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Body Shop: Fairuza Balk

Sep. 14, 2009by: Mr. Pink

I've always been an avowed fan of freaky chicks. And this week's lady, while having faded into the Hollywood background in the new millennium, certainly made her mark by letting her freak flag fly. From being the previous owner of an occult shop to giving off a vibe that she might eat your head, you have to admit there's a heavy batch of something weird when you're dealing with: FAIRUZA BALK!

Check her out in - Bad Lieutenant: Post of Call New Orleans

ASS (8/10):

Balk's backside is nothing to, well, balk at (heh, heh). While her overall vibe may leave you more concerned for the safety of your nuts than the quality of her body, as you can see from the picture below (no that's not a nipple, I blurred that out) it's obvious that she's got a keister that inspires you to partake in exactly the sort of activity her pose is meant to inspire. She may have been an epic fail as a person in THE CRAFT but the butt gets high marks.

BOOBIES (8/10):

It's a shame that Fairuza really only showed these off in their glory in AMERICAN HISTORY X because she is splendidly arrayed in her upper girl parts. And that movie is not one where you get to enjoy the fact. While she tends to do the goth girl coverup of her tasty bits, when she does give us a glimpse of what she's got going on the evidence speaks to supple, bouncy and downright tasty.

FACE (8/10):

Personally I think FB is beautiful. You may be put off that she looks extremely likely to go all praying mantis on you after making the sweet sweet love, but I'm much more interested in faces like this than the typical flavor of the week. There's no doubt that her look has more of an edge than even the "edgy" actresses in Hollywood. But for that I say thank you. You can take your Dushku's and Fox's, I'll take me some Balk any day of the week.

PERSONALITY (8/10):

One of the things I typically hate about so-called dark chicks is that they seem so intent on proving just how dark and serious they really are. This fair lady does not suffer from that need. When you see her interviewed she kind of comes across as Goth!, rather than goth. She's enthusiastic, well-spoken, thinks it's funny that people are still hung up on her collecting knives when she was fifteen, and seems to have a strong sense of self. Basically, she's way too cool for most of us but has the good grace not to shove it in our face. I don't know if Satan's got cheerleaders, but if he does, I'd guess FB could be captain.

CAREER (7/10):

B-girl has been acting for going on three decades now and pretty much just takes on projects that interest her. That's great for her but not so much for us. She's always a dynamic presence on any project she takes on. Those have just been few and far between since the start of the new millennium. If at some point what challenges her as an actor meets a project that captures the public's imagination, then we could easily see an Oscar nomination in her future. If not, you get the sense that she really doesn't care.

High points: VALMONT, THE WATERBOY, ALMOST FAMOUS
Low points: THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU, DEUCES WILD

OVERALL (8/10):

Fairuza Balk is one of those chicks I've been waiting to release a new movie so I could Body Shop her because she is awesome. Do this job long enough and a lot of the ladies really start to blend together, which makes the ones who legitimately stand out seem all that more special. While she won't top anybody's list of hottest actresses in tinsel town, there aren't too many top tier babes that I'd rather have some QT with (that dangling preposition is in honor of the dangling proposition fans might like to share with her).

SPECIAL THANKS: Sprained both my wrists this week, so Mrs. Pink did all the typing for me.

Source: MovieHotties

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6:29PM on 09/14/2009
I completely agree, I think girls who have a distinctive look to them get extra hotness points. She was the best thing about the Craft and added to the Waterboy.
I completely agree, I think girls who have a distinctive look to them get extra hotness points. She was the best thing about the Craft and added to the Waterboy.
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2:36PM on 09/14/2009
she's not your typical Hollywood beauty, but i think that's why i like her.
she's not your typical Hollywood beauty, but i think that's why i like her.
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2:16PM on 09/14/2009
She's hot. There are WAY hotter pics of her though.
She's hot. There are WAY hotter pics of her though.
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2:16PM on 09/14/2009
Love her unique look. I would score her roughly the same. Good choice this week.
Love her unique look. I would score her roughly the same. Good choice this week.
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12:58PM on 09/14/2009
I really like her. I think she's super pretty. She has a rockin body and beautiful eyes. I also think she's a good actress who isn't afraid to just go for it.
I really like her. I think she's super pretty. She has a rockin body and beautiful eyes. I also think she's a good actress who isn't afraid to just go for it.
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12:19PM on 09/14/2009

Hmmm...

8 for face is a bit high. She never really did anything for me in terms of her looks; mostly, I think I'm turned off by the voice. But she was kind of sexy/cool in 'Almost Famous'.
8 for face is a bit high. She never really did anything for me in terms of her looks; mostly, I think I'm turned off by the voice. But she was kind of sexy/cool in 'Almost Famous'.
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9:43AM on 09/14/2009
Never liked her at all.
Never liked her at all.
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8:28AM on 09/14/2009

wow

those are some high scores. granted, she's decent in the T&A department but she's always been a butterface to me. but she's got a great personality. and personality goes a long way.
those are some high scores. granted, she's decent in the T&A department but she's always been a butterface to me. but she's got a great personality. and personality goes a long way.
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