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Face Off: Amanda Bynes vs. Lindsay Lohan

Apr. 1, 2013by: Droz

Summer Glau was the winner over Alison Lohman in last week's Face Off. Tough call. Those are two sweet as can be hotties. I do hope they come back to prominence someday.

Well, it's April Fools Day, so why not spend some time looking at a couple of fools for this week's Face Off. What the hell happened to Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan? I'm sure many of you have asked that question at some point. Was it the pressures of fame? Substance abuse? Just a run-of-the-mill loss of marbles? Whatever it is, their exploits have made them the new court jesters, where instability is turned into entertainment for the world and the troubled make asses out of themselves when they should be rushing to the nearest rehab or psychiatric care facility. The nutty just stacks up when you consider that these two once had everything - fame, fortune, beauty and youth. Now it seems they've decided to piss it away for no good reason at all.

So on this day of fools, let's try to decide which of celebrity's current most foolish "hotties" we prefer. Maybe you like how she used to be. Maybe she still does it for you, despite her craziness. Or maybe her slow trudge to hitting bottom somehow stands as worthwhile entertainment for you. Whatever your reason, pick your loser winner below.

Busted Beauty

She's not quite busted yet, but Amanda is definitely working on it, what with her twin cheek studs and weird attire. Probably wont be long now before she dyes her hair platinum blonde, starts slathering on make up like she was a park bench and looks like someone twice her age.

Both these girls are 27 this year. There's no way in hell Lindsay looks like a 27-year-old. It's been a long time since she's looked anything like her age. That's what gobs of drugs and booze and abuse will do to a person. I wince at the thought of what Lindsay is going to look like 15 years from now. If she manages to live that long.

Banged Up Bodies

It would appear that being wrapped up in one's own miserable existence doesn't leave a lot of time for trips to the gym, which is probably why Amanda has tacked on a few pounds lately. I don't have a problem when the ladies thicken up a little, but in this case it would seem her weight gain is related to whatever is messing her up. Could be that this problem has the potential to get worse in the future.

The horrible decline of Lindsay's once beautiful body has been one of the more dramatic and depressing elements in her slow crawl to oblivion. The fact that she continues to wear shit intended for women who keep themselves in shape, makes her lack of attention to herself even worse. Honestly, if you get a boob job and your tits still sag, it's pretty clear that you have some body issues in need of attention.

Blatant Batshittery

Amanda's antics seem to be the result of some sort of mental shift that's just cropped up in recent months. Before a year or so ago, I don't think anyone had seen or heard about a single negative thing coming out of the Bynes camp - certainly not anything close to the long track record of dumbass that Lindsay has. Then came her DUI and suddenly she's on a public crusade to prove that she's the craziest of them all.

I'd say the majority of Lindsay's issues have more to do with her inability to put down the bottle, the pills and the powder, rather than any existing mental disorder. Sure, there's probably some lingering family trauma in there exacerbating her addictions, but who doesn't have some of that? If they threw her in a padded room tomorrow and let her sweat out the booze and drugs from her system, I bet we'd see a whole different Lindsay.

Back in the Day

Amanda was plenty cute and sweet once upon a time. She was one of the great Disney cock teases of the last two decades. Putting her in second place here is nothing more than my need to obey my well-documented love for those fine, ginger hotties.

Who wasn't hot for Lindsay back in the day? Even if you weren't a disciple of the gingers like myself, her plucky spirit and charm was enough to get most people thinking well of her. The real heartbreak about Lindsay, more than the decline of her beauty or body, is the sad loss of that once adorable young girl who had so much promise. Quite sad.

Lindsay

Lindsay's had a head start on Amanda in their mutual race to self-destruction, so it's no surprise she wins. Not many train wrecks around that can compete with Lindsay for abject failure in life. Perhaps that's good news, as I seem to recall a time in recent history when there used to be dozens of celebs walking on that self-imposed road to doom. So maybe, in some screwed up way, the thinning of this dysfunctional heard is progress.

That's where I'm at. Where are you?
POST YOUR CHOICE BELOW...!!

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+3
1:48AM on 04/08/2013
Those pictures of the two of them back in the day makes me kind of sad...
Those pictures of the two of them back in the day makes me kind of sad...
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9:07PM on 04/02/2013

Bynes can still pull out of her dive

Lindsay Lohan has pretty much blown every chance she ever had of redemption, while Bynes has only recently gone off the rails. It's possible she can do a Tom Cruise, or possibly claim it was a Joaquin Phoenix-style goof (although that looks unlikely). Either way, there's still hope for her.

Another plus: Amanda Bynes hasn't obviously gone under the knife (those cheek piercings can heal) while Lindsay Lohan is clearly had some (every cheap) work done. Bynes hasn't destroyed her looks the
Lindsay Lohan has pretty much blown every chance she ever had of redemption, while Bynes has only recently gone off the rails. It's possible she can do a Tom Cruise, or possibly claim it was a Joaquin Phoenix-style goof (although that looks unlikely). Either way, there's still hope for her.

Another plus: Amanda Bynes hasn't obviously gone under the knife (those cheek piercings can heal) while Lindsay Lohan is clearly had some (every cheap) work done. Bynes hasn't destroyed her looks the way Lohan has . . . yet.
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3:27PM on 04/01/2013

Lohan

Bynes seems to be dealing with some serious mental capacity issues that she's in denial about, while Lohan is an addict and a fame whore. Lohan could have been fixed, given how slow the descent initially was, while Bynes' personal destruction came relatively out of nowhere.
Bynes seems to be dealing with some serious mental capacity issues that she's in denial about, while Lohan is an addict and a fame whore. Lohan could have been fixed, given how slow the descent initially was, while Bynes' personal destruction came relatively out of nowhere.
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+7
12:35PM on 04/01/2013

On a positive note...

Neither of these disasters have children. Thankfully at this point it's only their own lives they're screwing with. Lindsay is a lost cause as everybody has given her chances and she keeps throwing them out. Maybe there's still hope for Amanda to get her life together.
Neither of these disasters have children. Thankfully at this point it's only their own lives they're screwing with. Lindsay is a lost cause as everybody has given her chances and she keeps throwing them out. Maybe there's still hope for Amanda to get her life together.
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12:17PM on 04/01/2013
But who ends up dead first. personally, I see Lindsay being an Keith Richards / Ozzy Osbourne style f- up that keeps on trucking into her 80's.
But who ends up dead first. personally, I see Lindsay being an Keith Richards / Ozzy Osbourne style f- up that keeps on trucking into her 80's.
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11:24AM on 04/01/2013

Whoever wins, we all lose

Such a shame, two of my big crushes from my younger years; Rick James explained it best; "Cocaine is a hell of a drug!"
Such a shame, two of my big crushes from my younger years; Rick James explained it best; "Cocaine is a hell of a drug!"
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11:19AM on 04/01/2013
As the lyric from Evita goes, "don't look down, it's a long long way to fall." Alas, Lohan was hot back in her Freaky Friday and Herbie days, and Amanda Bynes was cute as recently as Easy A.
As the lyric from Evita goes, "don't look down, it's a long long way to fall." Alas, Lohan was hot back in her Freaky Friday and Herbie days, and Amanda Bynes was cute as recently as Easy A.
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+0
11:19AM on 04/01/2013
Is it just me or is Amanda trying to look black? As in going black face etc? It's like she doesn't want to look white anymore.
Is it just me or is Amanda trying to look black? As in going black face etc? It's like she doesn't want to look white anymore.
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12:15PM on 04/01/2013
I would agree, getting that wal-mart white-hootchie mamma look to her.
I would agree, getting that wal-mart white-hootchie mamma look to her.
10:27AM on 04/01/2013
Who cares, I wish both of them would just go away.
Who cares, I wish both of them would just go away.
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+3
9:50AM on 04/01/2013

I don't know about this one...

I mean really, there's no winner here. But, if I had to make a pick for a bigger loser, I'd go with Bynes. Lohan's downward spiral was a little bit slower. She really eased in to becoming the hot mess we all know and loathe, while Bynes just dived right in. Lohan has at least made some attempts to repair her reputation... They were all failures, but she tried. While Bynes is still convinced that she's fine, and those who say otherwise are just slandering her. So, while both have gone
I mean really, there's no winner here. But, if I had to make a pick for a bigger loser, I'd go with Bynes. Lohan's downward spiral was a little bit slower. She really eased in to becoming the hot mess we all know and loathe, while Bynes just dived right in. Lohan has at least made some attempts to repair her reputation... They were all failures, but she tried. While Bynes is still convinced that she's fine, and those who say otherwise are just slandering her. So, while both have gone bat-shit crazy, Lohan is at least somewhat aware of her situation, and Bynes is in serious denial. Also take into account that Lohan kicked off her nutjob antics in 2005, giving her a 6 year head-start. Give Bynes time, and I think she'll go full on Amy Winehouse.
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9:50AM on 04/01/2013

Lindsay's boobs are real.

Lohan has real boobs. When she lost a shit ton of weight some years ago they went away too. And when she gained weight they came back. Lindsay's boobs are and have always been 100% real.
Lohan has real boobs. When she lost a shit ton of weight some years ago they went away too. And when she gained weight they came back. Lindsay's boobs are and have always been 100% real.
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8:03AM on 04/01/2013

The fool or the fool that follows the fool

That are both pretty friggin' low on the IQ scale but I think Amanda is a bit stupider. She sees Lindsay and her downward spiral and instead of learning from it, she decides to follow her down. Hence the title of my comment.
That are both pretty friggin' low on the IQ scale but I think Amanda is a bit stupider. She sees Lindsay and her downward spiral and instead of learning from it, she decides to follow her down. Hence the title of my comment.
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5:54AM on 04/01/2013
Lohan is straight up trash & kinda expected since her parents are both train wrecks also. Bynes losing it came out of nowhere really & seems to just be doing it to gain attention, so if I had to choose I guess it's Amanda.

I see so it's who is the worst trainwreck then it's hands down Lindsey.
Lohan is straight up trash & kinda expected since her parents are both train wrecks also. Bynes losing it came out of nowhere really & seems to just be doing it to gain attention, so if I had to choose I guess it's Amanda.

I see so it's who is the worst trainwreck then it's hands down Lindsey.
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+8
4:38AM on 04/01/2013
They both lose.
They both lose.
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3:56AM on 04/01/2013

Good face off

I remember having a huge crush on Bynes, but now.... Let me put it this way whe you tweet to the world that you want Drake to murder you vagina, then you lose that appeal
I remember having a huge crush on Bynes, but now.... Let me put it this way whe you tweet to the world that you want Drake to murder you vagina, then you lose that appeal
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