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BOTB Celeb Sex Tape: Paris Hilton vs Kim Kardashian vs Tulisa Contostavlos

07.17.2014by: Cherry Liquor

Last week the apes were number one at the box office and Freida Pinto was number one in her Battle of the Ape Babes. Not that there wasn't love for Estella Warren and Keri Russell, they just couldn't compare to Pinto's power. Now it's time for Jason Segel and Cameron Diaz and their SEX TAPE, which makes me think of those celebs who've had their sex lives on blast.

Kim Kardashian

She would never have been as well known now if she hadn't whined and fussed her way through a f*cking from Brandy's little brother. If we're going to blame anyone for the empire of Kim Kardashian (or the subsequent rising of the Kimye crap), Ray J is our man. Thanks a lot, bro!

Paris Hilton

Paris was going to be well known simply for being the spoiled offspring of rich people but it was her tedious sex tape where she pauses to answer her phone and otherwise look annoyed with Rick Salomon, that other scabby human boil on the ass of life. Hey, back in 2003, there was still some consideration toward Hilton's hotness. (Holy shit, it's been 11 years since that crap?)

Tulisa Contostavlos

I'm throwing Tulisa in the mix because there's got to be a hottest winner and the former X Factor judge and sometimes singer who's tried her hand at acting in movies such as BIG FAT GYPSY GANGSTER (because that sounds like a winner) is my pick. She looks super pretty as she gives the laziest blow job in the history of lazy blow jobs for her sex tape (conveniently dropped in 2012 when she was judging on The X Factor), so there's that.

Which celebrity sex tape vixen do you want to send to your cloud: Kim, Paris or Tulisa?

Source: IMDB

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+0
8:10AM on 07/18/2014
Tulisa Contostavlos is pretty cute so I'd pick her. Haven't seen any vids from the ladies to be honest, never had that urge to see their dimly lit sextapes, but now I'm curious about Tulsia's. Paris pretty much got her shit together the past couple years, so kudos for that.
Tulisa Contostavlos is pretty cute so I'd pick her. Haven't seen any vids from the ladies to be honest, never had that urge to see their dimly lit sextapes, but now I'm curious about Tulsia's. Paris pretty much got her shit together the past couple years, so kudos for that.
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4:09AM on 07/18/2014
Kim is the #1 trophy wife in the world, but I could never do that to Kanye.
So Tulsia.
Kim is the #1 trophy wife in the world, but I could never do that to Kanye.
So Tulsia.
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11:07PM on 07/17/2014

Tulisa.

Everytime I try to fantazise with Kim or Paris, I can't because I remember who they are. I've never even heard of Tulisa so maybe she's as bad as them. Since I don't know, I'll vote for her. Oh, and also because she's smoking!
Everytime I try to fantazise with Kim or Paris, I can't because I remember who they are. I've never even heard of Tulisa so maybe she's as bad as them. Since I don't know, I'll vote for her. Oh, and also because she's smoking!
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9:16AM on 07/19/2014
Tulisa's the one who got caught slapping a penis against the cheeks of her face to try and get the guy to maintain an erection while she blew him.
Tulisa's the one who got caught slapping a penis against the cheeks of her face to try and get the guy to maintain an erection while she blew him.
10:17PM on 07/17/2014
Kim is the nastiest bitch alive
Kim is the nastiest bitch alive
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4:29PM on 07/17/2014
Kim. Although if Keeley Hazell had been an option..........
Kim. Although if Keeley Hazell had been an option..........
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4:27PM on 07/17/2014

Wow...

I guess I'd have to go with Tulisa, mainly because I know nothing about her and the other two are pretty much everything that's wrong with today's society.
I guess I'd have to go with Tulisa, mainly because I know nothing about her and the other two are pretty much everything that's wrong with today's society.
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+1
3:42PM on 07/17/2014

No Vote

Actually should be a "No Vote" button for these non entities
Actually should be a "No Vote" button for these non entities
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3:25PM on 07/17/2014
I really like Paris' hair in that pic, but that's about all I have to say because I don't know the third and can't stand the first two.
I really like Paris' hair in that pic, but that's about all I have to say because I don't know the third and can't stand the first two.
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3:10PM on 07/17/2014
Given the choice not to choose, then I pick none of them, but if someone forced me to choose, then I would probably choose the 3rd one, and that's because I know nothing about her, but I doubt she is as disgusting as the first two, even though by the sounds of it, she seems to be right up there with them.
Given the choice not to choose, then I pick none of them, but if someone forced me to choose, then I would probably choose the 3rd one, and that's because I know nothing about her, but I doubt she is as disgusting as the first two, even though by the sounds of it, she seems to be right up there with them.
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12:40PM on 07/17/2014
Kim looks like a drag queen in that pic...Oh, and I'm not voting for any of them.
Kim looks like a drag queen in that pic...Oh, and I'm not voting for any of them.
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7:31AM on 07/17/2014
They're all fame hungry slags who should have their hair roughly hacked off and then be paraded naked through the city streets (Unless, of course, they've already done that of their own volition as part of a canny media blitz).
They're all fame hungry slags who should have their hair roughly hacked off and then be paraded naked through the city streets (Unless, of course, they've already done that of their own volition as part of a canny media blitz).
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6:26AM on 07/17/2014
Man, this is some bottom of the barrel stuff...Hulk Hogan I guess.

Of the three, Tulisa.
Man, this is some bottom of the barrel stuff...Hulk Hogan I guess.

Of the three, Tulisa.
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