Old 05-19-2003, 12:00 PM
How to be annoying...

I got this excerpt from a book and I have NO idea what book it's from but some of it is friggin' hilarious. Let me know if you know where this came from....

How to Be Annoying:

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green and insist to others that you 'like it that way'.

Staple papers in the middle of the page

Hide dairy products in inaccessible places

Write the surprise ending to a novel on it's first page.

Learn Morse code, and have conversations w/ friends in public consisting entirely of "Beep Bip Beeep Bip Bip..."

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a 'croaking' noise.

Wear your pants backwards.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

Begin all your sentences w/ 'ooh la la!"


Write 'X-BURIED TREASURE' in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a 'real hoot'.

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch w/ a can of Lysol.

Lie obviously about trivial things like the time of day.

Change your name to John Aaaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.

Mow your lawn w/ scissors.

Finish all your sentences with the words, 'in accordance with prophecy'.

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences w/ the impression that you'll be saying more any moment...

Never make eye contact

never break eye contact ( I love those two!)

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears...
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Old 05-19-2003, 01:34 PM
Beep bip bip beep

Oooh-la la...those annoying things only exist in your imagination, according to prophecy

Awesome list. I'll print it out and use it against unsuspecting folks passing by
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Old 05-20-2003, 11:37 AM

SIREN30, I own this excellent book. It's called 750 ways to Annoy People by W. Schaffer Fox. Easily one of the best books I've ever read.
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Old 05-20-2003, 11:25 PM
One of my favorites, and I dont know if its in this book, is "When your at the drive thru, specify that your order is 'to go'". I do this all the time, occasionally it'll get a laugh out of the person but more often then not I get a look like "your in the drive thru you dumbass".

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Old 05-26-2003, 04:42 PM
here's some good ones on how to scare your neighbors

Order pizza and other food to their house and pick it up at their doorstep claiming that
You don't have a phone.

Stand over the plants in your yard with a hose and Scream, "I have your life in my
Hands, bow down to me! Then point at each one and declare them good or bad
Plants, while watering the bad ones.

Bring them restraining orders on inanimate objects in their house. (I.e.: chairs, books,
Lamps, etc.)

Ask them if you can put your trash in their cans, if they ask why say, "Mine are full of
Bodies", then stutter and say, "I uh mean other garbage." walk away laughing

Patrol the perimeter of your yard while carrying a broom. If they come close state that
There is a 3-foot neutral area between the two yards.

At night transplant the plants in their garden. In the morning say, "looks like they're on
the move again."

When they're watching TV, pull a lawn chair behind their window. Sit down with popcorn
and a dink and ask them if they could open a window so you can hear too.

Build snowmen with nametags of your neighbors. Each day hack off a different part of
their body.

Use your TV remote to change the channels on their TV from outside. If asked why,
say you protest such programs. (The more educational the program the better.)

Dig shallow graves at night filling your yard with brown grave patches. Make
Markers out of household appliances.
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Old 06-01-2003, 09:04 AM

somebody has been copying, there's a book by Craig Charles called 'The Log' and he has a chapter in it about how to be annoying and there are some word for word crossovers there. tut tut.

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Old 06-01-2003, 10:49 PM
I've seen stuff like that around on the net..forgot where but some of the ones that got my attention were :

when at work, notify everyone by memo when you are going to and comming back from the bathroom. Email works well too (also shows if your boss snoops your email)

Call in an order for a pizza and tell them not to put something that you already mentioned on it. Example.."Ok, I want tomatoes, banana peppers, onions, feta cheese, hamburger, itilian sausage, bacon, bell peppers butter and sesame crust and make sure there's no tomatoes on it."

there's others but you can get some good ones from the famous "Screw You!" series of books (I think there was 3 or 4), though Carrot Top had the best..
..get a cheap mic and PA system from say Toys R Us and go through the drive thru. When answering, use the toy (it'll sound crappy..but that's the point) and skip words like "Yea, I'd li...o have the Who..val..eal, no..and a...arge Coke , wait make that a large...and a si..n.ings."
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