Once upon a time. Gosh, that always sounds like it should be a wonderfully cheery warmup to something great to follow. But this is Hollywood and while they might try and sell that recipe to you from the menu, we all know what it's like when they come to deliver the food. It sounded good. Hell, it might have been something you loved eating when you were a kid. But after years have gone by and the waitressing staff hasn't died out, you're left with images like these of Lindsay Lohan out promoting the fact that she's been cast to star as Elizabeth Taylor in a Lifetime TV movie. That's when your nostalgia meter flips you the bird, calls you something foul in a foreign language and runs off cackling. Dina & Michael Lohan, I don't hate many people, but you barely register as being "human," so I feel it's safe to loathe and despise you with every fiber of my being.