Of all the rituals musicians do to alleviate stress before a live performance - groupie threeways, Cartwheel Coke Crashing, Pin The Needle On The Least Collapsed Vein, Stranger Underwear Toss, Grab The Nearest Rock Journalist And Beat The Shit Out of Him For Being Such A Critical Bastard, Jenga etc. - we're most excited by Carly Simon's penchant for getting spanked to quite literally beat away the last bits of stage fright that take hold of her before she takes the stage. The New York Daily News relates
At a celebration for President Bill Clinton's 50th birthday, at Radio City Music Hall, in 1996, Simon, terrified of following Smokey Robinson, invited the entire horn section to let her have it," writes John Lahr in the New Yorker. "'They all took turns spanking me,'she says. 'During the spank the curtain went up.'" It's not exactly "Happy Birthday, Mr. President," but I'll bet Clinton liked it.
As much as we enjoy this ritual, we're afraid there's potential for it to spiral dangerously out of control. In the above example, in fact, we suspect that with the increased intensity of the spanks, Simon, getting increasingly aroused, started orgasmically shouting "yes, oh god, yes, give it to me, daddy! Harder! Harder!" while a stunned crowd stared in disbelief and Clinton turned to his advisors and whispered "My Piece. Her mouth. Now!"