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Body Shop: Maria Bello

Feb. 4, 2008by: Mr. Pink

With the yearly onslaught of WB minted Hollywood ingnues it's refreshing every once in a while to take a step back from the hype machine and savor the presence of a WO-man. This week's lass is not only top class talent in all aspects, but also looks like she would teach you things you'd never even thought about wanting to learn. With a little awe, a little lust, and a little fear, let's turn our focus to: MARIA BELLO!

Check her out in - The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

ASS (7/10):

What can I say. I like this booty. Comparatively it's a bit broader, and less taut than what usually makes Maxim's cover, but you also don't have to worry that what you're seeing is benefiting from special lighting, air brushing, surgery or body-doubling. This is a butt that has lived, and I dig the road wear on its cheeks.

BOOBIES (3/10):

OK, there's no getting around this. Bello's rack, when unassisted, looks like somebody dropped two pancakes on a clothesline (VNSFW). I mean she makes them appear far more enticing than their meager potential, but still, I gotta be realistic (BTW, for those wondering what kind of math goes into these calculations here's an example: 1 hotdog per boob + 1 hotdog for presentation).

FACE (9/10):

This is a face that should be in the Smithsonian my friends. A really sexy section of that venerated museum, but still. Confident, experienced, playful, ready to rock your world if you're man enough to earn the ride. What's not to like?

PERSONALITY (9/10):

A lot like her face, this woman just exudes a vibe that makes you want to know her - biblically and otherwise. How can you help loving an ex-cheerleader who looks like her most cherished mnage a trois is with a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of Jack Daniels? For talk or other 3am pursuits, it's hard to imagine better company than The Bell.

CAREER (8/10):

No major box office hits really, but plenty of kick ass roles in amazing movies. She also has the ability to not suck in projects that stink like a donkey show gone wrong. Not easy to do let me tell ya (or so I hear). Best forgotten trips to Tijuana aside, my point is that she's been serving up high quality sauce for years.

High points: THE COOLER, A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE, THANK YOU FOR SMOKING
Low points: COYOTE UGLY, DUETS

OVERALL (8/10):

I don't think there can be many naysayer's out there about the sex on legs quality that Bello possesses, but in case any dissenters remain, allow me to retort (NSFW). The fact that she's sick talented and seems ultra cool on top of it is something that borders on massively unfair to the majority of us who will never have a chance to get Bello'd

Source: MovieHotties
Tags: Maria Bello

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8:46PM on 02/05/2008
Elder, that page does nothing but talk about how much he loves Elisha. All he says is, he's wondering what's up. It's nothing but compliments for her. Just like every article on here.

Justin, yeah, the boobs got a 3/10, but the overall is never less than 7 or 8 no matter what. I'm not saying Bello deserves this, but everyone has different taste. Just cause a female is a celeb, doesn't mean she's automatically attractive.
Elder, that page does nothing but talk about how much he loves Elisha. All he says is, he's wondering what's up. It's nothing but compliments for her. Just like every article on here.

Justin, yeah, the boobs got a 3/10, but the overall is never less than 7 or 8 no matter what. I'm not saying Bello deserves this, but everyone has different taste. Just cause a female is a celeb, doesn't mean she's automatically attractive.
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10:59PM on 02/04/2008
Cyclic, you say this at the bottom of the article where they give her boobs a 3/10? Do you want them to start reviewing ugly chicks? Should next body shop be Rosie O'Donnell?
Cyclic, you say this at the bottom of the article where they give her boobs a 3/10? Do you want them to start reviewing ugly chicks? Should next body shop be Rosie O'Donnell?
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11:53AM on 02/04/2008

I don't think so Cyclic....

They're not negative all the time Cyclic by they still are sometimes when it's warranted. For example:

[link]
They're not negative all the time Cyclic by they still are sometimes when it's warranted. For example:

[link]
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10:50AM on 02/04/2008
Jeez. This site is afraid to say anything bad about anyone. Every news item is all positive things. Every girl is considered "hot" and it seems like everyone Body Shopped gets a 7/10 or above. WTF.
Jeez. This site is afraid to say anything bad about anyone. Every news item is all positive things. Every girl is considered "hot" and it seems like everyone Body Shopped gets a 7/10 or above. WTF.
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