I have made a blood pact with the devil that if that Cash Warren fellow f*cks up our delicious Jessica Alba's body with his spawn, he will be forced into the inhuman punishment of being strapped to a chair with his eyes taped open and subjected to the nude Kathy Bates scene from ABOUT SCHIMIDT repeatedly for 72 hours straight. I mean, the mommy titties will be preferable to the less than substantial rack she had before, but dammit... she better bounce back faster than Heidi Klum or his ridiculously named ass is grass.
Jess is turning the almighty 27 years old today. Choosing to have a baby before her thirties was a bold move on her part, but I heard that she was talking to Reese Witherspoon one day who claimed it was the the way to preserving your career and ending up with a hotter guy a few years on down the road. So we raise our glasses to your fine hottie self, Miss Alba. May you find the proper cinematic path after motherhood. Happy Birthday!