#1  
Old 11-27-2003, 08:02 PM
Uncut:Last House on the Left

Last House on the Left:UNCUT and UNEDITED
1972
R
Plot:A pair of repulsive, sadistic escaped convicts kidnap, rape, and murder two teenage girls, but the girls' parents prove to be even sicker as they seek revenge.

Okay, I rented this back in July and turned it off by the first chase sequence because it had a bad score in the beginning. I thought it was stupid. Then 4 months later(this month, der), I decided to try it again with the uncut version. I'm glad to say I changed my mind. This movie is very disturbing and gruesome. The torture of the two girls is even...well, not very pleasant to watch to say the least. I think whoever wrote this may have had some Columbian weed themselves while writing this...cuz I have never in my life thought of stuff like this. It's very sick stuff.

Gore:It's got it, and it looks very real most of the time especially when (spoiler-highlight) Phyllis(one of the girls) gets stabbed in the lower back and when she bleeds, it looks very realistic.

Nudity-It's got it, but it ain't fun, trust me.

Acting:All good except for those damn cops and the parents who were only okay.

Directing-Pretty good. I mean, it's not as effective as say Texas Chainsaw Massacre(1974), but it does work.

Score-Okay, this parts a little rocky for me. I did not like the score to start out with. It felt a tad too mellow for the situation that was at hand, but later it starts to get better and worked with me a lot more.
"This movie has warped my fragile little mind!"
Overall, I give this movie a 8/10...I should probably watch the cut version now, see if it's a lot different. Naah. Screw that.
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  #2  
Old 11-28-2003, 05:18 AM
I saw the uncut version about 5 or 6 years ago and sorry but it was really really bad.
Not more than 4/10
The only thing I like is the documentary - style it has but that's all.
Too amateurish to me.
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  #3  
Old 11-28-2003, 05:38 PM
This movie was a damn distapointment. it did have that gritty/old school horror look but that was not bad enough to save it from stupid, one dementional characters, horrible acting, and a sloppy screenplay. The only good Craven flicks in my book are Nightmare Part 1, and Scream. Other than that, the guy is over-rated. The only thing notable in this picture the acting on the young teenage girls parts. Pretty realistic and scary if ya' ask me. But other than that the killers are stupid, not scary and anoying. This tone also rings in Cravens next one, The Hills Have Eyes.
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  #4  
Old 11-29-2003, 04:21 PM
I hated Hills Have Eyes. It sucked.
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  #5  
Old 12-11-2003, 04:48 PM
Is the regular version of this movie cool? Didn't Wes Craven make this movie?
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  #6  
Old 12-11-2003, 07:14 PM
Last House on the Left

*

NOTE: IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY SHITTY MOVIES AVOID LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT



I'm laughing. Unbelievable. Right now, I'm smiling. Oh, and I just watched a movie where two girls were kidnapped, forced to fuck each other, one was raped, the other stabbed, some dude was cut up with a chainsaw . . . what the bloody hell is funny about that? I must be a sick, sick individual.
Or, more probable, I just finished watching Last House on the Left.

When the cedits roll to the tune of blue-grass and the pictures of the various cast members flash up, I'm honestly perplexed. I was weary about renting this notorious film. It was heavily cut in the US, banned in Britain and God-knows where else . . . but I managed to rent it on DVD in what I'm assured is the uncut version (by Craven himself in an intro). What was all the fuss about? I've seen Halloween specials of 'Friends' and 'Simpsons' that were more terrifying than this. How is that possible? Just reading about the content inside got my stomach a' rollin: rape, murder, torture, and so forth. So just what the fucking hell have I watched? Is this a joke?

The answer is, of course, yes. It is. We are introduced to girl #1 and girl #2 (I didn't learn their names, sorry) who seem to be typical teens in the 70s. Girl #1 is rebelling against bras, heading out to a Bloodbath concert with girl #2, who is apparently 'bad news'. It turns out that the two head into a bad neighborhood. After the concert (or before, I'm not sure) the girls decide to pick up some 'grass . . . uh, from a guy standing outside this apartment complex. No reason in particular. They just go right up and ask him. He leads them up to their apartment. What follows is a long stretch of comedy followed by one scene that'll cut those laughs off they were were thrown into a guillotine . . . and then another stretch of comedy. And then the movie's done. Wha? Huh? You've just witnessed Last House on the Left.

The acting in this . . . 'film' *stifles laughter* is not half-bad. At first girl #1's parents seem like likeable blokes (until the mom bites the dick off a guy for revenge . . . I know, I know--don't ask), and that likeability stretches until the end, when their performanced turn to wood. I thought Craven used card-board cut-outs for the end scenes. Girl #1 is sometimes on, sometimes off, but when it counts she gets it and makes those scenes all the more uneasy . . . for the most part. Girl #2 seems pretty cool with the idea of being kidnapped and forced to make love to her friend. She's got it under control; I'm not impressed. She needed to show some emotions, although she does get a few moments of brilliance when she's stabbed. The bunch of killers were so-so. None of them stood out, and at the end I could've cared less if they walked away scotch-free or were killed. And for a group of sick fucks like that . . . well, something must've gone wrong to make me feel that way. As for the policemen . . . they weren't too bad. Did what they needed to.

The directing is amature, the beginning holding a 'documentary' feel that captivated me. It was like I was watching some home-movie. And although that graininess doesn't go away anytime soon, it loses it's effect. During the uncomfortable scene in the woods I was never once convinced that what I was watching wasn't a movie. And when your in a scene as intense as that, again, looks like you goofed up. Sorry Craven.

The music is a banjo-strummin', cousin fuckin', family lovin' good time at Redneck City! Come along--yehaw! I expected dancing clowns to pop out on screen any moment. Some scenes the score was so ridiculous that it actually managed to turn something that seems almost impossible to make light of (a girl fleeing from a group of rapists and murderers in the woods) and does just that. I figured one of them was going to stop and shout "You meddlin' kid!"

This is by-and-by a dissapointment. Big time. I wasn't looking forward to seeing rape and torture but I was looking for a jolt. Too bad I didn't get any. I'm still slightly confused about this mess, about how the fuck Craven managed to make such heavy material light and somehow inconsequental. Many reviews state that this is a movie that doesn't glorify violence - unlike Ah-nuld vehicles - and shows just how horribly a human being is. That's not true. At all.

Don't believe the hype or word-of-mouth. This is a film with one-or-two scenes that got me ready to fast-forward . . . scenes that are wrapped in a nice comfy blanket of slap-stick and situational comedy (find out where There's Something About Mary got the penis-in-the-zipper idea from). The opening in Sceam is far worse than this effort, save for - again - one or two scenes.


3/10--an extreme horror movie that's not so extreme and not so horrific.



REVIEW DATABASE

MOVIES:

28 Days Later : 7/10
8mm : 9/10
Alien : 6/10
Audition : 7/10
August Underground : 5/10
Battle Royale : 8/10
Cannibal Holocaust : 9/10
Dawn of the Dead : 5/10
Day of the Dead: 8/10
The Dead Zone : 7/10
Donnie Darko : 10/10
The Eye : 7/10
Elephant : 6/10
Freaky Friday : 8/10
Ginger Snaps : 7/10
Hardcore : 6/10
Hellboy : 6/10
House of 1000 Corpses : 4/10
House of Sand and Fog : 9/10
Hulk : 10/10
Irreversible : 8/10
Kill Bill Volume 1 : 8/10
Kung Pow! Enter the Fist : 7/10
Last House on the Left:3/10
May : 10/10
Memento : 8/10
Mulholland Drive : 7/10
Near Dark : 6/10
One Hour Photo : 9/10
Perfect Blue: 9/10
Requiem For a Dream : 8/10
Se7en : 9/10
Terminator 2: Judgment Day : 10/10
Thesis : 6/10
Underworld : 7/10
Willard : 8/10


TELEVISION
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (season 5) : A
Neon Genesis Evangelion - Perfect Collection : B-
End of Evangelion : A-


BOOKS
Stephen King's IT : 5/5 stars




*as I said in my thread, I want to apologise for starting up a new one on this. This thread was bumped suddenly and I didn't notice is until, well, it was too late. Apologies.

Last edited by C-Desecration-; 09-20-2004 at 05:01 PM..
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  #7  
Old 12-12-2003, 10:31 AM
I really like this movie, to put it in context I don't think there's another movie that has recieved as much attention as Last House... that was produced for less money.

Yes, the cheapness does show. As some people have noted the feeling of the movie is really raw, while the quality of the film is so low-budge it borders on a home movie. That totally works for me, in "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer" some of the murders are video taped, very creepy stuff. In my opinion the crimes in "Last House..." have the same feeling.

Yes, the acting is sometimes HORRIBLE (some of the actors weren't actors and worked for free), the music is totally out of place in much of the movie. The script has some stupid comic relief in the form of 2 bumbling cops (the deputy is Martin Kove) that doesn't come close to working, but in the context of when this movie was made I can kinda understand why they are there. Some of the subject matter is to disturbing for some people too.

But, movies like this are the antidote to the run of the mill, cookie cutter, and bland wannabe horror movies that hollywood is so good at putting out
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  #8  
Old 01-09-2004, 10:01 PM


Let us analyze this cover here for a moment. What do you see? You see

A.) A very eerie two, possibly three/four story creepy looking haunted house.

B.) Two girls running for their lives

C.) A very dark, eerie atmosphere that gives off that dark, sadistic, evil whisper

D.) the title, "Last House on the left". This implies that this is a house on a road of some sort, in comparison to others. Perhaps thought to be abandoned, or that of a sick individual, or family of individuals. (e.g. House of 1000 corpses)

After analyzing the following, please allow me to state this: This movie is NONE of the above!

Written and directed for the screen by horror icon Wes Craven, I had expected a downright repulsive and gritty film, but instead was served as I would bluntly like to call "shit on toast".

The film starts out as a happy hippy trip to NYC, only stopped short by some undergrad goons who have a sadistic fetish. During the whole time, the score plays one happy hippy song after the other, as "Last House" resembles a banned CHiPs episode, or some messy After School Special propaganda.

After their car breaks down, our quartet of baddies take the girls into the woods for some fun that carries some massive potential, as I was ready for some grade A disturbance. Instead, I received a stalled vision at an attempt to shock the shit out of me... and more hippy songs.

The actual house, that is the last one, on the left hand side is really just some remote house out in the woods owned by one of the girl's parents. The father is a pussified doctor, and the mother is a quarter hippy herself. They aren't violent, and barely have enough emotion in them to really draw you to them. When it comes time for revenge it seems like they themselves don't even really know what the hell it is that they want to do. Except for the mom... she's a slut. Shyeah. But the eerie house is really nothing in particular, at least enough to name the fucking movie after it.

What Craven had planned for inside the house I could see as extremelly sweet on paper, but comes off very underplayed, much credit due to the lack of good acting. There is no over-acting here, but merely people just standing around looking at each other, as if they are waiting for Wes to shout to them their lines... which of course could be why much of the film is drowned out with hippy songs. And don't get me wrong, it's not just the antics inside the house that are underplayed, but that of the entire film. Many of the supposed "shocking sequences" inside the woods just include the antagonists and the girls all standing around looking at each other like a virgin boy with a hard-on staring down at his first piece of ass, not knowing what to do with it.

There are several attempts at humor throughout the film, and most of the jokes succeed. Many of them involve double doofy Policemen duo that actually does bring out a laugh during their crazy antics. Also noteworthy is a helluva line when one of the girls states that her parents are together in the "Iron & Steel business". When asked about it, the girl replies... "She irons... and he steals!" Classic!

Also noteworthy is the much talked about "documentary feel" of the film. I didn't get that. I didn't get any sort of documentary feel, or even the feel of the girls for that matter. They were extremelly hoky-poky in their antics after getting caught, and underplayed the fact of being kidnapped, raped, beaten, and so on. You would have expected after much of what has happened to them, for insanity and extreme paranoia/fear to sink in, but it doesn't. While one of the girls attempts escape, the other sits up and looks at the man that actually got them captured and says "I'm going to call you Willow!" Please. I know the point was manipulation, but this girl just blows it.

All-in-all the film is a complete letdown, and guilty of the "bait-and-switch" tactic. (Trying to appeal as one thing, and coming off as another)

It shouldn't even be called "Last House on the Left". It should be called "Pussy 18 year old virgin can't get it up".

If you want a decent revenge film that is guaranteed shock-factor, go rent or buy "I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE" that came out only a mere six years after this. For a film that preached on the back "You'll have to keep saying to yourself: It's only a movie, It's only a movie!", I had to keep reminding myself "Don't hit the stop button... Don't hit the stop button..."

2/10
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  #9  
Old 01-09-2004, 11:11 PM
Review 4/10

This movie was really disgusting. The rape scene isnt great, the killers are sadistic, and seeing the girls in these hopeless situation is disgusting. Unforuntely, Wes Craven couldnt keep me interested to this piece of shit. The thing that really brings the movie down are those two cops in the movie, i FUCKING hated them! They were making the movie seemed comical.... jee, i didnt know serial killers raping young girls neede to have comic relief???? WOW! The eding was alright but nothing great. OVerall, dont see this movie {my opinion}, you will feel that you wastded your time. I did

Last edited by Mr.HyDe807; 09-02-2004 at 11:54 PM..
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  #10  
Old 01-10-2004, 08:56 AM
Just saw this flick last night. Here is my short review: (SPOILERS)

While my wife and I were in Blockbuster a couple of nights ago, she mentioned wanting to rent Last House On The Left. Her mother made her watch it as a child to teach her not to talk to strangers (sick...). I had never seen it, so we picked it up on DVD.

I was kind of let down by Last House. Sure it was pretty disturbing, but it could have been even more so if it had cut out two things:

1. The HORRIBLE music. Is this a comedy or an explotation flick? Ugh, it was painful to listen to the horrid music that Craven chose for this flick. Major points knocked off for that.

2. The cops. Why in the hell did Craven add in this horrible and unfunny subplot about the two bumbling cops. The film switches from scenes of rape and murder to bumbling cops with their own horrible music. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Another thing that bothered me was the demise of the bad guys. It just didn't seem violent enough for me. I wanted to see the bastards suffer after what they had done. Sure the penis scene had me cringing, but other than that the deaths seemed too easy for what the criminals had done. I wanted to see that chainsaw go into the guy. I wanted to see the wife REALLY go at the whore chick with the knife. I wanted to see real revenge.

Overall though, the film was worth a rent. Not the best explotation, but it is a good watch for historical purposes and if you're a big fan of Wes Craven's. I have to give the film 2.5/5.
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  #11  
Old 01-10-2004, 03:51 PM

Damn. Looks like every review here deemed the movie awful. This is one of my favorite movies ever. Some things as mentioned before are off. The music here is just absolutley atrocious and unfitting. The acting by the parents is nearly as wooden as you can get. Lastly, I was slightly disapointed with the demise of KRUG. Not overly terrible or anything but if they were going to take him out they should have done something more. Overall though with all things considered I still give the movie a perfect ten. Well thats all for now GOoD JOURNEY my fellow schmoes.
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  #12  
Old 01-10-2004, 04:23 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by teenkiller
Damn. Looks like every review here deemed the movie awful. This is one of my favorite movies ever. Some things as mentioned before are off. The music here is just absolutley atrocious and unfitting. The acting by the parents is nearly as wooden as you can get. Lastly, I was slightly disapointed with the demise of KRUG. Not overly terrible or anything but if they were going to take him out they should have done something more. Overall though with all things considered I still give the movie a perfect ten. Well thats all for now GOoD JOURNEY my fellow schmoes.
To be quite honest, I agree with much of what you said. However, to add to your Krug statement, I felt that EVERYONE'S demise was a letdown. Not one real graphic murder.

However, I did watch the "Forbidden Footage" documentary last night, and it looked like there were some decent gore scenes that showed the villains playing with the insides of one of the bodies. One of the location guys said that a special effects guy that was brought in was tying condoms together that were filled with Peanut Butter & Jelly that looked like the real deal on some of the organs. He said that even knowing what it was, it still disgusted him.
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  #13  
Old 01-10-2004, 05:12 PM

Yeah I wathced that too. The dvd was pretty cool and informative. I think David Hess really did an excellent job portraying KRUG. He seemed to take it very seriously and thats something I respect. Watching the interviews between him and "Weasel" was pretty awesome as well. Well thats all for now GOoD JOURNEY my fellow schmoes.
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  #14  
Old 01-10-2004, 10:00 PM
Sheesh. Too many bad reviews. I know Last House on the Left isn't the best movie ever, but it is damn fine, and I like it!

(7/10)
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  #15  
Old 01-11-2004, 01:16 AM

After a string of negative reviews the film is finally getting some positive say. Thank you to TheDeadWalk and TheJadedGamer. Well thats all for now GOoD JOURNEY my fellow schmoes.
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  #16  
Old 01-12-2004, 06:08 PM

I liked this movie. I thought David Hess was dead on as Krug, but he always plays sadistic killers/rapists perfectly. The DVD was cool too. 8/10
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  #17  
Old 01-12-2004, 06:13 PM
I still haven't seen this movie. By the cover it looks like Wes Craven's THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS. THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS was a good movie
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  #18  
Old 01-14-2004, 11:33 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by MaggotShroom
I still haven't seen this movie. By the cover it looks like Wes Craven's THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS. THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS was a good movie
It has nothing in common with "The People Under The Stairs". The actual cover that you see in mine and a few other posts is what we like to call a "bait-and-switch". It makes you think the film is about one thing, when its about something completely different. The film should have been called its original title: "Night of vengeance".

The girls on the cover running from the house is complete bullshit.
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  #19  
Old 04-07-2004, 03:47 PM
I finally got around to seeing this last weekend and I must say I was disappointed. The movie isn't horrible, but it's nothing spectacular either. It's very dirty and brutal, but everything feels so fake that I wasn't disturbed by anything. Not to mention the inclusion of unnecessary humor didn't fit well with the brutal nature of the film. The highly touted denoument (at least by the plot description) was nothing but a big letdown. For a better study of violence and rape I'd suggest checking out Ruggero Deodato's The House on the Edge of the Park. It stars David Hess playing virtually the same character as this, but it has a more polished feel, better acting and doesn't try to lighten the load with humor.

The Last House on the Left - 5/10
The House on the Edge of the Park - 7/10
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  #20  
Old 04-07-2004, 05:59 PM
Finally people who agree sorta with me. You know, I really just have a weakness for 70's horror flicks with hippies and bell-bottoms and psycho's. If ya got it, I will most likely enjoy it. I'm quite the 70's horror flick man-whore.
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  #21  
Old 04-07-2004, 10:51 PM
Wow... how could you not like this movie? I was loving every second of it. Especially the end.

8.5/10
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  #22  
Old 04-08-2004, 07:51 AM
Ok, maybe I'm wrong, but is the region 1 version UNCUT?!! I know the Region 2 version isn't. But I OWN the Region 1 and was pretty sure it appeared to be CUT!!
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  #23  
Old 04-08-2004, 08:05 AM
Ok, I reviewed this movie a couple of weeks ago (topic is down the page, tut, tut) but I shall review it again after watching it for the second time yesterday...

It's a strange movie. You have to admit (whether you like it or dislike it) that there isn't a movie out there like this one. (Oh I see the puns from here ) It has an ominous atmosphere, and a gruelling subject. The first half of the film could be happening RIGHT NOW. It delves into the lower half of the crime scale - the murky, black, dark and horrific half. The second half is just there for entertainment and horror.
The acting is a bit off, as is the occasional burst of music - I mean, WTF?
I haven't got much to say about it, but after seeing it again I realized that it's not that bad. I gave it a 5/10 before, but after seeing it again I'll give it 7/10. Because I'm so nice.
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  #24  
Old 09-02-2004, 03:17 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by TheDeadWalk


Let us analyze this cover here for a moment. What do you see? You see

A.) A very eerie two, possibly three/four story creepy looking haunted house.

B.) Two girls running for their lives

C.) A very dark, eerie atmosphere that gives off that dark, sadistic, evil whisper

D.) the title, "Last House on the left". This implies that this is a house on a road of some sort, in comparison to others. Perhaps thought to be abandoned, or that of a sick individual, or family of individuals. (e.g. House of 1000 corpses)
Don't forget the same skelleton that appears in the Final Destination 2 DVD.
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  #25  
Old 09-02-2004, 05:04 PM
Woahhh what's up with all the negative reviews here? It wasn't that bad, it wasn't bad at all. Craven did a good job of making you hate Krug and all the douchebags that were doing the bad things to these girls. The movie was good and evoked emotion, especially special becuase it was indeed low budget.

7/10
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  #26  
Old 09-02-2004, 06:14 PM
The Last House on the Left was a good movie, but not one i would watch over and over again. It made me cringe more then once and it's not a fun horror movie. The acting by the villians is very realstic. It does sport some wooden acting and i wanted to see Krug get it worse. 7/10-Not for the faint of heart.
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  #27  
Old 09-27-2004, 01:44 AM
**** Some minor spoilers****

I just saw this movie (left a post about it in a different forum too). I think the plot of this movie is genius and am suprised nobody has done a remake of it. This movie is about two acts- 1) the rape, torture and humiliation of two girls, and 2) about the parents revenge. What sucked in this movie was the music (it is horrible, horrible, horrible- I almost turned the movie off because of it), and the sherrif is horrible. Comedy in horror is one thing, adding Bufferd T Justice is another. But even the shortcommings could not sink this movie. I kept thinking, if I had Krug in my livingroom and I knew what he did to my daughter, I would skin him alive.

If I was rating this movie, I would give it 10 stars based on plot, zero stars based on score, 3 stars based on acting. But because the plot was so strong, I would give it 8 stars as a movie.

The DVD looks great too. I did not expect such a clear picture for a movie this old. It looks great.

I got my copy from Best Buy for $10 and would reccomend the movie at that price to anyone. You probably won't watch it again (maybe some distant halloween), so I would not tell anyone to spend more.
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  #28  
Old 07-05-2005, 01:26 PM
this is another film that for me brings up the case of whats wrong with the BBFC, i got the uk release which is slightly edited and after accessing the material through a website didnt see what is so bad about it. as for the film, the acting was surprisingly good from the cast although it was far from being great. ive never really felt Craven was a good director, he has his moments but isnt consistent, this film is just like that, it has its moments of good direction and cinematography but it is mostly pretty average. as for the film being brutal, it was violent but far from what i read it was mainly because it was badly done, the gore was very fake and didnt look very good. aside from the down points it was quite a good film and far from the mess i heard it was

7/10
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  #29  
Old 09-23-2005, 08:35 PM
"The Last House on the Left" 1972

Directed by: Wes Craven
Written by: Wes Craven
Starring: Sandra Cassell, Lucy Grantham, David Hess, Fred J. Lincoln

Tagline: To avoid fainting, keep repeating "It's only a movie...It's only a movie..."

Rating: 7/10


Plot: Two young girls head to the city to celebrate a birthday. Trying to score some weed, they meet up with some escaped killers. We're quickly catapulted into a world of torture, rape, murder, and revenge. Can you say exploitation film?

Review: Wes Craven didn't always make shallow, glossy horror films or whore out his creations. "The Last House on the Left" was his second film and a gritty U.S. exploitation film that found its place in film infamy.

For 1972 this film was radical in its presentation. I remember my first time watching it I about turned it off due to the uneasiness I felt. I've since seen worse but if certain scenes do not unnerve you then I would worry.

The story is pretty simple. I never understood why Krug and company played nice at the parents house. I would just expect them to go apeshit again and do some slicing and dicing. The sideplot with the cops is a painful attempt at humor with the completely random appearance of Ada the chicken lady. Maybe Craven was smoking the peace pipe a bit too much.

The characters are very one-dimensional. Little girls = good. Krug and clan = bad. The one exception may be Junior who is either high or in DTs the whole time. The scene with him being called "Willow" is just freakish in its hippiness. In contrast, the scene between him and Krug at the parent's house is very well done.

The gore is minimal but well done. The effects are very realistic looking. I, too, feel that more could have been done in the blood department. Maybe Craven wasn't pushing it after a rape scene and a chick pissing herself. Regardless, what we do get is stomach-wrenching.

The film gives off a vibe of an Italian giallo with a little more sinister side. It's not a pleasant film but I think it was relatively ground-breaking in the subgenre of exploitation film from US filmmakers. For one thing, it's a far cry from films that horror fans love to bash nowadays ("Scream" series, etc).
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  #30  
Old 10-04-2005, 04:47 PM
I gave a review of this elsewhere, but for the sake of completeness, I'll put it here as well.


Last House on the Left is a bore. They warn you to repeat to yourself "It's only a movie, it's only a movie." And yes, I did have an incredibly hard time sitting through this one. Fortunately, it was nothing that a bottle of NoDoze and some toothpicks in my eyelids couldn't fix. Kind of like watching "Underworld".

Did this movie frighten me? Nope.
Did this movie make me cringe in terror or disgust? Nope.
Did this movie make me want to vomit? Well, yeah, but not from anything graphic.

The plot has been said before. Two girls go into town to go to a concert. The first 20 minutes appear to be an after-school special with a tit shot thrown in. If you wanted to see a Breck girl topless, just watch the first few minutes over and over again. Childhood fantasies, here I come! Other than that (which, hey, I'll admit, there's some value in fulfilling childhood fantasies--if they'd included a nude Mary Lou Retton, I'd have been all sorts of happy), this movie sucks.

What follows is the lamest plot that's ever been put to film. That includes any movie with Vin Diesel in it. The girls walk up to a random guy on the street and ask him if they can buy drugs. He invites them inside, where his crazy friends are. They kidnap the girls, take them out into the woods, and wacky hijinks ensue. What makes this plot so lame? It sounds horrific, right? Well, it's not. It's not horrific because we get two cops who apparently got lost on their way to film "Smokey and the Bandit 3", girls who don't mind being kidnapped, parents who are as unobservant as a dead fish, and kidnappers who look like Wally after he got himself caught in an Eddie Haskell plot. "Oh, gee Eddie, I don't know if we should kidnap these girls. Pop is gonna be real sore at us."


Gakk!!! This movie sucks. I was nervous about renting it, because I know girls who have been raped, and the very thought of it makes me want to hunt the guys down and go Clive Barker on them. So I didn't think I'd enjoy this movie. Boy, was I right. I actually envied the girls. They got to die, while I had to stay and watch this POS all the way through. Heck, I'll get raped and stabbed if it means I don't have to watch any more of this turd. I wanted to scream at the TV "No fucking fair!!! You get to die and I have to sit here and watch this!!!"

Seriously, I could shit a better movie.

The intense scenes? Made less intense by 1) the performances of the girls (escape? what's that? all the villains leave you alone and you sit there scratching your twat?), who showed very little real emotion; 2) the acting of the villains, who apparently came direct from the set of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 4 with Renee Zellweger and Matthew McConna... McCaugh... Matthew "I get older and they stay the same age". Yeah, the crappiest TCM of them all. These guys don't even get to come from TCM 3, the funny one where Leatherface has the Speak and Spell and keeps typing in F-O-O-D when the picture of a man appears. 3) The bumbling cops from Police Academy 6; and 4) the musical score from a B'rer Rabbit cartoon.

This movie is a train wreck. Not the good kind of train wreck where there are twisted bodies all mangled up and nasty looking. This is the bad kind of train wreck where the thing just sort of pops off the tracks while moving at 2 miles an hour and sits there blocking the damn street when you're leaving work and you get stuck in rush hour traffic for 6 hours.

AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!!
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  #31  
Old 12-31-2005, 02:45 AM
Re: Last House on the Left

Quote:
Originally posted by C-Desecration-
*

NOTE: IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY SHITTY MOVIES AVOID LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT



I'm laughing. Unbelievable. Right now, I'm smiling. Oh, and I just watched a movie where two girls were kidnapped, forced to fuck each other, one was raped, the other stabbed, some dude was cut up with a chainsaw . . . what the bloody hell is funny about that? I must be a sick, sick individual.
Or, more probable, I just finished watching Last House on the Left.

When the cedits roll to the tune of blue-grass and the pictures of the various cast members flash up, I'm honestly perplexed. I was weary about renting this notorious film. It was heavily cut in the US, banned in Britain and God-knows where else . . . but I managed to rent it on DVD in what I'm assured is the uncut version (by Craven himself in an intro). What was all the fuss about? I've seen Halloween specials of 'Friends' and 'Simpsons' that were more terrifying than this. How is that possible? Just reading about the content inside got my stomach a' rollin: rape, murder, torture, and so forth. So just what the fucking hell have I watched? Is this a joke?

The answer is, of course, yes. It is. We are introduced to girl #1 and girl #2 (I didn't learn their names, sorry) who seem to be typical teens in the 70s. Girl #1 is rebelling against bras, heading out to a Bloodbath concert with girl #2, who is apparently 'bad news'. It turns out that the two head into a bad neighborhood. After the concert (or before, I'm not sure) the girls decide to pick up some 'grass . . . uh, from a guy standing outside this apartment complex. No reason in particular. They just go right up and ask him. He leads them up to their apartment. What follows is a long stretch of comedy followed by one scene that'll cut those laughs off they were were thrown into a guillotine . . . and then another stretch of comedy. And then the movie's done. Wha? Huh? You've just witnessed Last House on the Left.

The acting in this . . . 'film' *stifles laughter* is not half-bad. At first girl #1's parents seem like likeable blokes (until the mom bites the dick off a guy for revenge . . . I know, I know--don't ask), and that likeability stretches until the end, when their performanced turn to wood. I thought Craven used card-board cut-outs for the end scenes. Girl #1 is sometimes on, sometimes off, but when it counts she gets it and makes those scenes all the more uneasy . . . for the most part. Girl #2 seems pretty cool with the idea of being kidnapped and forced to make love to her friend. She's got it under control; I'm not impressed. She needed to show some emotions, although she does get a few moments of brilliance when she's stabbed. The bunch of killers were so-so. None of them stood out, and at the end I could've cared less if they walked away scotch-free or were killed. And for a group of sick fucks like that . . . well, something must've gone wrong to make me feel that way. As for the policemen . . . they weren't too bad. Did what they needed to.

The directing is amature, the beginning holding a 'documentary' feel that captivated me. It was like I was watching some home-movie. And although that graininess doesn't go away anytime soon, it loses it's effect. During the uncomfortable scene in the woods I was never once convinced that what I was watching wasn't a movie. And when your in a scene as intense as that, again, looks like you goofed up. Sorry Craven.

The music is a banjo-strummin', cousin fuckin', family lovin' good time at Redneck City! Come along--yehaw! I expected dancing clowns to pop out on screen any moment. Some scenes the score was so ridiculous that it actually managed to turn something that seems almost impossible to make light of (a girl fleeing from a group of rapists and murderers in the woods) and does just that. I figured one of them was going to stop and shout "You meddlin' kid!"

This is by-and-by a dissapointment. Big time. I wasn't looking forward to seeing rape and torture but I was looking for a jolt. Too bad I didn't get any. I'm still slightly confused about this mess, about how the fuck Craven managed to make such heavy material light and somehow inconsequental. Many reviews state that this is a movie that doesn't glorify violence - unlike Ah-nuld vehicles - and shows just how horribly a human being is. That's not true. At all.

Don't believe the hype or word-of-mouth. This is a film with one-or-two scenes that got me ready to fast-forward . . . scenes that are wrapped in a nice comfy blanket of slap-stick and situational comedy (find out where There's Something About Mary got the penis-in-the-zipper idea from). The opening in Sceam is far worse than this effort, save for - again - one or two scenes.


3/10--an extreme horror movie that's not so extreme and not so horrific.



REVIEW DATABASE

MOVIES:

28 Days Later : 7/10
8mm : 9/10
Alien : 6/10
Audition : 7/10
August Underground : 5/10
Battle Royale : 8/10
Cannibal Holocaust : 9/10
Dawn of the Dead : 5/10
Day of the Dead: 8/10
The Dead Zone : 7/10
Donnie Darko : 10/10
The Eye : 7/10
Elephant : 6/10
Freaky Friday : 8/10
Ginger Snaps : 7/10
Hardcore : 6/10
Hellboy : 6/10
House of 1000 Corpses : 4/10
House of Sand and Fog : 9/10
Hulk : 10/10
Irreversible : 8/10
Kill Bill Volume 1 : 8/10
Kung Pow! Enter the Fist : 7/10
Last House on the Left:3/10
May : 10/10
Memento : 8/10
Mulholland Drive : 7/10
Near Dark : 6/10
One Hour Photo : 9/10
Perfect Blue: 9/10
Requiem For a Dream : 8/10
Se7en : 9/10
Terminator 2: Judgment Day : 10/10
Thesis : 6/10
Underworld : 7/10
Willard : 8/10


TELEVISION
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (season 5) : A
Neon Genesis Evangelion - Perfect Collection : B-
End of Evangelion : A-


BOOKS
Stephen King's IT : 5/5 stars




*as I said in my thread, I want to apologise for starting up a new one on this. This thread was bumped suddenly and I didn't notice is until, well, it was too late. Apologies.
8mm 9/10? Schumacher forever!
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  #32  
Old 01-01-2006, 07:56 PM
Well, if you're into snuff films, you'll probably love LHotL, but otherwise, it's crap. When I watched the making of feature of the dvd, they pretty much admitted that they just slapped some stuff together and made a movie. Was it disturbing? Well, I wanted to puke, so I guess it accomplishes its goal, but I didn't come away with anything. Usually I can at least say that I've been entertained for an hour and a half.
One redeaming factor was that we got some nice vengeance at the end. I totally needed to see those bastards die.
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  #33  
Old 01-16-2006, 09:03 AM
When I was a teen growing up, there were 3 movies that all teens my age talked about wanting to see some day.

Last House on the Left
The Hills Have Eyes
Texas Chainsaw Massacre


The titles alone elicited fear in us...These movies were so hyped that they had a mystical status to them....we couldnt wait til we could see these! At that time VCRs were for the well off. Then in the 80s I got a VCR and promptly went to the local mom and pop video store as words like "Blockbuster" and "Hollywood Video" didnt even exist. These were video stores where PORN and HARD R movies were rented!

I raced breathlessly to the horror shelf looking for these titles. Only one was in.... Hills.. I snatched it thinking how dumb others were and how smart I was that nobody had taken it yet! I went to the counter and in those days, they would put a movie on hold for you. DAMN! Last House & TCM had a hold list longer than Santas' naughty and nice one! Needless to say, Hills sucked. I NEVER got a chance to see Last House & TCM until they made it to DVD! THAT LONG! Well..actually I DID see TCM once as a teen on a VHS tape. The print was so washed out and jumpy that it made the film unwatchable and for me I just figured its low budget look along with the VHS tape, this was another shit fest.

LHOTL REEKED. It was slightly better than a student production.. a GRADE SCHOOL production! The most misused and out of place music I have heard in a movie to this date. The acting was horrendous. Ed Wood has gotten better and more sincere performances from his actors. Others here who hate it have already went into detail why so I wont bother.

Now Texas Chainsaw...when that first hit dvd, I rented it expecting it to be as bad as Hills and Last House... Boy was I blown away! This was pretty damn good! FINALLY! Out of all the "most talked about" horror flicks of the 70s only ONE has emerged and can actually be called GOOD! For all you young guys out there, dont buy into the hype of Cravens earlier flicks. Go straight to TCM and use the time you would otherwise lose if you watched Last House and Hills to play some ball or something.

Last edited by Joshmo; 01-16-2006 at 09:08 AM..
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  #34  
Old 01-21-2006, 12:17 AM
Bad...BAD movie

Last House on the Left and Artificial Intelligence are two movies that make me want to kick puppies and scare old ladies.
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  #35  
Old 01-13-2009, 01:46 PM
Question.

Hey, I just watched the edited version of "The Last House on the Left" and was disappointed, but my friend warned me of that.

Does anyone know where I can get the unedited version? It'd be very helpful.
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  #36  
Old 01-13-2009, 02:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by fallonme View Post
Hey, I just watched the edited version of "The Last House on the Left" and was disappointed, but my friend warned me of that.

Does anyone know where I can get the unedited version? It'd be very helpful.
3 Disc Metrodome release
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  #37  
Old 01-14-2009, 10:40 AM
What what what!!? Last House on the Left is one of my all-time favorite Horror films, I have no idea how anybody could find this laughable-unless you don't take rape seriously. (Which admittingly, I do joke about rape-a lot. But I know when to talk serious about it and when not to.)

Last House on the Left is the ultimate 'Violation' Horror film, which is pretty much in G's terms, rape-flicks. I loved it, it repulsed me, shocked me, and at the end of the film, I felt raped myself.

Last House on the Left: 3.5/4 (I took half a point off for the comedic relief cops.)
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