Old 01-15-2009, 06:50 PM
part auto biographical/fiction.....My Story

Let me give you a rundown of my life from youth till
today. The names have been changed to protect them, and towns names have changed. Some of what I will write will be fictionalized, but that will be later on in the story. I hope this doesn't bore you, enjoy. I know it may seem convoluted, scary to think about, complex, and not really in chronological order. But wait till you come to the story. I'm exposing myself to everyone, and this scares me, but it is my hope that you get inspired from this, or you may get disgusted from it. In fact the story is based on a true story, Some of it is true, the rest is fiction. But I leave that up to you to figure out which is which. These are just sample pages from the book I'm going to write. so forgive me for the way it all sounds, like I said, it's unfinished, and there's a whole lot more to add. God Bless.

My name is "Jacob Knight", 33 years old, and living with my mom, not my biological mom, who has given me up, much like the sky has given us our weather today.
I have Schizo-Affective Disorder, and anxiety attacks, sometimes to the point where I can't even catch my breath, like trying to catch a bird, no matter how hard you try, they keep fleeing from you, it's a fruitless attempt.
My biological mom "Claire" tried to abort me in the fourth month, from what I heard, she didn't want any more children after she just had my brother "Casey Knight"; who, would as fate would have it, would come to live with me and my mom "Elise" and dad "Roger Davidson", a month later, because Claire's husband was physically abusive towards the both of us, before we were given away without court approval and support. We were strapped to chairs tightly, and told it was just a game, locked in cellers during thunder storms, so vicious, and without light; the only light that was provided to us was that of the lightning, and it scared us to death, us only being two years old, and four years old. I remember being at that house just visiting, and "Dennis", Claire's husband went to the ice cream shop and got me a banana split, when he came home with the treats for the family, I started to eat my banana split, till I was full and couldn't eat anymore, this outraged Dennis so much, that he got up and got an oil funnel and opened my mouth wide and pushed the whole thing through the funnel into my mouth till I was gagging and choking. I cried pathetically.
My arm was broken when I was three months old, and I had a fever of a 103 degrees, that's when the state took me away and placed me in a foster home for a year; I was adopted by a nice Italian couple, while Claire had to go to counseling for being a bad parent. She was the one that broke my arm, and lied about it, saying that the landlord stepped on my arm.
Elise, used to babysit with me, when Claire finally got me back through the court order. Elise and Roger never had any children of their own, but Elise wanted them so badly, and she was always good with children, that's why I am still here today. God's hand was in on this, and I thank God for this. Elise, provided me with food, shelter, clothing, schooling, doctor care, and lots of love.
Then my brother came into the picture a month after I came to live with Elise and Roger, but they chose not to change my last name, lest it stirred up legal problems with Claire. Casey was a wryly one, always in mischief, sure I joined in on the mischief too, after all we were brothers, and monkey see monkey do. But I was always the quiet one. I hardly talked, less I was spoken to. I did poorly in school, and everyone, that is at School #9 knew there was something amiss in me, something they couldn't put their finger on; that is until I reached the fifth grade, "Mr. Wadapugy" found out that I had a learning disability, and contacted Elise about it; to which they, the schools counselor gave me a series of tests, to see if there was indeed a problem. There was, and it was noted in my file, and I was placed at the front of the teachers desk. In sixth grade, "Mrs. Kane", my teacher, failed me on my report card even though I brought home a couple of A's B's and maybe a few C's. My mom was brought in for a conference to discuss if they should keep me back, and they did. It was for the best though, as I wouldn't have met one of my friends, or my first girlfriend. But enough about this. Lets get into the heart of the story.
At the age of seventeen around Halloween of 1993, I had my first nervous breakdown, and was at high school then in home room, I raised my hand and asked my teacher to speak to her outside of the room, to which she said yes. I asked her if I could call home, because of the nervous breakdown, and she said I would have to go to the principals office and get permission first. I got the OK, and called my mom up and told her what was happening to me, she told me to drive safely home. The result of the nervous breakdown was because I went to pick up a friend before school began, and we took an extra long way to get to school; when we were in North Arlington, two towns from me, I started to have an anxiety attack, and asked my friend to take the wheel, which he did, but he drove like an idiot, sorry "Danny", but you did, and he hit a parked car, and I saw a witness to this, but she drove by like nothing happened. I screamed at him to stop the car, I was going to leave a note, at least that was what I thought, but he fled the scene and finally pulled over two blocks away, I quickly got into the drivers seat and drove to school, which leads us back to where now, after phoning home, I'm now driving home with a dent in the right side of the car. When I get home, Elise gave me four Tylenol and tells me to go and rest, and wait for my dads nurses aid to come. Ronald, my dad, had bad Parkinsons Disease and we could no longer take care of him. He is now resting with the Lord. When the Nurse arives, mom tells her that I had a nervous breakdown at school, I didn't tell them what had happened to the car, I was sick enough as it was. We talked a bit, and decided it was best that I have my first hospital stay in a psychiatric ward.
During my tenure there I had come to the conclusion that I didn't want to get better, I had fallen in love with my illness, but took the medication anyway much to my chagrin. My current girlfriend and future wife came to visit me, coincidentally so did another female friend who I never had impure thoughts about, well, except once, came to bring me flowers, she hugged me and kissed me on my cheek in front of my girlfriend "Lilly", to which Lilly was jealous as all hell. "Debby" left as fast as she arrived.
After my release from the hospital Elise and Claire were talking in my moms apartment, and I lost it again, I picked up a butchers knife and put it to my left wrist with full intent of killing myself; Claire said "If you want to kill someone, kill me" so I walked towards her, then stopped, and said "your not worth it." Elise tried to take the knife away from me, when I put the butchers knife back to my wrist, and I said, "don't come any closer, or I'll do it."
I've been in counseling for my whole life because of my messed up life, and I'm still going strong. My love for this illness has somewhat dwindled. I've had more then my fair share of hospital stays, and a future stay may be needed.
My wife and I are split up because I told her I was gay, then took her back, broke up with her again, had an affair with a man, no sex involved, but I did love him.
got back with her, then finally I broke the camels back, by saying on Valentines Day, that I was breaking up with her for good, because I wanted her to be happy, and felt it would be better that she find someone special that could treat her right. We did try to have children, but we suffered four miscarriages all in the three month mark. She still lived with me and my mom while she went out with her current boyfriend, who I hold no ill will towards, I mean why should I? right? I truly hope they are happy together. They have two sons together. We have been separated for ten years, and it was in that first year that I became born again. The Lord has dealt with me in the past ten years, and it's now 1-13-2009, and I'm still going strong in the Lord, growing and learning, it doesn't make me perfect, being born again.
My brother Casey, had phoned me one day back in early 2006, and said that he would love to take me into the woods, without my medication, to see if I get better; you see he believes that my medication is making me worse for the wear. I wasn't buying it, but late one October evening, he kidnapped me and placed me in his beat up car and took me to Pearl, Massachusetts, a six hour mentally scarring ride into the pit of despair; having taking me this far, he knew that my escape would be derided. Casey got out of the car, and walked over to the passenger side to get me out, but I locked the door, but to no avail, he had the keys; he was reckless and relentless to pursue his advantage over me. "God" I said silently, "Please get me out of this alive."Casey, unlocked the door, but I clung to the door handle with all of my might, but was unsuccessful, Casey in all of his rage, picked up a rock and smashed in the window and punched me several times; I tried to fight back but hadn't the physical or mental strength to do so; he won this round. The last thing I remember was him bounding and gagging me, lifting me over his shoulders and whisked away into the forest, where three days previously he had set up a camp site, replete with two sleeping bags, a tent, a radio, and a cell phone.
I passed out from the trauma, Casey picked me up and placed me inside the tent, still bound and gagged. I never dreamed in a million years, that the brother I grew up with, the one who left me alone with Elise and Roger the best parents one could ever have, to pursue drugs and live with Claire and Dennis, would do this to me. I slept through the night until the breaking of dawn, with a urine stain on my pants leg. I had no other clothes of which I could change into. Casey just laid sleeping, his muscles pumping out of his shirt. I wriggled like a snake on the floor of the tent to get outside and find something that could free me from my bonds. There, to the right of me was a broken bottle, probably left by some drunken friends out here to party and camp for a few days, I picked up the bottle and furiously continued to cut the cords wrapped harshly around my wrists. I finally broke free, and silently searched for his cell phone, but couldn't find it, so I proceeded to run away deeper into the forest, but little did I know, that my brother booby trapped the place, and when I reached the mid-section of two pine trees, I tripped a wire, that triggered an arrow, it shot from the lower left field and directly hit my leg. I screamed in agony, and tried to pull the arrow out of my leg, it hurt so badly and my mental state of well being was worsening by the moment, thoughts of murdering my brother were breaking through as was the norm with my O.C.D. Finally I took a deep breath and forced the arrow out. I limped back to camp, where Casey was now wide awake frying up eggs and sausage, he stood up and said "I should of told you there is no escaping this, I want to see you get better." He said this callously, no emotion at all, something akin to a serial killer. "Why are you doing this to me?" I said trying to calm myself down, but couldn't, tears streaming down my face. He said "Because I love you." "But if you loved me, you'd understand that I need my medicine." Casey ignored what I said and went back to cooking the eggs and sausage.
Later on in the afternoon, he took me to the river, and I got washed up there, I started to get depressed and anxious. When I was done washing, He threw me a towel, I dried off, and put my clothes back on, when I knelt down to pull up my pants, I picked up a large rock, and when he turned around, I smashed it across the back of his head, he fell to the ground, grasping at his head that was bleeding profusely, I knelt down and searched his pockets for his keys to the car, found them and limped as fast as I could to get to the car, but I was lost, yet as prayers for help tripped from my lips I kept limping towards the car. I made it to the car finally, but found it destroyed, on the passenger side of the car was spray painted 'Tribulation worketh patience - Romans 5:9.' the tires were flat, ignition busted, I didn't know how to jump start the car,
so I didn't bother trying, windows and headlights smashed, I knew my escape counted on that cell phone. "Hey Jacob" said a familiar voice, one I didn't want to hear. "You didn't think I'd let this be easy for you now, did you?" Casey said in enthusiasm. All I could muster up,
was "Just let me go Casey, please?." I asked if he could take me to a local hospital, we'd have to walk there, but he denied my request. "They'll ask to many questions." Casey said.
Three days later, Casey tended to my wound, while smoking weed, he did a lousy job, but it was serviceable, he then went for a walk down by the river, giving me ample time to search for the cell phone, I searched high and low for it, but to no avail, Casey must have it on him at all times, he must have left a note to Elise before kidnapping me, telling her that he's taking me on a trip to Mass, and not to worry, that he'll call her from time to time. That has to be it; I wondered what she must be thinking. I saw a shotgun laying in the tent unattended, I picked it up and checked the tubes to see if it was loaded to which they were, I cocked the shotgun, and went in search of my brother, I knew how to shoot, but was a lousy shot.
Casey came up from behind me, leading me to shoot the bark off of the tree that was seven feet away from me, "Come to kill me have you?" he asked. "No" I replied, "But to get you to come to your senses and take me home." Casey grabbed the shotgun from my hands and thwacked me in the head with it. "I want to see you live without the medication Jacob, that's all I've ever wanted." he said with a half of smile. "You're deluded" I retorted, "You do drugs, and I'm the bad guy here, you hypocrite." I said with all the guts in the world.
Me and my brother never got along in the long run of things, always trying to steer me down the wrong path. A few months after he left Elise's apartment to live with Claire and Dennis, we went down by the factory that was by the apartment complex we lived in, and he said that if I moved out of my moms house, I could have more freedom, something I didn't want, I was happy were I was with Elise and Roger, sure I didn't like having to do the chores of a superintendent by myself, but it was better then living in an apartment with freedom to do what I want, and I guess I knew God didn't want that for me; again, then to miss out on the best parents God has given me. God's hand was on my life, and I thank God for that.
Casey just stared at me, rethinking the situation at hand, but the rage came back swiftly, and he shot me in my right arm, I flung backwards a little, and bit my lip to keep me from letting out tears again. I screamed to the top of my lungs in agony. But if I was to die right here on the spot, it wouldn't matter, as I would finaly be going home to heaven to be with my Savior Jesus and my four children. I had faith in this, faith in my Savior Jesus to deliver me from evil. I started to wonder who the crazier one was, me or my brother?

Last edited by RavenBlade; 01-18-2009 at 05:49 AM..
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Old 01-15-2009, 06:52 PM
I used to cut myself with razor blades, and burn myself with tea kettles and cigarettes, I even sprayed cologne on my arm and lit it on fire several times, to ease the pain of my mental anguish, and it only relieved it temporarily. And now I knew who the crazier one was, the man I called brother, the one I ran away with to Bradlee's Department store because mom promised to take us to Turtle Back Zoo, and didn't come through.
It was apparent that I was in a desperate situation,
and there was little I could do to stop this force to be reckoned with. The last time I saw my brother, before this tragedy happened, I discerned that one of us was going to die, and the way things were happening to me now, I guessed it was going to be me, because my mental health was deteriorating, and thoughts of killing myself were shining through as the day lingered on. I just laid down on the ground groping my arm, as Casey walked away, I closed my eye's and prayed Psalm 24, and Psalm 51. When I got up, I snuck away to the road, with faith in my pocket, why I didn't think about this before I'll never know, so I limped to the road to flag someone down to get me to the nearest hospital, but to my dismay, no one was traveling
at this time, it was a pretty desolate area, nothing but trees, and deserted roads. I limped on those roads for about an hour to the nearest family owned store.
According to my watch it was about five o'clock in the evening, and I happend upon a store, and fell inside the screen door. Mr. Kreegly ran from behind the counter and lifted me up and dusted me off, when, from out of the bathroom, came Casey, saying "There you are Jacob, I've been looking all over for you." Mr. Kreegly asked me, "Do you know this man?" As I said "No", Casey went behind the deli counter and picked up a butchers knife, and walked
over to Mr. Kreegly who was still looking at my fearful face. Casey swung the knife at Mr. Kreegly, stabbing him in the neck. The knife jutted out of his neck, blood spraying all over the floor. "Where's your savior now, Jacob?, Where's your faith?" Casey said this with a chilling smirk that sent shivers down my spine. Casey picked me up by my under arm and dragged me kicking and screaming, I vomited upon my shirt, from all the trauma, then I passed out.
I awoke four days later, smelling like a dead man, Casey, was outside the tent, cooking breakfast. I drifted off to sleep again, and drempt about the time I dropt out of the twelth grade because of my illness, and was tutored at home by "Mrs. Eustice", and "Mrs. Coppola", so I could graduate high school with my friends and peers, I didn't go to the ceremony but had a party at home with Elise, Mrs Eustice and Mrs. Coppola. But I went on the cruise around
Manhattan Bay. None of my friends really talked to me that much, so I pretty much stayed to myself, but my guidance counselor checked in on me, from time to time to see if I was ok. I remember writing on one of my note books that I had to submit homework in for Mrs. Coppola while I was still in school, and I wront on the top left corner, 'sad sad sad, I'll miss the life I never had.' This note was passed on to my guidance counselor, and he called me in for a session and made an appointment for me to seek counseling.
I woke up about a quarter to three in the afternoon, Casey was by the river fishing, so I snuck off again, to the same store, hoping that the cops would be there. I prayed the Lords prayer, and made my escape. I made it to the store, but no cops where there, crime scene tape was stuck to the entrance. I pulled the sticker tape away, and walked around the chalk outline of Mr. Kreegers body and went for the phone. I dialed 911, and the operator answered
the phone. "911, Mrs. Carver speaking whats the emergency?"
"My name is Jacob Knight, and I've been kidnapped by my brother, and I have a wound in my leg from an arrow, and a gunshot wound in my arm, from him, I'm in Mr. Kreegers Store, Casey my brother killed him, please hurry." I said in a frantic voice. "OK, Jacob, remain calm, police dispatch will be there momentarily, just hang on the line. A few minutes later the cops arrived, with an ambulance, they tended to my wounds, then they made me get in the cop car, and show them the way to Casey's where abouts. When we got there, Casey was frying up the fish, with the shotgun loaded next to him, he gets up, and the cops say as they point their guns at him "Don't move, you are under arrest, for the murder of Mr. Kreegly, and kidnapping your brother,
you have the right to remain silent, anything you have to say will be held against you in a court of law, if you don't have a lawyer, one will be appointed to you, do you understand these rights?"
Casey just stared at me in defiance, he then picked up the shotgun and shot one of the cops in the chest, the other officer opened fire hitting Casey two times in the arm. Casey drops the shotgun and falls to the ground, the officer who shot my brother ran over to him, and quickly handcuffed him. "Dispatcher, this is Officer Franklin, we got an officer down and one wounded, we're by mile marker 643." Officer Franklin takes me and Casey to his car, and makes us sit in the back seat. "Didn't I tell you, you'd get better?" Casey says slickly. "I'm not better, I'm traumatized now, because you went off the deep end; pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 18:16." I sighed a sigh of relief that this nightmare was finally over.
With no medication in me, and bad mental health sinking into my cranium, it was time for that hospital stay. But little did I know, I would be sharing a room with my brother in Ramapo Ridge Psychiatric Hospital; the cops said he was to messed up on drugs to know what he was doing, but would face time in jail after a mandatory stay in a psychiatric ward, for evaluation. And thus my nightmare continues, but for a short while, fore I'm in the Palm of the Lords hand, and no man can pluck me out of it.

Let me know what you think, if the mods think this is inappropriate , then delete it, like I said it's unfinished and I'll be tweaking the sucker severely over the coming months.
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Old 01-17-2009, 05:23 PM
Few thoughts:

() Probably haven't read a fifth of this, but each of your sentences begin with a subject-predicate counstruction (i.e.-- "My name is..." or "I have...".

() Your subject-verb agreement is consistently flawed.

() Punctuate appropriately, making sure to avoid run-ons but still maintain a consistent sense of complex sentence structure.

() There are at least a few very evident spelling errors.

These are just a few grammatical and structural shortcomings anyone would notice; if you clean it up (paragraphs...) a bit, I'm sure it will be read entirely.
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Old 01-17-2009, 06:28 PM

I'm sure it took a lot of courage to write that down, RavenBlade, but I've never seen anyone post their personal writings in this forum or even website (aside from the screenwriting area). Joblo.com is also a very large and somewhat impersonal website, which makes your extremely personal, intimate writing a wee inappropriate. I don't lay down the rules 'round here or anything, but I've seen a few other posts like this on popular websites, and it never fails to make me uncomfortable. Frankly it seems embarrassing for the poster. Like that one guy who posted on joblo.com about his girl troubles a little while back.

But good on you for being able to write that down anyways.
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Old 01-18-2009, 06:08 AM
Thanks for the feedback guys.

Homyrrh, I'm not really a good story teller, good at all with punctuation marks, and such, that's why I stick largely with poetry, to which I've won awards for, not bragging, just saying. I salute you in the Lord.

Shinigami, I know this will be probably frowned upon, my personal story,
but I needed a personal outlet. But my personal story had to be told, in order
for the story to work, at least that's what I thought, I have plans to completely rework the whole thing, from somebodies else point of view.

Thanks again guys.


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