Bit of a milestone birthday for the lovely Bella Thorne the other day. You're probably thinking that she can vote now or even drink legally. Think again. The Shake It Up! star just turned 15, which is nuts. I'm seriously having a Jake LaMotta moment here. They're gonna put me in a padded cell in a minute while I curse their mothers and pound the walls, screaming about how I'm not an animal. I'm gonna have to rip the diamonds out of my middleweight belt for my bail. Seriously, is there anyway that girl looks 15? I've seen women twice her age less developed. I think it's all those hormones going into the reclaimed water supply that they can't filter out. The same shit that keeps turning the frogs into hermaphrodites is making kids sprout into adulthood way earlier than they should. She should be popping pimples and stuffing her bra now. She's practically ready for her bikini Cosmo cover. I'm gonna go scrub my brain with a Brillo pad now. Gotta get this filth out of my mind.
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