There was a time when Jennifer Love Hewitt was literally the hottest chick on the planet. I don't know when exactly her decline began, and scientists have being trying to pinpoint it for years, but I'm pretty sure that dating that guy from LFO didn't help (nor did starring in his [oddly prophetic] "Girl On TV" video), and GHOST WHISPERER was pretty much the confirmation of her glorious descent. Oh, don't get me wrong, GARFIELD was bad, but at least it was film. Once you fall to television, unless you're in your late twenties and playing a high-school student from the wrong side of town then you're pretty much finished. Anyway, let's not dwell on the bad, let's look back with fondness upon some of her hotter performances.
#3. 'Del Blaine' - THE TUXEDO
Jackie Chan stars as Jackie Chan (still goofy, still knows 3,999,213 ways to break your neck with his eyebrow but doesn't want to use any of them) this time with the help of a funky tuxedo that helps him run real fast and load rifles. He takes the place of a spy who oh god who cares.
This look gets a spot on the list because I have a thing for black-rimmed glasses. I'm pretty sure you could put those things on any chick and I'd be all over her. It also helps that she brings her titties out to play in that low-cut blue dress, and further, that when the evil henchman tries to drown her, they flop out all over the place.
Legend has it that with freeze-frame you can actually see the full breasts in all their glory. Legend, or fact? You decide: But don't decide while you're at WORK.
#2. 'Amanda Beckett' - CAN'T HARDLY WAIT
It's high school graduation, and like all seniors they want to party. So 500 high school seniors look forward to a party, while in the meantime a boy wants to get a girl he's loved for years that just broke up with her boyfriend and a bunch of other stuff is coming to the boil but really all we want to see is what Amanda Beckett looks like. And nothing could prepare us.
God, I remember seeing CAN'T HARDLY WAIT for the first time at the age of 13; there was just no way I was ready for a chick like Jennifer Love Hewitt. I'm pretty sure at the time I was still trying to get to grips with breasts (where did they come from? Why were they here? What did they want?), and then suddenly life plops Love Hewitt in front of me and I have a whole mess of new problems to deal with. How did she get to be so cute? Sure, we're all wondering that, but more importantly, why the fuck did Mike Dexter break up with Amanda Beckett?? Is he insane?
#1 'Page Conners' - HEARTBREAKERS
Max and Page are a mother and daughter con team. Max seduces wealthy men into marrying her, then Page seduces them into infidelity so Max can rake them over the divorce court coals. And then it's on to the next victim. That's basically it. It's just a ton of ways to set up Sigourney Weaver and Love Hewitt rubbing their tits and sporting massive cleavage, seriously.
She has a ton of hot looks in this flick, but I'd have to go for the 'stupid and slutty maid' gig she rocks out to try and seduce Gene Hackman. It's just a solid, solid look.
The highlight of the movie probably comes about ten minutes in though, after Weaver does her thang and it's up to Love Hewitt to shove her enormous breasticles in Ray Liotta's face:
Unfortunately, with the exception of the maid thing, the film never recovers the heady heights of that wonderful, wonderful scene, since we pretty much substitute tits and desk-based blow jobs with Jason Lee and Gene Hackman coughing on things. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.