Our last Flashback was devoted to memories of Neve Campbell. It makes sense we now look to her former lip-locking buddy Denise Richards for our flashing back needs. Denise just turned 45 this week. I don't know what to do about this, other than to make my usual pathetic whine lamenting the cruel passing of the years. I have fond memories of Denise, despite the polarizing effect she seems to have on people. Folks either find her hot or they don't want anything to do with her. If you think she's hot, you're probably willing to overlook her lack of skills as an actress. If you dislike her, those poor skills are merely another justification for your feelings. Me, I was enraptured the moment I first saw her in STARSHIP TROOPERS.
That movie is sort of like Denise in the way people either hate it or love it. I don't know what the hate is all about. On the surface, it's a big, dumb, violent movie concealing some cleverly hidden subtext wickedly critical of big, dumb violence. Unfortunately only the fans of big, dumb violence gave this movie their time. More sophisticated people never learned to appreciate its weirdly bi-polar nature, where it simultaneously criticizes and glorifies itself. They also never got to see those co-ed showers, which no one ever got to see Denise use. This was a bad move, as this was the ideal time to put a naked and wet Denise in a movie. We had to wait a year to get our wet naked Denise on.
You gotta love WILD THINGS. It's gratuitous and obvious and kinda silly, but goddamn is it sexy. It's also Denise's finest moment - the one she'll be remembered for. I like it because it's one of those movies where it doesn't matter that you already know all the plot twists or the surprise ending or any of the rest. Just watching it unfold is entertaining enough. The only drawback was how it made Denise the top hottie in town for a time, which ended up landing her a Bond girl gig. That's usually not a bad thing, but in her case they messed up by thinking Denise would make a believable nuclear physicist. Then they made things worse by naming her character Christmas, of all things. Those mistakes were made whole when they wrote perhaps the worst post-coital Bond quip in the history of post-coital Bond quips, which goes something like: "I thought Christmas came only once a year." Ugh.
Another negative side effect to all of Denise's instant popularity was how it alerted Charlie Sheen to her presence. I can't say for certain why she would knowingly enter into a marital union with a guy who's proclivities in life sway so heavily toward the, shall we say, exotic. Nor can I give any meaningful input as to why she would agree to have children with a guy possessing so many loose wires in his head. All I know is how it all went to shit and ended up costing her more than just a messy divorce and years of bitter exchanges. Denise got put through the wringer there, so bad it probably cost her her youth and much of her career. Today Denise is still in great shape, but not the same young, hot girl we knew back in the day. Time and crazy exes do put a hurtin' on one's youthful glow. Even so, we should all be lucky to be in such good shape at 45. Now if she'd just eat a sandwich or two, she might just recapture some of those former glories I spoke of above. Think about it, Denise.
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