How about that? Infamous attention leech Heidi Montag still lives and breathes. I figured she would have withered and died from a lack of tabloid attention months ago. Or ran away to some cave in the forest to live as a fabled monster of the hills once her plastic surgery melted off her face. Yet there she is, still hanging out on beaches pretending her life is not completely, 100% manufactured in every way. Good for her that the E! channel's stockpile of burned out, irrelevant celebrities for their vapid shows was starting to get a little low. Time for them to scrape the bottom of that barrel. Heidi's got another round of surgery she needs to pay for. I think it's shoulder blade reductions this time. Or pinky finger lengthening. I'm not sure.
And yes, despite all my smug superiority, I would not hesitate a moment to bang the shit out of her. What? You were expecting steadfast fortitude against the proliferation of frivolous media creations? I'm a red-blooded American male who hasn't gotten laid in almost a month. I'm in the desert here people and dat ass is looking like a nice glass of water to me. I don't care about any bitter silicone aftertaste.
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