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Body Shop: Eva Mendes

Jul. 23, 2007by: Mr. Pink

Hola, amigos! This week's temptress is L.A. raised, but comes from Cuban-American stock. Not only is that a heady style/fire mixture, but she's also been quoted as follows - "It's fun to be a woman. It's fun to flirt and wear makeup and have boobs." Amen to that! So let's give a warm welcome to the one, the only: EVA MENDES!

Check her out in - We Own The Night

ASS (7/10):

Eva's bum doesn't reach the epic latino grandeur of a Jennifer Lopez or Vida Guerra, but it does have a nice shapely tone to it and would certainly provide satisfying company for any fan of the back cleavage. Besides it's not her fault that her heritage requires she be held to a higher standard. Put that butt on an Irish chick and we'd all start Riverdancing.

BOOBIES (6/10):

Smallish and a bit too conical to tell the truth, but she's a pro at making them look their best. Plus those Cuban-American bazooms are significantly more attractive when she's on her back. I tell ya my friends, there's nothin' wrong with that!

FACE (8/10):

I don't know how it all comes together. I won't even bother with the mole because Cindy Crawford got us used to those a long time ago. But the teeth are kinda clunky, her eyebrows look like they're a missed week of tweezing away from taking over her face, and that nose bears a disturbing resemblance to the Dodge Ram symbol. Yet the end result of it all is a visage for the ages. They say God don't make no junk. In this case He used junk to create a classic. Well done, Maker.

PERSONALITY (6/10):

The Mendes interview seems to follow a familiar pattern - laugh, talk about something animatedly, lean forward to laugh and clap, they cover her face as she nearly snorts. We've all met beautiful girls who you're just damn glad to find out they seem like genuinely nice people. Then somewhere between thinking you might have a chance with her, and the inevitable realization that nice doesn't mean "will sleep with your ugly ass", it becomes clear that nice doesn't necessarily mean interesting either.

CAREER (7/10):

As the starlet path goes, this chica is definitely on the right trajectory. No break out roles per se, and she still lacks the weight to carry a film. But her choice of small supporting roles in projects with great actors and great directors shows smarts, patience, and probably a self-awareness that there'll be no Oscars lining her mantle anytime soon. To which I say, "Who cares?" Most people can't name one winner from the Academy Awards two years ago, but I'll bet you everyone remembers this (NSFW) Training Day scene. And that came out in 2001.

High points: TRAINING DAY, ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO, STUCK ON YOU
Low points: 2 FAST 2 FURIOUS, OUT OF TIME, GHOST RIDER

OVERALL (7/10):

Eva Mendes has that girl next door quality we all love. If the girl next door was way hotter than the actual girl next door. She's cute, sweet, seems accessible, and even has a self-deprecating sense of humor. She may not have what it takes to ascend to the highest levels of movie stardom or hottie worshop, but I've no doubt that we'll all be happy to see her on film or in print for many years to come.

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