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Body Shop: Jessica Biel

Mar. 16, 2009by: Mr. Pink

This week's hotness is provided by a woman so banging that she was able to play a live version of Jessica Rabbit and pull it off. Truth be told I'm a little surprised it's taken me this long to get around to her. Without further ado I give you: JESSICA BIEL!

Check her out in - Planet 51

ASS (10/10):

There are certainly clearer pics of Biel's butt, however I just love this one soooo much. The funny thing is that it is one of the least flattering looks at her heinie that you'll find. Which is a strong example of the awesomeness her booty wields. Well shaped and in shape is definitely a good way to go through life.

BOOBIES (10/10):

I admit I wasn't planning on rating these Timberlake toys quite so high, but the more I looked (it's a tough job sometimes) the more I realized I was at a loss to find any flaw. And since the lack of flaws indicates perfection, that's what we're looking at. Sweet sassafras I may well spend the next hour just looking through pics like this (NSFW).

FACE (7/10):

It's funny to me that Jessica got her main start on 7th Heaven, since her look is decidedly rough and dirty. She may have the body of an angel, but she's got the face of a pornstar. I know some have complained about her manish features, but I dig her look. Not enough to give her the highest marks because I'm a professional, but there's quite a lot to like about her Fergie mixed with a tranny visage.

PERSONALITY (8/10):

As long as she's been around, I have no good handle on JB's outlook. What I do know is that she's a former vegetarian which is a state that I have immense respect for. And she won a karaoke contest once. I love me some karaoke. Plus I don't have to count her relationship with Justin Timberlake against her since he did DICK IN A BOX.

CAREER (6/10):

Jess definitely has presence on screen, and her name is a draw for sure, but it's hard to give her much credit for the big screen projects she's done when you look at her CV minus the hype. There are a few standouts, but overall it's fair to middling projects that the world would be better off without. I really don't think she's even shown that her chops are particularly strong yet. Pretty meh.

High points: THE RULES OF ATTRACTION, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, THE ILLUSIONIST
Low points: BLADE: TRINITY, STEALTH, NEXT

OVERALL (9/10):

Jessica Biel is one of those seismic hotties that hardly even require being in good movies to stay on the A-list. If she does add a solid career to her overwhelming brand of sweet deliciousness it would almost be unfair. In the interest of not causing a majority of the male populace to explode, here's hoping she just keeps doing her thing is the same manner she's taken it so far.

Source: MovieHotties
Tags: jessica biel

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8:49AM on 03/16/2009
Yep :) Definitely a 9.
Yep :) Definitely a 9.
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9:39AM on 03/16/2009
I've been saying for a long time that she has the best ass in Hollywood. Nice to see someone else give it a 10 as well.
I've been saying for a long time that she has the best ass in Hollywood. Nice to see someone else give it a 10 as well.
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+0
10:02AM on 03/16/2009

Face - underrated

I agree with items 1 and 2, but on the 'face' rating, I have to say that Jessica is amazing. She doesn't look mannish, or like a tranny. She looks like a strong-willed girl. Incredible lips too...
I agree with items 1 and 2, but on the 'face' rating, I have to say that Jessica is amazing. She doesn't look mannish, or like a tranny. She looks like a strong-willed girl. Incredible lips too...
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10:31AM on 03/16/2009

She's BEAUTIFUL

ASS and BOOBIES are a 10.

FACE should be a 9.

She's BEAUTIFUL....
ASS and BOOBIES are a 10.

FACE should be a 9.

She's BEAUTIFUL....
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12:57PM on 03/16/2009
no doubt the body is a 10 all around. but her looks have, shall we say, roughened a bit in later years. she's not ugly, but she seems to have lost something as she has matured. just compare the boobies and face pics above to see what I mean.
no doubt the body is a 10 all around. but her looks have, shall we say, roughened a bit in later years. she's not ugly, but she seems to have lost something as she has matured. just compare the boobies and face pics above to see what I mean.
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3:25PM on 03/16/2009
Everything should be a 10 except for her career. I'd give her career an 8 as I like Blade: Trinity and Stealth and Next. The only dud in her career that I can remember at the moment is the pic right above (the last one) which is from the Freddie Prinze Jr. flick Summer Catch. And of course 7th Heaven. That's a MAJOR negative.

But I definitely think personality and face are too low. She is such a beautiful lady and deserves a 10 for her face. And I fell inlove with her after her
Everything should be a 10 except for her career. I'd give her career an 8 as I like Blade: Trinity and Stealth and Next. The only dud in her career that I can remember at the moment is the pic right above (the last one) which is from the Freddie Prinze Jr. flick Summer Catch. And of course 7th Heaven. That's a MAJOR negative.

But I definitely think personality and face are too low. She is such a beautiful lady and deserves a 10 for her face. And I fell inlove with her after her appearence on Jay Leno some time ago so her personality deserves a 10 as well.
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5:31PM on 03/16/2009
10/10 alround. Bewbz n butt are peachy n hot. I always preferred her over Alba. Plus she's got a personality that's every bit as great as her body.

YOU ROCK, JB and you also rock JB for showcasing this lovely creature.
10/10 alround. Bewbz n butt are peachy n hot. I always preferred her over Alba. Plus she's got a personality that's every bit as great as her body.

YOU ROCK, JB and you also rock JB for showcasing this lovely creature.
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7:01PM on 03/16/2009
She's never done anything for me.
She's never done anything for me.
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4:27AM on 03/17/2009
She's hot, though not as hot as many claim her to be.

Like some others here, I'm not a big fan of the face, and that is the most important part of a woman's physical appearance by far.

7/10 for me.
She's hot, though not as hot as many claim her to be.

Like some others here, I'm not a big fan of the face, and that is the most important part of a woman's physical appearance by far.

7/10 for me.
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4:12PM on 03/19/2009

Jessica Rabbit/SNL

....pretty much sealed the deal on Biel's appeal.



heh.
....pretty much sealed the deal on Biel's appeal.



heh.
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+0
3:46PM on 05/04/2010

Jessica's REAL Overall

Averaging the individual scores:
10+10+7+8+6=41
41 divided by 5 (number of categories)=
8.2 OVERALL

Round down since .2 is below .5 and you have an OVERALL RATING of 8/10

And that's about right.
Averaging the individual scores:
10+10+7+8+6=41
41 divided by 5 (number of categories)=
8.2 OVERALL

Round down since .2 is below .5 and you have an OVERALL RATING of 8/10

And that's about right.
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