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Body Shop: Angelina Jolie

Jul. 16, 2007by: Mr. Pink

Welcome to The Body Shop, my friends! Last week marked our debut, and each week going forward we'll pick one of our favorite Movie Hotties and break 'er down for ya. We'll consider her physical hotness, the scope of her career, as well as the overall package. To make things easier to follow, we've established a rating system consisting of 10 hot dogs for the top score, and 0 hot dogs for the lowest. Got that? You can also Drool Back below, because while we are true hotness connoisseurs, that does not make us infallible. So who is spicy enough to serve as this week's tasty dish? None other than a U.N. Goodwill Ambassador: ANGELINA JOLIE!

Check her out in - A Mighty Heart

ASS (8/10):

While she doesn't show it off much, Jolie has a completely cuppable set of cheeks that look equally good for spanking, tapping, or just plain jamming your face in while proclaiming "I love me some bum-bum!"

BOOBIES (7/10):

She somewhat famously did not have the amplitude in her spice rack to fill out the full "character" of Lara Croft, but what her breasts do bring to the table are the dual fun of being perky and distinctly not shy. Not her best feature by any means, but still, no complaints here!

FACE (9/10):

Striking more than hot, you're still gonna melt under that gaze. Her famously huge lips and angular face work together with flashing green eyes to send one singular message "Rowrr!".

PERSONALITY (9/10):

This is where Angelina just flies off the charts. She looks like she'd eat you and make you like it. If there's anything closer in the natural world to a Cat Person than Angelina Jolie then it hasn't surfaced yet. Sure she's made a couple of nauseating choices, but has that done anything other than fuel our collective fires? I think not. When you add in the seeming dichotomy of her motherlove humanitarian side, how can you do anything other than love this woman to death - or let her do that to you.

CAREER (5/10):

When you get right down to it, Jolie is much more famous than her movie success warrants. She hasn't had a legitimate box office smash and also fails the "classic role" test as well. In fact she's a lot like Dennis Quaid when he first hit the scene. No big hits, but a personality and a charisma that screams STAR!!! even if the work doesn't. No doubt she's a good actress, but so far her efforts outside of the industry are far more impressive.

High points: GIA, GIRL, INTERRUPTED, MR. AND MRS. SMITH
Low points: TOMB RAIDER, ORIGINAL SIN, TAKING LIVES, ALEXANDER

OVERALL (9/10):

This is not a woman that you pigeonhole. The force of her personality, mixed with her "I don't give a f@ck what anyone thinks of me" attitude is a cocktail that no one can resist. And why should we? When a Goddess walks among mortal men we have nothing to do but bow down and be grateful.

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+1
3:05AM on 07/16/2007

meh

Can't say I'm in love with Angelina like most are. The whole badass thing -- at least to the degree she takes it -- doesn't turn me on. Trashy is more the description that comes to mind -- although she obviously isn't trash. Hopefully you understand what I mean -- some of her life choices have been questionable. And I don't dig the tattoos. Pass me the Jennifer Aniston, please.

Solid critique, nonetheless.
Can't say I'm in love with Angelina like most are. The whole badass thing -- at least to the degree she takes it -- doesn't turn me on. Trashy is more the description that comes to mind -- although she obviously isn't trash. Hopefully you understand what I mean -- some of her life choices have been questionable. And I don't dig the tattoos. Pass me the Jennifer Aniston, please.

Solid critique, nonetheless.
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