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Body Shop: Scarlett Johansson

Jul. 9, 2007by: Mr. Pink

Usually when I hear a starlet described as ethereal, my mind drifts to a bony little thing that looks more likely to stab you with her elbows than welcome you into her...uh...embrace. Not so with this week's vixen my friends. She's young, hot, voluptuous and yes, ethereal. So who's got the moxie to look like the love child of an Elf and an Easter Peep? None other than the inimitable: SCARLETT JOHANSSON!

Check her out in - The Nanny Diaries

ASS (7/10):

Pretty darn good. It's a little flat, but has a nice high cleft to compensate as clearly seen in her famous Vanity Fair cover. Of course, being one of the few asses to open a movie all on its own, SJ's bottom gets extra points for proving that indie flicks can be serious AND feature gratuitous ba-donk-a-donk.

BOOBIES (8/10):

Let's be honest, without surgical intervention these puppies are gonna be barking at Jo's ankles within 10 - 15 years. But right now, in this moment, they are spectacular. The kind of bosom you want to have swinging over your face as you get drawn hypnotically into its soft, supple goodness, quietly whispering "thank you" while you ... sorry, that was an over share. But I dare ya to tell me you don't agree.

FACE (9/10):

Those lips. Those eyes. That I can be a pure as a snowflake or as dirty as a truck stop gaze she possesses. They all come together to create a unique, gorgeous, and completely captivating face. If I ever make it to Heaven, I want my angels to look like her. Yeah, I said angels. Plural. After all, it's Heaven right?

PERSONALITY (6/10):

I'm sure SJ's a great dinner companion, because who wouldn't want to look at her over dinner? But that distinctively slow, deep tenor to her voice makes me think that a guy might just fall asleep while trying to talk to her. I mean, sure she's clearly intelligent, thoughtful and always looking to enjoy life, but I've still gotta go with my instinct that her personality just ain't all that [Note: While SJ's relatively low rating in this category is in no way an attempt to score an evening out with her, I would like to say that in fairness I'd happily accept a dinner invitation to be proven wrong if her people want to get in touch...seriously, call me.]

CAREER (8/10):

First garnering major notice with her critically admired role in The Horse Whisperer, Johansson has served us a steady diet of thoughtful, exciting performances. Even her new status as Woody Allen's favorite "go to" girl isn't creepy enough to shake the dew from the lily. It looks likely that her path through Hollywood will tread similar ground to Johnny Depp - mostly passion projects with a few blockbusters sprinkled in to pay the bills. She's on the verge of being one of those actresses that you go to see the movie just because she's in it.

High points: THE HORSE WHISPERER, GHOST WORLD, LOST IN TRANSLATION
Low points: HOME ALONE 3, A LOVE SONG FOR BOBBY LONG, THE ISLAND

OVERALL (8/10):

ScarJo represents something rare in the Hollywood food chain. She's a legitimately hot chick with character actor sensibilities. The fact that she hasn't been manipulated into just another RomCom robot speaks volumes about her judgment and her talent. Add to that a face that dares you to look away and the proverbial "body that won't quit", and she creates a combustible package that would leave most men speechless. BUT I'll still risk coming off as mindlessly stupid in her presence if anyone wants to hook up that dinner date.

Source: Movie Hotties

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10:51PM on 05/10/2010
SHE IS A 10 without doubt
SHE IS A 10 without doubt
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4:02PM on 05/04/2010

ScarJo's REAL Rating

Averaging the individual scores:
7+8+9+6+8=38
38 divided by 5 (number of categories)=
7.6 OVERALL

Round up since .6 is above .5 and you have an OVERALL RATING of 8/10

And you have it right.
Averaging the individual scores:
7+8+9+6+8=38
38 divided by 5 (number of categories)=
7.6 OVERALL

Round up since .6 is above .5 and you have an OVERALL RATING of 8/10

And you have it right.
Your Reply:



Please email me when someone replies to my comment
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