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#1
05-10-2005, 02:41 PM
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THE FARM
Now, this show wouldn't normally be my cup of tea - I didn't take to the previous series despite the bestiality and presence of the legend that is "Vanilla" - but after catching the introductions purely by chance last night I'm already like a filthy junkie craving her next fix...
Highlights, Keith Harris & Orville - It's sad, it's desperately sad...but so much fun to watch! He's a grown man ferchrisake...you'd think he'd know better by now! I wonder if they'll have to surgically remove the annoying little fucker, or will Orville just have to grin and bear his woefully childish antics for a full 17 days! Lionel Blair - What an old showbiz pro'...The man has pretty much worked alongside EVERYBODY in the house bar Flavor Flav. I'm just waiting for him to start reminiscing about a stint in panto with Chuck D., I really wouldn't be the least bit surprised! RON JEREMY! - Did anybody else notice Keith Harris eyeing him up like he'd seen him some place before. I'm sure I actually witnessed the moment the penny dropped, the dirty ol' dawg! Lots of other FANTASTIC moments, not least Flavor Flav's incessant jive talkin'...but I must be off for now. So here is the star-studded line-up in all it's glory, The Farm  Emma B Leggy model Emma B is engaged to East 17 singer Brian Harvey. She left school at 15 to become one of Elite’s top models and has appeared in campaigns for Prada, Chanel, and Jean Paul Gaultier.  Lionel Blair Veteran entertainer Lionel Blair has been in showbiz for more than five decades. He made his first West End stage appearance when he was 14 and his career has included dancing, TV presenting, acting and directing.  Cicciolina Cicciolina founded La Liste del Sole (the Sun Party) in 1979 and went on to live a dual life as a dedicated human rights activist and campaigner against nuclear energy, while at the same time becoming one of the most successful European porn stars of the ‘80s. She has even appeared on screen with fellow Farmhand Ron Jeremy.  Flavor Flav William Jonathon Drayton, or Flavor Flav, is a hip hop MC and founder member of Public Enemy. The band formed in 1982 shortly after Flavor first met Chuck D. Following the release of their debut album Yo, Bum Rush the Show, Public Enemy became one of the most important acts in contemporary music.  Mikey Green Mancunian model and singer Mikey Green is a member of boy band Phixx. 24-year-old Mikey started his career as the lead singer of a band called Spinning Jenny. He started modelling to fund his college expenses and even found work as a David Beckham lookalike! Nice work if you can get it.  Keith & Orville Musical sensation Orville has had a number one hit with I Wish I Could Fly and enters the Farm with his friend, Keith Harris, 58. At the start of his career, Keith actually performed as his father’s ventriloquist puppet in the working men’s clubs of Liverpool. He soon found his own voice, as well as Orville’s, when he started performing with the loveable green bird in the ‘80s.  Ron Jeremy Adult entertainment star Ron Jeremy has appeared in an astonishing 1,600 adult films since his girlfriend sent a photo of him to Playboy magazine way back in 1978. Though lacking the good looks and chiselled physique of most porn stars, Ron proved he had talents in ‘other areas’ and went on to become one of porn’s most familiar faces. The multi-talented star has also directed 300 movies himself, and was a consultant on the films Boogie Nights and 9 1/2 weeks. Not just a pretty face then!  Dave Morgan Fireman Dave Morgan was once engaged to fiery EastEnders star Jessie Wallace, aka Kat Slater. The pair have a six-month-old daughter, Tallulah, but have recently separated.  Emma Noble Actress and glamour model Emma Noble was spotted by a model scout aged 15. She went on to strut her stuff on catwalks for big name designers like John Rocha and Ghost. The stunning blonde had her pick of the world’s men and she chose to marry John Major’s son James in 1999. Sadly, the couple are now separated. As well as being beautiful for a living, 34-year-old Emma has tried her hand at presenting (on The Price is Right) and acting (in Brit film The Truth About Love).  Charlene Film and TV actress Charlene became a household name in the late ‘80s playing Lucy Ewing in cult US soap Dallas. Her on-screen wedding to Mitch Cooper was the second highest rating instalment ever, just behind the famous ‘Who Shot JR?’ episode. It wasn’t her by the way. In 2003 she appeared in Zombie Rights, a hard hitting sci-fi drama about the discrimination and unfair treatment of, er, zombies. At the moment I'm backing Lionel, Ron and Emma B purely for tolerating that imp-like cunt Harvey. She's way out of his league man! Anyway, that's the lot. DISCUSS! 
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#3
05-11-2005, 04:36 AM
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I had to watch this last night, as BCV told me to take a look. It was quite entertaining to say the least.
 Lionel has got to be my fav, just cause you can't help but love a guy who admits to spooning and touching bums with his wife... bless...  WTF is Flava Flav all about? Im still trying to work him out, but am sure he is gonna bring some laughs. Falling alseep whilst having a meeting was generally not the right thing to do. Dave Morgan is a wanker, IMO. I hope Ron gives him a good bit of man handling soon, though I fear Dave may enjoy that a little too much. Ron and Cicciolina in a film, now I wanna see that. . I presume Cicciolina has had a nip a tuck along the way, as she looks damn fine for 54 years old.Emma B seems really nice, down to earth and just rather excited, think im gonna like her. Emma Noble, im not sure what I think of her yet, though got no bad things to say about her. Bet ole James is glued to the screen. Keith Harris and friggin Orville, I predict Orville will be in the stew by the end of the week. How could anybody tolerate that silly thing talking away to you. If Keith wants to make a go of this, he needs to do it on his own. Mikey looks good and thats fine by me. Bless, he seems like a nice guy, all the way from sunny Manchester. Im still in awe of Charlene, as Dallas was one of my fav shows as a youngster. So she has the edge with that, was rather funny when I think it was Keith Harris said was she not the poison dwarf. LOL, don't call her that to her face mister, unless you get Orville to do it for you. It will be good to see how this lot adapt to farm life, it wouldn't be my first choice of holiday.  
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#4
05-11-2005, 11:10 AM
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Ha, I noticed that Keith was dropping hints, asking if he was a porn star but acting not bothered when they told him. And did you notice Ron looking at the birth of the lamb in discust as if he didn't understand the whole birth process?At first I was dreading this show as they unfairly made farm life out to be hard as hell and only for grubby buggers (I live next door to a farm so I should know-stinks of shit though) but the celebrity line up is quite funny, better than the bollocks ITV are offering with Gladiators...oh sorry, Celebrity Wreslting. I saw Ron Jeremy in Manchester a couple of weeks back and was wondering what he was doing here, for this I guess. Judging from his expressions throughout the show, I think he thought the Farm was something else, he seemed a bit "and where's the hotel?" On a side note, when I did see him he was wearing that shirt but in white. Must like it.
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#5
05-11-2005, 03:23 PM
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Keith worries me. I knew the real give-away would be 'alone time' with Orville, and as I suspected he's clearly a nutter.
"Na-night Orville" "Na-night" "Can I 'ave a glash of water pleash?" "No ya can't Orville. Now BED!" "Na-night" "Na-night...  What's that all about eh? It's fucking madness. He wants to have a word with himself...or errr...not, since that's the issue here. Fucking nutter! Lionel and Emma B are my faves. Lionel's boudoir ensemble was PURE CLASS! He is a silver-haired fox.
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#6
05-12-2005, 10:53 AM
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.this program will get ton's of shit from people who consider themselves too intelligent and high brow to watch but hats off to channel 5 they have got together a pretty high standard of celebs,lional blair,keith fucking harris,ron jeremy,charlene tilton,and flava flave are all pretty well known names, i mean ron is a legend not only in the porn world but also in main stream movies where he has appeared in 100's in bit parts, films such as "men in black","spun","killing zoe","rules of attraction" so i think this cast compares very well with most other reality celeb shows.
the concept of the show though is not too clever it will not be as addictive as bb or i'm a celeb but i am sure it will have its high point's, and it can only be a matter of time before someone tells keith to give it a rest with that stupid duck. as for Keith's face when he first saw ron i am pretty sure there was a look of recognition from him and a definite arse clench from orville,it too ages to get that sticky feeling out of his fur last time Last edited by paul calf; 05-12-2005 at 10:56 AM..
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#7
05-12-2005, 03:45 PM
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Im hoping Dave Morgan is the first to go, just because his claim to fame being his ex is in eastenders, just makes me shake my head in amazement. Get the silly fucker away, he makes me itch with annoyance. I fail to see what Jessie actually saw in him, as she is quite a pretty woman when not caked in slap and he is just a scraggy ugly shite. It's quite clear I don't like the guy. Can anyone tell me what the clock arounf Flava Flav's neck is for?  And also maybe a little translation for me now and again, he rolls on about god knows what, but I find meself smiling anyway. Miss Tilton needs to throw her bible out after her antics with ole Ron. What was going on under that quilt last night, she sure was amoaning and agroaning. LOL. I loved Lionel in the shower, and then Ron gets in, did anyone check him with soap between his arse cheeks, LMFAO, and then he goes and sticks the same bloody t-shirt on that he has worn from arriving. There has got to be some serious bob's orange going on there. I did titter when someone said they thought Big Ron was gonna be Ron Attkinson, and in walks Ron Jeremey. Not much difference if you ask me. Last but not least BadGirl, you would have been so proud of me. I actually watched the Lamb give birth without turning away or shrieking. That is some going for me as I wince when someone cuts their knee.
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#8
05-13-2005, 03:47 AM
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#9
05-13-2005, 04:26 AM
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OMG, I just thought that clock was part of his outfit for The Farm, can't believe he has been wearing it that long.
Thought Flava was up for noms last night after his Sausagegate fiasco, ole Lionel was funny, off he went to tell everyone. Anyhows, don't know who will go, but it don't really matter out of the two that's up to me, they havn't really done much, though who has at the moment. Whats with the two glamour pusses hiding in the shower?  For one they are quite used to showing their bodies, and for two they are both wearing friggin bikinis anyways, so no-ones gonna see anything. I coulnd't help but notice on the advert for tonights they arn't exactly complaining about showing their bodies when doing the calander shoot!! I also couldn't help but notice Kieth Friggin Harris naked with Orville strapped to his doo dars, HELLO, animal cruelty.....
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#10
05-13-2005, 06:29 AM
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Can anyone tell me what this show is about. I know it's working on a farm obviously but do they get voted out if they fail tasks or what?
Had the bad luck to turn on last years episode when Rebecca 'Slut' Loos was wanking off a pig.I switched it off and never went back to it again. So I don't really know what its about. And i'm scared to just tune in. I don't want a similar experience with Ron Jeremy. Anybody?
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#12
05-14-2005, 01:49 PM
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And in answer to your question he wears the clock around his neck so people "know what time it is". No pun.
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#13
05-20-2005, 04:22 AM
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Flava is a twat... he's a funny twat though.
It creases me up when Flava and Lionel have their bitch fights, I love the way Lionel goes in the room and says I just wanna say FUCKOFF. How camp is he? I must admit I am worringly addicted to this and am sleeping in every morning as have to see whats going on. Poor ole Keith, I did feel sorry for him last night after Flav did his speach. Im still wanted slimy Dave Morgen to be booted out. He is just a big suck to the girls and makes my skin crawl, he bitches and backstabs and really thats all he can do. Muppet. Ron Jermey pleasuring himself was quite a turn off though, not something I want to see again.
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