THe Amityville Horror

[Horror]

Disclaimer: The following review is to be taken with a grain of salt and is in spirit, (or rather lack thereof) of the greatest time of the year. So sit back unbuckle your pants, remove the shrink wrap and get ready to explode in fury (or something else) as I begin to attack at least in my opinion, a truly overrated bastard child of the horror genre.



The Amityville Horror

Get the Fuck Out of that House Dummies!

By

Nick Schwab

If there were a sub-genre of horror that many times faces logic and narrative holes, it would undoubtedly be the haunted-house film. While watching these films the viewers commonly ask themselves, “ what the hell are you still doing in that house!” In some haunted house films it might not matter much because of the unfolding narrative, and creepy atmospherics reel you into the film making you forget these annoying plot flaws.

With that in mind, it should be said that while watching this film it’s a good idea keep all sharp objects away from your reach because you might get depressed…very depressed…even a tad suicidal, for what you are watching has no name, no definition, and well no, well no… fucking point.


Making the Amityville Horror as fun as a trip to your at the DMV, The Amityville Horror sucks, because it has a lessened impact due to these typical haunted house clichés. But this is not the reason it fails. Such films as the masterpieces, as say, The Changeling still achieve greatness with this flaw, but they had what this film severely lacks. And The Amityville Horror lacks well… pretty much everything that makes a good horror movie.

Starting with the plot that has as narrative holes as a well-used dartboard, the movie lacks consistency and character motivation. Characters for no, very little, or just blatantly awful reasons go into the house in order to become the houses next victim, or to get a pathetically attempted jolt from the audience. The first time this happens, I suggest, you the viewer pause the movie, shake your head and down the nearest round of alcohol, because you’ll honestly want to get pretty hammered to relish in the awfulness that is The Amityville Horror. It’s like one of those films that should be played only when your liquored-to-the-gills because that’s the only time that you can take this dumbed-down sedative that is, once again The Amityville Horror.


As turgid and unfathomabley awful looking as toilet water after a fat chicks birthday party, the film lacks good direction style. Someone must have stuck this projection print in the toilet because the film is dark, ugly and the color of the… well; you know… the color of the thing human’s put in the toilet. Even in the daytime the movie’s about as hot as a kiss from your great grandmother.

As wooden as my manly part when I am watching Jennifer Love Hewwit in a bathing suit, the actors all need to eat a bullet and burn for eternity too. While their all laughably bad and clueless about acting, as it has been said that some of them thought they were going to be in a Ron Jeremy porno (Actually I’m just joking, but anyway,) they honestly don’t go lower then the film itself which is, well… pathetic trash.

Ditzyier then Britney Spears after a lobotomy and also as ready to go in the trash as a used condom from a special night, The Amityville Horror is a film that, to sadly quote an old episode of a sitcom that (for the name I won’t mention out of embarrassment that I watched it,) should only be watched when “hell freezes over…and the devil gives out free slay rides.”

It is this statement and this one that should reflect all of life’s little meanings. The other statement is, The Amityville Horror is like a $1 street hooker who you heard could do you wonder. However, when it comes down to it she blows, well like… a $1 hooker. Then you know you get what you payed for.


Zero Stars (Out of 4)

[blacksnake]

The Amityville Horror, is based on the book of the same name by Jay anson, about the true story about George, and Kathy Lutz, who with their children movie into a house where the previous owners were killed. At first the family likes the house but soon start to dread it when doors won't open, they see evil eyes out of the windows and the walls ooze. The actual house where these events took place was moved in the 80's to make room for another home. It is still around however but it has now been painted blue and the windows have been replaced where the evil eyes were once seen. Also the music that was rejected from the film The Exorcist, was used for this movie and later ended up being nominated for Best Score at The Academy Awards and The Golden Globes. In the year 2000, 25 years after the event took place there was a tv documentary made called Amityville 2000, that interviews both the real life George, and Kathy Lutz, as well as the author of the book Jay Anson. Many called the film an ineffectual thriller but I still found it entertaining and interesting and what made it even more interesting was the fact that it was based on real events. Now for all horror fans but for those interested in the book and what really happened as well as movies like Christine, The Fog, The Omen, The Exorcist and any haunted house movie.

[spacemonkey]

I personally enjoy this flick very much.

I disagree with your points on the film. Characters dont just wonder into the house for no reason...for instance the father, well he comes to bless the house because the family just moved in it.

The Nun is a relative of Margot Kidders character....and the babysitter....well shes babysitting. They all have their reasons to be there.

Then theres the family. You say that they should just get the hell out of the house...but hey,they wont leave because they just bought their house! After all the sacrafices and difficulties to actually get your own place, you dont just walk out on it because a couple of strange things happen and your husbands got a fever. You'll fight for your home till the last moment, or till the walls start to bleed black blood.

Also the events that happened in the home were very subtle...you couldnt exactly say that the house was haunted. For example, the kid getting his hands cought in the window...or the nanny getting locked inside of the closet. Hey even their front door being blown open can be mistaken for a prank or something. My point is, nothing that happens in the house lets them directly know that its haunted by evil spirits. They have a sneeking suspicion that somethings weird is going on...but nothing is sparkling clear.

Its not until the whole events with the hole in the basement and the voice that they hear coming out of it and the bleeding of the walls that they realize that yes...this is in fact a haunted house. Its not until then that they give up their fight and get the hell out of dodge.

Amytiville is an old film yeah, but in my opinion its to be appreciated for being able to scare the crap out of you without having to rely on fx or boo scares. Its more psychological and most of the scary elements are implied. Also the fact that its based on real events makes the film spookier for me, not to mention that the evil spirits cant be seen!

Heck, I dont think its as bad as you make it out to be. I can understand you not liking it though, Ive spoken to many people in here who hate this movie for whatever reason. I just really get into it everytime I watch it and get spooked by it everytime.

[Cronos]

while i was overall pretty disappointed with The Amityville Horror i still found it to be an enjoyable film. the film managed to build up some atmosphere at times and there were a couple of creepy scenes. the acting was all pretty good and the characters were well shown on screen. the direction and cinematography were also pretty good and managed to create some nice sequences through the house. the main problem i found was the pacing, it was very slow at times and i kept checking to see how long it had left and nearly fastforwarded it a couple of times. despite that it was a good film and fun (although i dont see myself watching it again any time soon)

7/10

[PackBacker]

"The Amityville Horror" 1979

Directed by: Stuart Rosenberg
Written by: Sandor Stern
Starring: James Brolin, Margot Kidder, Rod Steiger

7/10

"GET OUT!"

Plot: The Lutzes find a hell of a deal when they by a house in Amityville, New York. Why is the house so cheap? Probably because a family was murdered there by the son who heard voices in the house. The Lutzes soon find more than they baragained for with mysterious flies, bleeding walls, spirits communicating with the young daughter, and various other signs that they are headed to hell in a handbasket. Based on the supposed non-fiction novel by Jay Anson.

Review: This film is loaded with potential but rarely lives up to its possibilities. "The Amityville Horror" oozes malevolence and the great sense of dread of the classic 70s movies but in the end lets us down. Don't get me wrong- I enjoyed it - but it's hard to be happy when you know how much better it could have been.

The story is meandering and unfortunately doesn't go much of anywhere. Hard to blame this on the screenwriter as they stuck pretty close to the excellent book. Part of the failing is there is an ultimate lack of a climax. Little emotional investment in the characters makes the final flea from the house just another bump in the road. The novel spends much more time dealing with George's connections to the killer/house. This was sort of glossed over in the film and we are just left with a string of random occurrences that are poorly linked together in exposition.

The subtle manifestations of the house's evil are well done. Brolin pulls off an eerie "The Shining" rendition with his character right down to chopping through the door with an axe. The blood coming from the walls is a nice touch as well. The score is a spooky little set that garnered national attention.

Overall, a nice moody 70s genre piece that just sort of fizzles out. "The Amityville Horror" is like a premature ejaculation. In the end it was still fun but damn you coulda made it a lot better.