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Body Shop: Elisha Cuthbert

Aug. 20, 2007by: Mr. Pink
100%

Typically I'm more attracted to brunettes than blondes, but occasionally a tow-headed temptress comes along with a fuck me look that just stops me in my tracks. When that's mixed with a relatively wholesome demeanor and a laid back Canadian flair, you know you've got a winner. Time for the little soldier to salute: ELISHA CUTHBERT!

Check her out in - Captivity

ASS (6/10):

The less said the better. About as boring as unbuttered toast. Ms. Cuthbert has many fine features. This is not one of them.

BOOBIES (8/10):

ECuth's front acreage is a sight to behold. Perky and weighty all at the same time, her cushions fill out an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder like a ripe juicy melon waiting to burst with the first bite. None of this duck-taped to kingdom come faux cleavage that all the stick girls utilize these days. Just good old fashioned mammary magnificence.

FACE (8/10):

Bad skin, weird lips and a square-ish shape, why do we love it so? Two reasons, the arched eyebrow and those bedroom eyes. This face answers the question "Can men be faithful?" I'm afraid it's bad news ladies. We really can't. Not when confronted by wanton sex appeal like this.

PERSONALITY (6/10):

Pleasant enough. No harm no foul sort really. Perhaps a trifle boring on balance, but when you look like her, you just don't need to be a cunning linguist. Conversational competence is important in a spouse or best friend. Fantasies aren't there for talking, so we won't think less of Elisha when talking is at the bottom of the list of things we want her to do with her mouth.

CAREER (7/10):

Two words leap immediately to mind - cougar trap. Ridiculous TV events aside however, The Cuthbert has done well for herself with memorable roles in solid movies, while never putting herself in too much jeopardy as The Name. She's done an excellent job of accumulating respectability while avoiding responsibility. We all would do well to excel at that skill!

High points: OLD SCHOOL, THE GIRL NEXT DOOR, CAPTIVITY
Low points: AIRSPEED, LOVE ACTUALLY

OVERALL (7/10):

Cuthbert would likely be just another forgettable McHottie if it weren't for her unbelievably penetrating gaze. She's an actress who gets the job done without much fanfare. Maybe she's got more to give, and maybe not. What I know for sure is that it's rare to find someone who can cause near spontaneous erections with a simple glance. Isn't that reason enough to keep her working, my friends?

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1:28PM on 04/02/2009
I could care less about her no-ass. She's just so amazingly beautiful. 10/10 for me. And House of Wax is a high point man! Fun flick.
I could care less about her no-ass. She's just so amazingly beautiful. 10/10 for me. And House of Wax is a high point man! Fun flick.
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10:43PM on 08/20/2007
You left House of Wax off low points, but otherwise you're spot on.
You left House of Wax off low points, but otherwise you're spot on.
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