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Body Shop: Lindsay Lohan

Sep. 28, 2009by: Mr. Pink

It's easy to be amused by Tara Reid and her self-destructive party messes, because she's not particularly talented not notably attractive. But what about when you have someone a little more legit who appears hell bent on destroying career and looks? As last week's hottie showed, it is possible to turn things around, but there's still a big question mark about what's going to happen with: LINDSAY LOHAN!

Check her out in - Machete

ASS (7/10):

Lohan's going to have to work overtime as she ages to keep her backside from looking like a couple of saddlebags. For now she has the benefit of youth on her side, and the booty is a reasonably fun bit to look at, although she's been an ace at distracting us with other things to focus on.

BOOBIES (10/10):

Body weight issues have certainly caused these sweater puppies to plump up and deflate over the years, but at their best these are nothing less than heavenly. I'm not sure when Lindsay has her A-game going that there's a better rack out there this side of Diora Baird.

FACE (10/10):

We've seen so many unflattering paparazzi photos of LL as she's finishing up a night of abusing whatever her favorite substances are, that it's easy to lose sight of the fact she's got a stunning face. Perhaps the all access pass she's given us to her nether regions has killed the mystique forever, but from a straight pictorial perspective, she's got the stuff of true Hollywood glamour. If she ever commits to a lifestyle that doesn't require multiple hospitalizations and early face destruction, she'll probably keep her allure for a long time. Otherwise expect that beauty to fade hardcore over the next decade (or sooner).

PERSONALITY (8/10):

I'll gladly take the hit from those who are going to argue this should be way lower. The chick has definitely made many bad decisions, and seems like a hot mess a lot of the time. But here's the thing. She's smart. Like Tina Fey smart. And that counts for a lot. She also has a pretty strong sense of career awareness, and surprisingly, comes across as a very thoughtful young lady. That doesn't change the fact that her passions are overtaking her common sense the last five years or so, but that kind of conflict makes a person more, not less, interesting to me. And let's not forget that every good thing she manages to eek out of her life and career is despite the two trainwrecks she has for parents. Those two should be tossed in a blender and then dumped in the nearest septic tank.

CAREER (7/10):

Linds has a higher public profile than her career really warrants at this point, but unlike most people who fall into that category, she actually possesses sick levels of talent. She hasn't been bad in much of anything, although she's been in plenty of bad shite. We may have to play the same waiting game with her that Quaid, Barrymore, and Downey Jr. put us through before we get to see her shine in outstanding projects, but if she can get her act together I've no doubt she'll be a force in the years to come.

High points: FREAKY FRIDAY, MEAN GIRLS, A PRAIRIE HOME COMPANION
Low points: CONFESSIONS OF A TEENAGE DRAMA QUEEN, HERBIE FULLY LOADED, I KNOW WHO KILLED ME

OVERALL (9/10):

Lindsay Lohan is an easy punchline these days. And quite frankly she's largely responsible for that. But that makes it easy to lose sight of the reality that she's a beautiful woman with an outstanding body and significant talent. I really do hope she gets it together, because for personal reasons I have a soft spot for adrift young adults with more promise than sense.

Source: MovieHotties

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8:46AM on 09/28/2009
I think she was actually talented back in the day and became corrupted. She's taken the flak much harder because she's a chick. I think that she could successfully reclaim some glory if she continues to take some self-effacing roles and acknowledges that she's not hot shit anymore. Therein lies the current problem. She hasn't accepted that she's been knocked down a few rungs.
I think she was actually talented back in the day and became corrupted. She's taken the flak much harder because she's a chick. I think that she could successfully reclaim some glory if she continues to take some self-effacing roles and acknowledges that she's not hot shit anymore. Therein lies the current problem. She hasn't accepted that she's been knocked down a few rungs.
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12:36PM on 09/28/2009

Very nice....

good to see the high ratings, especially since all the shit she's been thru. she is still definately a smokin' hottie to me.
good to see the high ratings, especially since all the shit she's been thru. she is still definately a smokin' hottie to me.
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+1
12:39PM on 09/28/2009
It's a shame to see the way Lohan's career has gone, because Mean Girls showed that she could carry a (excellent) mainstream film and Altman's hugely underrated A Prarie Home Companion showed that she has chops as an actress and a singer. Also, yeah, she can be exceedingly hot.
It's a shame to see the way Lohan's career has gone, because Mean Girls showed that she could carry a (excellent) mainstream film and Altman's hugely underrated A Prarie Home Companion showed that she has chops as an actress and a singer. Also, yeah, she can be exceedingly hot.
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1:30PM on 09/28/2009

Sadly

This skanks been tossed around more times than a frisbee. She is hot, but given who she's been with and her reputation I would definitely avoid putting my penis in that. It's too bad because I've seen her acting and she definitely has the chops to carry off some big roles, but she'd rather do coke and BJ's in the men's room. Tragic!!!
This skanks been tossed around more times than a frisbee. She is hot, but given who she's been with and her reputation I would definitely avoid putting my penis in that. It's too bad because I've seen her acting and she definitely has the chops to carry off some big roles, but she'd rather do coke and BJ's in the men's room. Tragic!!!
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3:12PM on 09/28/2009
In her prime she was hot, but is no longer on my hottie radar.
In her prime she was hot, but is no longer on my hottie radar.
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+1
3:25PM on 09/28/2009
All of those photos are a few years old and it's a shame how much she has aged in just those few years. Evaluate her as she looks today (September 28th) and all of those scores would be lower!
All of those photos are a few years old and it's a shame how much she has aged in just those few years. Evaluate her as she looks today (September 28th) and all of those scores would be lower!
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4:00PM on 09/28/2009
9/10? No way. I love the hair, I love the bewbies, But she's a moron. She was the it girl a few years back, and she could have been huge. But she decided to act like an asshole for the paparazzi. Now she's a loser.

And bad role models are no excuse. Last week's body shop subject, Drew Barrymore, had bad family role models which led to far more self destructive ends for her than Lindsey. Still, Drew managed to clean herself up by her late teens. Lindsey's going into her mid 20s, and still
9/10? No way. I love the hair, I love the bewbies, But she's a moron. She was the it girl a few years back, and she could have been huge. But she decided to act like an asshole for the paparazzi. Now she's a loser.

And bad role models are no excuse. Last week's body shop subject, Drew Barrymore, had bad family role models which led to far more self destructive ends for her than Lindsey. Still, Drew managed to clean herself up by her late teens. Lindsey's going into her mid 20s, and still falling out of bars and banging on doors at 3 in the morning. That doesn't look to be ending any time soon either.

And now she seems to be dragging her little sister into her fucked up life. Yeah, this is an intelligent woman. Sure.
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7:06PM on 09/28/2009
She looks different everytime I see her. I couldnt possibly even try to rate her features because they would change by the time i finish writing
She looks different everytime I see her. I couldnt possibly even try to rate her features because they would change by the time i finish writing
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+0
8:37PM on 09/28/2009
Completely disagree with the score. The big problem is that she's wildly inconsistent. She can look absolutely gorgeous at times but she's also looked like garbage at times. It doesn't help her personality is also not interesting enough. It reminds me of Megan Fox except that Fox always looks good. Not so with Lohan. A shame too since Lohan has proven she has much better acting chops than Fox. (Mean Girls proved that)
Completely disagree with the score. The big problem is that she's wildly inconsistent. She can look absolutely gorgeous at times but she's also looked like garbage at times. It doesn't help her personality is also not interesting enough. It reminds me of Megan Fox except that Fox always looks good. Not so with Lohan. A shame too since Lohan has proven she has much better acting chops than Fox. (Mean Girls proved that)
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8:41PM on 09/28/2009

I Agree w/ Mr. Pink

I like her best when she's a redhead. I agree with Mr. Pink's assessments, with the exception of her derriere which I think is quite magnificent IMHO.
I like her best when she's a redhead. I agree with Mr. Pink's assessments, with the exception of her derriere which I think is quite magnificent IMHO.
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3:52AM on 09/29/2009
She was definitely hot during her Freaky Friday/Mean Girls days, but she's really wreaked havoc on her body now. She's still young, so if she really cleans up, a lot of that hotness can be restored. Back in the day, hot. Now, sadly not. It's a shame, as she was one of the most talented up and coming actresses.
She was definitely hot during her Freaky Friday/Mean Girls days, but she's really wreaked havoc on her body now. She's still young, so if she really cleans up, a lot of that hotness can be restored. Back in the day, hot. Now, sadly not. It's a shame, as she was one of the most talented up and coming actresses.
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4:06PM on 09/29/2009
Way way too high scores for Lohan as there are many many hotties better than her u have given mch less scores, u must have been in a generous mood
Way way too high scores for Lohan as there are many many hotties better than her u have given mch less scores, u must have been in a generous mood
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1:51AM on 10/01/2009
I heard somehwere that a director (don't know the name) told her, "Either you act like an actress or you act like a celebrity. If you're not going to be an actress, get off my set!" She's clearly decided to be a celebrity.
I heard somehwere that a director (don't know the name) told her, "Either you act like an actress or you act like a celebrity. If you're not going to be an actress, get off my set!" She's clearly decided to be a celebrity.
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+2
12:03AM on 10/13/2009
The only thing worth rating are her tits.
The only thing worth rating are her tits.
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