he rips open his shirt exposing the Captain Condor uniform beneath.

EXT. OFFICE BUILDING. NO TIME LAPSE.

CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE BUILDING.

AMANDA ADAMS, in thick glasses, sits behind a receptionist's desk with the phone to her ear. She's unglamorous with her hair in a ponytail.

AMANDA
Pinkerton Inc. Hold please.

Her pager beeps. She picks it up and hurries off. The office phone rings off the hook.

EXT. INDUSTRIAL AREA. LATER.

Captain Condor soars to the ground. He's in gray tights with a black cape and cowl. On his chest is the silhouette of a condor. Amanda, out of breath and in the guise of Miss America, runs in to join him. Her costume consists of a tiara and a red, white, and blue business suit.

MISS AMERICA
Captain Condor? I can't believe they called you in on this one too. I can handle Mega Brain on my own!

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Maybe the Mayor would have a little more faith in you if you'd show up on time.

MISS AMERICA
Some of us can't fly! Do you know how hard it is to park an invisible super car?

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Bite me.

Miss America mocks him. Behind them Mega Brain, in a white lab coat and exposed brain, sneaks by carrying boxes marked "Illegal Arms". He's shocked by the superhero bickering.

CAPTAIN CONDOR (CONT'D)
Where is he? Where's Mega Brain?

MISS AMERICA
If I knew I'd already have him under arrest.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Bite me.

MISS AMERICA
Is that your only retort? 'Bite me'. 'Bite me'.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Oh, just bite- Crap!

MISS AMERICA
The Mayor told me-

CAPTAIN CONDOR
No. No, the Mayor told me-

MISS AMERICA
Get over yourself, Captain Condom.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Oooh, like I haven't heard that one before. Every third tier thug uses that one at least once.

MISS AMERICA
Can we just focus, please?

CAPTAIN CONDOR
The Mayor told us...there, happy? That Mega Brain has been trafficking illegal arms through the docks but there's no sign of him.

MISS AMERICA
Are we in the right area?

CAPTAIN CONDOR
You can bet your tiara on it. My condor sense is never wrong.

MISS AMERICA
What about that time we got lost on the way from HQ to the courthouse, thereby missing Mega Brain's parole hearing and thus letting him back on the streets?

CAPTAIN CONDOR
It always comes back to that, doesn't it? No matter how many times I arrest him, you're never going to let me live that down. Is that, like, another one of your powers - the ability to never let go of anything?

MISS AMERICA
No, it's not a special power. I'm a woman.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Well, you know what?

MISS AMERICA
What!?

Mega Brain fires a ray gun at the two. "ZAAARP!"

MEGA BRAIN
Finally, some quiet.

INT. WAREHOUSE. LATER.

The warehouse is completely dark save for a light over Captain Condor and Miss America. They are tied, back to back with a ticking bomb between them. Miss America slowly regains consciousness.

MISS AMERICA
Where…Captain? Captain?

She nudges him. He comes to. She tries to break the chains.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
How could this have happened?

MISS AMERICA
Where was your condor sense for this?

CAPTAIN CONDOR
What's that ticking?

MISS AMERICA
I'll give you two guesses. What's a ticking device super villains like to attack us with?

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Fake Rolexes.

MISS AMERICA
(sigh) Ticks. Goes boom.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
A bomb. Mega Brain has us strapped to a bomb!

MISS AMERICA
Good boy.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Are you able to break the chains with your super strength?

MISS AMERICA
Duh…I didn't think of that.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
I've really had it with the condescending attitude. We're about to die.

MISS AMERICA
Sorry. Any luck on your end?

Captain Condor strains with the chains. He gives up and cries, creating a very awkward situation.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
I've always heard about it, heroes killed in the heat of battle - Captain Courageous, Discombobulator…I never thought I'd be one of them.

MISS AMERICA
There. There. We'll make it out of this.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Yeah, in a body bag. How are they going to explain this to my girlfriend?

MISS AMERICA
Girlfriend? You have a girlfriend?

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Yeah. Why?

MISS AMERICA
I just didn't think anyone could tolerate you outside of yourself.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Another cheap shot.

MISS AMERICA
I'm sorry.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
You think all I am is this ego-maniac. There's more to me than that. I'm playing a character.

MISS AMERICA
I'm sorry!

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Do I think you're a condescending bitch twenty-four seven? No.

MISS AMERICA
Gee, thanks.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
I know there's more to you than that. I understand it's part of the alter ego. How much time do we have left?

Miss America squirms and catches the timer in her peripheral vision.

MISS AMERICA
Two minutes.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
I wish I had peripheral vision. This mask just…sucks.

MISS AMERICA
The superhero rulebook clearly states we can't share personal information with one another, but we're about to die. Tell me about your girlfriend.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Why? So you can mock her?

MISS AMERICA
Trying to be nice.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
She's great but I think she's really bored with me.

MISS AMERICA
What makes you think that?

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Because last week she told me, 'I'm really bored with you'.

MISS AMERICA
How can she be bored dating Captain Condor?

CAPTAIN CONDOR
She doesn't know, for safety reasons. Besides, I wouldn't want her faking it just because I'm Captain Condor.

MISS AMERICA
You have a point. What's her name?

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Amanda.

Miss America appears puzzled.

MISS AMERICA
Amanda…Peter!?

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Um…no?

Miss America thinks. She recalls an image of Peter and an image of Captain Condor. Their chins and eyes match.

MISS AMERICA
Peter Manners, it is you!

CAPTAIN CONDOR
How do you-?

MISS AMERICA
It's Amanda!

CAPTAIN CONDOR
What!?

MISS AMERICA
Think about it.

Captain Condor recalls an image of Amanda in her glasses and an image of Miss America. He just can't put two and two together.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Impossible! Amanda wears glasses.

MISS AMERICA
Peter, try harder.

He thinks harder. He recalls the images of Miss America and Amanda. Amanda's glasses fade away and the images become one.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Wow.

MISS AMERICA
It's me!

CAPTAIN CONDOR
How do you see? Did you get contacts? Isn't there a chance they'd fall out in a battle?

MISS AMERICA
It's a disguise, Peter.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Good disguise.

MISS AMERICA
I'm sorry I called you boring.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
I'm sorry I called you a condescending bitch.

MISS AMERICA
Wait a minute! My compact…if I can only…

She pulls a red, white and blue compact out of her belt, flips it open and tosses it on the floor with the mirror facing their chains.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
What's going on?

MISS AMERICA
If I can reflect my American firepower we might be able to get out of here.

She looks at the mirror and uses her laser vision. The laser beam bounces off the compact mirror and hits the chains, breaking them in half. They stand, triumphant, and face each other. They move closer for a kiss but are interrupted by Mega Brain.

MEGA BRAIN
I just wanted to bid a fond farewell to my favorite heroes before -
What? How!?

Captain Condor uppercuts Mega Brain, knocking him out cold.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
You did it.

MISS AMERICA
We did it. We're safe.

CAPTAIN CONDOR
Now where were we?

They move closer. The ticking bomb beeps. Time's up.

EXT. MEGA CITY. WAREHOUSE DISTRICT. NO TIME LAPSE.

There's an explosion. The fireball shoots into the air.

INT. WAREHOUSE. REMAINS. NO TIME LAPSE.

Miss America and Captain Condor stand there, staring at each other and coughing. Each is covered in black ash.

MISS AMERICA
Oh, just bite me.

FADE OUT.

THE END.

[Vash_4_Prez]

lol very entertaining, especially the part where he can't picture her without the glasses

[Fighting Owls!]

Originally posted by Vash_4_Prez
lol very entertaining, especially the part where he can't picture her without the glasses

Thanks! I'm hoping to maybe film it early next year. Fingers crossed.