Because I wish I could kill this bird with a really big stone, how about I just hit up all of the Lindsay Lohan news in one shot? First, let's start with the obvious news that most of you have heard by now. LiLo has failed two of her recent court mandated drug tests. The first tested positive for cocaine and the second tested positive for amphetamines. So the judge on her case has issued a bench warrant calling for her arrest. But because she's Hollywood, that warrant is on hold until this Friday when Lohan can appear in court to address the results and potentially get 60 days in jail for the infraction. I won't hold my breath to see how it turns out.
The second bit of news is also not all that shocking. Reports are coming out that LiLo is in dire financial straits. The funniest part of this news report to me is that the phrase "Dina is struggling to make ends meet and pay Lindsay's lawyers..." That's Lindsay's mother. The woman who gladly lived off her daughter's fame and later infamy. Boo f*cking hoo. You have to pay for your child's mistakes now? Oh, let me chip in and help you foot the bill that you created.
But the most surprising piece of news in this trifecta of I-Really-Don't-Want-to-Give-a-Shit is an unexpected result from that stupid E*Trade lawsuit that LiLo brought up earlier this year which accused the online stock site of capitalizing on her name by using one of those creepy talking babies in their commercials to refer to a Lindsay as being a "milkoholic." While the terms of the settlement are sealed, it is rumoured that Lindsay made some money out of the deal, thus lessening her mother's great burden, I suppose. E*Trade used to scare me with those weird-ass babies and now they just disgust me.
Click on each photo to enlarge!
It's no longer sad...